We return to the temple doing our worst to ignore that unbearable tension that leaves me wanting to repeat some very specific memories of that night together. Maker knows no one else has ever made me feel the things he did, emotionally and physically.

"So once we find Kamino in the archives we go and speak to the cloners," I say, trying to keep my mind on the mission at hand but it's hard when just the sight of him is enough to make me weak. "Try to find out who they're selling weapons to?"

"Precisely," he answers. "If it is the Separatists supporting these attempts they're contracting a bounty hunter to carry it out, and to get to the bottom of who exactly is ordering the attacks we need to get to him."

There's no point trying to get information from Dooku, he is too well guarded and inaccessible and he'd only lie, so we have to do this the long way. Even then, something in me doesn't want to admit it could be him, I don't want to believe my master would betray me so deeply. I can't.

"You know I once considered bounty hunting or at least something along those lines," I tell him and he blinks at me in surprise.

"Really?"

"When Padme's reign ended I found myself bored to death signing report after report and meeting with adviser after adviser. I wanted to be out in the field doing something," I say and he nods along smiling to himself knowingly. "Maker how I hate a desk job."

"I always did find it strange you found yourself in a life of public duty," he says and I realise he truly has kept tabs on me. "It never seemed to fit."

"It didn't," I laugh.

"And now?" he asks me, able to sense easily I am not fulfilled by my life.

"Well, we're hunting a bounty hunter right now so I suppose I'll get a taste of it," I comment and he makes an amused sound as we enter the Jedi temple. "I miss fighting."

"Well my dear, I'm sure we're going to get one," he assures me and we wander into the archives  and begin looking through them for Kamino trying different spellings but nothing's coming up.

"That's odd," he says, continuing to type into the system with no avail.

"Quite odd," I agree and ask "Do you want me to get someone to check our archives on Naboo?"

"No it's alright, I'll call for assistance," he says and soon enough the Chief Librarian Jocasta comes over.

"Master Kenobi, and oh sweet Rhea," she remembers fondly and I'm certainly surprised anyone who knew me at fourteen would remember me as sweet. "I was very disappointed to hear the council voted against your return."

"Well so was I," I laugh awkwardly, Obi-Wan nodding in agreement, and tell her "I'm here on behalf of Naboo assisting Master Kenobi with some official business."

"We're looking for a planetary system called Kamino," he tells her. "It doesn't show up in the archive charts."

"Kamino," she ponders. "It's not a system I'm familiar with. Are you sure you have the right co-ordinates?"

"According to my information it should appear in this quadrant here," Obi-Wan says pointing at the hologram. "Just south of the Rishi Maze."

"I hate to say it, but it looks like the system you're searching for doesn't exist."

Obi-Wan and I share a look, feeling that something isn't right.

"Impossible," he says while I remember the ignorance of the Jedi well. "Perhaps the archives are incomplete."

"If an item does not appear in our records, it does not exist."

She leaves us to ponder this and we take one look at each other before each continuing to search for it and I make a transmission to the archives on Naboo.

"Hello this is General Amidala can I be put in contact with-"

"Rhea," a surprised voice says and my eyes widen realising it's my mother, having forgotten in between her busy life of being a house wife and trying to force me to be one she volunteers in the archives. "Well, this is a surprise."

"Mom, hi," I say awkwardly, Obi-Wan looking over in equal surprise. "So I take it you're the volunteer archivist on duty then?"

"Yes honey I am," she says and pull my com away as I sigh, not wanting to speak with her right now. "Why are you calling?"

"I'm just on some business and was wondering if you could search something up for me."

"Oh what sort of business, for the senate?" she asks and I wonder if she's even aware of the attempt on Padme's life, from the news she'd have to be but I doubt Padme's told them anything more than the bare minimum, likely downplayed it as much as she can.

"Jedi business," I say putting her on speaker. "I'm working with the Jedi on this investigation."

"Oh how exciting," she says despite how absolutely morbid the situation is and I can't help but drag a hand over my face as the questions begin. "Are you working with that nice Jedi boy we met during the invasion?"

"Uh- yes," I stammer in surprise at that particular question, wondering how she can possibly still remember him, but he does have the habit of leaving an impression. "Obi-Wan is here."

"Hello," he chimes with a playful grin while she rattles on and I am quickly regretting this.

"He was a handsome boy, you should bring him home for dinner." Obi-Wan chuckles at that and raises his eyebrows at me not knowing the half of it while I want to slam my head into the table. "It's past time you and your sister brought someone home to meet us."

"Yes mom," I sigh while Obi-Wan has to stifle his laughter and he's lucky I can't look at him long enough without blushing to glare at him. "But look this is important, I need you to search for Kamino, it should be just south of the Rishi Maze."

There's a pause and some typing before she says "Yes, now what about it."

"Hello there," Obi-Wan says speaking up. "So it is there?"

"Of course it's there," she says and we share a confused look. "Is there a problem?"

"Not at all mom, thanks," I say, us realising something is quite wrong with the archives. "I'll be home for a visit soon hopefully."

"Lovely, now make sure you bring Obi-Wan," she says and I shake my head as I hang up.

"She knows my name," he says, impressed with himself. "I wasn't aware I made such an impression."

"Oh trust me she remembers any man I'm within six feet of. I can't talk to her without her trying to set me up with a husband," I tell him bitterly. "My sister Sola has two kids now which have kept her happy for a while but now she's onto me and Padme both about marrying and having children, much to her disappointment she hasn't been successful."

He tries to keep his voice light as he inquires "In all these years, you never found anyone to love?"

He's a sweet fool and so I tell him "My sweet Obi-Wan, you ruined all others for me."

Little did I know until I laid eyes on him again that my heart was always devoted entirely to him and he frowns, seeing for the first time that I'm right where he left me. Somehow time went on for everyone else, but not me. Still nineteen in my fantasy, in my dreams running back to him and begging him to leave with me. Running away together with no destination or plan.

I wonder if somehow he's still there too.

"But do you want it?" he asks me quietly. "Marriage, children?"

Now that's a question I've never asked myself, not when my family's tried to use it in an attempt to placate me, in my defiance I never considered if it is something I want.

"I don't know, I mean I'm nearly thirty, I should be thinking about it but-" He watches me quietly as I confess "Despite leaving the order to be free of the code, to be able to love, it seems I haven't."

But that's a lie.

I have loved, I've loved madly for a decade now. A love that left me knowing there would be no other. No marriage. No children. Because I could never imagine it with anyone but him.

And somehow I was just fine with that until now.

"You may as well rejoin the order," he remarks with a seriousness to his voice I don't expect and I try to laugh it off but he is being genuine.

"That didn't quite go to plan last time."

"You never know," he says, still with a glimmer of hope that breaks my heart. "You were Anakin's age last time, things are far different now."

There's no arguing with that and I look at him not knowing if I'll be able to walk away from him again. I'm not as strong as I was, not now I know the pain that awaits me in leaving him.

If I have learned anything in reuniting with him, it's that I will love him for the rest of my life no matter how hard I try not to.

And so I say something I never would have dreamed of before he came back into my life.

"Well, if you can convince them maybe I'll consider it," I say putting it into his hands, and he leans back in surprise, not daring to say anything that could make me change my mind as he takes the challenge on board.

"I'll see what I can do," he promises me, squeezing my hand and pain shoots through my heart knowing well it is just a dream. "Now, I want to take this issue with the archives to Master Yoda before we move on to Kamino."

I nod, finding it too strange for my liking as well and so we walk through the temple a reasonable distance apart until we come to find Yoda training a group of younglings and I can't help the smile it brings to my face and catch Obi-Wan watching me with a smile of his own.

Perhaps he knows the answer to his question better than I do.

"Younglings," Yoda says getting their attention. "Visitors we have."

"Hello Master Obi-Wan," they all say in sync and my smile widens.

"Hello," Obi-Wan smiles at the younglings. "I'm sorry to disturb you, Master."

"What help can I be Obi-Wan?" Yoda asks as some of the younglings wave to me, and Obi-Wans question does indeed play on my mind. Kids, I never let myself dream of them but seeing Obi-Wan with them makes me feel a desire I've never let myself have before. 

"We're looking for a planet described to me by an old friend," he tells Yoda. "We know it exists in other archives but the system doesn't show it on our archive maps."

"Mmm, lost a planet Master Obi-Wan has, how embarrassing," Yoda says and I laugh with the kids as he instructs the blinds to be closed and for them to gather around. Obi-Wan activates the map reader. "Clear your minds and locate Obi-Wan's wayward planet we will."

Stars fill the room and while Obi-Wan points to where the planet should be they circle around him, and he's never looked so beautiful as he does in this moment, so gentle and soft spoken with stars surrounding him.

"It ought to be here, but it isn't," Obi-Wan says and I have to consciously remind myself to conceal my feelings in the force. "Although gravity is pulling all the stars in this area towards this spot."

"Hmm, gravity's silhouette remains," Yoda ponders. "But the star and all the planets disappeared they have. How can this be?"

"They would have had to have been purposefully removed from the archives," I say, unable to find another explanation. "They appear on Naboo's archives but not on the temples."

"Mmm, General Amidala is right, erased from the archive memory it was," Yoda says and instructs "Go to the centre of gravity's pull and find your planet you will." Yoda walks us out of the room as the younglings go back to what they were doing. "The data must have been erased."

"But Master Yoda, who could empty information from the archives?" Obi-Wan asks. "That's impossible isn't it?"

"Dangerous and disturbing this puzzle is," Yoda says, something in my stomach churning as if I have a piece of it already. "Only a Jedi could have erased those files, but who and why, harder to answer. Meditate on this I will."

"Master," I say suddenly and he and Obi-Wan turn to me. "Is there any way you can see when these files were erased? They could have been missing for days or years and to know a timeframe would help us greatly."

"Suspicions you have," Yoda says as Obi-Wans brows draw together. "Share, please do."

"If the Separatists are involved it also stands to reason Count Dooku is involved," I tread carefully, trusting my gut. "If there is something occurring on Kamino he is involved with could he have erased it from the archives before he left the order to cover his tracks?"

Whatever schemes his master has, he took Maul's place after his death and at that time he was still very much welcome in the temple. If he was working with the sith as long as ten years ago...

Yoda makes a contemplative sound and Obi-Wan nods along in agreement but keeps a careful eye on me. "That- that could be possible. He only truly became estranged from the order after Master Qui-Gons death, but the confederation was not formed until several years ago so it could not possibly be related to the plot against the senator."

This is something bigger, something far more dangerous than any of us could conceive. Well, anything they could conceive. 

"Meditate on this I will," Yoda continues. "Something darker afoot I suspect."

He returns to the younglings and Obi-Wan and I head outside to his transport.

"I think you may be right about the archives," he tells me. "It seems to be the only explanation we can find."

"But for now we must leave it in Yoda's hands," I say, not wanting to linger on the subject of Dooku. "Perhaps we'll discover more on Kamino."

He looks at me carefully. "You used to have so much anger for the council, now you willingly trust Master Yoda, what happened?"

"I got older, and hopefully wiser," I say, looking at the temple, somehow having become the opposite of what Dooku wanted. "I slowly learned there is no point harbouring anger, I became too tired to let it consume me. Yes there are moments where it's appropriate but it's bitterness that leads to the mind and soul becoming twisted." He tilts his head towards me. "I've made peace with them Obi-Wan, I see no point in holding onto anger, I let it go a long time ago now."

He nods, quietly impressed and rests his hand on my shoulder. "I may yet give Anakin to you to teach."

I laugh as he walks me out to the hanger. "Oh no that little maverick is all yours, I'll keep Padme, we may argue over politics but we always find our middle ground."

"Yes well, I definitely wouldn't want to get caught in the middle after seeing you two before we left," he says looking at his ship, a single seater starfighter. "I do hope they are alright."

"As do I," I sigh and look at him knowing we have a long journey ahead of us but feel confident in a way I haven't in a long time with him by my side. "But we're taking my ship."

He's almost offended "What's wrong with mine?" He gestures to it as he tells me "It is one of the finest starfighters made and it isn't even on the market considering it was commissioned by the Order."

"Yes Obi, your ship is impressive," I assure him but point out the obvious "But do you want me sitting on your lap all the way to Kamino? I wouldn't mind but it would be awfully impractical."

He flushes at missing that obvious complication and I raise a teasing eyebrow.

"Alright," he agrees after a moment of consideration. "Your ship it is."

"And I'm flying," I grin as I lead him back towards Padme's apartment.

"Well you can't be anywhere as bad as Anakin," he remarks. "I trust knowing you it's armed."

"Very much so," I assure him. "Hopefully we won't need it but you never know."

"I'd say it's safest to assume we will," he says, both of us knowing it will inevitably end in a fight. "Does your ship have-"

"It has everything your precious starfighter does," I chuckle as he follows after me, too caught up in his safety protocols to notice he'd fallen behind. "It's a transport ship so it even has a bed."

I mean it innocently but he has to clear his throat. "Perhaps we'd get into less trouble trapped in a cockpit we can't move in."

"We'd find a way," I tease but look back to see he's actually nervous. "I promise not to seduce you into my bed while we're on a mission."

"While we're on a mission?" he repeats, nothing being said about afterwards.

"Let's just try to make it to Kamino and back without taking our clothes off and call it a victory," I say and somehow we both know that might be considerably more difficult than we'd like to admit and go against my better judgement in saying "Then we'll see if we're wiser than we were ten years ago."

I'm glad for the physical distance between us as he says "I dare say wisdom does not come with age."

The look in his eyes is enough to make me want to cross that dangerous line we walk.

"You're right, it doesn't." My throat is tight now as I say "Come on, let's go back to Padme's apartment and get ready to travel to the outer rims."

~

When we reach it we come to the startling realisation we are alone with complete privacy, something we have not yet had. That is enough that he quickly tries to find an excuse to be elsewhere while I prepare to leave.

"Do you mind if I freshen up?" he asks referring to the shower, knowing we'll be gone for days at least. 

"Of course," I answer, trying not to stammer at the thought of him naked in the next room. "You can use the one in my room, the ensuite on the right."

He gives me a thankful nod and heads inside, no doubt to take a cold shower which is something I certainly need as well.

"Fuck," I find myself cursing once the door to my bedroom closes and drag a hand over my face, a habit I seem to be picking up from him and look at my ship on the helipad, knowing this is going to be significantly harder than I had hoped it would be.

~

Obi-Wan

I shut the door to her bedroom behind me, needing a moment without her to balance myself, to regain my senses before confining myself in a ship with her for hours. I can't say this current predicament isn't my own fault, initiating as much as reciprocating any advances.

All I want is to take her into my arms, for her to feel the words I can't bring myself to say, to selfishly cross yet another line I swear I won't. I loved her then, I loved her recklessly but this is different. It's just as reckless if not more so but the depth of these feelings is beyond alarming. I don't just want to kiss her I want to be consumed by her, I want to feel the very things I've spent years fighting and I feel powerless to stop myself. I know if I hold onto her for too long I won't be able to let go. There's an adoration for her that is there no matter how badly I try not to act on my feelings, something I've done a horrible job of doing.

How many times can we possibly say we love each other without saying the words? I feel them in every glance, every touch, every smile. That love that I'd forced into memory more alive than it ever was, penetrating every defence and leaving me with no clue how to fight it. She walked away all those years ago, she did the hard part before but now... now I still hold onto the dream of bringing her back despite how impossible it is because some stubborn part of me refuses to give up hope that it is possible despite what few pieces of sense I have left telling me otherwise.

I was prepared to deal with the feelings I had ten years ago, I was never prepared for the ones that have come now as quickly as they did before and so strong I could break under the weight of them. It makes me wonder what the point is in pretending otherwise when we both know so painfully well how we feel. It makes me wonder what more possible damage could we do to one another if I went and kissed her, if I took her by the waist and made love to her here and now. 

I should be better than this, better than just a man. I am a Jedi, but in her presence that is all I am, just a man hopelessly in love with a woman I know I shouldn't love. 

And so again I ask what more damage can I do if I give in to what it is we're both consumed by and allow myself just one more night with her before we're forced to part once again.

Except that's just it, it wouldn't be just one night.

I know exactly what damage it would do now I can finally see how deeply our affair wounded her. I'd truly hoped no matter how badly it hurt she would fall in love again, marry, have children. Have a life where she could be loved how she deserves to be. She tells me she doesn't want that, but I see how she smiles at the younglings. I see through every lie she tells, to herself, to the council, to me.

Something went terribly wrong before Padme's assassination attempt, something that has left her afraid, too ashamed to tell me the truth. But it was when she lied to the council I realised she has had training these past years. She can lie and tell them it's her own self discipline but we both know she has little of that at the best of times. 

Padme knows something, I saw it when they were fighting, I saw the panic in Rhea's eyes and Padme's quick change of subject when she remembered I was listening. I'm half tempted to attempt to contact her on Naboo without Rhea knowing, but I know if I did that it would only cause a fight, it's the reason I haven't pressed or asked questions she doesn't want me asking. 

Against my better judgement and own personal hesitance I let my eyes skim about her room. She's both too afraid and too stubborn to reveal what she is hiding, but after watching her lie to the council I need to know if she's been putting herself in danger in order to train herself or to receive training from another. The answer is clear in my mind, but I struggle to believe it, struggle to believe that despite her ideological beliefs she would go so far. At least without coming to me first.

But when I find her cloak thrown into one of the corners smelling of something burnt I can't deny it, not as I pick it up and find the blaster holes and glass splinters and what I swear have to be lightsaber burns like those I saw on her back. I felt little darkness from her, but much shame, guilt. At first I thought it was about us, but when I watched her fighting with Padme it was clear her separatist sympathies were far more than just sympathies.

I don't want to believe it, I don't want to believe what is so blindingly obvious, yet how can't I after her panic at the mere mention of Count Dooku, but what leaves me uneasy is the thought it was more than a mere acquaintance turned sour. 

One thing is for certain, she's become a brilliant liar who is very capable of concealing things in the force. Unfortunately her eyes reveal everything and yet I can't help but become lost in them every time they meet and all I want is to help her, but if she has gotten herself into a mess as deep as I am beginning to suspect... our feelings for one another will soon be the least of our worries.

I drape the cloak over her chair before I go to shower, she knows I have my suspicions and perhaps this could just provoke her into revealing the truth to me, but something tells me she won't and this, the lies... it is perhaps the only thing holding me back from giving into her and perhaps that's what has stopped me from confronting her until this mission is complete.

So when the time comes and the truth is revealed she'll give me a reason to be able to walk away.

If such a thing is still possible.

~

Rhea

I stand in the kitchen, noticing the long time it takes for me to hear the shower start and know he suspects something, I can feel it. We both know damn well I'm hiding something, but neither of us are going to be the first to acknowledge it. Not until the mission is complete.

Even now as I stand here alone, the first time I can think clearly now he isn't in front of me, I don't know how much of Dooku's teachings were the Jedi's and how much were the Sith's. He became the sith lords apprentice after Maul, was involved with him even while Qui-Gon was still alive. An apprentice for an apprentice. That was more than three years before he summoned me to Serenno, towards the end I knew he'd been corrupted by darkness, by power, but nothing like this. I could never have known he was already apprenticing for a sith lord years before he took me as his own apprentice. A sith who made it clear to him if I don't play the part he wants I have to die.

It didn't matter if I told Padme about their army or not, they knew the risk of it was enough that if she didn't come to their side she would have to die but she'd already been attacked by then. I don't understand. I want it to make sense but not how it is. I want to believe they were empty threats and someone from the Republic is responsible for this, but the deeper we go the darker it gets.

I look down at the jumpsuit I wear and know if we face this bounty hunter I'll want to be better prepared for combat and so I walk into my bedroom since the shower in the ensuite is still going and delve into my wardrobe for the clothes I wear while training, tight leggings and form fitting top. I take off my belt that holds my saber and blaster and put it on the table only to see in horror the cloak I wore on Serenno draped over it.

That was why Obi-Wan took so long, he found it. If he didn't walk out and confront me immediately it means he still wants me to know that he knows, but that it is my turn to be honest and I will be but I am not starting a fight when my sister's life is in danger, not when we have to be able to work together to get to the bottom of this.

Whatever that may be.

But still it jars me enough that in my hurry to change I don't notice the shower turning off until the door opens, nor did I notice his clothes folded on the same damn chair as the cloak so I'm standing there half dressed in my undergarments when he walks out with a towel around his waist and absolutely nothing else, both of us immediately apologising the second we realise.

"Shit sorry!" I exclaim and avert my eyes out of respect and panic, having until now succeeded in remaining the bare minimum of professional in trying to not get him naked but thankfully he's just as awkward at having caught me in a state of half dress although it's nowhere near as much as him.

"Sorry I-"

"It's nothing you haven't seen before," I say waving off his concerns with my eyes still shut and ramble "I- I promise I was not trying to get you into bed I just thought I better change into something I can fight in."

"Of course," he says, both of us caught standing there awkwardly and he stammers "That's- that's a sensible decision."

I nod and open my eyes to find both of us flushed and in a mutual state of defeat in our attempts to not end up in this situation.

"Well," I say, trying to laugh it off. "Seems we failed to get to kamino and back without taking our clothes off."

"To our credit we did make it half an hour," he says but the humour disappears when he sees the scars on my body, faint white lines now but obvious enough to the trained eye and I curse silently. For just a moment he averts his gaze as if to pretend he didn't see it, but his concern overrules all else.

The permanent reminders from Dooku of what happens when I am not fast enough in a duel, not sharp enough in my reflexes. He never went easy on me, and so if I made a mistake he didn't stop himself as any other master would, he let me take the hit and suffer the consequences of failure.

A lesson quickly learned, and still I never put two and two together despite his methods and know I won't be able to convince Obi-Wan I never knew when the evidence is right here on my body.

His face is serious as he steps forward and I can't meet his eye as his fingers trail along the worst of the scars, one that runs from my waist up along my spine. My eyes flutter closed at the touch of him but the tone of his voice strips away any pleasure that could come with it.

"This is a lightsaber burn."

He states it as a fact, not making an accusation but it's there, I know it is.

"It is," I swallow, my eyes opening up to the sight of his bare chest and knowing I am in a very vulnerable position I choose not to elaborate. I could lie, attempt to gaslight him into believing I had them the last time we were together, but we both know there is no skirting around this.

He stays patiently silent until my eyes finally meet his and suddenly I can't look away as they bore into me and he knows exactly what he's doing as his fingers trail along my spine and it's all I can do to bite back whatever noise comes from the back of my throat and he says slowly "I'm going to ask you this once and only once, how did you get these scars?"

Immediately I jump to deflection, lying to those I love second nature by now "It's not important now-"

"Rhea," he says, not having the patience for deflection and uses the voice he does with Anakin. "I'm not going to ask you again."

It's not until now I know how deeply Dooku has corrupted me with all the years of lies, making me into a liar by forcing me to deceive those I love time and time again. 

"We have a mission to complete Obi-Wan," I remind him, knowing the truth would only hinder it. "We should be focusing on that and nothing else."

He nods slowly as he steps away and I can feel his hesitance, but his frustration gets the better of him as he remarks "It's incredible how dutiful you are when it's convenient for you."

And there it is.

I warn him "Don't talk to me about duty when I've devoted my life to it."

"Well then we have an understanding," he says, a coldness between us now and says words I know he's been holding back. "And yet when it comes to your duty to protect your sister you're still lying to protect yourself first."

And like that all common decency is off the table as I step closer to him and challenge "And how dutiful would you be if I took off my clothes right now? I'm guessing not very."

His face changes at those words knowing it's the truth and he warns me "Now we both know just how that would end."

"Is it any different to how this ends regardless?" I ask him and know I've hit a nerve in both of us. "I think it's too late to pretend we're walking away from this bloodless."

"Do you think when I took this mission I wasn't prepared for you to destroy my life once again?" he asks me and I'm the one standing there speechless as he quickly realises he's misspoken. "I didn't mean it like that-"

"Destroy your life?" I repeat in disbelief. "What about my life!" I stick a finger into his chest as I finally let my anger loose after all these years of cursing his name "Do you think you didn't destroy mine!" 

He breathes in deeply as he takes my hand and tries to de-escalate. "Can we do this when we're dressed?"

"No," I say harshly, not letting him back out now as I rip my hand away. "You started this not me." He moves away from me now, not wanting to engage and I yell "Ten years I've spent trying to put my life back together, you don't get to stand there and pretend you were the only one who was hurt!"

"Well I was the only one prepared to fight!" he argues back, hitting me where it hurts. "You're the one who walked away."

 I laugh dangerously at those words "Do you think it was easy? Do you think it didn't kill me to walk away? Walking away was the most selfless thing I've done in my entire bloody life!" My hands shake now as I yell "I walked away so you wouldn't because I wasn't going to let you destroy your life for me!" He can't meet my eye now. "So don't you dare stand there and demand to know the things I've done in trying to repair mine!"

"Has it occurred to you Rhea that maybe I want to help you!" he says harshly, but won't resort to raising his voice. "That I know you're lying to everyone including yourself and just want you to be honest with me of all people after what we've been through."

"I don't owe you the truth," I bite defensively. "We don't owe each other anything."

"You're right," he says as he marches back over to me. "We don't owe each other anything, our past is just that. In the past."

Except it isn't.

"Is it?" I question as he follows me with every step backwards I take, knowing I have him caught now. 

"Yes," he insists and I see that look in his eye as I suddenly find my back against a wall, his body dangerously close to mine. "It is."

But I can't help myself as I challenge "Really?"

His hand is beside my head, leaning over me as he repeats with little conviction "Really."

And so I tilt my chin up towards his and ask "Who's lying now?"

He takes the bait and I gasp out as I feel his hand on my waist, the other reaching for my face, holding it in place as he leans down, beard scratching my cheek as he breathes my name "Rhea."

I look up at him, chest heaving, and whatever he sees makes him let go of me before he can take this any further and in an act of desperation I reach for him, grabbing onto his muscled arm to pull him back to me and drop the act as I plead with him "I need you to trust me Obi." His eyes are conflicted as they meet mine "I will tell you everything when the time is right I swear, but until then I need you to trust me." 

"Rhea," he warns but his eyes betray him as I take his face in my hands and his breath catches in his throat, our bodies touching now as he holds me by the waist. 

"Trust me," I whisper, lips inches from his as I look up into his torn blue eyes. "Please."

I let him feel everything I do in that moment and his eyes fall shut, forehead falling against mine as he takes it in until finally he nods, placing his faith in me as he says "I trust you."

With those words my arms wrap around him and suddenly we're holding onto one another as for life itself and I bury my face in the crook of his neck, my hands grasping his bare back as he buries his fingers in my hair, clutching me to his bare body. The warmth of him is something I know I'll crave for years more, having almost forgotten it until now.

I press my lips to his collarbone and feel him sigh at the touch but as I press my eyes shut I feel tears in them. Not wanting this to end like before, not wanting to destroy each other again and so before this can go any further I pull back enough to press a chaste kiss to his cheek and tell him "I'll let you get dressed."

He opens his mouth as if to protest before his eyes meet mind and immediately he understands that pulling away is not by will, but mercy on us both. He nods in agreement and I force myself to let him go, picking up my shirt and walking out of the room before I can look back and kiss him in a way I can't undo.

I don't stop until I'm in the kitchen and pull the sleeveless shirt on, head in my hands as I lean on the bench and my eyes catch the bottle I used to poor us drinks after the last attack and feel the temptation for just a moment before cursing and walking away from it, my substance abuse being the one thing Dooku brutalised me for when I began my training and rightfully so. 

I fill cantinas with water and head to the ship, climbing inside and into the pilot's seat. It's a transport ship so it's spacious enough, and yet I know it is still too small for the two of us and our barely repressed emotions. Hell even the largest starship could never be large enough for us.

When Obi-Wan finally emerges he's dressed and his hair half dry, I open my mouth, not knowing if I should acknowledge what just happened but he speaks first, with a kind concern as he holds up my weapons belt that I'd forgotten in my haste to get out of that room.

"You might want this."

I give a pained smile as I take it. "Thank you."

He nods as he takes the co-pilots seat, eyes lingering on me before looking at the controls and asking "Are you ready for the coordinates?"

I nod and we set our course for Kamino.

~

Hours later we're travelling through the hyperspace lanes, having exhausted all topics of practical conversation regarding the mission our thoughts wander to just what Anakin and Padme are up to, using Anakin's own poorly concealed feelings to avoid our own.

"I'm sure he's behaving himself," I try to assure Obi-Wan. "I dare say Padme's grown tired of the obvious pining."

"Well, she'd certainly be fed up with his flirting," he guesses and criticises. "It is god awful too."

"It seems the master can't teach everything," I tease and quickly bring it back to Anakin before we tread down that carefully avoided path. "But I don't know, she always found it cute, and it's hardly like she allows that type of affection considering her station."

"So you aren't the only sister who terrifies any man who looks your way?" he says and I give a satisfied smile.

"Well I more so than her, she just prioritises her work above all else instead of deliberately brushing anyone off," I say, remembering that one senator, Rush Clovis. "And with Anakin she's too nice to be harsh, so either she'll let it keep going or try to let him down gently."

"I hope she lets him down as harshly as she has to considering he clearly doesn't have a lick of sense about him when it comes to your sister," he says and I roll my eyes at the blatant hypocrisy as he shakes his head. "If she gave him the chance he'd be that silly he'd be asking her to marry him."

I laugh, unable to imagine that. "That would be a sight, wouldn't it?"

"Don't even make me consider it," he groans, speaking frankly. "He doesn't even need a reason to break the code, he just does it, and if he did do something that stupid I don't even know what I could do aside from help him keep it secret."

I can understand trying to prevent Anakin from making the decisions he has but still, he's blinded to the fact they were not so different.

"We were prepared to keep a secret like that once too," I remind him gently, remembering it all too well not that either of us need the reminder.

His voice is quiet as he says "I know we were."

And the space is thick with tension again between us. At least we'd made it this far to Kamino without ending up here again.

I clear my throat "You know she's the one expecting me to do something as stupid as that now I'm alone with you."

He can't argue with her assessment but asks "How long has she known?"

From the way he says it I know immediately he's never breathed a word of us to another soul aside from answering the questions Anakin's had and is surprised I would.

"She knew something was going on at the time and after you left, well..." I don't need to finish and he nods, not needing me to explain the rest. "Like I said, she was afraid to tell me it was you who'd been assigned for a reason. She knew right from the start that you were my first love."

I know I wasn't his, but he was certainly mine. My first and only love.

The space between us becomes heavy and he looks over at me, a mere metre away at best in the cockpit, he looks at me conflicted before deciding to say "I- I'm sorry about what I said earlier."

I shake my head in dismissal "You don't need to-"

"I do," he says taking my hand in his. "I shouldn't have said what I did about you walking away. I- I know it hurt you as deeply as it hurt me. I know you've been in just as much pain as I have. It took me a long time to realise it and even now I don't want to believe I've been the cause of such pain."

"Obi-" I whisper but he's not finished. 

"When the shock passed I was thankful you walked away, because like you said, I would have walked away from the order if you'd let me." I swallow hard, him never having said those words so plainly before. Words that mean more than I love you ever could, words of a man willing to break from the order he had devoted himself to so he could be with me, the purest act of love he could commit. "You were strong enough to do what I couldn't in putting our duties first."

"And you've done incredible Obi," I tell him, squeezing his hand and his eyes soften. "I knew you would do right by Anakin and you have. I couldn't let you break that promise."

"I know," he says, both of utterly vulnerable. "I know you did it because you cared for me too much to let me walk away from the order even if it meant breaking your own heart." He brings my hand to his lips and kisses it hard. "Still," he says, his voice gentle but desperate. "I want you to know Rhea that I really was prepared to fight for us."

I give him a sad smile. "I know, but I couldn't let you lose everything in that fight."

He returns my sad smile, tears in both our eyes. "You may not have been my first love darling, but maker knows not a day's gone by these past ten years that I haven't thought of you."

I blink at him in disbelief despite all we've confessed to one another. "Truly?"

"Truly," he says, letting me in that moment feel everything he does, the longing, the remorse, the devotion. "I meant what I said, that I'll never be able to look at a sunset without thinking of you, and those words are true to this day." With those words my composure breaks and tears slip down my cheek as I cry and he wipes them away, voice soft as he soothes me "No darling, don't cry."

"How can't I when you're here, telling me that you've been in as much agony as I have?" I reply and find myself confessing to him knowing there's only so much more destruction left for us to do to one another. "I loved you." Saying it so plainly brings pain to his eyes. "I loved you and I knew I could never find that love in anyone else. I didn't want to love anyone else. I still don't." I find myself wiping a tear from the corner of his eye and leave myself utterly vulnerable as I tell him. "What I said about marriage and kids, I lied, I-" 

His eyes search mine, realising there is something I haven't told him "Rhea?"

"For a moment I- I thought I was pregnant," I confide in him and watch his eyes change as he takes my face in his hand, tears still wetting my cheeks. "I wasn't, but for a moment..."

"Oh Rhea, darling," he whispers and brings his forehead to mine, trying to ease me before he confesses "For just a moment during those first few months of training Anakin when I believed I'd only fail him some selfish part of me hoped you'd come to me with the one duty more important than mine to him." I realise what he's saying and search his eyes, seeing the same scared boy I loved who was so uncertain of himself, of his capability to fulfil his masters wishes. "So I had a reason to leave that was more honourable than for the forbidden sin of having fallen in love."

"Obi-Wan," I breathe and we both know there is no escaping this unscathed as my heart breaks once again and he kisses away my tears as he did all those years ago until I whisper. "I don't want to let you go again."

"Neither do I darling," he promises me, kissing my palm as he asks "How is it a love so brief has endured so unwaveringly all these years?"

"I don't know," I say quietly, terrified as I ask him "What are we going to do?"

His brows draw together in contemplation, torn between every piece of sense he has and what he feels, unable to come to any conclusion except for one "I don't know, but it seems we're the ones we should be worrying about instead of Anakin and Padme."

"I think you're right," I chuckle tearfully and I can't help but look at his lips after trying so hard these past days not to. "Obi-Wan I-"

"I know," he says and I close my eyes as his lips skim over my cheek. "I know darling."

"Please," I whisper, not knowing what it is I'm asking for but he knows as his lips move down towards mine. "Obi-"

"Rhea," he breathes and every second is torturous as his lips brush against mine only for us to be torn apart by the blaring alarm sounding from the radar and he curses "Blast!"

Quickly I slam the alarm off and watch as Obi-Wan looks from the radar to what both of us were too occupied to notice. Kamino.

"There it is, right where it's supposed to be," he says breathlessly. "Our missing planet." 

He looks at our hands, torn between discipline and desire, his resolve momentarily lapsing as he leans forward without warning and kisses the corner of my mouth, quickly moving his lips to my forehead before I can kiss him back and we linger there for just a moment in the silence before he forces himself to pull away so I can descend into the atmosphere of Kamino.

Sitting there beside him with the ghost of his lips on mine I know that the dangerous line we've walked, we've certainly crossed it now.