This has direct reference to the ending of Infinity War, so If you haven't seen it, STOP HERE. I'll put a few extra lines in to make a cut, but I'll warn you one more time to stall...INFINITY WAR SPOILERS BELOW!

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"Oh, God."

Steve had just watched the unthinkable and the unimaginable happen right before his eyes; they had all worked so hard to keep the mind stone protected, but it wasn't enough. Countless Wakandans had died trying, and he had watched half of his team fall, turned to ash as if the lives they had lived meant no more than the gentle breeze that carried them away. Their lives had become fleeting, or worse; they had meant nothing.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there on the ground, covered in dirt and blood and staring at the lifeless, dull form of Vision next to him. Maybe it was for the best that Wanda was one of the lost, so that she didn't have to see what he was seeing now. Steve shook his head angrily to clear the thought away, disgusted with himself that his mind could even consider that as an option.

"S-steve..."

Natasha had tried to get his attention several times, having her own internal battle to not vomit up the stress and pain that she was feeling after seeing how many lives were taken. She was thankful to be able to still have him there, and to be able to say his name and be heard, but when she thought of Sam and how she would never hear his laugh again or see his smile as one of her first sights each day, her control was lost, and she had to turn away. Those two friends were all she had left after the team had fractured so definitively, and to feel that loss yet again was unbearable.

"Steve," Bruce tried next, to the same result of no answer. He opened the Hulkbuster armor to step down, cautiously moving to kneel at his side with a gentle hand on his shoulder to shake him into attention. "Steve, you need to call (Y/N)"

"(Y/N)...?" He finally raised his head to look up at the doctor, and the faraway gaze that he held scared Bruce to see. It gave him a little solace when Steve sat up straighter, his eyes widening at the realization of what his friend was trying to say. "(Y/N)...oh, God..." he repeated, stopping to reach into his uniform for a phone that was no longer there. "My phone must have fallen out."

"Here, Cap, I've got you," Rhodey hurried, stepping from his own suit and handing over his phone. "Do you want us to leave you alone?"

"Don't you dare."

Natasha had pushed herself to return to the group, hearing that Steve had realized what might no longer be on the other end of the line. She knelt down behind him, resting a hand on each of his shoulders to not only show her support, but to hold him up if he began to crumble beneath them. "She's okay," she whispered, leaning down with a small hug, "I know she is."

Steve was thankful for his friends, but something as simple as Rhodes having your number ready for him to hit send felt like an undeserved gift. His hands were shaking so much now that there would be no way for him to dial it on his own. As the line began to ring, he pushed the phone to his ear and lowered his head, praying to himself that you would answer. But no matter how many unanswered rings he had counted, he wouldn't allow himself to hang up.

"She never ignores my call," he whispered, his voice beginning to break. "Nat, she promised me that she'd always answer."

"Hey, the world is falling apart around us, and you know that she's out there trying to help. She probably just doesn't hear it."

"Yeah...maybe..."

"Come on, let's hang up," she urged, reaching out to take the phone from him, "we can try again in a few minutes, okay? I'm sure she's helping with rescue in the city. Let's just give it a little time."

~~~

Several hours later, Steve had yet to hear from you. Even as the remaining members of the battle struggled to understand, and struggled to tend to their wounds from creatures that they couldn't fathom, he kept his eyes trained to the screen for the second that your name might appear across it. He walked over the burned and shredded battlefield of Wakanda, his boots kicking up dust that he hoped was merely sand and not the memory of someone lost. He was sick to his stomach at the thought of it, worsened by the unrelenting replay of Bucky's last moments over and over in his mind to ensure his own suffering. It was a sight that he would never forget, even if there were an unknown miracle that could bring him back. It was a sight that eviscerated his soul when he began to believe that it had been your last moments too, and he wasn't there to be with you.

"Steve," Thor called out to him, breaking his thoughts, "has anyone heard from Stark? Rabbit hasn't heard from anyone on his team and he's growing upset without any word for so long."

"I haven't," he sighed, "and honestly, I haven't tried. I'm sorry, that sounds terrible, doesn't it? I'm just worried about (Y/N)."

"You have yet to speak to her?"

"I've tried so many times, and nothing."

"Then why are you still here?" Thor asked urgently. He stepped closer to his friend, firmly grabbing his arm to further the point he was about to make. "Steve, you need to go, now. Don't let another moment pass without finding the answer. You need to put those you love first, and allow us to care for things here."

After Thor's wise words, there was no one in the world who could convince Steve to stay there; even though Wakanda was in shambles, still counting the missing, that meant nothing to him. The Avenger in you would have told him to stay and help and perform his duty there to the people who needed him, but he needed you and the rest of the world could be gone for all he cared.

"Let me know as soon as you get there," Nat urged. She stood silently after that, receiving only a nod of acknowledgement before the door closed and the jet began to rise. Her stomach knotted at the thought of what her friend was going to find, and how she wished that he would've allowed her to go with, but he demanded to be alone for what could be the worst moment of his life. She resigned herself to the idea that this might be the last time she would see Steve again.

~~~

The flight took forever; it felt like time stood still despite the view of the clouds passing by with the only proof that he was moving. Steve looked down at his hands, trying to still the tremor that continued on even now, but they wouldn't follow his command. His entire body felt like it was shaking just as violently, and maybe it was, but he accepted it. It wouldn't stop until he found you, and he gave up on trying to make it happen. After the agonizing hours of the trip, the moment finally came for the jet to come in for landing at the compound, and Steve had to give it one more try; with a long, pained sigh and a whimper, he took Rhodey's phone in hand once again and dialed your number. He wasn't sure why he even bothered, and he honestly expected no new result. It was as if his body were now moving in autopilot, much as the jet was as it began to settle.

"What am I doing?" he muttered under his breath. "I'm stalling, that's what I'm doing. Just get off your ass, Rogers and get out there." Despite his own argument, the phone was still pressed to his ear, his gaze lowered to his feet as each ring sounded like an echo through his skull. "She's not there," he continued, "just hang up. You know she's gone, there's no other answer. Stop deluding yourself-"

"Steve?"

His body froze at the sound of your voice behind him, rigid and immobile and disbelieving. His face was filled with shock as his hand dropped the phone to the ground, the bounce of it across the jet floor not even startling him to attention.

"I've been waiting for you, I was so scared that you...didn't make it...Steve, are you okay? Honey?"

Steve's eyes slammed shut, squeezed hard together with a pained determination to stay that way, if it meant that opening them would only bring more pain at a revelation of his own hallucinations. "Are you real?" he whispered, almost without sound. "Don't say anything more if you're not...please. If you're not...just leave me alone."

Silence came after that, though it wasn't completely unexpected. He drew in a slow and harsh breath, opening his eyes and exhaling with a shudder at the new, excruciating pain with the expansion of his chest. He was about to bring himself to turn the chair to see where you should have been standing, to make his mind finally believe that you were gone, when he was halted by the gentle touch of hands holding his shoulders to keep him in place.

"I'm here."