13

Katie got a taxi home in the early hours of the morning. She was happy, excited, but still had this cloud of anxiety over her head. The first thing she did was open her laptop and surf the net, looking for information on the problems her baby could have. The information was varied, there was a chance that any genetic problems within the family could come to light, but there was as much chance that things would be ok. It was a risk, but she figured that her anomaly scan the doctor had discussed in a couple of months would pick up a lot of defects or problems. So she resolved to relax until she hit that point. She woke from her sleep through the night several times panicking, but by the morning, she was determined to stick to her resolve. 

Ramon was knocking her door before breakfast, and when she swung the door open she saw the concern etched across his face lift.

"You look well!" 

She nodded, gesturing for him to come in.

"So what did the doctor say? Is it just you overworking?" His concern was so touching.

Katie wrestled with what to do, she couldn't bear people judging her, but she trusted Ramon, knew that he'd do and say the right thing.

"I'm pregnant!"

"Wow!" he paused for a moment, "so have you told Xavier?"

She sighed, "It's not Xavi's Ramon, you know that!"

His face dropped, he had known it, but prayed for anything different, "Shit Katie. Have you thought about this? I mean really thought about it? There are so many pitfalls, so many issues."

She held a hand to silence him, "Ramon, I know, I've researched, looked into the problems, but for the first time in years I feel happy, this is what I've always desired. You yourself said I was looking for a surrogate family," she laid a hand on her stomach and smiled. "Maybe that's what I've finally got!"

Ramon was speechless, a million thoughts racing around in his brain, but she looked serene, content, and truly happy. Accepting this was in conflict to everything he knew, to every moral, every ideal he'd spent years studying. "I think you're being very unrealistic Katie, and that's not like you. I suggest you have a long hard think about what you want to do. And maybe discuss it with the father?" he spat the last two words out in virtual disgust.

Katie was devastated, "thanks Ramon; you've made it blatantly obvious that I can't tell anyone else the truth. I thought you were a friend."

"I am a friend, but not someone who can overlook something so HUGE!"

They barely spoke over the two days, and Katie was once again cocooned into her own world. Ramon was due to leave the following day, so she finally plucked up the courage to go and confront him before he left.

He answered the door smiling, obviously expecting Antonio, his face fell slightly when he spotted her on the door step.

"Ramon, I don't want us to part on bad terms."

He shrugged, "I just don't feel I can condone this Katie."

She snapped, "Do you think I chose this? Do you think this is my choice? Five years with Xavier and I had not one pregnancy scare, four days with Dan and this happens. I didn't expect or plan it. But it has happened. I have the choice to weather the storm, get a scan in a few months and see if everything is ok, or make a rash decision now. I've got no one else in my life Ramon! This seems like the best timed gift that I could ever ask for. When you go back tomorrow I have NOTHING! No family, no husband, no friends. I've burnt every bridge. Now I have a chance to be happy, to change my life and if you can't understand that then that's your problem. I know it’s morally wrong, that it should never have happened, but it has. But I can’t end this baby’s life because of something I found out afterwards.

“Maybe you can leave Antonio, the love of your life and head home to pretend to all and sundry that you're happy to live a lie, that it’s different for you to pretend, that things are ok. But you’re a hypocrite Ramon. We all have secrets Ramon, it's just some friends accept them, other's deny and hide from them!" With tears pouring down her face she turned and left.

She'd packed a bag and was heading for the beach when there was a knock at her door. Ramon stood there, his face wet with tears. She opened her arms and hugged him, stroking his back as he squeezed her.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't judge you, and you're right I am running away from what I have here. I think I'm falling in love with Antonio and I'm scared. Scared of feeling that way, scared of not being with him, and most of all scared about what the world will say about me. I wish I had your courage to take it all on the chin and go for exactly what I want. This baby..." he sighed, “it’s against everything I believe, but you’re right. You didn’t know. And if it’s anyone’s fault it’s that of your parents.”

She kissed his cheek, "it's never going to be that straight forward for me, but I have to try. So do you. You lose Antonio then what do you have? Parents who love you but get concerned that you're the wrong side of thirty and single? Your family are awesome. They will accept you however and whoever you are, something I can only dream of! Don't go back darling not yet! If you do, just make it a trip to tell your family the truth."

He shook his head, “I don't have your strength."

"You do! The worst thing that could happen is they're upset but you still have your love, the man you care about." She took his hands, “I’ve had to move away from my father because it was too hard, but through that I met your father, you, your family. And they are wonderful. I can’t imagine them not accepting that you’re gay, but if they don’t, then you need to walk away. You may never meet someone like Antonio again...then you’ll just be sad, lonely.”

He nodded, "I know you're right!"

She kissed his cheek again, "if you do go back, you can always start my divorce proceedings for me?"

He laughed, "I'll call my mate, he does divorces, one of the best!" He looked at her for an age, "will you at least go and tell Dan?"

She nodded, "he deserves to know."

So a week later she found herself in a hire car, driving to the university address she had for him in Brighton. It was late summer, and she was sweltering in the early evening sun. She found a hotel in the centre of town and checked in. She had to buy an A-Z to actually locate the side street he lived on. Standing across the road from the small terraced house, she was overcome by nerves. How the hell did you tell someone that you were having their baby? Especially when that someone was your...

With a deep breath she crossed the street, and strode up to the red door marked with the numbers 132. She rapped almost aggressively at the door then stepped back. After a few seconds the door swung open and a man, or rather a boy, of maybe eighteen with blonde short curly hair.

"I was looking for Dan O'Hara?"

Blondie shrugged, "he went to the pub to watch the football. D'ya wanna wait for him?"

She shook her head, "where's the pub?"

He leaned out the door and pointed to the right, "straight down there, turn right on to Walnut Drive, the pub is about two hundred yards further, 'the Milk Churn', you can't miss it!"

She nodded, "thanks!"

It was only a short walk, and as Katie stood outside she could see the revelry of a typical pub night in student land. A huge TV filled one wall and the football was playing out in glorious Technicolor. Music boomed out, and people crowded around the pool tables, and the bar chatting. Then she saw him, Dan. He was such a striking vision, collar length light brown hair, animated blue eyes, and a smile that spread from ear to ear.

With a deep breath she pushed open the door, aiming to catch his attention then talk to him outside, she made her way into the hot steamy pub. 

The music was deafening, but she battled through the crowds toward the end of the bar that she'd seen Dan. As she got closer she saw him across the heads of a few more people, and saw him smile and laugh. Craning onto her tiptoes to see more of him, she suddenly realised who the smiles and laughter were aimed at. A petite, young blonde female reached out and hung her around his neck. As a response Dan's mouth descended on hers, open lips and tongue protruding. What followed was a vile display of face eating.

Katie was shocked to the core, she may have pushed him away a month ago, but after all that happened she presumed that it would affect him more, that he wouldn't dive head long into another relationship. Devastated she quickly backed out of the bar, there was no way she could talk to him now; no way could she consult him over their child. The sick feeling, the anger, the loneliness all raised their ugly heads again.

By the time she reached the hotel she was in floods of tears.

Back in Spain she had several emails from Dan. He'd obviously realized that she'd been to his house. She deleted them all without a reply. She had bigger things to worry about. She was due to fly back to Mexico to meet with Pablo, she had to explain about the baby, as well as discuss her plans for the four resorts. She had a busy few months ahead and she wanted to get as much done as possible before she took some time off. She had to prioritise her life, and Dan was way down a long list, her baby, her livelihood to support that baby, they were top of the list. As was a new home.

She was glad to see her old apartment, but after the meeting that morning with Pablo, she knew she'd be selling it. He was really pleased with her progress, and was happy to hand her complete control of the Spanish branch of the business. He'd virtually told her to move, to sell up what she had in Mexico and start over in Spain. He'd reacted to news of her baby as she'd always imagined her father would. He told her he felt like an abuelo, a grandfather, and it was then that he'd almost broken down, and confessed that Ramon had told him he was gay. 

Katie had then spent the afternoon with the older man, convincing him that Ramon was balanced, and happy, and that it wasn't the end of the world. Pablo had smiled at her then, he loved Ramon, but had never had an inclination that he was gay. Whilst it wasn’t a question of approving or disapproving - to Pablo there was no issue, it was more the grieving for the things he’d longed for. Weddings, grandchildren, now he had worry, as he knew that not everyone would accept Ramon’s choices.

She'd remember Pablo's word's for the rest of her life when he'd said:
"I love my son, nothing he could do could change that. But until today I didn't worry about him, about his future. Now all I worry about is him, he's my every thought Katie, and I'm devastated that it's taken so long to tell me." 

As his tears fell, Katie hugged Pablo, and smiled, "and all my life I've wanted to hear words of such love and support from my family. When I met you I saw compassion and friendship in your eyes and you've NEVER let me down, you've never let Ramon down either."

At no point did Pablo ask about the father of her baby, whether he presumed it was Xavier or whether he wasn’t interested she wasn’t sure. That was a relief to her. She couldn’t imagine telling him the truth. Not yet.

Ramon was staying for a few weeks to clear things. He was making a long term plan to business partner her in Spain, knowing that he could also work as a lawyer too. When she saw him the next day he was more content, happier than she'd seen him, so she landed him the job of selling her apartment too.

When Katie boarded the plane leaving Acapulco, she had no idea if she'd ever see it again, with a silent smile she said goodbye to that chapter of her life.