The first section of this story is in Book One- I had a request to continue it.

"Do you know me?"

"You're (Y/N)," Bucky answered softly, his tone uncertain, but his eyes...they were skeptical and cautious; he stood steady, but watching you as if he were a frightened child and ready to run at the first sign of danger. "I read about you in a museum. At that Captain America thing."

You wouldn't argue in saying that you felt much the same fear as he was; this was just one more thing in this new life of yours that would set your mind spinning from the sudden revelation of seeing Bucky again after all these years. His voice had set your memory ablaze with anticipation of seeing him, but it also put your entire body on edge and prepared to protect yourself from a man who was still considered to be one of the greatest assassins of the modern age.

"Bucky, I know that you're nervous, and you have every reason to be. Believe me, I am too," you smiled, but it didn't reach your eyes and it definitely didn't look genuine. "But you're lying."

"Guys," Steve interrupted, "maybe we should sit down and take this slow."

"We don't have time for that, Steve," you argued. "As soon as Tony realizes that I'm here, and that you've called in almost everyone else, shit's gonna hit the fan."

"Hey, langua-"

"Don't," you warned with a sharp glare, "you know that doesn't work on me, so just give up already." You turned back to your original target and held his gaze, but you could sense that he was forcing himself to not look away, and that maybe you were making him more nervous that need be. "Okay, Bucky," you sighed, turning enough to grab a chair to pull in closer, slowly sitting in front of him, "I need to know everything that you remember about me."

His eyes darted towards Steve for the flash of a second as if to gather his strength from the man, but he quickly looked back to you, his features softening just slightly at your close proximity. He had no reason to feel afraid of you, or at least not in this situation; from what Steve had told him, however, if you were challenged it was every man for himself against you. Despite that knowledge, when he looked into your eyes he couldn't help but feel a guarded safety, and it was a feeling that he had been without for far too long. It was a feeling that he wanted more of, and to never be without again. "I remember that you hated it when I called you my girlfriend," he answered softly and with a lopsided grin, "and that you'd get mad if I put my hand on your butt."

"Yeah, I remember that too," Steve joined in, "you'd get so...mad..." His voice faded away as soon as he realized that the focus had shifted completely onto him, and that your soft disposition was stripped away to leave eyes full of rage looking back. "What? What did I do now?"

"What do you mean, he'd get so mad? How would you know that? Unless..." you paused, your eyes widening in realization, "unless you were there too. Oh, you son of a bitch."

"(Y/N)-"

"Steve, you've known me for this long and you've never said anything?!" you snapped, pushing away from Bucky to stand over the Captain. "All this time that we've known each other, I've been trying to figure out who I was...who I am...and you've known all along? How could you keep that from me? I thought we'd become friends! I thought that we trusted each other! When did you figure it out?!"

Now Steve was standing up with you, challenging you to push further towards him, his jaw set as his frustration and anger began a slow build. It wasn't really directed at you, but you were the only one yelling at him so that's just where the focus went. "Hey, I didn't know until I was talking to Buck before you got here, and then it all started to make sense. It follows Hydra's pattern too well, don't ya think? You show up on the Avengers doorstep, skills like yours, movements that match Bucky's, and no idea where you got them."

"I was there when they grabbed you," Bucky added quietly. "We were working at the front of the line, but you and I separated from the group...and from Steve. I knew that separating was a bad idea, and when I turned to go..." He sighed heavily, a visible drop in his shoulders under the weight of what he was remembering; he was wringing his hands together so forcefully that his hand was blanching of color and nearly white from lack of blood flow. "It's my fault."

"Is that some sort of mantra for you two?" you scoffed, getting both of them to look at you in surprise. "I have never known anyone to feel so responsible for every single bad thing that happens around them the way that you guys do. Where does that come from?"

"Bad luck kinda follows us," Steve shrugged, while Bucky nodded in agreement.

"Okay, clearly it seems to like me too, but you didn't hear me taking the hit when you miscalculated and smacked yourself in the head with your shield last week, now did you?"

"You hit yourself in the head?"

"Yeah, I might have, but we're getting off topic," Steve sighed and waved his friend off dismissively. "Alright, so we've established-"

"Where'd it get ya?"

"Here," Steve pointed to his forehead with an exasperated huff. "Now, as I was saying-"

"So you saw it coming and you didn't duck?"

"It all happened really fast, alright?"

Bucky sat silently and stared at Steve as his mind churned the images around of what that must have looked like, watching the shield bounce off of its target only to ricochet back and smack Captain America straight on against his forehead. "Did you land on your ass?"

"Why is that important?"

"Because I want to be sure that I'm seeing it right. You know that my memory is shit nowadays so I want to make sure this sticks."

It almost put you too much at ease, the sound of Steve's slowly growing laughter, eliciting a similar sound from Bucky that pulled you in to join them. With everything that was happening and with the immense stress building around you, this was perhaps the only moment of lightheartedness that you would get for who knew how long. Now that you had Bucky safely at your side, and with Steve calling in more of the team to keep it that way, there may never be a way to go back to the life that you had only just found for yourself.

As you watched Bucky stand up to meet Steve, giving him a jovial slap on the back as their laughter continued, you realized something; even if your mind wouldn't let you remember them the way they were so long ago, your heart knew that there was still a connection, and that the three of you were always meant to find your way back. If that meant that you'd never find your way back to what you thought was your home, then so be it.

These two were your real home, you just hadn't known it until now.

~~~

It would be months later before you even considered revisiting the life that you had barely been given time to know, finding yourself now standing at the main door of the tower once again just as you had done on that very first night. At that time, you didn't think much of it beyond the clear display of arrogance that you still believed it to hold, but now as you looked skyward to the Avengers emblem staring back down at you, it felt accusatory. The building itself was emanating its judgements, and even though you knew that it wasn't actually possible, you hesitated before your hand could touch the cold metal of the door to let you in.

"You're early."

You spun with a hitched breath at the sound of Tony's voice, turning to see him watching you, straight faced though just a little paler than you remembered. The recent battles had weathered him, and he seemed more like a shell of the charismatic man that you had known. He held two cups of coffee, the steam escaping into the brisk air around you, though now that he had you in his sights, the air was downright frigid.

"Yeah, I misjudged the train. I haven't been into the city in a while and planned on more disruptions than I got."

He continued to stare silently, even after your words had faded away to silence, making the discomfort nearly unbearable. The sounds of the city continued on, the voices of strangers and honking horns reminding you that the world was still moving around you when your own sense of time had halted. It made it impossible to hold his gaze, and when you finally took the initiative to break it and look away, he jolted from whatever his own mind was imprisoning him with.

"Here," he answered softly, thrusting an uncertain hand out, "I got one for you."

"Oh...thanks."

"Figured it'd be rude of me to drink in front of you."

You took the cup slowly, feeling awash in regret when your skin touched his, as if there were a million words passed between you in that flash of time. Bringing it to your lips, you took a sip with a contented hum, thankful that he had thought of you and wasn't as rude as he could have been, even if you felt deserving of it. "This was really thoughtful of you, Tony."

"Hmm," he scoffed, "right. So, shall we?" He pushed ahead of you and towards the door, opening it wide while he stood to allow you to pass; you weren't certain if it were planned, but he positioned himself so that you had only enough room to duck under his arm so that you could get by. Your foot had barely passed the threshold when his hand came down and grabbed your arm, albeit gently, but firm enough to make you stop. "Listen, I just want to warn you. The others might not give you as warm of a welcome as I have."

"I'm ready for that, Tony...but good to know."

"Sure," he exhaled heavily, letting his hand drop away. He raised it to guide you into the entry, but his eyes relayed his uncertainty as they scanned the room for anyone else who may have joined him. You wondered what he could be expecting to happen and just how badly your reputation had been destroyed here. It couldn't have been a great surprise to any of them that you would side with Cap, but once they saw you at Bucky's side as well, it must have done more harm than you could have anticipated.

"So, who's home?"

"I'm not sure. Rhodes has his physical therapy appointment in a few minutes, I've pretty much pissed off Nat enough that I don't know if she's ever coming back, and Vision has been gone more than he's been home lately."

"Ah, right," you nodded in realization, but before you could stop yourself, Tony took notice.

"Spill it."

"Tony, it's not really my place-"

He let out an unmistakable growl from deep in his chest, reaching out to rip the coffee cup from your hand so forcefully that drops spilled out across the floor in front of you. "Talk...or walk."

"Hey, if that's how this is gonna go, I'll walk, thanks." With a firm hold of your determination, you held his angry stare for a moment, allowing him to take his threat back, but when he didn't and merely called your bluff, you turned to leave. "Cap was right, this was a stupid idea. I was an idiot to think that I had any chance of getting through to you, because you'll never change. Your way is the only way, and you wouldn't have heard a word I said. You don't want to keep the Avengers together for us, you want it for yourself. Goodbye, Tony."

Tony felt his heart begin to race when your connection broke, and just the same as he had remembered from when he flew into that damn hole in space not so long ago, his life seemed to flash before his eyes with every step that you took in the other direction. You were his best, and honestly last chance to salvage anything resembling this team, and he was being stupid enough to let his ego and his temper get the best of him. He was the one who called you, and his behavior was completely out of line; if this was ruined, it was all on him.

"(Y/N), I'm sorry, wait," he hurried forward, "please, don't go. I'm sorry. I'm a jackass."

"Yes."

"Come on, kid, give me a break. This isn't what I thought would happen, okay? I didn't want this. You might think that I'm desperate to get the team together for my own needs...and fine, maybe I am a little bit, but we came together for a reason, and I know that if we don't fix this soon..." He stopped and took a long, tremulous breath and turned away, shaking his head at his own ineptitude for not having the right words when they were so damn essential to have.

"What, Tony?"

"I don't know how to say this..."

"Then it must be really important," you offered, keeping your tone gentle; the man looked like he could startle and run away with even the slightest motion, so you cautiously reached out and took his hand. It was a relief when he didn't pull it away, but it also made you scared of something that you didn't have the first idea about.

"The only way that I can make my point is to say this," he began, finally looking back. "If I called you here to arrange getting Barnes and me in the same room to talk this out, then that alone should tell you how big of a deal this is for us to fix."

Part 5

After Tony escorted you to his office, with the uncomfortable feeling of formality in a building that had served as your home not so long ago, you took a seat opposite of him across his desk; there were only a few feet separating you, but it felt as if you were miles apart, each of you teetering on your own edge of an abyss that would swallow you whole if you moved first. His discomfort with having you there was unmistakable, even though no one else had seen you thus far to cause him to be uneasy.

"So, how do you get elected as peacekeeper for Team Petulance?" he finally asked, though his voice held no certainty that it would hold. He was acting nervous, and you didn't know if it was your doing or if he held hesitation in the plan that you all had put together. "I thought Wanda would have been a better choice. No offense."

"None taken," you sneered, "but you can imagine that her eagerness to come back here is pretty well nonexistent."

"Why?"

"Why? Really?"

"I asked, didn't I?"

"You know, memory is the first thing to start slipping with age, Tony."

"Just answer the damn question, (Y/N)."

"Well, after the most important person in her life died while on a mission to stop a monster that you helped to create, she still decided that this was the best place for her to try to heal and maybe do some good in the world. Things were going okay until she slipped, and rather than talking to her and explaining what you were doing, you just locked her in her room like a misbehaving child. To top that off, you collared her in the Raft after calling her a weapon of mass destruction. You can imagine that the trust might be a little thin."

He groaned a few slurred profanities under his breath, casting his gaze away to look out the window at nothing; he wanted to look anywhere than at you so that you wouldn't see how he regretted what he had done. For this to work, Tony wanted to keep some air of authority, and if you were going to call him out like this, his chances were as thin as Wanda's trust. "Right," he sighed, still not turning back to you, "but you weren't exactly okay after Pietro...when Maximoff died, either. Why did you stay?"

"Because Steve asked me to. I barely had a chance to know Pietro, so thanks for reminding me of what I missed out on."

"I can't do anything right, can I?"

"Yeah, Tony, you can," you urged, leaning into the desk to try to get his attention, but he held his position. "You can work with me to bring the team back together. You can give me assurances that if I bring our team here, you won't turn them in and you'll actually have a civilized conversation."

"It sure seems like Steve's trust in you is pretty solid nowadays. How the hell did that happen? Last I remember you were just barely starting to get along."

"That's not your concern."

His chair finally spun towards you, and when his eyes met yours, there was a clear shift within him and they were dark and angry. "It's definitely my concern, (Y/N). If you want my assurances, then I'm in the perfect position to demand a few things from you. Why does Steve trust you so much to do this? There's a hell of a lot riding on this conversation today, so he must think pretty highly...hold on," he stopped, giving you a skeptical glare, "are you two...fonduing?"

"What?! No!"

"Why not? It's not like there can be much to do anymore from day to day, being off the grid and all."

"So that's where your mind goes?"

"Not much to do around here either."

"Alright, we're getting way off topic, Tony," you stopped him, "so listen. Steve trusts me because he does, and that's all you need to know. We're open to getting everyone together to talk through this, but before that happens, we want there to be a meeting with just you and Buck."

"No."

"But you said-"

"No, I mean...yes, I'll meet with him, but I don't want to be in a room alone. At least not yet. You understand that this is all still really new for me, don't you?"

"Of course, I'm sorry," you apologized genuinely, holding his gaze so that he knew you meant it. "We can have someone from your team there too. Just name who you want."

"I want you to be there, (Y/N)."

~~~

The news of Tony's request didn't sit well with Steve, but if he had been taking it badly, Bucky was just that much worse. It was understandable that the trust between each side of the Avenger's inner battle had been nearly irrevocably broken, but after your discussion with Tony, you thought that there was just a sliver of hope and that he was actually making a symbolic gesture in choosing you; he was selecting Steve's friend to be the mediator rather than insist on someone who would agree with him. Of course, your friends didn't see it that way at all.

"Why would he choose for you to be there?" Steve muttered to himself quietly, his hand thoughtfully resting on his chin. "What's his play?"

"Why are going straight to some terrible plot to undermine you? What's keeping you from seeing that he's trying to make a trustworthy gesture?"

"Because that's now how he works, (Y/N). You don't know Stark like I do."

"And you won't open your mind to the possibility that he may have changed?"

"You have to understand why I might be hesitant."

"I don't have to do anything, Steve," you huffed, waving him away dismissively, "and I'm sure that you agree with him, don't you?" You turned to look at Bucky, doing your best to challenge him with a cold glare, but he didn't balk at all, stepping up to you without a sign of intimidation.

"(Y/N), he tried to kill me. Several times-"

"Well, you did kill his parents, Buck. Can't exactly blame the guy for trying."

"Hey, that's pretty goddamn low," he growled in reply, standing from his chair to challenge you, "I wasn't in control. You know that I would never have done that if I was."

"I don't know what I know anymore, Buck," you readily took him on. "I used to think that I knew who I was, before I got dumped in this freak show only to find out that I'm one of the biggest freaks of the bunch. I still don't know how I got to be this," you stopped, waving your hand over your own form. "All I know now is that any time that I start to feel like I could find my way, it all falls apart around me. If I'm gonna be honest here, when Tony asked me to be there when you meet, I could only think about how far away I could run from it all."

"Wait," Steve jumped in, "are you serious?"

You were silenced by the tone in his voice, hearing a fear that he might not acknowledge if you called him out on it, but that made it no less present, and no clearer as to why he was so urgently staring at you and waiting for your reply. Neither of you had any responsibility to the other, and you certainly weren't in a relationship with Bucky anymore, not that you could even remember what that was like. "Stop looking at me like that, Steve," you finally answered softly, "you know that I don't react to those big blue eyes like everyone else does. Besides, I said that I thought about it, not that I was doing it. If I wanted to, I'd already be gone and you know it, and besides, why do you care?"

"I'm going to act like you didn't just ask me that."

"Yeah, (Y/N), what the hell's gotten into you? You go see Stark and all of the sudden you come back pissed off and a downright bitch."

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath rather than to retaliate, and oh how it took every ounce of your willpower to not punch Barnes in the jaw. You didn't know where this attitude was coming from all of the sudden either, but it was relentless within you, as if any stimulation even in just the air surrounding you was too much. Your skin was prickly and aggravated against your clothing, and the sounds of each man breathing so loudly was enough to enrage you. "Buck, could you please breathe with your mouth shut? You're not an animal."

"Seriously, what the hell, (Y/N)?"

"I don't know," you groaned back, turning away with a shake of your head, "maybe it was being around Stark for so long...I was fine before I left..." your voice trailed away as an image popped into your mind as if it were the obvious answer that you needed at just the right moment. "Wait."

"What?" Steve pressed, taking the few steps to close the gap between you. "You okay?"

You closed your eyes to concentrate on what your brain was screaming at you to see, holding up a hand to keep your friend back. The image was the entrance of the tower, inside the foyer just as Tony had led you inside; there were a few people working in the distance, no one that jumped out as you as a threat, and Tony had made no mention of them so you didn't give them your attention. But now there was something in your mind that was just...wrong. Pushing yourself to your limits, you tried to recall their faces, though many of them were merely hazy gaps in your memory; then suddenly there was one that stood out, and when you realized who you were seeing, your stance wavered enough for Bucky to reach out to hold you steady. "What the hell was she doing there?" you mumbled, fully enthralled in your confusion.

"Who?" Steve asked, his body tensing and his alert heightened at your tone. "(Y/N), talk to me."

"Why would Jess be at Avengers Tower?"

"Jess?"

"Yeah, remember? The girl who brought me to that damn party before Ultron tore it up?" When all he responded with was a confused shrug, you rolled your eyes at his lapse in super soldier memory, "the girl with the hots for Sam? Oh my god, Steve, she was there when Sam introduced me to you."

The Captain paused and searched his mind for that moment, taking a little longer than you had expected for him to find it, while Bucky simply stood steady and waited for the revelation of who this girl was and if he needed to be worried. This group had come too far and was too close to coming back together to let someone get in the way now.

"Jess...right, yeah, now I remember," he nodded, but his moment of clarity was quickly dashed and replaced with a look of skepticism. "What's going through your head, (Y/N)? You think she's trouble?"

"I think that I'm about to find out. Pack up, fellas, it's time to go home."

Part 6

Getting back to the compound took a little longer than you had expected, and by the time that you and the rest of Cap's team had arrived, it was nightfall and no one had the energy to have discussions of any kind beyond the few tense greetings mumbled to each other as they passed in the hallways. Everyone quickly made their way back to the rooms that they kept before the fight amongst them had begun, with the exception of Bucky, who was struggling with feeling anything other than ostracized around a group of people that he barely knew. Frankly, he felt uncomfortable being in what could easily become a prison for him if this didn't go well.

When you reached your room, it was a barrage of emotions that hit you as your senses filled with the place that used to be your only solace, finding that all you wanted now was your bed and to sleep in the comfort that you hadn't known for far too long. The last time you were here, you had packed hastily and ran to Steve, knowing that if you stopped to look back, you may have stayed. Your belongings hadn't moved, though it looked suspiciously as if someone had maintained its cleanliness without a speck of dust in sight. Your heart ached just a little at the thought that Tony had kept everyone's rooms ready for their return, as if he held a shred of hope that his family would see their way back.

You didn't take the time to unpack anything, tossing your bags to the side with a kick of your shoes, barely deciding to change into pajamas before dropping heavily into your bed and scurrying under the thick blankets that you had missed so much. Something so simple as the scent of familiar laundry detergent was enough to soothe you into sleep, sinking your head into the soft pillows that were extravagant compared to what you had become accustomed to. Even after staying in T'Challa's kingdom, you knew that no one would compare to the standards that Tony Stark held for his team.

"(Y/N)? You awake?"

The soft voice on the other side of your door barely drew you from your haze, but luckily for them, you hadn't drifted off fully yet. "Yeah, Buck, I'm awake."

"Could I come in?"

"FRIDAY, it's okay."

The door opened slowly for him, pulling from his hand when he tried to do it himself; it would take some getting used to, being here with the way that Tony had set up how the building around him worked. He felt strange enough trying to talk to FRIDAY, but knowing that she was ever-present was a feeling that he would need to work on coming to terms with. All he could do was nod to acknowledge the action, and wasn't sure if he should thank the A.I. or not, so he simply allowed the door to close and made his way over to you.

"Hey," you greeted, pushing yourself up as he approached, "you look like something's bothering you. You okay?"

"I'm okay...for the most part. I can't sleep, but I suppose I didn't really expect to, now that we're here. Besides, Steve snores like a grizzly so I don't know why I thought I'd get any shut-eye anyway."

"You want to stay here?"

Bucky took a precautionary, albeit unintentional step back, his eyes nervously taking in every inch of your room as his mind raced and panicked. He wasn't expecting the invitation, and despite having known you for this long now and that there was never anything done that should give him worry, he definitely was.

"Buck, I didn't just proposition you. I only asked if you wanted to sleep here instead of in Steve's room."

"I know, I'm sorry...I'm not sure why I feel so nervous."

"It's alright. How about if you just come sit here for a while, and we can talk," you smiled gently, patting the mattress next to you. "I promise, I won't make a move."

"Can't make that promise," he muttered under his breath, looking away, but slowly agreeing and shuffling his feet just enough to move himself towards you. "Okay, yeah...that sounds nice." He turned and sat at your side, kicking off the slippers that he had taken from Steve's room and swinging his legs onto the bed. Pushing himself back and against the headboard, he smiled and bounced himself just a little, making you bobble at the shift in weight. "Shit, (Y/N), this bed is nicer than Steve's. Definitely better than that couch he put me on."

"That's because he can't stand a soft mattress. Something about marshmallows...I wasn't really listening."

"Well I like it."

"Is that how you're gonna ask me to sleep up here? Complementing my mattress?"

"That," he smiled mischievously, finding his comfort, "or I'll just proposition you."

"Hey, I'm not that kind of girl."

"That's not how I remember it." When the response he wanted didn't come, and your smile dropped just enough for him to notice, that feeling of panic resurfaced, and the moment of levity was quickly gone. "That's not what I meant, (Y/N). I was just joking around."

"It's fine, I know. I just...I don't really remember much about us. I'm sorry."

"Honestly, I don't either," he shrugged with a heavy sigh. "Steve's told me some, filling in a few blanks in things that I get flashes of here and there, but that's about it. The one thing that I can remember as plain as day was when you disappeared, though. That's a feeling that I don't think I could ever forget. Up until you showed up in Wakanda with us, I knew that it was this horrible thing from my past, but when I saw you, it all came together. At least that much, anyway."

"You remember more than I do. Whatever happened to me between then and now, it's just...nothing."

"So how did you end up here at Dysfunction Junction?"

"We may be dysfunctional, but we're still family, so watch it, pal."

"What family isn't?"

"Guess you're right," you agreed. "I met Jess a few years ago at a bookstore downtown. We kind of had that instant friend thing, ya know? Now that I'm unsure of who she really is, I wonder if that was the point."

"So after that party at the tower, you didn't see her again?"

"Not until I came to talk to Tony the other day, no. After the party, Steve insisted on keeping an eye on me once he saw my skills, which I didn't even realize that I had. I kind of morphed into a part of the team, until Pietro..."

"Who?"

Your voice had trailed away and went silent, and your gaze was locked on your hands, but the sight was beginning to haze over with tears wetting your lashes. You hadn't expected to still be having this kind of reaction after so long, but it made no difference; with a quick wipe of your hand you dried them away and took a deep breath in an attempt to regain your composure. "Pietro was Wanda's twin brother. I only knew him for a couple of days, but we had a quick connection. He was just nice to me when everyone else looked at me like I was there with a motive or something. I suppose I could have been and not known it. But when Ultron killed him, I didn't care what anyone thought or wanted of me, I just wanted to run. Steve wouldn't let me."

"He can get pushy like that."

"No kidding," you scoffed, "he doesn't like to not get his way. Makes sense why he and Tony argue so much." Your mind drifted again, reliving the days at the tower and then here at the compound, when your life had begun to find stability; Steve had taken you under his wing and trained you into this team. You had become friends, and your teammates were the family that you hadn't realized you needed. The events of the fight that split them had left deep divisions amongst you, but there was a sliver of hope in their repair now, with Bucky here to talk to Tony for the first time since their battle.

"Where did you just go?"

"Hmm?" you jolted from your thoughts. "Sorry, just thinking about how we got here. I really hope that you and Tony can come to an agreement. He's determined to get the Avengers back together, almost like a desperation. He wouldn't say why, but I get the feeling that he knows more than he's ready to say."

Bucky had turned his body to listen to you, giving his undivided attention, but it wasn't what you were saying that had stolen his focus. He was studying your features; the curves of your face, the color of your eyes, and the movement of your lips as you spoke. He wanted so badly to remember more about you and what you had meant to him, but all he had now was the warmth he felt when you smiled, or when he heard the sound of your laughter; even if it was aimed at him, he didn't care, it was worth it. No matter how much he just wanted to remember, he found comfort in having this much.

"Buck?"

"Hmm?"

"Now you're the one drifting away. What are you thinking about?"

"Can I...would I be able to...can I try something?"

"Depends," you answered cautiously, "what do you mean?"

"This," he whispered, adjusting his position to bring his hands to your face, leaning in so slowly that he barely moved, both terrified and excited at the same time as to what would happen when you connected. His lips barely touched yours at first, ghosting over them as if he had changed his mind, but then it happened; he felt a shock run through him with a fierce need to have more, and the kiss became filled with desperation and longing that you eagerly returned. It was as if you were both transported back in time, when things were simpler, and when there was nothing but each other.

~~~

You stood ready, Bucky at your side, weapons in hand and awaiting your orders from Steve. Yes, Steve. The scrawny little punk who decided to go on a steroid rage and become Captain America without the wherewithal to ask for anyone's opinion. "See, this is what happens when we leave him alone," you whispered harshly to your partner between clenched teeth, "he gets all of us into trouble."

"Shhh."

"Don't shush me. It's an easy plan, Buck," you insisted, "we storm through the barricade, make our way to where the train is due to pass along the side of the mountain so we can intercept it from above without being seen. Rush the crew and take it. Easy."

"Oh, really? You call that easy? Do you realize how tricky it's gonna be to time that just right so that we don't slam our faces into the side of the mountain? I don't know about you, darlin', but this face is far too pretty to slap it into rock like that."

"You don't know about me?" you hissed in reply. You pushed your weapon aside so that you could rest your hands on your hips, turning to him with a cold stare and an anticipation that he should be changing his tune any second.

When he turned to look to see the source of your silence, his body stilled and his face paled with wide eyes. "Shit, no, I'm sorry," he quickly backpedaled, "that's not how I meant it. Of course you know, doll. You're far prettier than I am. Hell, I ain't even pretty! It's all you, I swear!"

"That's better."

Your minor squabble had caught Steve's attention, leaving him to excuse the rest of the Commandos and to push his way through the team to reach you. He wasn't exactly a fan of having both you and Bucky working on this mission of his, and he felt like the potential loss of any of the three of you at the same time was far too risky. Nevertheless, none of you were forces to be reckoned with, and here you all stood, about to take the risk and not look back. "You two good to go?"

"Of course, Cap," you answered with a curt salute and wide grin, "nothin' to it."

But little did you know at the time, this would be the defining mission of Steve's life not only in that moment, but even in the future that none of you could have predicted. It was the mission that separated you from Bucky, and ultimately, Bucky from Steve. As soon as you had gone missing, they looked for you until the very last second; they had to intercept that train because the safety of millions were at stake, and despite Bucky's insistence that they continue looking, he finally relented and followed his commander.

If only Steve had allowed his best friend to stay behind to continue the search, rather than letting Bucky fight with a clouded mind that stole his focus, he wouldn't have been in the wrong spot at the wrong time and he might have dodged the hit that threw him from the train. Maybe if his mind weren't consumed with finding you, he wouldn't have fallen at all, and Steve wouldn't have spent so many years blaming himself for your mistake.

~~~

Bucky pulled back from the kiss to catch his breath, his body tense and his mind on fire with both the flood of memories and the wash of pure emotions that he had missed for so long. His hands dropped away and you opened your eyes, seeing him in a way that you hadn't done since those days long ago, and it warmed him to feel the new sense of recognition. "Wow," he gasped, wanting more, but hesitant for your reaction.

"Buck," you panted in reply, struggling to grasp your senses, "I...I need to talk to Steve."

Part 7

"Steve! Steve, wake up!"

You probably could have downplayed the tone of your voice just a bit, to bring down the urgency that made the poor guy jolt out of bed so quickly that you heard him stumble and topple over in the dark, in search of his pants. You knew full well that he would take it to be life-or-death with the way you were yelling his name through the door, but you hadn't stopped to think about that in your panic to talk to him.

"What is it?!" he gasped, pulling the door open frantically. His hair was gloriously messy from the little sleep that he had been able to get, but his eyes were wide awake and filled with worry. He had barely had time to find and put on his pants, leaving his chest bare and heaving with his panicked breaths as he looked down at you and waited to hear the worst when your words began to spill.

"Bucky's fall was my fault. It wasn't yours. You've been carrying that guilt around for all these years, and I'm so sorry. Steve...I'm so sorry and I don't expect you to ever forgive me-"

"Woah, (Y/N), slow down. You're not making any sense."

"I remember it. I told Bucky that it was a better idea for us to split up rather than trying to get through the barricade together, and that's when I disappeared. He wasn't in his right mind following you onto that train, and that was because of me."

You had taken off into a run so quickly from your room that Bucky was just now catching up, looking just as worried and confused as Steve was as he listened to what you were trying to get him to understand. Bucky took a stand at your side and tried to take your arm to support you, but you shook his advances away.

"(Y/N), that's not what happened. It was an accident. The only one to blame for my own actions is me," Bucky challenged, looking to Steve to agree. "I was clouded, yeah, but then I should have been the one to tell Steve that I needed to stay behind. That's on me, doll."

"He's right. But I should have seen that he wasn't clear and ordered him to fall back. Honey, if anyone is to blame here, it's the two of us. I know how it feels to take on guilt for things that aren't yours to take, and I don't want you to do that to yourself." Steve took a few slow steps closer to you, resting one hand on your shoulder in support, his other hand gently lifting your chin to make you look at him when you tried to avoid his eyes. "(Y/N), believe us, okay?"

You wanted to believe them, you really did, but the feelings were still so fresh in your mind that you were having a hard time distinguishing them from the reality of where you were right now. The intense wash of guilt was pushing you down with so much unrelenting force that you felt out of place next to the two men, as if you weren't deserving of their friendship after what you believed that you had done. When you turned to look at Bucky for his agreement with Steve, his arms quickly wrapped around you with a strength that even you couldn't fight, holding you to him as he whispered against your hair so that only you would hear him.

"Please...let all of that go, okay? If this is what's gonna happen every time I kiss you from now on-"

Turning within his hold, you lifted your face towards him and reached up to pull him to you, returning to the kiss that you had started in your room and had so desperately wanted to continue when you mind had gotten in the way. The feeling of being grounded in the moment and using him to hold you there was the only thing you wanted. You were so eager, in fact, that the two of you made no recognition that you were still in the middle of the hallway, and that your best friend had a clear view to the action, which was quickly escalating when Bucky turned to push you up against the nearest wall.

"So," Steve coughed quietly, clearing his throat to get your attention, "this is...new. I'm just gonna...go." He pointed over his shoulder and back towards his room, as if you were paying him any attention, but he should have known better. Taking silent steps backwards over the threshold, he carefully closed his door as to not make any more noise, smiling to himself at this turn of events, and at his fortune to have been there to see his two friends finally making their way towards being happy again.

~~~

The next day brought the meeting that had your team back at the compound in the first place; it was time for Tony and Bucky to meet face-to-face for the first time after their battle in Siberia. Tony had asked that you be present in the room with them, but you took it a step further and insisted that Vision be there as well. It wasn't that you didn't feel that you could be objective in the discussion, but now that you and Bucky had taken a pretty giant leap in your relationship, you thought it would be the right thing to do to have one of his own teammates present too.

Steve had been banished from the room, but that didn't stop him from holding steady on the other side of the glass wall that separated him from the discussion, watching intently and wishing that he had learned how to read lips. Every so often, you would glance his way and give him a subtle nod just to let him know that things were okay so far. Tony had agreed that once he and Bucky had their chance to clear the air and hopefully come to a working resolution, he would have a talk with Steve; that discussion, however, would be one that no one else was invited to.

Excruciating hours ticked by, filled with reworded apologies and explanations filled with regret and urgency to be understood from both men. You and Vision had sat quiet for the most part, letting Tony and Bucky work through their questions and fears and accusations on their own; you were actually quite impressed with the level of maturity that each of them brought to the table when it all could have so easily fallen apart from the first word.

When the last assurances were spoken, and the final handshake was offered, the four of you stood to leave with a tentative cooperation that you hoped would hold for whatever it was that Tony needed to happen with the team. You were about to fill Steve in on the details of the conversation when a motion caught your attention in your periphery and your focus quickly changed.

"Guys, excuse me," you said quickly, pushing past Steve, "she's here."

"Who?" Bucky asked, now on full alert from just the shift in your tone. "Is it that Jess person? (Y/N), wait, let me go with you. You don't know who she really is."

"I can handle myself, Buck."

"No, I know that. I just want a chance at her if she turns out to be someone that I ain't gonna like so much."

"Fine, but let me do the talking."

Bucky gave you a quick nod and hurried to follow your lead, his eyes keeping focused on her form as she moved through the living room on the level below. When the two of you finally intercepted her, now with Steve in the group as well, she looked at you with a smile that seemed forced, and her eagerness to welcome you was marred by a heavy layer of fear.

"(Y/N)!" she called out, waving enthusiastically as she approached. "Oh my god, it's been forever! The last time I saw you-"

"Was at the party in the tower," you finished for her. You put your hands up to decline her attempt at a hug, seemingly much to her dismay. "Why did you bring me there that night? Who are you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Cut the bullshit, Jess," you snapped, "I'm on to you. Why would you be here now? You have no business at the compound, and this is the second time that I've seen you here. Have you been following me all this time? Who do you work for?"

You could see the tremble beginning in her hands, her eyes darting between the three of you as she tried to gather her thoughts under the immense pressure that you were blanketing her in. With a long breath, she straightened her shoulders and put up a cautious hand, as if she feared that you would surge forward if you didn't like what you were about to hear. "Okay, let's just stay calm-"

"Then don't piss me off."

"(Y/N), I'll tell you. It's not a secret...anymore."

"Great, then spill it," Bucky pressed, crossing his arms and stepping up to your side. "We can't wait to hear every single detail and how you're not going to dare leave anything out, aren't we, Steve?"

"Can't wait another second."

"Could you maybe tell me what you already know? Just so I know where to start?"

"All that I know is that I disappeared from a mission right before Bucky fell from the train and I was taken by Hydra, and then one day I met you. Everything in between is gone. You can imagine my suspicions here, Jess."

"Can we maybe sit down for this?"

"No," Bucky answered for you, "talk."

"Right," she sighed, taking another deep breath before beginning, "okay. Hydra decided that they had hit the jackpot when Bucky fell. They already had you, so when they got him back after having lost him to Captain America, they moved quickly. They took you because there was never any experimentation done with the serum on a woman before, and if they were going to build an army of super soldiers, they had to know. The fact that you had a relationship with Barnes was the icing on the cake; you were able to keep him in line when he went off the rails. You never had outbursts like he did, but you also didn't develop the same strengths that they needed. They determined that the male soldier held greater value to them, and a few years later when they decided to program him with trigger words to keep him under control, you weren't of the same use to them."

"So how did she end up with you?" Steve interrupted. "Are you Hydra?"

"No!" Jess answered immediately. "God, no, never! I don't know the exact details of how, but you got on SHIELD's radar in a bad way. There was a shoot-on-sight order on your head, but Nick made a different call. He thought that you could be a benefit to SHIELD and maybe even become a part of the Avengers, so I was tasked to find you. I befriended you, and the party was just this perfectly timed opportunity to see how you would interact with the team. If Ultron hadn't happened, things would have gone quite differently."

"You mean that you would have kept on lying to her. And to us," Steve said. "You know, I'm really getting tired of all of the secrecy. Yeah, I'm not one to preach on the topic, I get that, but..I can be one to stand up and put a stop to it."

Turning away from Jess for the first time, you looked at Steve, seeing the inner turmoil about to spill over, his eyes sadder than you had ever seen them, even after the two of you watched Pietro die, right in front of you. He wasn't speaking about the secrecy kept regarding you in particular anymore, but something that couldn't wait any longer to be fixed. There was a history between him and Tony that you only knew from what Steve had shared, but it didn't take a genius to know that there was far more to it than he was letting on. There was anger and pain beneath the surface that had found its time to be let go, and it was as if he was just waiting for someone to give him that final push and make it okay to do.

"Go, I've got this," you smiled, nodding towards Tony's lab. "He told me that he's ready too."

"He did?"

"He keeps saying that there's something coming, and not only does he need this team together to fight it..."

"What?"

"I think that Tony needs this team to be okay in case it comes to an end. He's making amends before he might never get the chance again. But maybe that's just the Stark method of fatalistic thinking making a comeback."

He paused for just a second and looked past you towards Bucky, his mind now filled with what you had said and what it could mean for each of them. "Buck, did you believe him back there? Whatever he said to you?"

"Yeah, I believe the guy."

Steve stood silently and let his friend's words sink in, rolling around in his thoughts until they made sense to him and rang true. If Bucky believed that Tony was being honest with him after the traumas that they had just gone through, then it must be so. No matter what indiscretions were shared between the two men, Steve and Tony had good things in their history too, and in this moment, the Captain hurried to bring them to the forefront of his mind to lead the coming conversation. He couldn't go into this angry or hurt; he would need a better foundation than that, and he hoped that Tony would take him as genuine. There was only one way to find out.

"Alright then," he sighed heavily, clapping his hands together to announce his determination, "wish me luck. It's time to get the band back together."