Sometimes Jacqueline Lexington could hardly believe the memories she had of her parents. Or to be more precise, the good memories. The ones that made her heart stir with sweet nostalgia and made her smile so wide that her cheeks burned in protest. The memories were like knockoffs that, by first glance, could be mistaken for real but a second glance proved it was all a well-played facade.

The parents she had were not the same parents she'd had when she'd first moved smack dab in Beverly Hills, nor the parents she had in her first year at Alabaster Preparatory School. The old Jeffrey and Eve Lexington were not the disorderly couple they'd become. They were inverted versions of themselves, a picture before it was taken and contorted and photoshopped into an art hardly recognizable.

The old Jeffrey and Eve balanced each other's contrasting personalities; Jeffrey with a childish, unrealistically vibrant attitude to match his boyish looks and Eve, who tended to close in on herself almost involuntarily. Jeffrey would get Eve to open up and Eve would pull Jeffrey back down to Earth. It was a dynamic Jac used to be in awe by, stricken by how two drastically different people could get along so well.

Jeffrey and Eve were like day and night but when they came together, the afternoons were fantastic; date nights at lavish restaurants where Jeffrey poorly serenaded Eve every time she was in a sour mood to lift her spirits, extravagant grade school parties where Jeffrey would practically drag Eve into the massive jumpers to out jump the spoiled children, family vacations - real family vacations - and movie nights in the grand foyer in which a five-year old Jac used to fall asleep in Jeffrey's lap and Eve would lamely attempt to carry both kids to their rooms.

However, that all gradually changed after word spread that Jeffrey Lexington was the best plastic surgeon in Beverly Hills. Suddenly, the Lexingtons weren't just 'that family that returned from Westchester' but 'that family of the phenomenal surgeon who turned Irish Kylie Jenners into exotic barbies.' At that, the Elite of high society closed in, swallowing the entire family whole.

To Jac, it all happened within a blink of an eye. With their newfound reputation, Eve and Jeffrey started to mingle, together at first, and then mostly alone. Eve drew away first, retreating into glasses of margaritas and late nights at the country club gossiping. Meanwhile, Jeffrey took comfort in his clients and eventually the help. There was no more serenading in restaurants, no more movie nights, and Jeffrey and Eve were hardly present at Jac's birthday parties. Their vacations became less frequent, save for the Oceania cruise but barely any reconciliation, let alone talking, was made.

Like a wind snuffing out a flame, everything had abruptly went cold. Almost as if in abandoning each other, Jeffrey and Eve had abandoned Jac too. The loneliness had nearly driven Jac mad until Damon Felix, the boy she'd been having play dates with since she could talk, had all but forced his way into her downtrodden bubble without even asking, dragging his sister with him.

Damon felt more like home than her real one. He even reminded her of her parents in their prime. He was day and she was night and the afternoons were as magnificent as her parents' had been. But when she was alone in her night, she was always stuck watching her parents or what had become of them; lovers turned strangers trying to get back to who they'd been, except they'd been strangers for so long, they couldn't remember the way back.

Jac always felt like she was on the other side of a glass wall, watching them as they stumbled in a fog, shouting out directions and coordinates so that they'd find each other.

So far, they were barely listening.

"You have a reality show?" Jac exclaimed into her expensive, newly purchased Vertu phone. She was standing outside a Starbucks coffee house in the middle of Las Vegas' busy shopping district, flattening her back against the glass window display. Her exclamation barely scratched the surface of noise emitting from the throngs of bustling shoppers and neon streets.

"We, darling, we have a reality show," Eve replied on the other end, cool, calm, collected tone striking a nerve in Jac. "And there's nothing you can do about it so save the screams for your pillow."

"But-"

"Jac, you know how I feel about butts."

"Well, I don't care. You didn't even ask me if I wanted any part of this." Jac shot back, jaw setting as she glared at the billboard across the street that was advertising the new Calvin Klein cologne, a blonde-haired model that slightly resembled a boy she knew far too well grinning back at her. She imagined he smelled like polished hotel rooms and STDs.

"I don't have to ask, Jac, I'm your mother," Eve stated haughtily. "Besides, Dash says having you on the show will bring on a teen audience, which means more money for that shopping addiction of yours."

Jac tsked at the mention of Dash. She hadn't even met the man yet but just hearing her mother use him as a weapon in her battle for Jac's privacy made her despise him. Dash was apparently the name of the man behind the project that was Total Lexington, a reality show that would be airing on the infamous E-LITE channel to document Jeffrey Lexington's "crazy" life. According to Eve, the mystery leech was already parading cameras around the Lexington estate back in Beverly Hills and Jac only felt sick when she found out there were currently seven cameras in her precious sanctuary of a bedroom. How was she supposed to cry along to Lana Del Rey in nothing but Victoria's Secret boy shorts and Benny Costa on speaker when millions of people would eventually witness it all?

She desperately tried to reason. "What about the baby - and all the drama with Steve? Are you sure this is the right time to have everyone watching us on TV?"

There was a long pause on Eve's end, almost giving Jac hope that for once, just once, her parents would finally listen to what she was trying to tell them all along; they were a train about to run off the track - and they had been for a good year. With Eve too busy slurping margaritas in the hot tub and Jeffrey cheating with the male butler, the Lexingtons hadn't had the best of years, nor the best of publicity. However, instead of reconciling in the privacy of their french chateau, hiding behind Ralph Lauren sunglasses and Burberry scarves when out in public like ordinary rich folk, they were airing their dirty, designer laundry on television for not only their  peers to see but peasants - 'normal people' - alike.

Eve swiftly replied, knowingly shooting down Jac's faint glimmer of hope. "The baby is fine and real, thank you very much, and that Steve is history. It's time we as a family connect again and this show is the perfect opportunity. Think of it as a family activity."

"Family activities are playing tennis and speed boating Lake Meade, not reality shows that show everything but-"

"Your father needs to keep up a public image and he can't do that if he disappears from the media. Just bear with me, Jac, just for once."

'Bear with you for once? I'm always bearing with your bullshit.' Jac wanted to say - no, cry into the phone. However, she bit her tongue, savoring the last bit of tears she had left because she refused to waste them on anyone who didn't care. Plus, the pedestrians of Las Vegas still thought she was the gorgeous calm, cool, and collected girl who couldn't cry if she tried and that pathetic thought comforted her.

Strangely, she was taken back to the moment she'd confronted Jeffrey about his affair with the butler, Steve. How she'd felt so obligated to keep his secret, not because she wanted to but because she felt as if it had become her secret too. As if her own world would come crashing down if it were to ever get out - and it did, roof caving in as soon as Jeffrey slipped and was caught with the butler in he and Eve's bedroom.

That's how she felt now. The reality show was her parents' fiasco but she had no choice but to participate. Her father's strained career depended on this show, having been trampled by his affair and then his cowardly return to his wife. He needed a spark, something to help all of Beverly Hills remember why he was welcomed into the Elite in the first place. And if the reality show flopped, Jac, once again was probably going to lose something.

Money, her future, her family, something was at stake. She could feel it.

"Fine, " She sighed. "What do I have to do? Any paid paparazzi I have to run from?"

"No, not today at least," Eve chuckled as if she were controlling the tide of the conversation. Jac didn't join in. "But for your birthday party this Saturday, Dash and the camera crew will be over to get some footage so be a dear and keep the party PG-13, will you?"

"I guess I don't really have a choice."

'Goodbye to the best birthday bash of the year,' she thought bitterly. Hannah Castro from East Prep was certainly going to win best rager of the year at this rate.

"Thank you for being so cooperative, Jac," was all Eve said to that before the sound of a door opening and closing rang in the background. "Well, anyway, I have to go. I have a prenatal appointment I can't miss.  Your father says hi."

With that, she hung up before Jac realized and she stood aimlessly, phone pressed to her ear, waiting for the 'I love you,' that never came.

She didn't know why she kept waiting for it, Eve had stopped saying those three words four years ago.

Stuffing her emotions in the pockets of her baby blue MOUSSY jeans, Jac reluctantly stepped into the coffee house, careful to slip her phone into her gold Alexander Wang clutch. The aroma of coffee bean and sourdough immediately filled her nose like a hug that insisted to be received. Although she wouldn't admit it, Starbucks had some nifty coffee drinks and just being in the same room as the baristas mixing them made her mouth water as if she were scrolling through the latest Barneys collection.

The homely shop was all wood; wooden, circular tables decorated with drawings of colorful frappucinos,  wooden-paneled floors that managed to look both vintage and polished at the same time, and red-cushioned chairs embellished with oak wood armrests. Vividly indie paintings of Starbucks' baked goods dressed up the pastel white wallpaper and an Oasis song blared from the ceiling speakers, blending with the array of voices that filled the coffee house.

It didn't take her long to find Jared Hayward among the bobbing heads of seated customers, some tourists and some partygoers drinking coffee to overcome the hangovers of yesterday. The brunette, military school escapee was sitting in the back, a large blown up sketch of a pretzel colored royal blue hanging above him. He was clad in a light blue, striped turtleneck and matching crocs that he rocked as if they were Buscemi sneakers and yet still looked effortlessly unusual in that way that made one want to look closer. According to Jared, the clothes had belonged to an old father who drove a minivan that'd given him a ride to the airport and even paid for his ticket to Las Vegas.

Jac still nearly had a heart attack when she'd noticed the crocs.

"Ouch, you look pissed." He greeted her when she begrudgingly slid into the seat across from him, her slender body immediately being swallowed by the comfy red cushion. His light brown hair was pulled in a bun - the 'man bun' that had went out of season ages ago to which Jared proclaimed he didn't care because he wasn't one to follow the crowd - but a loose, slightly curled strand still hung in his  brown eyes.

Jac crossed her arms across her chest, hating when anyone could read her. It was far too easy to read her, so easy in fact that her three-year old cousin, Marie, had accidentally called her from her Prada phone asking about her cooties. Even a gosh darn baby could read her from literally 284 miles away!

"Usually when someone looks pissed, it's because they are." Jac replied, using a sarcastic tone to shield her.

Jared frowned. "Even your sarcasm isn't as great as it used to be. You've really changed."

"You keep saying that like people stay the same."  Jac said pointedly. Ever since she'd run into Jared trying to get away from paparazzi - who'd been pathetically hired by her parents - two hours ago, she'd been subjected to constant analyzing. He'd pointed out everything from the way she talked to the way she apparently crossed her arms when she was "hiding". Jac knew Jared wanted to study Psychology but did he really have to practice now?

"Well, it's because you have," He went on nonchalantly. "Your sarcasm is weak, you talk like someone turned down your volume, and your glare doesn't set the whole world on fire anymore - ooh, set the world on fire, I'm such a legend."

Jac rolled her eyes, quickly straightening her slumping posture. "Clearly, you haven't changed. Did military school do anything for you?"

"Besides suppress my creativity? I'm afraid not. The place was like living in someone's ass during diarrhea, it was pretty brutal, and I thought middle school was shitty." It was no secret in Beverly Hills that Jared Hayward had been in military school for the past year, it was to be expected after someone squealed to Alabaster Prep's headmaster that he was supplying drugs to infuse every rich kid party transpiring in the city. It was also expected when everyone grieved over the easy way to Cocaine rather than their expelled classmate.

"Still dramatic, I see." Jac acknowledged, almost numbly.

"It's apart of the image - but I wish I was exaggerating military school."

She nodded, unconsciously studying the marred edges of the pretzel depicted in the art adorning their wall. Lately, her mind felt like a boat, constantly sailing but never stopping, looking for a dock but only coming up with endless blue. Blue eyes, Tiff Archeval's blue lips from cigarettes, the blue Brioni suit her father had almost wore to his wedding, blue tears, blue eyes. Her mind was drifting out of her reach and she couldn't control where it went. Nor how she felt - not that she could control anything that was happening around her anyway.

She couldn't control her parents' marriage. Couldn't control her relationship with Damon or her relationship with her normal ex, Blake Evans. And now she couldn't even control her own damn birthday party.

Sometimes Jac felt like she wasn't driving but simply sitting in the back of the limo that was her life.

Two Green Tea Creme Frappes being served to their table startled Jac from her melancholic thoughts and although she was hardly hungry, she still fervently sipped from her cup as if she were about to die of dehydration. She needed something to fill her up, fast.

Jared studied her for a moment as he took a sip from his own creamy, green drink and if Jac were as bold as Benny Costa, she would have cussed him out for being a nosy wannabe psychologist and told him to leave her the fuck alone.

But she was a bit too lonely for that.

"Who was it? Your mom or Damon?" He asked and Jac knew if he had his favorite pair of prescription Chanel glasses, he would have slipped them on to look studious.

"No one."

"Don't lie."

He earned himself a glare but as expected, he only grinned coyly back and Jac couldn't show animosity too long either. They'd only dated once and that was right before Jared was expelled, the summer before he'd been mercilessly caught. She'd gone out with him to make Damon jealous in the best possible way and even actually enjoyed herself during the wild pursuit. They both could be darkly sarcastic and Jared could catch her tears and make her laugh while she cried - which became a turn off fast.

There was only so many times Jac could cry in front of someone before she felt like they knew too much.

But now, she almost craved him, as if he were the prescription pills hidden in her bathroom cabinet that she remembered when a party couldn't do the trick.

Taking another sip of her frappe, she rested her elbows on the wooden table, the rest of the busy coffee shop drowning away as she centered her gaze on Jared's. "You know the paparazzi that were following me? Well, my parents signed me up for a reality show even though I practically begged them to leave me out of it. So once again, everything is completely screwed up."

Jared raised an inquisitive eyebrow - or at least tried to but ended up with both eyebrows raised as if he were surprised. "And?"

"Your eyebrows..."

"And?"

"You tried to raise one eyebrow but-"

"Jac, stop, I'm therapist Hayward now. Pretend I did the thing and tell me more." Jared insisted, sipping from his frappe determinedly now.

Sadly, Jac couldn't even get out a stifled giggle and with a shrug, she told him everything. From the day she found out her father was sleeping with the butler to keeping the secret to the complete blowout at the Spring Debutante Auction and ending with the fiasco that was her father's failed wedding at the Love Wins Event. By the time she was done, she only felt worse, as if she were drowning, airway cut off by the money being shoved down her throat.

Jared nearly dropped his drink, catching it before it could fall over and spill its green contents on the glossy wooden table. "Wow, I didn't know I missed a whole season of the Lexington fiasco. Missed some pretty deep stuff."

It was Jac's turn to properly raise an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Sorry, couldn't help it."

Silence fell over them then, snuffing out the bit of laughter that had managed to sneak in. Jared fiddled with his straw, his frappe nearly dissipated, and Jac focused on the ceiling, bright lights beaming down on her as if Heaven were watching her. The thought hit her like a dull joke that had fallen flat; 'Wonder what would happen if I just died - oh my God, I am such a spoiled, dramatic brat.'

She could already hear her HIV-infected ex boyfriend now. 'Jac, you have to understand that your problems aren't like everyone else's. People like me have it rough,' and blah, blah, blah.

"Welp, there's one thing that hasn't changed about you," said Jared, frowning as he consciously touched his bun. Jac knew he probably missed his Allsaints beanies.

"What is that?"

"You're still investing yourself in your parents' drama like you wrote the story and watched it get fucked up in production." He deadpanned, grinning from ear to ear as if he were truly proud of his analogy.

Jac couldn't stop the smile that tainted her lips. "You really can't stop, can you?"

"Nope, but I still have a point."

As quickly as the smile came, it was whisked away by a glower, more towards herself rather than the great listener of a hipster in Dad jeans sitting across from her. She sighed and let her head drop to the table, not caring that she might have just poisoned her pores. "I can't not invest myself. They're my parents and I'm always caught in the crossfire. Sometimes I just-"

"You're definitely still with Damon."

"That doesn't have anything to do with this."

"Sure it does. Damon is always 'woe is me' and when you're with him, so are you."

"We broke up." Jac quipped but speaking those three words only made her feel like crumpling into lined paper with the secrets of the Rumor Mill and being tossed into the nearest trash can.

Jared didn't falter and if he noticed Jac's reaction, he had chosen to ignore it. "That's besides the point, you're crazy about the dude. I don't really know why but you are and you both make decks from your shitty cards instead of just ditching the game altogether - damn, I'm good! You have a pen? I need to write that down."

Meekly, Jac lamely pulled a silver Tiffanys ballpoint pen from her golden clutch resting on her lap, sliding it across the table to Jared's open hand. He ripped up the Starbucks napkin he'd cupped around his frappe and hastily wrote down his clever words.

"Don't get me wrong," He contended, writing each and every word with precision. "I dwell for a little while but then I get up and do something about it. I mean, I escaped the toughest military school in the country - okay, I might be exaggerating but whatever - and I don't have a single police officer after me."

"Until I report you, that is." Jac retorted.

Jared pretended to gasp. "Stop, I'm too cuddly for that place."

"You can cuddle with the guards then."

"But if you report me, who will give you decent girlfriend advice?"

They both glared at each other then - except Jared wasn't glaring at all, frozen in place with the gleaming pen halfway between a click and Jac trying to glare but also trying not to laugh, which was an odd thing to do when she felt so defeated.

Nonetheless, she broke, stifling a quick laugh that felt like magic was swirling around in her chest. It was the first time she'd laughed soberly since her birthday week had began and she still couldn't believe Jared Hayward was sitting in front of her. It was the cherry on a wild, chaotic few days.

Jared's goofy grin grew wider, revealing a subtle gap that even Jac hadn't noticed until now. "Just focus on yourself, Jac," He advised, but instead of attempting to appear studious, his voice was much more gentle, eyes softer around the edges. "Your parents' problems are not your problems, no matter how hard they try to drag you into them. You really just gotta go with the flow."

Despite his cooling reassurance, Jac wanted to scream. She wanted to scream that it wasn't as simple as he was making it out to be  - although the more she thought about it, the more she realized how complex she made everything. How much emphasis she put on every single thing that happened around her, as if she could feel everything twice as much than everyone else. A slap was a punch and a whisper was a shout. Maybe that's why her mind was constantly drifting, desperate to find an anchor. She wasn't drifting, she was sinking.

It took her a moment to realize their gazes were locked in that weird way they had a habit of doing, the dreamy gaze that was supposed to transport you into a hazy land where you saw stars and fairy tale versions of yourselves ready to play out an epic love story. Jac wanted to look away. She should have because instead of Jared's cinnamon eyes, she saw Damon's ocean blue eyes, the eyes she'd always been seeing even when she had sworn him off and took a chance with someone else.

She always saw him. When she was with Blake, when she was in a coffee shop with Jared, when she was shopping with Benny and Veronica Conrad. She saw him everywhere and it drove her even more insane when she tried to pretend she didn't.

However, she couldn't break the gaze with Jared either because Damon wasn't here. And if she broke the gaze she'd be alone.

While Blake Evans had turned out to be a liar, he was still right about one thing; being alone was like Hell to Jac and as horrible as it seemed, she'd rather sneak into Heaven to use someone's heart than burn by herself.

Besides, if she had almost fallen for Blake, maybe she could almost fall again.

Luckily, Jared wasn't enough of a therapist to tell what she was thinking as she leaned over the table and swiftly kissed him. His lips were rougher than she remembered and the taste of sweet green tea lingered on her own. There was nothing euphoric about it, there was only one person who could give her that. But it was a nice substitute.

"Well how's that for going with the flow?" She whispered, a smile that didn't feel as rich as her last embellishing her face.

Jared smiled back and for a moment, she thought she'd had the keys to Heaven - until he spoke. "Jac, I'm not stupid and I'm not a rebound either." He remarked ruthlessly and Jac shrunk back into her seat as if she'd been slapped in the face. And she might as well have been with the immense shame that was pouring down on her like money from a balcony.

It only made it worse knowing she deserved it. She had been practically using guys like Blake just to fill the void, knowing that if Damon were to ever come back she'd probably drop them faster than a Saks sale could end. However, she decided to be angry anyway because anger looked better than tears.

"Then what's the point?" She nearly hissed, biting her glossed MAC lips to keep the tears from emerging. At least, she was succeeding at that.

Jared managed to pull off the raising of one eyebrow and one only. "What do you mean what's the point?"

"Why are you here? Why are you even talking to me again?"

"Because I care?" Jared offered as if his reasoning were obvious.

Jac only tsked, abruptly standing up only to have Jared stand up with her, forcing her to look at him. But all she saw was Blake Evans telling her he wasn't going to break her heart and Damon Felix promising he'd never cheat again and every lie of her parents that things would go back to normal, back to sleeping on the couch watching Pocahontas and suddenly waking up wrapped in the silky, Egyptian cotton sheets of her parents' bed.

'Everyone lies.' She reminded herself.

Her entire body was telling her this was all a repeat of Blake, demanding her to run back to BCBG, get Benny and Veronica and get the hell out. However, she couldn't help but stay locked in place as Jared hesitantly took a step towards her and put his arms around her, the smell of old, poor man cologne and coffee engulfing her.

She should have pulled away but she didn't. Because she just needed one more lie or she was going to shatter into a million diamond pieces.

Plus, denying a rebound but hugging her was so Jared Hayward.

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A/N: So I'm trying something different and not starting with the party (even though I have that chapter loosely planned and tbh its a bit much).

And with this book, I have a lot of questions for you guys this time around. What do you guys think so far of all the characters? About Jared? About Damon? Jac? Erika? I would really like opinions, I'm a bit nervous because this book is really different for me to write so its like stepping into strange territory but this is also the first time I feel like the characters are telling me whats happening which I haven't felt since the first book so I'm rolling with it.

The next POV might be a bit odd so brace yourself.

Thank you to everyone who reads and supports as usual! I love all of you and you really make it feel like a community in the comment sections <3

(P.S. shit is sad at first because reality but it gets better lmao)

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