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people said to look out for you.

people said that you meant trouble, due to your title as a gang member.

but i didn't think so.

"hey kiddo, are you okay?"

that night, i fainted on the way home. i didn't get to eat much that day and i pushed to my limits while dancing.

i was in and out of conscious, unable to get out coherent words. you then took matters into your own hands, and took me to your place instead.

for the whole night, you stayed up and took care of me. you didn't even know me then, yet you sacrificed your own sleep for me.

"i made plenty, so make sure to eat lots. don't want you to faint out on the streets again."

everything you did for me that night and onwards, proved that you were a good person. you just had a bad rep, which i didn't really mind.

you actually went to school with me. you just never showed up much.

jaemin-hyung, you are a kind hearted person. i believe that 110%.

a lot of people looked down on me even more after they saw me hanging around you. but i didn't care.

jeno-hyung taught me that, and what a valuable lesson it was. if i didn't learn that from jeno, i would've never known how much of a precious human being you were.

you cared.

and that's all that mattered.

-

one evening after school, me and you went to the park to hang out and talk to each other.

you told me about how being in a gang wasn't your thing. it was your father who put you to it.

in fact, you loved music.

you loved the color pink.

you loved that line character 'ryan'.

and you loved sharing your own love with people you cared for.

you were a big softie na jaemin.

a big softie that helped me cope with my friends' deaths. that went with me to place flowers on the grave of each person.

you were the definition of  'don't judge a book by its cover', because your story, was a total contrast of what your outer persona showed.

you were sweet, not bitter.

you were generous, not greedy.

you were just na jaemin.

a boy who liked to just go, run like no tomorrow, and experience the many wonders of life.

"you knew jeno? lee jeno?"

i nodded my head, and when you realized that my jeno was the same as yours, you bursted into broken sobs.

you said that you used to know him before you guys got distant.

i held you and you held me.

we ended up crying together on the slides of the playground.

i remember your beret fell onto the ground, so i let go for a bit to pick it up for you.

unfortunately, a foot stepped on the accessory before i laid a finger on it. looking up, i saw a man.

he didn't look nice at all.

rage was written all over his features, making a shiver crawl up my spine.

"what are you doing here? didn't i tell you that i had quit already?"

jaemin, your voice went cold and harsh. it was a tone i haven't heard from you.

the man chuckled lowly, saying that he had warned you. he had warned you that if you were to ever leave, you would have to pay a price.

and that price, was me.

my life.

"no! never in a million years you fucking bastard!"

you stood up in front of me, blocking the man.

i was so scared jaemin-hyung. it was so scary.

things went by in a blur. you were yelling at the man and the man was yelling back. he had pushed you to the side as he stepped back a few feet, pulling out an all known killing machine.

as he pulled the trigger, you jumped in front of me, taking the bullet.

you fell, he fled.

i broke down even more. kneeling right next to you, i tried everything to make the red liquid stop flowing out of you.

with the last of your strength, you stopped me and put your hand on mine. your other hand grabbed ahold of your beret.

"it's okay jisungie. i'll be okay. i'm just going to sleep, so stop crying."

your voice was soft and fragile, but i could hear every word that left your mouth.

you put your beret on my head, "see? don't you look...cute..."

i should've been the one to die, not you.