Deadpool and Juliet (Deadpool x reader)
Language, obviously
"Shut your fucking face," Wade whispered harshly, his hand pressed tightly over your mouth, yelping in pain when you clamped your teeth into his skin. "I mean, please stop talking, if you wouldn't mind, oh gorgeous love of my life."
"Asshole."
"Seriously, shut up. Shhh." You took a deep breath to say something else, but he tightened his grip, "no, shhh. Zip it." He peeked around the corner from where he had pulled you into hiding when your late night walk was nearly interrupted by Rogue and Colossus passing by just across the busy city street. "Unless you want to get caught? Maybe get a chance to sit on the old bald guy's lap? I'm sure it's been years since he's had a hot girl buy a ticket to that ride. Maybe even an ugly one..." he whispered, suddenly introspective.
"Wade, they're gone."
"Wade?"
"Hmm?" he finally replied, snapping out of his trance and releasing his hold over your mouth. "Sorry. Right. Okay, so shall we continue?" he smiled, holding out his arm for you to link yours through, but you didn't immediately take it like he thought you would. "Uh oh, bad Deadpool?"
"Why is it such a problem for them to know that you and I are together? Am I not good enough for you all of the sudden?"
"Whaaaat?" he gasped loudly, his hands shooting up to his face in shock. "No! It's nothing like that at all! It's just that...well, you're an Avenger. Yuck. And to top it off, you're the spawn of Stark. More yuck."
"Again, I would like to point out that you're an asshole."
Wade stood still for a moment, his arm once again out for you to take, "you know I don't actually believe that, right? But the mutant crew seems to have a serious dislike of the A-team and doesn't really approve so I'd like to keep them out of it."
"I can't say that the A-team really cares much for the shallow end of the gene pool either," you scoffed, finally taking his arm. "No offense, of course."
"None taken," he said with a small shake of his head and resuming your stroll through the city. "None taken at all, sweetness. I only swim in the deep end of that pool." Wade leaned down to your ear and whispered with a snicker in his tone, "I pee in it every chance I get."
~~~
"Have a pleasant evening, Miss (Y/N). It is always a pleasure to see you."
You waited for Wade to come around to the other side of the older yellow cab and open your door, reaching quickly through the small divider window to pat the driver on the shoulder. "Thanks, Dopinder. It's great to see you again too." After the door was closed and you had a moment of privacy, you reached up and slapped Wade gently on his arm, "please tell me that sweet guy doesn't just sit around waiting for you to call him and then not pay."
"Hey, I gave him twenty this time!"
"High-fives don't count, Wilson."
"Twenty. I said twenty. Is the mask muffling my voice?"
"I don't know why you wear that thing around me anymore," you mumbled, looking into your purse and digging around for your cash. He whispered something to himself that you were about to ask him to repeat when you finally found what you needed. "Here, Dopinder, it's on me," you smiled, handing him an actual twenty.
"Oh, no, (Y/N), I cannot take that from you," he smiled with a refusing wave of his hands, "I am more than happy to provide my services."
You pushed your way into his open window, half of you now inside the car and pressing the bill against his chest with a stern look on your face. "Dopinder, if you don't take this right now, I'm going to give it to you in a way that you're not going to like so much. Or, maybe you will, but that's really none of my business. Understood?"
"Yes, (Y/N)," he replied nervously with a hard swallow and taking the bill with a tremulous hand, "thank you, (Y/N). Goodnight." You pulled yourself from the window and passed Wade with a smirk, saying no more as you entered the tower to leave the two men watching in awe.
"She was gonna shove that up your ass so hard and not look back," Wade whispered. "Fuck, I love that girl."
~~~
You should've known better than to try to sneak onto your floor without being noticed, even though the tower was dark and you didn't see anyone as you passed through to the elevators. No matter how quiet you were trying to be, there was no escaping your ever-present babysitter who hadn't let you get away with anything since the day he was created.
"Miss, do you realize the time?"
"Shh, JARVIS, what the hell?" you hissed. "I'm a grown up now, if you hadn't noticed. You can cut the nanny crap any time."
"Mr. Stark insisted that I let him know when you arrived. My apologies."
"Great. Just great," you groaned, not stopping to wait for him, but rather hurrying to the elevators to try to get to your room before your dad found you. Just when you made it to your door, and when you thought you had made it to safety...it wouldn't open. "JARVIS, what are you doing?"
"I cannot allow entry, (Y/N)."
"Why not-"
"Because the old man wants to know why you're so late," Tony replied, standing across the hall behind you with his arms crossed and a humorless expression. "Oh, and why you still hang around with that guy when I've told you about, oh I don't know, a million times that I don't like it."
"Maybe that's why," you smirked, kicking your door with no result. "Dammit, J, just open my door."
"Maybe you have a thing for mutants."
Tony's tone immediately closed you off from any conversation that he might want to have; you spun on your heel to look back at him with a fire in your eyes that took him aback for just a moment. "What did you just say? Please, dad, tell me that I heard you wrong. Since when are you so judgmental about mutants when they've done absolutely nothing to you?"
"You heard me right, but it's not all of them. Just that one. None of us think this is a good idea, and that an Avenger shouldn't be consorting with a mercenary."
"None of you?"
"We, as a team-"
"JARVIS, open the goddamn door now!" The door abruptly swung open and you pushed yourself in, fast enough to slam it in Tony's face before he could follow. "J, don't you dare let him in." As you heard your dad arguing with his own system on the other side of the door, you pulled out your phone and frantically dialed Wade's number. A few bangs on the door jolted you from your concentration as you waited for him to open the line, pressing yourself against the door in the event that he might break through. "Dad! Stop, I'm not opening the door!"
"Wow, babe, it's been like five minutes! How needy are you?"
"I need to get outta here," you sighed, trying to decide how you would get out of your room without using the front door, when your floor was fifteen stories above the unforgiving sidewalk below. "Can you send Pete to swing by? I'm having some...door trouble."
"Daddy on the other side?"
"In more ways than one," you replied with a groan as you pushed open the window, being swayed slightly by the strong wind that was rustling through the city. "This is like a bad Shakespeare knock-off, Wade. Like some sad 90's remake that just ends up looking like a low-budget comedy rather than a tragic love story."
"Et tu, Brute?"
"Not that one. But I am impressed at the attempt."
"I don't see what the problem is," he stopped and you could hear the beeping of his phone, "okay, be ready to fly in five. Your friendly neighborhood Spiderman is on the way. Anywho, as I was saying, I don't see the problem here. It's not like the X-Men are even in the MCU, and I really doubt that I'll get into that rodeo anytime soon. Trust me, I don't want to get any closer to a Stark than I have to either."
The silence you provided as your answer hung in the air like a lead weight as you waited for him to backpedal and find a way out of the trench he had just dug for himself. Taking a step out onto the ledge when you saw a hint of webs being slung in the distance, you refused to say anything further until he realized what he had just said.
"I mean..." he began again, much quieter and without the confidence that he usually carried in his voice, "other than you...light of all my days...vision of beauty...um, (Y/N)...?"
Part 2
"(Y/N), open the door!"
"Go away, dad!"
"(Y/N), come on, this doesn't have to be a fight!" came a new voice from the other side of the door that boomed even louder than Tony's.
"Oh my god, you got Steve?" you yelled back into the room. "You are such a loser!"
"Hey, show your father some respect," Wade laughed on the other end of the line. "I'm sure he doesn't get it from anyone else, am I right?"
"You're not helping," you hissed, leaning over the ledge to see Peter waving at you as he approached. "Gotta fly. I'll see you in a few." You closed the line and shoved your phone deep into your pocket, stepping up onto a small balcony table to allow Peter to reach you as he passed by. A loud bang from the far side of your room startled you, and your adrenaline began to surge, knowing that the timing of this was going to be very close now that they resorted to beating the door down.
"Young lady, get your ass down from there right now!" Tony hollered, rushing towards you with the Captain taking longer strides to reach you first. "Steve, grab her!"
Steve's fingers grazed the cloth of your shirt just as you stepped off the railing and out of their sight, hearing both men yelling your name. You didn't feel good about how you chose to leave and you knew that it was a high probability that you had just given your dad his first heart attack, so you asked Peter to make a swing back in front of your room so that they would see that you were okay and not actually falling to your death below.
"Oh, man, he looks pissed."
"I know, Pete. Even Steve is giving me a death glare, and he's the nice one."
"So, are they gonna come after you? I could swing us past my place if you want," he offered, sounding suddenly flustered and slightly embarrassed, "I mean, he wouldn't really think that I'd take you there, right? Why would you ever go to my place?"
"That's really sweet, but not this time. Wade is already waiting for me. He seems to think that he can get this all cleared up somehow, so already it's bound to be a disaster."
Peter twisted his body and looked back, gasping and turning back forward to sling webs as fast as he could to get you across the city and out of sight. "Um, (Y/N), I think we have a serious problem!"
"Dammit," you groaned, turning back to see Tony in his suit catching up to you with each passing second. "Okay, here's the plan. Get close to that building ahead on the left, see the one with the blue lights on the roof?"
"Yeah, but what are you-"
"I'm gonna need a web. Stick it by a window, if you don't mind."
"Are you crazy?"
"Yep. He'll try to find me in there, so you have time to swing around and pick me up on the far side of the roof of the building to its south."
"Can't I just toss you on the roof?"
"If he sees where I land, he'll just follow me there. If we can split up and throw him off a little, we might have time to change direction and get away." You shifted your weight slightly so that your feet would go through first to be sure the glass would break, holding out your hand expectantly. "Web, please."
"I really don't like this!"
"You'll like it less if he catches us!"
"Valid point!" Peter agreed, shooting a web just ahead of you and placing it in your hand, giving you a quick squeeze before reluctantly releasing his grip and disappearing ahead of you. He looked back in time to see you extend your feet and crash through the glass, the sudden shift in action drawing Iron Man away from following him. "Woo! Yeah, (Y/N)!" He shifted his trajectory and swung towards the south building and watched for any sign of you, but you were nowhere to be found.
~~~
Landing on the other side of a shattered window wasn't exactly the best idea, looking back in hindsight; your left arm and the left side of your leg were bleeding pretty profusely from the glass showered all over the floor beneath you. You didn't hit quite as squarely as you had planned, but you also knew that you could've done a lot worse.
"Jesus, (Y/N), are you fucking stupid?"
"Nice to see you too, Wade," you hissed through your tightly clenched teeth, sucking in a harsh breath with a pull of a few shards of glass from your skin. "I twisted. Otherwise it would have been a perfect landing."
"I can see that." He hurried across the wide office space to meet you and frantically inspect every cut and scrape with an attentiveness that was vastly out of character for him. But then he disappeared just as quickly as he had arrived, running through the office to find their first aid kit to cover your wounds. He gingerly wrapped each cut and scrape with a clean white gauze that was quickly turned a deep red, the saturation worsening as you moved. When he was done, he reached his arm out to pick you up, but you swatted him away.
"What the hell are you doing?"
Wade stopped and dropped his arms with an exasperated sigh, pausing for a moment before raising them again. "Well let's take a closer look, shall we?" He turned his head awkwardly and bent sideways to make his movements more obvious and overly animated as he spoke again, "by the looks of this arm here, it could fit nicely under your ass. This one here is more than ready to wrap around your back, and since I have lanky appendages, I might even be able to reach around for a little side-boob action. I'm going to carry you, genius."
"I can walk, thank you very much. Besides, Pete should be swinging by any second."
"I sent Spidey home. Iron Daddy out there can follow him pretty easily, swinging from building to building, but you and I can head underground." His head snapped to the side at the sound of Tony's repulsors growing closer to the floor you were hiding on, and now he wasn't about to take no for an answer when he scooped you up into his arms. "I know exactly where to go."
"I'm gonna regret this, aren't I?"
"Obviously, but you know how much I don't want to do this either. I think it's time to meet the Professor."
"Xavier? No, Wade, that's a terrible idea. Dad's mad enough, and if we drag the Professor into the middle of this, it's definitely not going to end well."
"Come on, I think we'll be okay. It's the bald one," Wade laughed. "He's so much calmer than McAvoy."
~~~
Dodging your father wasn't easy, but JARVIS made it near impossible. Your phone was ringing incessantly between Tony and Steve trying to call, but it wasn't lost on you that the A.I. would be using it to track your whereabouts and you weren't exactly ready to let your dad know that you were walking into mutant HQ. He had said his dissatisfaction was with Wade alone, but you didn't have any urge to chance it.
"I wanna do it!" Wade whined with a small jump and stomp of his foot. "I wanna break it!"
"You're like a child."
"Like?"
"Wade it doesn't matter who breaks it," you groaned, handing him your phone; your only contact with your dad or anyone else on the team. "I just don't want to watch. Once you do this, I'm off the grid, and dad's rampage really kicks in."
"If I'm lucky," he grunted, stomping his foot firmly onto the device, "then he'll bring Cap," he paused with another strike, "and I can finally get my ass pounded by a real man." He hit the phone a few more times, not immediately noticing your silence and how you stared at him with wide eyes and a smile to match. "What?"
"Something I need to know, Wade? Because I can talk to him for you if you want...I mean, I'm not sure if he's into that, but you'll never know if you don't ask, I suppose..."
"Not into...what...OH!" He stopped and rubbed his hand over his masked chin and stood thoughtfully, gazing towards the sky as he considered your offer. "Well, if I was ever gonna straddle that fence, he'd be my first choice for climbing up there."
"Mr. Wilson," the Professor broke in, sitting in the large frame of the main entrance to the school and watching you cautiously with a visible apprehension in his stature. "Miss Stark. Thank you for considering us for your visit and confidence that we might be a safe place for you. Under any other circumstances I would welcome you openly, and you as well, Mr. Wilson. Unfortunately, I cannot expose my students to a threat towards their safety by inviting an Avenger into our home. Please give my regards to your father, as well as my regrets."
The door then closed soundly before either of you could utter a single word; Wade simply stared where Charles had been merely seconds ago, but your eyes drifted to your destroyed phone, now wondering if either of you had anywhere to turn. Wade could call Peter, and you could maybe try Natasha, but neither were guaranteed help, and you began to feel like it was the two of you against the world.
"Girl, you were denied!"
"Really? You want to head back to the tower and see what kind of warm welcome is waiting for you?"
"Fuck no!" he scoffed with a flippant wave of his hand before turning away and back down the stairs to leave. You watched him for a moment and tried to think of what the worst would be if you returned to the tower, imagining Tony's reaction and Wade's inevitable death at your feet.
"Maybe not," you mumbled in retrospect, reluctantly moving to join him.
"Romeo and Juliet!" he shouted and spun sharply on his heel towards you, making you startle slightly. "Right?!?! The bad 90's remake you talked about! Romeo and Juliet! That's us! Aw, shit, we should've asked Stewart to do a little Shakespeare for us!"
"Yes, very good Wade, you've finished a conversation from yesterday all by yourself. But," you sighed, closing the gap between you with a few long strides, "since you're indestructible, and I'm not really feeling the whole 'poison or dagger' debate right now, I think we need a plan C."
The two of you stood on the massive lawn in front of the mansion, considering anything as an option that didn't include the X-Men or the Avengers, and you both realized that you didn't really know many people outside of those groups. Your thoughts took you to an idea, but you had imposed enough, and it was asking a lot of your friend to help you again. But it was all you had. You looked up at Wade with a shrug, which he returned in kind, simultaneously saying the only way out that either of you could think of.
"Queens?"
Part 3
"No, no, no, you guys can't stay here," Peter whispered harshly out his window, leaning out from his bedroom high over the streets below. "And you need to get off the side of my building before someone sees you!"
"You're the one in hiding, spider boy," Wade scoffed, swinging himself carelessly back and forth with a push of his foot against the bricks. "We can repel down any building we want. Out in the open. Like real super-duper heroes. Well, not me," he smiled, "some call me the anti-hero, whatever the fuck that is."
"If you're trying to get me to disagree with you again, it's not going to work," you replied, pushing him harder with your foot until he swung nearly out of control and slamming into the wall.
"Hey, not cool! You want me to puke? We just had pizza!"
"Well maybe you should think twice before you order it with everything! It's disgusting. I think I saw a boot in there, Wade."
"You guys," Peter interrupted with a flamboyant wave of his hands, "focus, please! You can't stay here, no way. May would never go for it, not in a million years."
"Why not? I've been recently potty trained," Wade offered, "moved up from the litter box like a champ."
"It's not that. It's just...I mean, I can't...it wouldn't..." he stammered, looking away with a darkening of red growing across his cheeks.
"Pete?" You grabbed the window sill to stop your swaying in the breeze and reached in to take his arm, forcing him to face you again. "Spit it out. This harness is pinching me in all the wrong places, if you catch my meaning."
"I can't have a girl in my room."
"What the shit? Are you twelve?"
"Hey, keep it down," Peter hissed, looking back at his door anxiously as if it would burst open at any second. "Watch the language, alright, Wade?"
"Sorry, my prepubescent arachnid, no can do."
"I'm not prepubescent. I'm fifteen. I've...pubesced."
"Not a word," you coughed into your hand with a smirk, at the same time Wade gasped in horror at the revelation.
"Fifteen?! I feel so dirty now. Like a sweaty ball sack on a hot, sandy beach. It just goes so deep. Itchy..."
You were about to say more, but you turned to him slowly, your mouth open as if ready to speak, but nothing came out. Your mind was racing with why he would feel dirty because Peter was fifteen, but you had zero interest in actually finding out why. You didn't want to know. You didn't. Apparently though, your big mouth did.
"Why in the hell would that make you feel dirty, exactly?"
The silence hung heavily in the air around you, both you and Peter staring at him with anticipation but met with a blank response; he was gone in his own head again. Rather than breaking his concentration, you turned back to your friend and took advantage of the moment of silence.
"Okay, Pete, we'll go. I told him this was a bad idea, and I don't want you to get into any trouble." With a small push to direct your swing, you grabbed the cracked wood of the window frame and pulled yourself closer to him, leaning in to close as much of the gap between you as you could. "You're really only fifteen?"
"Yeah, I thought you guys knew that."
"We did not."
"Captain Spangles Underoos!" Wade suddenly hollered, jolting you from your grip to swing you lazily next to him again. "Sorry..." he whispered, "the mind tends to wander..."
"Don't you dare tell me where it went," you commanded, pushing him away. "Let's just go."
"Um, (Y/N)? Maybe you could just hang for another minute...or three and a half?" Peter asked coyly, but his eyes gave him away. The boy was terrible at keeping a secret, and when it was something that he knew would get him into trouble, he was useless.
"Parker. What did you do?"
"I'm sorry, (Y/N). I'm really sorry. I still owe him for the suit, and the upgrade."
"You little son of a-" you barked out but your words were cut off; Tony flew past, cutting Wade's line and then yours, letting him freefall to the ground and taking you in his arms to go back to the tower.
"Dad! That was a dick move!"
"He'll live."
"Yeah, but still!" You were able to maneuver yourself within his grasp just enough to see Wade land on the unforgiving ground below, breathing a quiet sigh of relief when he gave you a tiny wave as he tried to push himself up. "You're such an asshole!"
"You know, I think 'Stark' is German for 'asshole', actually," he replied with a tone heavily laden in both sarcasm and anger. His grip around you tightened to the point that you could barely breathe and you swore you saw spots growing in your vision, though it was likely simply the glow of the city lights below as you flew overhead. Or that's what you were telling yourself.
"I hate you."
"Wow, then I must be doing my job right, sweetheart."
~~~
Once back at the tower, you were brought into the conference room to be surrounded by anyone who happened to be home at the time, as if your dad needed strength in numbers. Steve was giving you the disappointed Uncle stare with a random shake of his head every few minutes as his thoughts replayed, seeing you jump from the ledge with Peter.
"I thought I was reckless," he mumbled quietly.
Tony's head snapped towards him, relieved that someone was saying anything to relieve the painful silence that had filled the room. "You say something, Cap?"
"(Y/N), what you did was irresponsible, reckless, dangerous-"
"Premeditated, choreographed and timed perfectly," you broke in. "You really think that was my first time jumping from my window?"
"What?!" Tony coughed, spitting out his coffee across the table top in hacking wretches forward, holding his chest. Nat reached over and gave him a few swift slaps on the back, keeping a hand on him until he regained his composure. "Oh, God, I think I just aged fifty years."
"Steve taught me how to jump!" you pointed angrily at the Captain. "We worked on aerodynamics for weeks!"
"Not so you could jump off the side of the tower!"
"What, so I could jump from the jet without a parachute? Off the side of a floating city, maybe? You're the only one crazy enough to do that!"
"Okay," Steve raised a hand in protest, "that was like, two times-"
"Well hello, super children. Steak or chicken?" Wade burst through the doors holding two large bags, which he promptly dumped out onto the long table. Food covered in silver wrap and bowls of salsa spilled out carelessly; he grabbed one of the biggest wraps and jumped up onto the window ledge, hurrying to eat as the group simply stared with mouths agape.
"Wade?"
"There is no problem in the entire world that can't be solved with food, I like to think," he smiled, lifting his mask to shove nearly half of his burrito in his mouth. "Come on, eat. You'll see."
Tony stood and took a few steps towards your forbidden boyfriend, first grabbing a burrito to wave angrily in his face as he spoke, but his plan was thwarted. His hand lifted but was immediately stopped when Wade grabbed the treat and ripped the foil away, shoving the end of the burrito into Tony's open and shocked mouth.
"Mmmm, right?"
"Yeah...not bad," Tony mumbled with a mouthful, quickly appreciating the bite he had taken and turning to face the rest of the team to get their reactions. "Hey! Barton, don't eat all the salsa!" He reached out and snatched the small bowl from the archer's hands and scurried to a corner of the room, almost ravenous now as he finished his food.
You sat silently and watched the team make short work of the pile of food that Wade had brought, suddenly realizing that the conversation had completely ended and appeared to be forgotten altogether.
"Not a bad play, Wilson," you smiled, taking a stand next to him with a nudge of your elbow. "They seem to be quite the hit."
"Hell yeah! Al made 'em!"
"Al made these?" A sense of panic began to grow in the fluttering of your heart, realizing that this may be a terrible play and you were too late to stop it. "Wade, please tell me there's nothing more in these than food. Did you watch her make them?"
"I'm actually a little offended at your insinuation. She would never intentionally drug the Avengers. Hey, Rage Monster, throw me a chicken!"
Bruce gave a polite nod and a careful toss, landing the burrito expertly into Wade's hands. With a hum of contentment and a glimmer of lust in his gaze as he inspected it, he began again to devour his meal. You saw just a flash of his eyes, glancing at you with mischief now and leaned in closely, speaking in barely a whisper.
"Never intentionally..."
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