So I may or may not have maced you because there's this really creepy guy who's been showing upside my house and I finally worked up the courage to face him but he wasn't him he was you and oh god you're crying, please don't do that, I'm so fucking sorry let me help you inside!!

 My new puppy is a sweet and precious darling whose only sin is that she's not potty trained and I warned you not to come any closer but... yep... there she goes. Sorry about the piss all over your shoes, I guess.

You were a simple roofer, stapling shingles down onto my neighbor's roof. I was a jackass who decided to play baseball in the front yard despite knowing my aim was horrible. We are the idiots who ended up in the ER because you stapled your hand three times and I feel too responsible to leave you alone like this. How much hospital coffee will it take to make this up?

 So maybe I was in the wrong when I punched through your car window but what are you gonna do? Sue me??? Oh shit, fuck, I didn't mean literally! I'm so so so sorry, please don't call your lawyer on me I'm too poor for this!!

no specific prompt but can you just imagine a hooker x undercover cop au?? that would be pretty epic.

 we were set up on a blind date but it went horribly, so now you message me every time you have a good date because you think your tips will help me in the future, you ass

 you're drunk in the department store I manage and you keep yelling at other customers so please come into my office while I call the cops

 I organize a petition to get you, the ceo, to live off of my wage for three months and since it's getting media attention, your PR manager suggests you accept the challenge and you keep coming into my department to ask me how to do things

 in a moment of stupidity, I keyed what I thought was my ex's car only to be surprised when you come screaming towards me

 I'm assigned to write a piece rounding up all the bad press that you, a famous celebrity, have been getting and you show up in my office and demand me to write a retraction and get the 'real' story

I wrote my crush a note except I started it with 'dear you' and my friend stuck it into the wrong locker and now you think I have a crush on you and i totally dont

 we're strangers who meet at a bar, get drunk, and wake up to announcements of our new engagement all over our social media - what did we do???

 you've been breaking into my car to sleep at night and I've let it slide because it's been cold out but I have a date and I need you to find somewhere else (fine, go in my house/garage, I don't care, you're not messing this date up for me)

I'm working at the cash and when I ask you how your day is going, you tell me that it's the anniversary of [something horrible] and I don't know what to do with that information so I accidentally blurt "well hope it's a good one!" when saying goodbye 

we make contact before trying to steal the last seat on the subway/bus/train and I end up in your lap and fuck you, I'm going to stay here because I've had a really long day and this seat was mine

 you caught me doing something a few weeks ago but didn't report me and now you're trying to blackmail me into secretly tutoring you even though you and your friends have always been assholes, no I don't 'owe' you

 I step out of the bathroom and right into the middle of a bar fight and you punch me accidentally so I punch back on instinct

you broke into my apartment at three am in the morning while black out drunk and i should probably call the cops but my cat seems to like you so we are chill

i broke your nose in a mosh pit and so now we are awkwardly sitting in the ER together and holy shit how are you still so cute even with a broken nose hnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggg-

i work at a department store and i swear if you come in one more time and pick up a shirt and unfold it before putting it back unfolded i am shoving the goddamn shirt down your throat.