Bucky stumbled into his room, a weary hand trying to wipe away the burning fatigue in his eyes, stopping just inside the threshold to stare at the empty bed before him. He leaned back heavily against the closed door and sighed aloud; he wasn't sure if he could face another night plagued with nightmares on his own, and momentarily considered asking to bunk in Steve's room just to see if it would help. The thought was immediately dashed away, realizing that it wasn't worth the both of them losing sleep because he couldn't get his head together.

Normally, he wouldn't ruminate on what he saw playing out in his tortured mind, but he had been having a recurring nightmare that he just couldn't shake; the imagery and vivid reality of it was too much and it just wouldn't pass. He hadn't slept well in weeks because of it and had come to the point of asking for help when normally, Bucky Barnes was a man to keep his troubles to himself.

With heavy and dragging feet, he moved and sat on the edge of his bed, digging his hand deep into his pocket to grab the sleep aid that Banner had given him to try. It rolled back and forth across his palm while he inspected it and tried to decide if he had hit his lowest point yet.

"Can't get any worse," he mumbled, tossing the capsule into his mouth and flopping back onto the bed in an exhausted heap.

~~~

When Bucky couldn't sleep, or when the dreams were too much, he would walk. He would walk the city for hours, under the cover of a hoodie and ball cap, hoping it would be enough to maintain some anonymity to allow him to clear his mind. Some nights he would traverse the entire length of Manhattan and back several times over without realizing it, just watching his feet take step after step in a steady rhythm. Tonight, he would only make it barely a few blocks from the tower before his attention was stolen.

"Help! Anyone, please!"

Bucky snapped out of his self-imposed trance and ran towards your voice, only with a general idea of your direction. "Where are you?" he called out, holding his breath as he waited for you to reply so that he could find you. "Tell me where you are!"

"I'm here! Please, help me!"

He zeroed in on the sound of your pleas and narrowed it down to within a block, running as fast as his feet would move, throwing his cap and sweatshirt aside so that you would see who he was and not run from him in more fear than what was already gripping you. When he finally saw you, curled within yourself and pressed into a dark alleyway corner, he stopped and approached slowly with his hands raised, allowing you to see him before making a move.

"I'm here to help you. I'm Bucky Barnes. I'm an Avenger," he said calmly, "can I come closer?"

"Yes," you panted, "I know who you are, thank you, please."

With your consent, he rushed to your side and protectively knelt next to you, looking around for any sign of a threat to you but finding nothing immediate. Bucky turned his attention to you and took your arm gently in his metal hand, his human hand peeling the cloth of your shirt away to display a large gash that ran the length of your forearm, bleeding profusely and now dripping through his fingers.

"We need to get you to a hospital. Can you walk?"

"I can," you winced, grimacing at the pressure he was putting on your wound to stop the bleeding as best as he could. He held out his elbow for you to link your free arm though, taking care to not release any pressure, then gently guided you to standing next to him. You were okay at first, but the longer you stood, the weaker you felt until dizziness set in and you could hear your heartbeat pounding in your ears. "Woah, I gotta...sit..."

"Shit!" He hissed, quickly releasing your arm in time to wrap his under you and catch you before you hit the ground, cradling you against him so he could run without risking hurting you any further. His steps were gentle even at his quickened pace, your body barely moving under his grip. The scent of your perfume and clean shampoo filled his senses as the breeze from his speed wafted through your hair, creating a feeling of recognition in him that almost stopped him in his tracks. When you began to slowly wake, he was temped to ask how he knew you, but you were in no condition to give him the information he needed, so he kept it simple.

"Hey, you're okay, I've got you," he smiled down briefly, "what's your name?"

"Buck, you know who I am," you whispered weakly, "you just don't remember yet."

~~~

"Buck?" Steve knocked a bit more firmly against the door when he didn't get a response. "Buck, come on, man. Wake up! We fly in twenty." A small smile curled at the edge of his mouth at the sound of his friend groaning in disgust as he grew closer to the door, but the smile was dashed when the it finally opened and displayed a pale, dark-eyed and exhausted appearing Bucky on the other side.

"What the hell do you want, Steve?"

"Buck, you look terrible. What happened?"

"I didn't sleep," he mumbled in reply, leaning back to allow Steve to pass by and enter the room. "I'll be ready in a few minutes, just let me clean up." Bucky pushed the door closed with a long yawn, running his hand through his messy hair in an attempt to make himself presentable but quickly recognizing the futility.

"No, you can sit this one out, Buck. I'll cover for ya."

"I don't do favoritism, Steve. Thanks, but no thanks. Besides, I could use the distraction." He waved the Captain to a chair and passed by into his bathroom, pausing at the mirror to look at the bags under his eyes with an audible sigh. He wasn't sure how long he could go without sleep and when it would begin to affect him even as a super soldier, but he feared that he was about to find out. He took his toothbrush into a weary hand, noticing a small tremor in it when he traced the toothpaste over the bristles. Even with the sounds of brushing echoing in his head, he heard Steve traverse the room to stand in the bathroom doorway with crossed arms, staring at him with that worried expression that Bucky couldn't stand.

"When was the last time you slept, Buck? You look like you've been awake for a week."

"Try six," he mumbled through closed lips, leaning into the sink to rinse his mouth with barely enough energy to spit. "Maybe seven. I've lost count."

"Seven weeks? Are you serious?" he gasped, reaching forward and taking Bucky's arm to turn him to face him. "Buck, you can't go today. I'm not allowing it, no way."

Bucky pulled his arm away firmly and pushed past him, pulling drawers open angrily and throwing clothes onto the bed, "last time I checked, Rogers, you weren't my mother. I sure as hell don't need one."

"At least tell me why you haven't slept. Are you having nightmares again?" Steve moved cautiously now, not wanting to incite Bucky's anger and not wanting to feel imposing for trying to help. "You were doing so good for a while there. Is that what it is?" He sat on the edge of the bed only a few feet away and waited for a reply, doing his best to not push when all he wanted to do was shake the answer out of his best friend out of pure terrified concern.

"Yeah, but it's not just that. I'm used to those after all this time, believe me." He joined Steve and dropped to sit next to him as he laced up his boots, taking the perfect reason to not have to look him in the eye. "I keep having the same one over and over. There's this girl...this woman," he corrected with a sigh, shaking his head in frustration, "I have no idea who she is. She just keeps showing up, and as soon as I try to ask her what her name is, I'm awake."

"Do you think she might be someone you know, but just can't remember?"

"You mean from that 'other life' we don't talk about anymore?" Bucky asked in a heavy sarcasm and a weak smirk, though still not looking up at Steve. "She says that I know her, but she seems too...too innocent somehow to have been around any of that life. She's injured and asking for my help, says she knows me but that's after I tell her I'm an Avenger, so I figured it was just that." He sat up straight and paused, finally turning to give just a quick glance to his friend, "so what is my busted up brain trying to tell me?"

~~~

Within the first fifteen minutes of battle, Bucky regretted the decision to not take Steve's offer to sit out. It was a physically draining, violent, dirty, and unyielding battle, with not only the survival of the team at stake, but a city of civilians who never signed on to a life with the risks they were facing now. Natasha and Clint were leading the evacuation while Steve, Bucky, Tony, Thor and Sam held the enemy back enough for them to get groups of people out of harm's way.

They thought they had everyone to safety, until Bucky heard you in the distance.

"Guys, I think we've got one more!" he called out, hurrying towards your voice, dodging bullets and explosions from every direction. "I could use a hand on the northwest corner!" Bucky located you quickly, even through the debris and smoke surrounding the area, seeing you curled up against a brick wall and holding your head in your hands while you rocked yourself back and forth. Your back was heaving with each struggled breath through your panicked tears.

"Hey, I'm Bucky Barnes. I'm an Avenger and I'm here to help," he stated calmly, in sharp contrast to the hell that was surrounding you both. "Can I come closer?" When you raised up a bit and nodded, he knelt next to you, resting his hand on your back to try to slow your breathing. "I'm gonna get you out of here, okay? I'm gonna keep you safe."

"Where did this come from? Who's doing this?"

"That's not important," he reassured, "what's important is that I get you to the safe zone, and that's what we're doing. Right now." You still hadn't turned to face him, and made no move to follow if he were to leave. "Hey, let's slow down that breathing. I'm gonna take care of you. Can you tell me your name?"

"Buck," you whispered through ragged breaths, "you know who I am. You just don't remember yet." When you finally turned your head to face him, he was as pale as a ghost, his mouth agape and his eyes wide. He stumbled back onto his butt and brought his hand up over his mouth in complete shock. The use of his voice was an uncertainty now, between the acrid smoke drying his throat and the panic that had now gripped him just as much as it had you, he had no guarantee that he would make a sound at all, but he had to try.

"Oh my god...it's you."

Part 2

"You're the one...you're the one in my nightmare," Bucky gasped, crawling back and away from you, awkwardly moving as if he were a frightened animal with his eyes fixed on you for any motion towards him. He had never felt such a striking fear, on the verge of paralyzing him, squeezing the air from his chest and the voice from his throat. His heart was beating inside his chest with such anxious ferocity that you could almost hear it over the battle that was still going on around you. "Who the hell are you?"

Steve jogged up behind him and stopped at the sight of you cowering against the wall and his best friend struggling to scurry away from you on shaking arms. He wasn't immediately sure what to do; were you a civilian victim in the fight, or had Bucky seen a threat in you that he needed to secure? With the way Bucky turned and looked at him, a wild stare filled with terror, he didn't hesitate now in putting himself between the two of you.

"Stay where you are, ma'am," he warned, raising his hand towards you, "please don't move." Keeping his eyes fixed on you, he knelt down and put a hand on Bucky just to connect and hoping to make him calm down with him now at his side. "Buck, you okay? What's happening here?"

"Steve...she's...she's..."

"Hey, take a deep breath, man. You look like you've seen a ghost."

"She's the one..." he gasped again, pointing at you with a visible tremor even in his metal hand. "It's her...from my dream."

"I'm sorry, Bucky," you interjected, "I didn't mean to make a nightmare for you, I promise." Another loud explosion rocked the ground beneath with a force that hurt your ears, curling yourself into the wall to try to find some stability and cover from the falling debris around you.

"We need to get outta here!" Steve yelled over the chaos. "Buck, go! I'll take her!"

The ground shook again, toppling Steve to the ground with it's strength. He struggled to raise up, coughing the dust from his lungs and resting on all fours to try to open his chest to breathe. A deafening splintering sound came from above you both, and he looked up just in time to see a wall of bricks crumbling down upon you. Steve pushed himself forward, landing on top of you as a shield from the debris, but it only pushed his weight further into you when he couldn't withstand the force on his back.

"I'm sorry," he groaned, pushing back with every ounce of strength he had, creating a few inches between you, "are you okay?" You could only nod in acknowledgement, but the darkness around you kept him from seeing it. He tried to push away the bricks and beams that had landed all around you both, but his efforts were thwarted by the sheer volume that surpassed even his strength.

"Steve! Steve can you hear me?"

"Buck," he groaned, but far too quietly to be heard. "Ma'am, are you okay?"

"I'm...not dead."

"Steve! We're gonna get you out! Everyone's on the way!"

You could hear Bucky tearing away at the debris around you, but you couldn't gauge how far under you were and how much he would have to get through even to have a chance of reaching either of you. Even louder than that were the sounds of your breathing, once again quickening with your panic that he wouldn't reach you in time. Steve's body had made enough room around you to be able to move slightly, but it was still inducing a panic to be so trapped.

"Captain, I...I can't breathe..."

"They're going to reach us, ma'am-"

"(Y/N)."

"(Y/N), just stay with me, okay? I'm not gonna leave you."

You let out a small scream when the bricks began to shift again, though this time you could hear the mechanics of Iron Man's suit in the mix, blasting away the rubble while the rest of the team pulled it away with their bare hands. You pushed your hands against your ears tightly to try in vain to block out the terrible noise, trying to find a safe place in your own mind to wait out the fear that gripped you.

"Steve! I can see you!" Bucky called into the pile. "Give me your hand!"

"No, not until you can get us both out together!" he called back, keeping his eyes on you even through the darkness and dust that surrounded you. "I'm not gonna leave you, I promise-" he stopped mid-sentence, his eyes widening and a look of pure shock growing in his features. A beam of light shone through the haze with the unmistakable outline of Bucky's metal hand shooting through the opening in the rubble, grabbing the back of Steve's uniform and pulling him away from you. Steve reached out to take you with him, but everything began to shake around you again and jostled you farther away from his reach.

"No, stop!"

But his attempt was futile and he was already in the clear within seconds. "We have to get in there! I told her I wouldn't leave her alone!" Steve commanded, joining the effort to dig the debris away. "Can anyone see (Y/N)?"

"I can," Bucky whispered, pushing his metal arm back into the opening that threatened to collapse at any moment, stretching to his limits to reach you. "Take my hand," he said calmly but forcefully enough to pull you from the panic that had taken you again. "(Y/N), listen to me, okay? Slow down and just focus on what I'm saying." You didn't reply, but he could hear your breathing, the only thing giving him hope that you were still alive. He didn't know if you were conscious or not, so he kept talking to you to keep himself calm just as much as for you. "If you can hear me, try to reach my hand."

He smiled gently to himself at the sensation of your hand wrapping around his fingers and holding on for your life. It felt familiar to him, having your skin next to him, even if against the cold metal; when you connected with it, the metal plates in his arm automatically began to shift and give more stability to his hand so that you wouldn't be released. Your name created a pang of recognition in his chest, and even though he still couldn't place it, he believed his own heart and that you meant something to him at one time. He couldn't ignore the feeling that grew with each time he spoke to you now.

"That's right, doll. I'm here."

"Did he just call her doll?" Natasha called out to Steve, who appeared equally confused.

"I need you to not let go, (Y/N), you hear me?" he continued, closing his eyes as he spoke and holding steady while the team kept working. His voice dropped an octave and grew quieter, more personal now. "I need you to not let go so you can tell me what I've forgotten. You keep coming to me in my dreams, and I need to know why. I need to know who you are."

Your grip tightened, and with the shift of bricks as the team progressed, he was able to reach in further and take your hand fully into his. He pushed his upper body through until he was within clear reach and took you in his arms to pull you free. "You know me," you whispered through burning pain in your throat, "your hand responded to me...I felt it."

Bucky stopped moving for just a second, and you knew that the realization was breaking through his mind and that he was remembering as he took just a moment to really look at you; not just at the memory of you from his dream. The bricks moved again and he was thrown into panic, yanking you from the pile forcefully and onto him when he landed on his back with a pained thud. Now that you were free, the fear was replaced with relief, and his arms wrapped around you to hug you as if he would never release you again.

"(Y/N), how? How are you here?" The reality of the moment came back to him and he stopped, releasing you when you didn't answer and rolling you onto the ground gently but frantically searching you for your injuries. "(Y/N), come on, wake up for me, please."

"Just grab her and let's get the hell out of here, alright?" Tony called out as he took to the air. "As long as she's breathing, ask your questions later!"

~~~

Bucky sat quietly at your bedside in the tower infirmary, searching his mind for more about you. He had put a few pieces together; you were there when Hydra dragged him in after the fall, nursing his wounds and caring for him after surgery. You were knowledgeable on the mechanics and upkeep of his arm; so much so that he thought you may have designed it but he couldn't remember if he had ever asked. He knew your name now and that it hurt every time he heard it, and he knew that for some reason, he was meant to find you.

He also knew that if you didn't wake up soon, he was going to lose it.

What he didn't know was how you were here, and how you were in the right place for him to find you. Why were you in his dreams leading up to this moment? You had been with him for years, caring for him after each of his missions as the Winter Soldier, but the timelines in his mind were still very fuzzy and disorganized. That was so many years ago, that it didn't make sense to him that you would still look just as you did then, unless Hydra was behind this and you were planted there to be found. He wanted to believe that you would never do that to him, but he had no way to be sure who you really were now.

"She'll be awake soon," Bruce reassured him while he did a quick check of your vital signs and turned off the sedative that was keeping you asleep. "I wanted to give her a little extra time to rest, after all that. She was in quite a panic when you brought her in."

"Wouldn't you be? A building fell on her," Bucky replied plainly.

"You know that's not what I mean. She was in a panic when she couldn't see you."

Bucky leaned forward in his chair, groaning aloud and pressing his hands against his eyes, futilely rubbing them to try to abate the sting and fatigue that had become the norm over the past weeks. He startled slightly at the quiet sound of the door opening behind him, glancing back over his shoulder to see Steve taking a seat along the wall, groaning once more at the idea that his friend felt the need to babysit him.

"So tell me, Banner," Bucky sighed, looking to the doctor eagerly and wringing his hands in anticipation, "is she...you know...enhanced, or whatever you guys call it? How is she here?"

"I don't have all the answers for you yet, I'm sorry. I've taken DNA samples but they take a little time. However, I do think you should know about this," Bruce paused, pulling back the edge of your blanket to reveal one of your arms. Bucky stood with a questioning look, tracing his fingers over the long scar that ran from your wrist to your elbow; it wasn't the first time he had seen it.

"I saw this in my dream," he whispered. "But she was bleeding...it wasn't a scar."

"That's not what I wanted to show you. Look." Bruce grabbed a small scanner from a nearby table and tapped its screen, waiting a moment as the viewer above your head flashed and changed to match what it would show. He waved the instrument slowly over your hand and forearm, pausing to allow Bucky to realize what he was seeing, and to allow him a moment to react.

"Wait," he mumbled to himself, squinting slightly at the display and taking a step closer. Steve had now joined him at his side and was clearly just as intrigued as his teammates. "Banner, am I seeing this right?" Bucky jumped slightly but held in place when Bruce shifted the scanner to him, running it over his metal arm to display a comparison of the two overhead.

"I don't know if this opens up any answers for you, Bucky. But they're the same."

Part 3

"So, you're telling me that she's a soldier too? Is that it?" Bucky asked quietly, still staring at the screen overhead with a blank stare. He had build it up in his head that you were some kind of gentle safety net for him who wouldn't be capable of what he was seeing flash through his mind now. Now that he felt like he might know you, he couldn't imagine that you could do any of the things that he had done in his own past. "Is she...like me?"

"Buck, you say that like you're disgusted by the idea. You aren't that person anymore, and we don't know that she is either, or if she ever even was," Steve consoled. "Let her wake up and tell you herself, okay?"

"Yeah, okay."

Bruce gently disconnected the IV tubing from your hand and stood watching you, glancing up at the monitor every few seconds for your response. "She should be waking any minute now." As if you had heard him, when you began to stir he put his hand over yours to help you stay calm. You could feel a slight tremble in his fingertips as they ran over your skin and you reflexively pulled away. "(Y/N), you're okay, you're safe. Bucky's here."

"Yeah, I'm right here," he whispered, not realizing that he still had a grip of your wrist. He looked down at it with a jolt and pulled away as if the contact were hurting him, taking a step back. Steve quietly moved in behind his friend with a chair in hand and slid it under him until it tapped against the back of his knees, tilting him slightly and dropping him into it.

"You look a little pale, Buck."

"Stop trying to protect me, Steve."

"No deal."

"I'm sorry," you stirred and groaned with a gravelly voice, "I didn't want it to be this way. I don't want to scare you." Your eyes burned when you slowly opened them, squinting in the bright lights overhead and covering them with your own shaking hand. Bruce stepped back and dimmed them, allowing you to finally look at Bucky and see him without the veil of fear during battle that had masked you both and tainted your inevitable reunion.

"I'm not afraid," he replied quietly, leaning in closer with his hands folded anxiously in front of him, "not anymore. I just need to know who you are, (Y/N)."

"I know. I want to tell you..."

He sensed your hesitation and grew immediately defensive; he leaned back in the chair, his spine rigid now and his expression turning to a scowl, "but?"

"But I don't know if you're ready for me to tell you." The dryness in your throat stung with every word, and you coughed at the cold air of the sterile environment as it passed through your lungs. Bruce grabbed an oxygen mask to hold over your mouth, but you swatted it away. "I'm okay," you coughed, "just give me a minute."

"So if you don't want to tell me who you are just yet, will you at least tell me about your arm?"

"Wait," you startled and pushed yourself up, still coughing but turning to look at the monitor that displayed the inner workings of your arm, "you weren't supposed to see that." You could feel your heart begin to pound before it matched the picture on the screen above you, the rate steadily increasing with your breathing and building anxiety. "Bucky, don't be upset."

He jumped up when the beeping of your heart rate sped and the sound filled the room, taking your arm gently and leaning in closer to you, locking into your gaze. "I'm not, okay. Please, just calm down. I'm not upset, I promise." His other hand moved to your back, rubbing gentle circles in a steady rhythm to soothe you; he waited until your rate slowed back to normal before taking a step back again. "Why would you think I'd be angry about your arm?"

"Because..." you paused, flopping back against the pillow with a loud sigh, "because you're the reason I have it. They told me that if you knew, it would set you off again."

"Again?"

"Sit down, Buck. I won't talk until you do."

When Bucky reluctantly took his seat, Steve was directly behind him with a supportive hand on his friend's shoulder; you wanted to take it as a symbol of his commitment to Bucky, but you only saw it as the Captain's attempt to be ready to control him if he needed to. You only saw it as a defensive tactic, no matter what the original intent was; you had too many years of keeping your silence to see it any other way.

"What do you remember? So I know where to begin."

"Not much," Bucky conceded. "I think I remember you being there when Hydra took me after my fall from the train." He stopped at the sensation of Steve's fingers tightening on his shoulder at the memory, but he had to put that aside; he had to keep his focus forward. "You took care of me, right? I remember you knowing more than anyone about my arm."

"Yes. It's my design."

"I thought so," he sighed with a slumping of his shoulders, almost relieved that he had at least that much of his memory correct, if nothing else. "Is that why you have one too?"

"I have one because the nerves of my forearm were destroyed, and I was of no use to Hydra with a disability. I couldn't maintain their soldier without my dominant hand. So...I designed another for myself, and you built it for me. With my direction, of course."

"Okay...but...that still doesn't explain why I would be upset."

Your eyes darted to Steve's for a second and then to his hand that was still atop his shoulder, which wasn't lost on Bucky; he shrugged the hand away and leaned in again. When you felt his fingers slide over your forearm and down to your hand, you relaxed at the gesture of trust he was trying to convey to you. "Bucky, I don't hold any anger towards you, believe me. But I have this arm because of you."

He leaned back and withdrew his hand, now looking at you with shock and pain in his eyes, a hint of fear at what you might say was growing in his expression with each passing second. "What did I do to you?"

"You had returned from a mission that hadn't gone as planned, and you were erratic. Your handlers were having difficulty keeping you calm so they had asked me to step in, but when I tried...I didn't see the knife in your hand until you stabbed it into my arm."

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, standing again and taking your hand firmly in his. "That wasn't me. I'm not that person anymore."

"I know. That's why I'm not angry. The you that I know would never hurt me on purpose. That's the only reason I chose to stay with you when they said I could leave."

"Wait, you stayed with Hydra in that frozen nightmare with me, even though they said that you could go? Why the hell would you stay there just for me, when I could do something like that to you and not even realize it? (Y/N), that's insane."

"Oh, Bucky, no," you sighed, "it's not insane. It's marriage."

"Same difference," Bruce muttered under his breath while reading your results, thumbing across the tablet screen almost mindlessly until he realized that you all had heard him. "Sorry, I...I mean...I didn't...I think I hear Tony..." He tried to cover with a miserable failing, turning quickly to walk through the door and towards the lab without saying any more. It was a relief to be able to hurry away from the three angry glares coming his way, knowing that this would be a discussion that he wanted nothing to do with.

~~~

The discussion that the doctor was so nervous to take part in never actually happened; once he walked away, Bucky stood wordlessly and turned to leave with Steve in tow. You watched them leave without knowing if either of them would ever return, standing for a moment in the hallway with tense postures and stealing glances back at you. All you could do now was sit and wait while Banner came back with Tony and continued to treat you like a weird lab experiment.

"Whatcha gonna do, Buck?"

"I honestly don't know," he said with a half-hearted shake of his head. "I'm married," he mumbled, rubbing his chin thoughtfully as he paced the floor in front of his friend, who was leaning against the wall and waiting for a sign of how he could help. "Like, married, Steve. To someone I don't even know. What would you do?"

"Get to know her."

Bucky scoffed and stood still, resting his hands on his hips in frustration at the ease of Steve's answer. He was being completely serious and it felt like Steve was taking this whole situation far too lightly. "Just like that, huh? Take her out on a date, talk about our childhoods, our likes and dislikes, and maybe kiss her at the door when I say goodnight? Well, sorry to burst that old-fashioned bubble of yours, Rogers, but there's nothing simple about this. All we have to talk about is metal appendages, our distaste for cryogenics and favorite murder weapons. Not exactly something to build a solid foundation on."

"It's hard to find someone with a shared life experience, Buck. You may have just hit the jackpot."

Part 4

"Buck, you know who I am," you whispered weakly, "you just don't remember yet."

Bucky shot up to attention from his listless sleep, sweat dripping from his brow and his skin glistening in the moonlight from across the room. He was panting and his heart was racing, searching the darkness for something that wasn't there; or perhaps, for someone.

"Goddammit," he hissed quietly, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, resting his arms on his thighs to hold his weary head in hand. It was the third night since you had arrived in his life and the nightmares continued. He knew who you were now, so why were they still plaguing him? Steve had suggested that he get to know you, but instead he had chosen to completely avoid you; it wasn't for lack of wanting, but rather for not knowing where to start.

He let out a low growl of frustration and stood, dragging his exhausted body to the closet and throwing on the first clothes he saw, deciding that he had to be anywhere but stuck in his room. He needed air; he needed the sidewalks. Bucky needed to walk until his head was clear, and if that took years of putting one foot in front of the other, then that's what he was ready to do.

~~~

It had been three days since you were found by the Avengers, and Tony had graciously put you up in the guest room at the tower while you and Bucky decided if you were even going to talk to each other. He had been doing his best to avoid you and was succeeding spectacularly.

Your eyes were on the television, but your mind was elsewhere; your thumb incessantly tapped the remote, making the channels flip past with a strobe-like brightness filling the tower common room. You had been there for hours, but you had no idea of how many, only knowing that the archer and the Asgardian had left you alone when you stopped responding to their questions. Dropping the remote on the table next to you, you threw the small blanket from your legs and stood with a long stretch as you looked at your surroundings.

"Excuse me, um...FRIDAY?"

"Yes, ma'am?"

"If I were to leave the tower for a bit, would I be able to get back in?"

"Yes, of course. We have thumbprint identification at the main door. Enter your bio ID before you leave, and I will allow entry upon your return. However," she paused, "might I suggest that a walk at this time of night could be dangerous. Perhaps you would prefer the running track?"

"Thank you for your concern, but I can handle myself," you smiled, reaching down to turn off the television before making your way back to your room to grab a light sweater and your shoes. The tower was eerily quiet, even for this late hour; the past two nights that you'd been there, the activity seemed to never stop. It was so quiet that the sound of your zipper echoed in the foyer; you pulled the hood over your head and made your way out into the night city.

~~~

With each step, Bucky thought that he could remove one thought from the muddle of his mind, but it only brought more frustrations and questions with each mile walked. He barely remembered you, adding to the list of things and people that he struggled to keep a grasp on. He knew enough to have put the major pieces together, so why were his dreams still haunting him? What was it that you weren't telling him? Or rather, what was it that he wasn't remembering?

With each step that you took, you grew more and more anxious about what Bucky was thinking. You wanted to be honest with him, which you had been up to this point, but you didn't think he was prepared for full disclosure just yet. His mind was still a mess and you refused to be the one to make that worse; he had been through more than any man had ever deserved, and you had been a large enough part of that already.

"Help!"

Bucky's head snapped towards the scream, running into Central Park from the East side. He ripped his sweatshirt away to expose his metal arm, sure to make him identifiable as assistance even in the darkness that grew as he ran deeper into the park.

Your head turned at the same scream, and you ran in from the West side, not realizing that he was already on the way and that you were soon to meet. You pushed your legs as fast as they would go, moving at a speed that easily rivaled both Bucky and Steve. When you arrived at the source, your blood began to boil at the sight of a woman pushed onto the unforgiving concrete and a man standing over her with his foot digging into her back to keep here there.

Words were a waste of time; you moved with stealth precision, quietly sneaking up behind him and wrapping your arm around his throat. He stumbled back enough for the woman to stand and run to safety, leaving you alone with him. The assailant snapped his head back and connected with your jaw, tipping you slightly off balance to wrestle from your grasp.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" he yelled. "You're sticking your nose in where it don't belong, sweetheart."

'I'm not your sweetheart," you snarled, squaring your stance for an attack. "Well, go ahead, junior. Let's see what makes you think you're a man."

"Oh, I'm about to show ya, don't you worry your pretty little head." The man took a few steps forward and stopped with a look of pure shock in his eyes just seconds before he was yanked back and flipped up and over Bucky's head, smashing into the ground face-first.

"I don't think she was worried," Bucky smirked, standing over him. "But you should be." Grabbing the man's shirt, he pulled him up to standing and thrust him forward to your waiting hands.

You easily spun him so that you were behind him, your arm once again in place around his neck with a tight squeeze. He continued to fight, trying to push his head back once more, swinging his arms and trying to kick, but this time you were able to evade every attempt.

"Go ahead, doll," Bucky encouraged with a nod, "you know what has to happen."

"Thank you, babe," you smiled back, reaching up with your free hand to the man's face, your other taking the opposite side. With a rapid twist and a snap of his head, his body went limp and dropped to your feet, completely and effortlessly lifeless.

The two of you stood facing each other, perfectly calm, your expressions content, and seemingly at ease as if nothing had happened that may have been out of the ordinary. You finally looked down at the man resting on your feet, jolting you back to reality; a muffled scream escaped your lips as you clapped your hand over your mouth. Bucky rushed forward, snapping out of his own trance and equally mortified at what he was seeing.

"Bucky, what did we just do?" you gasped, backing away with tears filling your eyes. Your entire body was shaking now and you felt like your chest was crushing the air from your lungs.

"I'm gonna...get...I'm gonna get...Tony," he stammered, "...and Steve...oh, God..."

"What did we do?" you asked again, giving into the weakness of shock that dropped you to your knees. "I didn't...I wasn't going to..."

"I don't know," he replied, shaking his head and struggling to remember how to use his phone, as if it were suddenly new to him. His fingers fumbled over the keypad until he had to stop to center himself, trying to find an ounce of calm. "Fuck...this is bad..."

"Bucky, go."

"What?"

"Go. Let me take this," you replied, trying to stand but still feeling unsteady and still breathing hard. A gentle rain began to fall, only adding to the instability in your feet. "You're...you're an Avenger now. You can't have this happen, just...just go."

"Like hell I will!"

You burst forward and pushed his chest, slamming your fists against him, "dammit, Bucky, get outta here! You finally have a life back and I won't stand by and be a part of you losing that again! I would rather spend my life paying for this than be a part of that! Go before I do something that I'll regret."

Bucky reached out and grabbed your wrists before you could land another strike, shaking you into attention and off your footing enough to stumble into him slightly. The rain had made his metal hand slippery, and your skin slid beneath his grasp, making you reach forward for his shirt. "We never leave each other behind! We made that promise years ago, so what makes you think that I'm gonna break it now?"

"You remember that?" you whispered, your voice faltering at the revelation, but still shaking your head. "No...no, Bucky this is different. I did this, and no matter what happens, my story will always be that I acted alone and that you tried to stop me."

"Don't..." he begged softly now, "please. You don't have to. Tony can help..."

"I know what Tony can do. He can't clear someone of murder."

Desperation and panic began to build in Bucky's chest as his heart pounded loud enough to muffle his hearing, and his hands began to shake with yours. He was so close to getting answers, so close to knowing who you were, and so close to having someone in his life who understood all of who he was. He was about to lose that again, and he never even had the chance to fully have it.

"What if there wasn't a murder?" he asked, looking at the man on the ground cautiously.

"Don't you dare think that way," you scolded, pulling from his grip with a harsh yank back. "We're not covering this up!"

"Why not?"

"I can't believe you're saying that to me," you turned away to leave, but he grabbed your arms again, this time turning you into him with his hand on the back of your neck, pressing his lips to yours with a need that you hadn't felt from him in so many years. His other arm wrapped around your waist to hold you tightly against his chest so that you couldn't free yourself, but you didn't want to. Despite the rain soaking you, the chill in the air that was making your bones ache, and the impossible situation that you had found yourselves in, there was nowhere else you wanted to be.

Even when the sound of sirens filled the park around you and the flashing lights blinded you through closed lids, you were at each other's side. After all, it wasn't the first time you had found yourselves being handcuffed and hauled away.

Part 5

"He attacked her."

"Bucky had no part in it. I acted alone."

"It was self defense, and she didn't have a choice. I was ready if she hadn't."

"He was dead before Bucky arrived."

"She saved another woman from his attack before he turned on her."

"If he had been there, Bucky would have stopped me, so no, he didn't see anything."

"These two are unbelievable," the detective spat out, throwing your case files on the police station conference room table before turning to grab a cup of the city's most vile coffee. It was cheap and bitter, much like the surroundings they had you both locked in now. "We can't crack either one, and they're just defending each other. Frustrating as fuck," he sighed, taking the hot drink in one long swallow that certainly burned on the way down, "but maybe Rogers will have better luck than we are, because I need to get this Stark guy off my ass."

~~~

"You're out of your goddamn mind. They will throw you in prison for life. For life, Buck, and we have no idea how long that really is for you."

"If you came here to lecture me, Steve, you can save your breath," Bucky waved him off dismissively from across his bleak cell. "I'm not backing down."

"Tony's talking with every lawyer he has on the payroll right now, but the way you two are handling this, you're almost making it worse."

Bucky had been pacing back and forth in his tiny cell for the past hour since they had taken him out of his interrogation room, waiting anxiously to see you emerge from yours and having had no sign of you yet. You had been in a room next to his; he could see your outline through the mirrored window with his enhanced sight, and it gave him some comfort to be so close. Now it was becoming painfully obvious that you were farther away, and the anxiety was building to a boiling point.

"Wait, what do you mean, the way we're handling this? What is she saying?"

"She's digging her own grave, Buck."

Bucky pushed forward, slamming his body against the bars and wrapping his fingers around them; Steve knew that if he truly wanted to, he could bend them at his will and get out at any moment and took a cautious step back. "I asked you, what is she saying?"

"That she acted alone, and you were nowhere in sight until she was done," Steve replied quietly. "She's not getting out of this."

"I need to see her."

"I don't think they're gonna do you any favors, here," Steve chuckled darkly, "you're not exactly a model citizen right now."

"Tell them you'll stay with me then. Tell them the whole damn team will watch, I don't care. Just get me to her, Steve."

All the Captain could do was sigh, grumbling a few inaudible words under his breath before turning away, with no idea of what he was going to say. He only knew that he was going to do his best to come through for his friend, also knowing that he was walking into failure. But he had to try.

Bucky also knew that he was sending Steve into a losing battle, but it was the only way to get him to leave. He looked around his cell as nonchalantly as possible, finding no cameras in sight; he reached into a small pocket on the inside lining of his pants, where he had hidden his communicator after the police arrived at the park to take you both away. With a casual rub of his hand against his cheek and a nod to acknowledge a passing officer, he slid it into his ear.

"FRIDAY?" he whispered. "Are you still with me?"

"Yes, Mr. Barnes."

Bucky let out a visible sigh of relief with his shoulders dropping at the sound of her voice. "Okay, can you tell me where (Y/N) is located? Are you able to see anything in here?"

"Yes, sir. Miss (Y/N) has been returned to her cell, but she is with Mr. Stark and Captain Rogers now."

"So, breaking out would be bad..." he groaned, ripping the comm from his ear in frustration and dropping himself down onto the hard cot that no one in their right mind would attempt to sleep on. His hands were tied and all he could do was wait; wait for either the hammer to be dropped and to watch you being taken away from him for good, or wait for another chance to make a run for it and get the two of you as far away from here as he could.

~~~

Tony and Steve were far more intense than you had given them credit for; being on the receiving end of their angry stares was worse than anything Hydra had ever thrown your way. Their presence took the temperature of the room down, and you felt a shiver course through you when you finally looked up at them. All you had known of Stark was the whole genius, billionaire, playboy, blah, blah, blah, thing. What you knew of Steve had come from your moments together nearly buried alive, and that Bucky trusted him with his life, so you would too.

"What do I do, Captain?"

"You start by calling me Steve," he replied flatly, but he sensed his own tone and how it must have sounded to you. He uncrossed his tightly folded arms as a small smile curled across his lips, but it had a sadness that didn't escape your attention. "I mean, you're married to my best friend, right? We should be on a first-name basis already."

Tony huffed and threw his phone on the small metal table of your cell, dropping it with a resounding clang that echoed down the long and dreary hallway. "Okay, screw the pleasantries, alright? What you and your darling hubby did tonight has caused me a remarkable amount of shit to deal with, and that's not something that I'm going to forget anytime soon, sweetheart. You had better name your first born after me, that's all I'm saying."

"Why?" you perked up, sitting straighter. "What's happening?"

"They aren't pressing any charges," he began, but paused when Steve gasped audibly behind him. "Yet. That doesn't mean that they won't. I've convinced them to release you to the Avengers' custody while they complete their investigation. At that time, they can come for you if they want to. Until then," he paused again, moving to stand directly in front of you, looking down with a stern expression filled with a darkness that you hadn't thought possible; perhaps you had misjudged him. "Until then, you and lover boy get a nice ankle bracelet and an extended stay in my tower. The outside world is about to spin on without you, my dear."

"House arrest?" Steve asked, standing now to join him. "What about the team? Does Bucky have to sit out?"

"Hmm, well, I suppose he would feel pretty worthless if he couldn't help, huh?"

"Definitely."

"Then yeah, he sits out as long as I tell him to," Tony replied coolly, grabbing his phone and turning to leave and not looking back. "It's called punishment for a reason, Steve."

~~~

"Why is 3am the witching hour for infomercials?" you mumbled to yourself, again finding yourself flipping incessantly through channel after channel, sitting alone in a dark common room. With a small kick of your foot you pushed away the blanket that was surrounding you, thrusting your ankle into the air so that you could reach the bracelet enough to slide your fingers beneath it to relieve the relentless itch that was driving you mad.

"I have lotion in my bathroom that helps, if you want it."

"I'll take an axe," you groaned, scratching vigorously, "or a chainsaw, or a nice sharp knife...even a nail clipper. I'll make it work."

"I have total faith that you would," Bucky smirked, crossing the room to take a seat on the couch next to you. "But Tony would be all sorts of pissed to find a severed foot in his couch cushions."

"So let's put it under his pillow."

"Savage. I like it."

"You always have, darling."

He didn't respond right away, glancing at you and looking away just as quickly, trying to make you believe that he was actually interested in the stupid Slap-Chop infomercial on the television. You let him have the moment and let the topic lie without pushing any more, and it was painfully obvious that you were both uncomfortable and unsure of yourselves and each other. Any history that the two of you had was locked away in your minds somewhere, and the glimpse of it that you did have had put you in lock-down with possible murder charges.

"May I?" he asked quietly, still not looking at you but reaching out for your foot. You slowly extended it, allowing him to rest it over his own legs. "You can't keep scratching at it, you're just making it worse." He slid a finger under the hard plastic that covered the monitor and soothed your skin with a gentle pressure, encircling your ankle several times.

"You've worn a lot of these in your day?"

"No, but I think Stark found the cheapest ones he could get his hands on." He smirked and raised his leg, dropping his foot onto the table in front of him and lifting the cuff of his pajama pants to reveal the excoriated skin under his own bracelet, "he's enjoying playing warden a little too much, if you ask me."

"It's better than the alternative," you sighed, pulling your leg away and tucking it back under the blanket. You grabbed the remote again, flipping through trash television that you had no interest in just to avoid his eyes. "Thanks, that feels better."

"What alternative? Telling the truth?"

"I'm not getting into this with you again, Buck."

"Too bad," he snapped, turning to fully face you now, "I am. This would all be easier to deal with if you'd just tell them what really happened."

"I'm not telling them that you were there. I'm not. So drop it." You grabbed the blanket from around you and threw it aside with a grunt, but before you could so much as swing your legs over the side of the couch, his hands were on them as a forceful restraint. "Don't," you warned. "We don't know what sets us off anymore, we've seen that. I don't want to fight you."

"I don't want to either. But we are going to talk about this, (Y/N)."

"Which this, exactly?" you hissed. "Our recent adventures in murder, or are we taking this back? Maybe if we figure out how to trigger each other, we can reminisce. Is that what you want?" You reached down and slapped his hands away, finally pulling from his grip. Just those few minutes of being held down had made your rage build, and it terrified you that you weren't able to stop it. It terrified you more that you had no idea of what you were capable of if it had been allowed to grow.

"Hey, you guys okay?"

"Never better, Cap," you replied, not looking at the source of the voice that was watching the two of you from the lounge on the level above. "We were just about to talk about how I refuse to allow your best friend to take blame for something that he had no part in. Something that would ruin everything he's worked so hard to rebuild for himself. A life that I'm willing to protect with my own and he can't just say thank you!"

"Thank you!" Bucky hollered back, standing to move within only inches of you now. "Thank you so much for your humanitarianism and self-sacrifice, (Y/N), but I don't want it! I didn't ask for it!"

"That's what you don't get, Barnes!" you pushed against his chest. "you don't have to ask for it, because it's me!"

"I don't know you!"

"Shit," Steve mumbled, hurrying to the stairwell to join you and intervene. He didn't know if you would strike out at each other, though he wouldn't have been surprised, but when the door opened onto the floor below, he only saw Bucky standing at the center of the room, his hands on his hips and staring towards the outer balcony.

"What did I miss?"

"If you heard me being a complete dick, then you're pretty much up to speed," Bucky replied quietly and unmoving.

"Oh, then I'm good. You know," Steve sighed, "I said you should maybe get to know her, not push her onto the ledge."

"Yeah, I have no clue what I'm fuc-"

"Captain Rogers," FRIDAY broke in, "it might be of interest that Miss (Y/N)'s heart rate has nearly doubled in rate to over one hundred and twenty beats per minute."

"That's really fast, right?" Bucky asked, holding out a hand to stop Steve from following when he broke into a run to cross the room towards the door that separated him from you. He opened the barrier cautiously as to not startle you, but when he saw you frozen in a rigid posture with a white-knuckled grip on the balcony railing, he hurried forward to wrap his arms around you from behind.

"Hey, you're okay, try to calm down. I've got you."

"I didn't realize...how high..." you panted in reply.

"Honey, close your eyes, and breathe with me," he soothed, and his voice was softer than you had ever heard. He pressed himself against you so that you could feel the rise and fall of his chest and follow his pattern; you focused on him and tried to match it, but to add insult to injury, raindrops began to fall and wet your grip on the rail.

"Every time...we get close...it rains," you groaned between breaths, "why is that?"

"Cleansing our consciences?"

"Then it's gonna...be one hell of a storm."

"Come on, let go of the rail," he coaxed, "trust me." Bucky kept his arms tightly wrapped around your waist, pulling gently against you while supporting your weight. When you didn't readily let go, his metal hand shifted to lay atop yours, attempting to uncurl your fingers. "I would never let you fall, (Y/N)," he whispered into your hair, his warm breath relaxing you in contrast to the cold rain against your skin. "Let me protect you this time."

"I do trust you."

"I'm glad one of us does," he deadpanned, finally giving you a harsh yank away from the rail and back several steps, spinning you in his arms to face him. You instinctively threw your arms around his waist and gripped the back of his shirt tightly, squeezing your eyes shut and burying your face in his chest with a small whimper.

"Mean, Barnes. So mean."

"But you're away from the edge, now aren't ya?" Bucky tipped his head slightly so that he could look down at you, feeling a warmth spreading in his chest at the sight of you relying on him so desperately to keep you safe. A wave of affection struck him unexpectedly, and a sense of familiarity was growing in his mind as he studied you. With a deep inhalation, he closed his eyes and took in your scent, enjoying the mixture of the shampoo reinvigorated in the rain and your perfume, hoping that the scent would stay in his clothes after you parted. It was true, what he had said. He didn't know you, but somehow a part of him did, and that part wasn't readily so willing to let you go now.

"We should go in."

"Why?" he smiled into your hair. "It's just a little rain." His hands slid down your back, lacing his fingers together just above your waist; he began to hum a quiet melody, swaying back and forth slowly until you joined him. "I know who you are. I just don't remember yet."

"You stealing my lines now?"

"I'm agreeing with you," he chuckled. "Isn't that what you wanted all along? You've said it in my dreams only about a million times."

"I want to remember us. The good version of us."

Bucky stopped moving and his voice quieted, leaving you worried that you had said the wrong thing, and that you had scared him again by being to honest, too forward. Your mind went blank at what to say to fix it, and you could feel yourself begin to tremble both from your worry and the cold rain that had soaked through your clothes. You were surprised by a hand raising up to take your chin, lifting you gently to look up at him. His eyes were searching yours, trying to find something familiar; yearning to find comfort that he had wanted so desperately and for so long.

"So do I."

Just as he had done in Central Park on that terrible night, he clutched you to him with a force that took your breath away, and a kiss that weakened your knees. If he hadn't had such a tight hold of you, there would have been no guarantee that you could stand on your own.

A quiet sound of sirens wailed in the distance, breaking you apart for only a moment to laugh together, realizing that déjà vu had struck you both; the last time he had kissed you ended with that very same sound.

"Hey guys," Steve called out, peeking through the balcony door with a look of panic, "I hate to interrupt, but those sirens are for you. You geniuses are technically standing outside of the building."