"But it makes little sense to me," Thor protested with a shake of his head, fueling the chuckles of the group around him, "the surnames used here in Midgard in no way follow the traditional familial standard. I am son of Odin, therefore I am Thor Odinson. The men in your realm seem to have lost their regard for this use of honor, as have the females, who should end their surname in dottir in the same manner. It must be incredibly disrespectful to your families to have lost this practice."

"Yeah, well we aren't all from the same descent, Thor," you explained. "The names in Asgard follow Norse tradition, but not everyone in Midgard does. We come from different nationalities and genealogies here."

Steve was sitting next to you on one of the large couches of the Avengers compound, nodding along with the discussion eagerly while trying to distract you enough to steal the large bowl of popcorn from your lap and failing when your hand cracked a firm slap to his. "Ow! Hey!"

"Get your own."

"That's what I was trying to do," he grumbled, relenting and turning to his teammate instead. "Yeah, Thor. My last name is Rogers, which is the same as my father, but it wasn't his first name."

"Though you do have names that follow this rule, such as Coulson-"

"Phil," you sighed with a remorseful shake of your head, closing your eyes and all but disengaging from the conversation with that simple reference. You decided that your appetite was gone with your rapid shift in mood, but as you handed the bowl to Steve, he was in the same situation and surprisingly declined it.

"Really, Thor? That's the example you had to go with?" Tony hissed under his breath, tipping his drink back for a pained swallow. "Too soon, man. Too soon."

Thor looked at the group in front of him, from one solemn face to the next, not understanding where his transgression lied. "It's been over five of your Earth years," he argued, "so I wish to understand how my comment could be considered as too soon?"

"It always going to be too soon," Steve agreed.

"Alright, children," you interrupted, standing quickly with a look of finality for the topic, "I'm out. You can continue this conversation without me. I have a date"

"Woah, hold up, kiddo," Tony stood to join you, "with who? I don't remember this being brought to our attention. Barton? She ever mention a date to you?"

"Nope."

"Thanks a lot, Clint," you snapped, throwing a sharp glare his way, finding satisfaction when he slunk down into the couch cushions in reply. "Tony, I'm an adult. I don't have to run my dating life by any of you. Thanks for your concern, really, but I'm okay."

"Name and social security number," Steve now added, as if you hadn't just spoken. He had his tablet in hand as if out of nowhere, pulling up the Avengers database and ready to search for this guy who had the audacity to take you out without their expressed permission.

"Steve, back off."

"(Y/N), I don't care that you're an adult. You're an Avenger, and that lends to certain risks. We just don't want anyone trying to take advantage of you to get to us."

"Okay, but just because Sam fell for it that one time, it doesn't mean that I am. I'm not going to fall for shameless hero worship like some people. It takes a lot more than long lashes and pouty lips for me to give it up."

"Chris Evans," Steve coughed under his breath, turning away from your inevitable retaliation as the group around you joined in his laughter.

"Tom Holland," came another meek voice from your team.

"Mackie. Boseman. A bunch of those other Chris guys."

"Sebastian Stan," Tony added, only he didn't balk and stood proudly, not wavering at all under your stare. "I ain't scared of you, princess. I've seen your Tumblr. Now that he's sporting a beard, he's everywhere and you know it."

"Fine," you relented with a long exhalation, realizing that there was no argument, "yes, I'd give it up in a heartbeat for any of them, but at least I have standards. Now, excuse me, I have to get ready for someone actually attainable." You spun on your heel and turned towards the elevator bays, hoping that you had left their sights before the inevitable red flushed into your cheeks at the revelation Tony had just given away. It was a welcome rush of cool air against your skin as the doors closed behind you, but the last sight you had was of Tony's devilish grin, his phone in hand; you knew exactly what was alight across his screen.

"Okay, Stark," Steve smiled as the doors were sufficiently closed, "let's have it. What's her blog name? It's finally time to make it worth having an account."

"Wait, you don't follow me?" Tony pouted in reply. "I work really hard on my blog."

"It's all about Iron Man, Tony. We live with you, and trust me, I speak for everyone when I say that we've seen more than enough."

~~~

You glanced down at your watch with a groan as you scurried down the sidewalk and through throngs of people who didn't care that you were in a hurry, seeing that the team had kept you too long. You were on the verge of being late to meet with your date, despite it not being all that far from the tower. You had only been on a few dates with the guy over the past few months, finding it difficult to coordinate times that would work between your duties on the team and with his own work getting in the way. Today was almost a rarity, finding a mere few hours in his day before life would separate you again.

When you reached your destination, you all but burst through the doors, startling the customers around you, but you paid them no attention. There was only one face in the crowd that you wanted to see, and much to your relief, he hadn't left yet.

"There you are," you greeted happily, crossing the café to find your equally enthusiastic date standing to meet your extended hands to take into his. "I'm so sorry that I'm late. I got stuck in team business, and then I lost track of time when Steve and Tony started-" you stopped, feeling like you were dominating the moment when you were much more interested in hearing his voice you're your own. "Okay, you know what? That's not important. How has your day been?"

"Much better now, I admit," he smiled. He hurried around you to pull out the chair away from the table so that you could sit, casually moving it closer to his own before you could come to rest. "And yours, darling?"

"Darling?" you smiled coyly. "I didn't realize we were quite there yet."

"Was that inappropriate?"

"No! No, don't worry," you quickly backpedaled, "it's fine! I just wasn't expecting it, that's all."

"I did warn you at our first meeting, knowing me is likely to bring its share of surprises, did I not?" He once again took one of your hands in his, bringing it to his lips for a soft kiss against it, looking up at you with a glimmer in his eye that told you clearly that this man was going to be trouble. But even with your senses alive with a hint of fear but awash in excitement, you didn't care; he was just far too mesmerizing to worry. "What is it? Why are you looking at me that way?"

"Nothing," you gasped, pulling yourself back into the moment, "it's just...you're different than other men that I've dated." With a tiny shrug and a nervous smile, you turned to find a waitress, desperate for something to drink to combat the sudden dry anxiety scratching at your throat. "I started to wonder if all men were the same after so many failed attempts."

"My darling, there are no men like me."

Your head snapped back to look at him, shocked with eyes wide and not at all attempting to mask your reaction, though you should have known better. "I'm sorry...what did you say?" you whispered, taken aback at the familiarity of tone and inflection in his words. They were words that you had heard years ago, in a different lifetime, it felt, but this man in front of you couldn't have been the one to have said them. This wasn't Loki; he didn't even look like him, but you couldn't shake the rise of hairs on the back of your neck that told you otherwise.

"I said, there are no men like me."

"That's what I thought you said," you mumbled, again turning to look around the room, counting the number of heads to get an idea of how you could protect them all, or if you could make a safe evacuation if necessary. You winced at the tightening of his hand around yours, realizing that you were being anything but subtle; you turned back to him with a gentle smile, though you knew that you weren't a good enough actor to pull it off. "Hey, should we get out of here? It's a beautiful day, and a walk sounds perfect. I have plenty of time..." you offered, pulling your phone from your bag as if to check the clock, quickly hitting your emergency beacon before tossing it back in.

"I would prefer it if we were to stay here."

"Really?" You closed your eyes when your voice squeaked, letting your nerves come to light in front of him despite your continued failing attempt at calm. "There's a lot of people here...don't you think?"

"(Y/N), your fear is showing."

"I'm not afraid."

"Then what is it-" he stopped, jumping up from his seat in surprise at the violent opening swing of the café door behind you, watching as your friend arrived and bounced into the room with a spring in his step as he realized just who he was seeing before him.

"Hello, (Y/N)," Thor smiled obnoxiously, clearly enjoying the moment. He turned to your date, who now looked incredibly uncomfortable and searching the room for the quickest exit. "Who have we here? Could it be the son of Laufey? It amuses me that we were just speaking of this rule of names only a short time ago, (Y/N), and here you are with a prime example to bolster my point as the correct one after all. Thank you."

"Please, do drop the arrogance, brother, it doesn't suit you," Loki scoffed, dropping the image of his disguise, "and you know it's me."

"Of course I know it's you, Loki. Do you have such a low opinion of me that you could think that I wouldn't see beyond your façade?"

"You're known for falling for my tricks easily," Loki shrugged. "Clearly, our lovely (Y/N) isn't of the same disability."

"Well this is just wonderful," you groaned, leaning back in your chair with a huff and crossed arms tight over your chest, "my luck really is shit."

"Language, (Y/N)," Steve joined in from your other side, with Tony closely in tow. "You might actually change your mind about your luck. Barton's on his way downtown if you want to catch up. He caught wind of some kind of filming happening today and he thinks that Hemsworth might be there. You might even get sight of a little Evans beard," he smirked.

"Ah, yes!" Thor exclaimed with an enthusiastic clap of his hands. "Let us go see my sibling of an alternative maternity!"

"Oh, dear lord, Thor, do you mean brother from another mother?" you choked out, trying to contain both your laughter and secondary embarrassment for your friend when the entire compliment of the café turned to stare.

He looked around the table at Loki and Steve, and back to you, his humor wiped away and replaced with confusion as to why everyone in the room was now suddenly laughing aloud at his expense. "Is that not what I said?"