When Steve opened his eyes for the first time, well, the first time after his recovery, he opened them to a lie. He was met by a man named Nick Fury, who spoke of a world that still needed him and asked him to serve, though he wasn't exactly sure who he was following. But in his loss and in his desire for anything familiar, he dove back in, finding only a small amount of comfort in the formality and structure of servitude. When he opened his eyes, he had thought of you and the regret that filled him now and would fill him each day forward. He had never told you how he felt, and it was his fault that you were gone. He began to believe that it was better that you never knew. He pushed your memory from his mind and charged forward.

When you opened your eyes for the first time after being recovered, you immediately searched for Steve. You had been together when the plane crashed; remembering him telling you that he was sorry, and how it was all his fault, even though you had chosen to go with him knowing the risks. You remembered his last conversation with Peggy and how it stung, feeling a stab in your heart with each word. You had loved Steve but never told him, and even in your last moments you couldn't, not wanting to take his last words with her away. Like Steve, you were met by Nick, promising that there was a place for you in the world, and taking it without hesitation. You were brought back to life a year before he was, as they continued their search for him.

Neither of you had known that the other was alive, and it didn't seem to be an accident.

~~~

"Steve, it wasn't your fault."

"Did you read the reports?"

"Yes," you replied quietly.

"Then you know that's not true." He reached up to wipe his nose quickly, allowing a few tears to escape down his cheeks before he could catch them. You had known Steve for several years now, and you had never seen him like this. He was uncertain and meek, hurt and vulnerable. It was so striking that you had difficulty just being next to him without feeling it with him.

You leaned forward in the chair to be closer, reaching your hand out to touch him, but pulling it back before it connected, unsure if he would welcome it or not in his current state. "You did everything you could. Did you believe in Bucky? Did you respect him?"

Steve looked like you had slapped him across the face, his eyes wide in disbelief that you would even ask. "Then stop blaming yourself. Allow him the dignity of his choice. He damn well must have thought you were worth it."

You shot up in your bed, panting and looking around in the darkened room to see anything that would orient you to real time. The images in your mind were so real, so perfect, that you swore you were there again. It was such a profound sensory experience, that you could still smell the alcohol that Steve had been drinking. You touched the bed around you, willing your mind to return to you.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah," you sighed, reluctantly flopping back heavily onto your pillow. "Just a bad dream."

~~~

"I read about what you did."

"Oh, the...yeah, well...that's you know, just doing what needed to be done." 'Smooth, Rogers. Real smooth', he thought to himself, 'it's just (Y/N), calm down or she's gonna figure it out.'

"It sounded like more than that. You saved nearly four hundred men," you said with a smile, standing from your chair and dropping the newspaper on the desk.

"Really, it's not a big deal," he coughed. It was actually endearing to see that you could make him so nervous. Maybe it was the uniform, or maybe it was your pride in your friend, but you saw him in a whole different light.

"Tell that to their wives," you cooed, moving closer.

"Uh...I don't think they were all married..."

"You're a hero, Steve." You grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him forward so your lips met his, and to your surprise, he didn't resist. In fact, it felt like he was eager to continue now that it had started. He pressed himself against you and his hands were sliding down your back when it was all ruined.

"Captain! We're ready for you, if you're not otherwise occupied," Peggy snapped, breaking the two of you apart abruptly.

Steve opened his eyes as he lay in bed, acutely aware of how alone he was in his new apartment. In fact, not only was he alone in his apartment, but he was alone in his life too. No one from this time could really understand him, and he was just learning to understand them. All he had was memories like the ones in his dreams, and now his sadness was keeping him awake. He turned to look at the empty side of his bed, still able to feel your lips on his after such a vivid dream. He wondered if anyone would be able to fill his heart as you had then.

Knowing he wouldn't win this fight with sleep, he got up and changed his clothes, grabbed his gym bag and decided on yet another early start to his day.

~~~

A few days later when New York City erupted into an alien attack, you were called in from D.C. to lead the SHIELD recovery and relief team. You had been on another mission out of the country and hadn't heard much about the event, but once you had arrived on the scene, the scope of the battle was obvious. So was the scope of the Avengers team.

"Nick," you sighed, "I feel like you hung me out to dry on this one. I have maybe half of the staff that I'll need to even start this project. Unless the team that tore it up plans to help, I'm screwed here."

Fury sat down across the large conference table from you, turning his chair side-to-side slightly with a wide smile on his face. He looked like he was waiting to deliver a punchline, but you had neither the time nor the patience to hear the joke. "As a matter of fact, they are gonna help."

"Are you serious?" you asked, perking up at the thought of maybe having a chance of success. "Who's even on this team? I haven't had a chance to brief on the details of the battle, I've been on a plane all night." You grabbed one of the tablets from the table and turned it on, scrolling through the information on the layout of the area needing help. You were so engrossed in your work that you didn't notice the team beginning to enter.

"(Y/N)?" Nick called out to you, but received no response.

"(Y/N)?"

"Hmm?" you replied, absentmindedly and still not looking up.

"(Y/N), I'm gonna need your attention."

"Sorry sir, I was...just...reading..." your voice faded, completely in shock when you saw him walk through the door. "Steve?"

"Listen, Stark, if we're gonna get this done in any acceptable amount of time-" Steve stopped, frozen in place in disbelief when he saw who had said his name. "(Y/N)?"

Nick looked from you then to Steve, smiling and waiting for the response he was hoping for with a big, happy reunion. His smile faded quickly when it didn't even come close.

"Excuse me," you said quietly, a clear crack in your voice that you unsuccessfully tried to hide. Leaving your work behind, you jumped up with the only focus being to get as far away from Steve as you could. Your mind was screaming to flee and your body willingly followed.

"(Y/N)?" Steve said again, this time giving chase to catch you. He rounded a corner just in time to see you duck into a smaller conference room and hurried to pull the door open before you could get away. "(Y/N), what's going on? How...how did you...when...when did they find you?"

"A year ago," you whispered, holding onto the backs of each chair as you moved around the table away from him, using them to steady yourself so you wouldn't drop to the floor, feeling the tremor in your legs. "Oh my god, Steve. They didn't tell me...I had no idea." Your vision started to darken and spots flashed in front of you, so you pulled out a chair to practically fall into it, holding your head down to keep from fainting.

Steve was immediately at your side, holding your hands in your lap as he watched. "Breathe, honey. Slow down." Steve's head snapped towards the door when it opened suddenly, with Tony peeking in to see what was going on.

"Hey, everything okay in here?" He saw you leaning down in the chair with a pale face and quickly joined Steve at your side. "(Y/N), what happened?"

"I'm fine, Tony, just had a little shock, that's all."

"You two know each other?" Steve asked with surprise, leaning back on his heels to look at you both.

It was clear to you now why your mind and body fled so quickly; this was the moment it wanted to avoid. You could feel your heart start to pound again, so you closed your eyes to focus on your breathing, but all it did was make the two men in front of you more nervous.

"We met six months ago, when I started consulting for SHIELD," Tony replied for you. "We started dating pretty much right away." He paused and looked at Steve with a questioning look, realizing that this moment wasn't making sense, "wait, you two know each other?"

A wave of nausea crashed over you and you were sure that it wasn't going to end well. You jumped up and ran for the nearest garbage, just barely making it. Tony ran to your side to help you, but when you were done you turned to see that Steve was nowhere to be found.

Part 2

"(Y/N)? Answer me," Tony pressed. "how do you two know each other?" When you still didn't immediately reply, he took a step back with an expression of shock, pain and anger all together, and it only made your anxiety worse. "He's the guy that you said you'd never get over, isn't he?"

You pushed past him and sat down in a chair again, leaning forward to rest your head in your hands, trying to calm both your nerves and your stomach. "Tony," you sighed, "please, let's not get into this right now."

"Yeah, well we're going to."

You could feel the tears beginning to build, but you fought them back, certain that you would be able to hold them in for only so long. Your boyfriend of a mere six months was now standing over you, looking like he had no idea who you were; it already felt over before it had barely begun. "Yes, it's him. But that was years ago, and he doesn't even know."

"That doesn't matter. I only care about what you feel."

"It doesn't change how I feel about you."

He dropped himself down into the chair next to you, leaning his elbow on the table and resting his chin in his hand as if deep in thought. The chair swiveled slightly beneath him and his gaze was lowered to the table top as he considered his position with you, and what he wanted to say. This was more than he was ready for, and he didn't think he could compete with something that had lasted so long. "I have to be number one. You know that, sweetheart."

He was letting you go easily. Putting this on himself to spare you. "Tony..."

"Hey, that's what you get for dating an egomaniac, right? It's been wonderful, (Y/N), really," he said in a quieter voice with a tremble in its tone, "but I'm not about to come in second to Grandpa America."

"You're not, Tony. You couldn't be second to anyone."

"Right," he sighed, slapping his hands down on his legs definitively and standing, reaching his hand down to pull you up to him. Your eyes met for only a few seconds before he brought you to his chest in a tight embrace, breathing you in as if he didn't want to forget. "It's okay, (Y/N). Go tell him."

As he began to release you, you brought your hand to his face, holding him gently as you gave him a final kiss before leaving. "You're a good man, Tony. I know you don't believe it sometimes, but you are." He nodded slightly as you walked away, not looking back as you shut the door behind you.

"Yeah, that's the problem," he whispered to himself, sitting back down to stare out the window at the busy city. "You were the only one who saw it."

~~~

You searched through the halls and into each conference room in the building, even checking the labs that Steve would never think to venture into, but you had no luck in finding him. The longer you looked, the closer your tears came to spilling, threatening to break your rule of never crying at work, though he might be worth it. Once you were certain that you had covered the entire building, you circled back to find Nick and Maria finalizing a few plans for your recovery team.

"There you are, (Y/N), I thought we lost you-"

"What the hell was that, Nick? What were you trying to do? Were you hoping for some big, emotional reunion to make you feel better about what you've done?"

Fury stood straight, his shoulders squared and his jaw set, "what I've done? Watch your tone, agent." Maria took a few steps towards you, but he waved her off. "You might want to reconsider before you go any further."

"I don't fucking care," you scoffed, "you should have told me that he was alive. You should have told me in private, and allowed me to prepare. And you sure as hell should have told him. That was low, Fury. Even for you."

"You need to step away."

"You need to explain yourself," you continued, now standing only inches from him and having to look up to meet his eyes.

"I don't owe you a damn thing, (Y/N)."

Frustrated with his unwillingness to talk, you gave in, but made a firm point by reaching up to push against his chest to throw him off balance slightly when you turned to leave. He didn't retaliate, but you knew that any relationship that you had built with Fury since he woke you a year ago was all but gone. You didn't want it anymore, and now you were pretty sure that he didn't either. You stopped just short of the door, turning your head to look over your shoulder, but refusing to look at him.

"Where is he now?"

"He's gone."

~~~

"I know this neighborhood. I got beat up in that alley. And that parking lot. And behind that diner."

You looked at Steve with amazement but also a sadness that he had accepted these things so readily and spoke of them so matter of fact. "Did you have something against running away?"

He tilted his head slightly with a raised eyebrow, considering his answer to both be honest and to impress you just a little. "You start running, they'll never let you stop," he replied with a voice full of conviction. You could tell that he was shy but when he turned to look at you, but his eyes were full of a confidence that he didn't even realize he had. "I guess I don't know why you'd wanna join the army if you're a beautiful dame. Or a beautiful...a woman. An agent...not a dame. You are beautiful, but..."

This side of Steve was so endearing to you; you hoped that he wouldn't lose it after the serum took a hold of him and changed him into the greatest soldier of all time. "You have no idea how to talk to a woman, do you?"

"Women aren't exactly lining up to dance with a guy they might step on."

"Well, I think that's certainly about to change, Steve. But you must have danced?"

Steve turned away again, looking out the window as the buildings passed by, "Well, asking a woman to dance always seems so terrifying." He cleared his throat quietly and glanced towards you but wouldn't make eye contact for the rest of the trip. "Figured I'd wait."

"For what?"

"The right partner."

This was the sixth night in a row that you had dreamt of Steve since you had relocated and moved into your new Washington D.C. apartment; one that you shared for now with another agent from SHIELD Headquarters. You had insisted that Fury transfer you after the events in New York, but as if a part of some sick joke, he transferred you to an office only three floors below his.

Realizing that sleep was elusive tonight, you shuffled to the kitchen for a snack, hoping to make yourself tired enough to fall asleep again. You tried to be as quiet as possible, barely lifting your feet as you moved, but your new roommate was a very light sleeper.

"Another nightmare?" she asked with a long yawn, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and trying to run her hand through the mess of wavy blonde hair on the top of her head. "Maybe you should take something to knock you out."

"If I wanted that, I could just drink more instead," you chuckled, forgetting that you now shared a home and taking a long drink direct from the milk container. When you saw her eye you in your periphery, you slowly lowered the jug and sheepishly returned it to the refrigerator. "Sorry. I'll buy a new one for you later. We can just call this one mine."

She slid slowly into one of the chairs and tucked her feet up beneath her, pulling her robe around her tighter with a slight shiver. "What do you dream about? Is it always him?"

"I'm gonna go to the gym before work," you evaded, "I'll see you there."

"(Y/N)..."

"Let it go, Sharon. The topic of Steve Rogers is off-limits."

~~~

Steve had finished his workout and was unwrapping his hands at the far end of the gym, while you worked on weights on the other. Neither of you had noticed that you were both there together; neither of you even knew that you were both in D.C. at the same time. Your reconnection with Steve had been filled with missed opportunities and poorly timed passing, but this time it would seem that Nick Fury had nothing to do with it. This was just your dumb luck.

"Thanks, Joe, I'll see you again tomorrow," Steve said to the agent manning the front desk, "I think I only went through six bags today, I'm getting better!"

"You know, Cap, that's gonna start coming out of your salary," the young man laughed, as if anyone would dare charge Steve for destroying a few punching bags. "Maybe try for only five tomorrow, yeah?"

"Will do, kid," he said with a small salute as he exited, "tomorrow." Steve had his head down, looking at his phone as he walked from the front of the building, not seeing the woman walking directly at him, doing the same. They crashed into each other with enough force to knock her back a few steps, dropping her phone to the ground with a smash.

"Oh, ma'am! I'm so sorry! Here, let me get that," he exclaimed, grabbing the phone to inspect it as he flipped it in his hands. "It looks okay...hey, this is a SHIELD phone. Have we met?"

"No," she sighed, grabbing her phone roughly from his hands and inspecting it herself, yet to make eye contact with him. "I'm Agent Carter. Sharon Carter," she mumbled, finally raising her head to see him, gasping at the sight of who she had run into. "Oh my god, you're Steve."

"Yeah, I get that a lot. The surprise, that is. And the name, I suppose, since that's me," he laughed nervously. "Carter? Um, you wouldn't be any relation to a Peggy Carter, would you?"

Sharon had tuned him out as she raised up on her toes to see over him, noticing that you were only feet away on the other side of the large window with your back turned to them. If you had seen him, there's no way that you would still be here, so she had to assume that you were oblivious to him being in front of her now. "Hmm?" she hummed absentmindedly. "Um, I'm sorry, Steve, I need to go. It was nice meeting you." As she pushed past him and into the building to see you, he ran his hand through his hair and sighed, frustrated with himself.

"Great, Rogers. Just great. 95 years old and you still can't talk to a woman."

~~~

"Is this day over yet?"

"Another hour," Sharon laughed, grabbing a stack of files from her desk. "You really aren't cut out for office work, are you?"

"What gave it away?" you groaned, leaning back in your chair to stretch your arms over your head, enjoying the feeling of getting the fatigue out of your muscles. "I could shoot you right now just to have more excitement."

"Wow, I feel so safe with you, have I ever told you-"

"Attention all SHIELD agents, this is Steve Rogers."

You sat up quickly and rose to your feet, your head snapping towards Sharon; she returned your look of shock as you listened to the Captain intently. Every fiber in your body immediately needed to find him. You weren't about to lose him again, not when you were finally this close.

"You've heard a lot about me over the last few days. Some of you were even ordered to hunt me down."

"What floor do they transmit from?" you whispered to her urgently.

"But I think it's time to tell the truth. SHIELD is not what we thought it was."

"What floor, Sharon?!"

"Forty," she replied reluctantly. She grabbed your arm when you stood to leave, trying to not make too much of a scene. She pulled you to her slightly, enough to give you a small embrace to whisper in your ear. "Keep your weapon handy. Be careful. Don't die."

"It's been taken over by HYDRA. Alexander Pierce is their leader."

You nodded silently and slowly made your way to the door, being cautious to not make it obvious that you were going to him. Once you had snuck out you saw the STRIKE team round the corner towards you and head into the room where Sharon still stood. Ducking behind a shelf, you hid until they were all inside, then made your way to Steve.

"The price of freedom is high. It always has been, and it's a price I'm willing to pay. And if I'm the only one, then so be it. But I'm willing to bet I'm not."

"Like hell you are, Rogers," you mumbled to yourself, rushing into the elevator and hoping that you weren't too late. After a ride that felt like an eternity, the doors opened on the fortieth floor, with the transmission room across the hall. Raising your weapon in front of you, you opened the door slowly to find Maria standing guard, her weapon ready to strike you down.

"He's not here, (Y/N)," she sighed, lowering her gun and rushing back to the control panel. "You just missed him."

"That seems to be the theme lately. Where is he?"

She pushed back from the table and turned her chair towards you, looking at you skeptically, "why?"

"I...I need to tell him something."

"I know," she huffed, turning back to her work without a hint of interest in your conversation. "Here," she paused, handing you an earpiece. Once it was secured, she glanced at you with a hint of softness in her expression and turned away just as quickly. "Talk to him. Tell him before he does something stupid."

Don't do anything stupid before I get back.

"Steve?" you said uncertainly, your voice on the brink of failing you, now when it was more important than ever. "Are you there?"

"(Y/N)? What are you doing here?" he asked, but his voice became suddenly much more urgent. "Where are you? Are you safe?"

"I'm with Maria. Steve, listen..." But the comm turned to static before you could continue. All you could do was watch the screens in front of you as the scene played out, hearing the explosions just outside, knowing that Steve was in the midst of them. Time seemed to drag on until Steve and his friend Sam began to make progress, disabling two of the three ships. When it came to the third, the progress stopped.

"One minute!" Maria called out, relieved as much as you were when Steve replied. You could hear him fighting someone, and your blood ran cold when you heard him say Bucky's name.

"Thirty seconds, Cap!"

Your eyes were pulled to the screen that was now alight with Insight's targets, and your heart all but stopped when the Avengers tower filled it. "Oh god, Tony's on here," you whispered, your voice filled with fear for him. There was no way that you would be able to survive the loss of either man, much less both of them in the same day. "Maria..."

"(Y/N), look, he did it," she breathed out with relief when the screens cleared every target with the exception of the three ships. "Okay, get out of there, Cap."

"Fire now."

"But, Steve..." you interjected desperately.

"Do it, (Y/N)! Do it now!"

Maria had stopped, hovering her finger over the button that all but sealed Steve's fate. Knowing better than to ever question his orders, you pushed her hand away and opened fire without hesitation, just as he would do if the roles were reversed.

~~~

You hated hospitals. You hated the smell, the sounds, the sterile white floors and walls, and the sickness everywhere you turned. A banging of doors opening jolted you and pushed you up against the wall as the team of doctors and nurses passed, rushing someone in a SHIELD uniform who looked badly burned to a treatment room. If you hadn't been so close to Steve's room, you might have run out at the sight.

Resting your hand on his door, you pushed it open slowly to peek inside, welcomed by Sam with a wide smile on his face. "So, you're the famous (Y/N)," he said quietly, not wanting to wake Steve. "He never shuts up about you. It's annoying as hell, but now I see why." He took your hand and pressed his lips gently to it, stepping out of your way so that you had a view of the Captain. "I didn't tell him you were coming."

"Thanks, Sam."

He left you there alone with your friend; left you sitting next to him with your hand on his and your eyes unable to stop studying the contours of his face and the marks of battle that now covered it. No matter what they did to him, he was always beautiful, and he was always your Steve. It was like time had stopped and you had never left his side.

"You're staring, doll," he groaned, slowly opening his eyes. "It must be bad."

"Never," you whispered, your voice cracking with the threat of crying, "you're supposed to be the indestructible one, remember?"

"Yeah, that didn't work out so well this time. I didn't have my partner."

"Hey, I tried," you huffed, "you didn't wait for me."

A few minutes of silence passed and it hung heavily in the air, the jovial moments quickly gone. He finally turned to look at you, but he couldn't hold his gaze, "you didn't wait for me, (Y/N)."

You sucked in a deep breath, knowing exactly what he meant, and it brought a sharp pain in your chest; your throat began to tighten and the tears finally began to fall freely. "I didn't know. They never told me they found you." Your gaze dropped to the floor for a moment, but when his words finally registered in your mind, you snapped back up with shock. "Wait, Steve...what do you mean? I didn't wait for you?"

"I've always loved you, (Y/N). You had to know that."

"I didn't."

"Well, more proof that I know nothing about women," he coughed. "Tony's a good guy. I know he'll take care of you."

"Ha, not so much," you mumbled under your breath, "that's done, Steve."

"What? Why? What happened?" His voice was almost excited, but too rough to hear much more than the pain he felt with each word burning his throat.

"It's always been you. Always will be."

Steve squeezed your hand and smiled, but it faded momentarily as he thought about what you had just said. "Oh, poor Stark..."

A firm knock sounded on the window next to you, turning to see Sam pressed against the window, pushing his lips against it and gesturing for you and Steve to finally kiss each other. He pulled away with a childlike grin and nodded to hurry you along while he eagerly watched.

"So, tell me, this new guy..." you groaned, "how serious are we about keeping him?"