28 BBY | Almost four years later

I lay on his chest, moonlight shining in through the window in his room that overlooks the city. It's peaceful, beautiful.

I'm holding his bearded face, so much older, so much wiser and dare I say more handsome. But it's his eyes that have not changed, still as beautiful and bright as ever.

"So darling," I find myself absentmindedly pondering as he holds me close. "What was the agenda for today's long and horridly boring council meeting?"

"The council is debating giving Anakin a padawan," he tells me and I can't help but laugh. "It's not funny it's terrifying."

"Anakin with a padawan?" I question. "He's barely even a knight and they want to put a child into his care?"

"With my supervision," he assures me, fingers running over the skin exposed by my nightgown. "Soon it will be the three of us sent to some blasted corner of the galaxy to fight."

"Which means you and me free to do as we wish without the council watching," I remind him with a smile and his eyes brighten at those words."See sweetheart, everything is falling into place."

"Better than we could have hoped for," he says, thumb tracing the smile on my face before he kisses me and tells me the words I've been dying for. "I love you my darling, more and more everyday."

"I love you too," I whisper and it's then I wake within my dream and know none of this is real and tell him what I never could otherwise "I wish I came with you."

"It's not your fault," he tells me as tears fill my eyes. "You were never given a choice to come with me, that choice was taken from you by the council before you could make it."

"But I had made it," I whisper as he slips away between my fingers. "Obi?"

And he's gone. 

Numbly I wake to the smell of spice in the air and unconscious scantily clad people around me, my head pounds as I take in the aftermath of the night. I'd be lying if I said I did not intend for it to end like this, I knew how I planned to end up when I put on a short dress and enough makeup nobody would be able to recognise me. 

They would never know their Princess of Theed is a raging rogue bleeding from the inside, and yet none of it did anything to ease the ache in my heart nor the pain that spice dreams bring, so vivid it could be real. It felt real.

It is still the only thing that feels real as I make my way to the palace to clean myself up before someone catches me like this. But by the time I make it back to my room in the palace Padme is there waiting for me, eighteen now and yet she has become far older than I could ever be. While she's aged into a wise queen I've grown into a tall child who's learned what a pretty face and the right name can get herself.

And how freeing having nobody know my name is.

"Where were you?" she asks me, taking in the smudged black liner covering my eyes and then smells me from where she's sitting. "Rhea I swear-"

"Relax I was hardly a participant," I tell her, not that I can remember any of it but I assume it's a lie. "I'm twenty three, am I not allowed to go and have a night out every once in a while."

"No," she answers shortly and lectures "You cannot go and mingle with spice addicts in warehouses and come back in the morning remembering none of it. You have just finished your term as Princess of Theed and are about to become the General of Naboo, you have a reputation to maintain."

"My reputation is intact," I assure her, having curated it to perfection these past years. "The good thing about being a fallen Jedi is that the moment anybody even begins to recognise me I just wave my hand and they forget all about it."

"You can't keep doing this Rhea," she says and I pour a glass of water alongside some painkillers. "I won't be queen for much longer, and I won't be able to protect you."

"Dear sister I can assure you I am quite experienced in protecting myself," I say, washing my face in the sink. "I am more concerned that the senate is going to dismiss my investigation into the invasion."

Three years I've spent investigating it, the camps, the brutality, the Trade Federation, and finally Palpatine.

"You've done everything you can," she tries to assure me. "But some things are just more complicated than they seem."

"You mean the fact the person responsible for deciding whether or not to veto the decision to act on the results of the investigation is the very person responsible for the invasion?" I correct and she sighs. "Three years Padme I've spent figuring out just what happened, and it all leads back to Palpatine."

"You have worked faithfully and dutifully in investigating the invasion," she tells me, speaking as queen. "But now it is time to trust in the Republic and in democracy to do its job now that you've done yours."

Usually I'd argue with her on this, but the pounding in my head says otherwise and so I say "You're right."

She looks me over concerned by the fact I'm not fighting with her over politics and says "Mom's asked us all to come to dinner, will I see you?"

"Of course," I promise her with as much of a smile as I can manage. "I wouldn't miss it."

She leaves me and it's not long later I'm lying in the bath, head beneath the water as if I could drown out the dreams that play at my mind. I try to tell myself it doesn't matter what decision I would have made, that the council took away my choice. 

It does little to content me. 

~

Captain Panaka and I survey the newest recruits for our armed reserves. It was the compromise Padme and her politicians made, that instead of a standing active army we would train reservists to pick up arms if ever needed. 

Panaka and I were always at odds until we approached one another about expanding the security force, and so we became the architects of an army. After the invasion many were converted from the pacifist ideals that were so central to Naboo after being put into camps at blaster point.

"We have five thousand new recruits that are expected to join this year since military training is now included as an option for the mandatory community service," he informs me. "That should bring our standing military to ten thousand in the next two years, or rather reserve as we are meant to call it."

"Going from a security force a hundred strong to a reserve of ten thousand in just a few years is more than impressive," I tell him, knowing the numbers will continue to grow, it is not for lack of volunteers but lack of resources to train them to keep up with the demand. "And we know now if we are to ever face another global threat the Gungan army will stand with us."

Somehow Jar Jar has single handedly become their representative, I still don't know how to feel about that, often remembering Obi-Wan's own exasperation with him and missing those sarcastic remarks.

"Several of the queens handmaidens have expressed interest in joining the reserves once the queens term has finished," he continues. "I believe they would make ideal commanders."

"As do I," I say, holding them in the highest respect. "I trained each of them personally, they're more than capable of training recruits themselves."

It's then he asks me "Is it true the queen will be replacing the senator?"

"Yes," I answer, having only been informed quite recently. "Now Reillata has been elected Padme will be sworn in as senator once her term officially finishes and the new queen is coronated."

"Well knowing our queen I dare say she will need ongoing security once she becomes senator," he tells me. "Would you be interested in taking charge of this security, my nephew Typho will be the official head of it but you know the queen and her handmaidens and you are the only person she listens to."

"Of course," I answer and yet find a hole in myself that is still not filled. It was not filled when I became Princess of Theed, a ceremonial role that gave me just enough power to launch my investigation and push for the creation of this army.

Yet now despite becoming a General I am still not satisfied. 

I long to be out there with a saber in hand taking true action, to not be bound by politics, and yet I wonder if even then I'd be satisfied with my life, if it would fill that hole in me I try to fill so desperately. I've tried everything from duty and responsibility to sex and even substances it now seems judging by the orange stains on my fingers I couldn't rid of.

The hole has been there since I left the order, Obi-Wan was the only thing that ever filled it. It was that hole that brought me to the council that last time believing it could finally be filled and yet it was torn from me so quickly, leaving that hole deeper than ever before.

If I was more foolish than I am, I'd believe it is a hole Obi-Wan's love left in me, making me so pathetically heartbroken there is no other purpose for me than pining for a lost love that is the only thing that could ever fulfil me.

It would be a lie.

It was the force that filled that hole, the force that willed me to be a Jedi. Obi-Wan filled it because he brought me back onto the path I abandoned, a path I realised too late I belonged on despite how I hate the order, and perhaps the true cruelty is that the moment I began to realise it they turned their backs on me once again.

Yet even now despite all I have built for myself, I am still empty.

~

I find myself in a meeting with one of the newest members of the Royal Advisory Council regarding funds for the military academy. I'm hardly listening as he carries on with all the formal nonsense, twisting the rings on my fingers in boredom as he talks about renovations on his family's mansion until finally I interrupt.

"This is not a social calling advisor," I remind him, this being the last place I want to be with this pounding headache. "I am here on business." 

"Please, call me Horace," he tells me, extending his hand. "Horace the third after my father, and my father's father."

I don't take his hand and truly don't care for backstory, instead getting to the point "Protocol dictates that before formally requesting further funding for government projects I must meet with the economic adviser, as Panaka is occupied I am here."

"Very well," he says bringing up the records. "Would I be correct in assuming this is for the military academy?"

"Yes, there is hardly any other reason why I would be here," I say and tell him. "I need twenty million credits to keep up with the next two years of demand to fund starships, expanding the size of the barracks and such."

"I am afraid I will not be able to provide that amount," he says and I raise an eyebrow. "My lady?" 

"You are not the one who determines that," I remind him, having no patience for yet another older man to attempt to override my authority. "Your position is to advise, refer my request to the queen and council and then do as the queen tells you to do."

"Of course," he huffs. "But considering it's your sister who approves these personal projects someone has to-"

"She is the queen and you will address her as queen Amidala," I scold him, knowing she does not tolerate informality. "Now you will pass along my request to the council for the funding, and I trust when the queen approves it that the credits will be delivered swiftly."

With those words, at being commanded, his demeanour quickly changes and he begins "You are young, so let me advise you."

"Are you aware you live in a society where the wisdom of young women is held in higher regard than all else?" I ask him, sensing he has spent much time off world, likely on Coruscant from his patronising tone. "I don't think you do."

He ignores me. "Since becoming Princess of Theed you have been the most divisive and controversial figure in Naboo's recent history."

I can't help the proud smirk that comes to my face. "I am aware."

 "There are those of us who believe if the power was distributed amongst older and wiser men as it was in the early days of our society then the invasion would not have happened," he makes the poor mistake of declaring. "Young women are simply not prepared for such responsibility, it should instead be in the hands of men who have spent decades serving our planet."

Those words seal his fate, it's always been my suspicion that the council has treated previous queens as puppets, Padme listens to them but does not tolerate being patronised by the men who betrayed our planet in doing the Trade Federations bidding during the investigation.

"You mean men like Palpatine who allowed it to happen?" I question and tell him "Do not bother with my request, I will refer it to your successor. I believe it is time we had a young and educated women of humble means to handle the finances of our planet instead of an aristocrat who does not understand the value of a credit."

He is now horrified "You do not have the power to-"

"No but the queen would very much like to hear that her economic advisor doesn't believe she is fit to rule after she saved the lives of everyone on this planet."

As I go to the door he yells out  "The queen's reign is about to come to an end, you will not be able to command power through her name anymore. You will no longer be able to bully your superiors and dictate the council!"

I look back at him in amusement. "Is that so?"

"My father suggested I seek you out personally before he approached your family about arranging a union between us," he says and I can't help the stunned laugh that escapes me at those words but I should not be surprised, arranged marriages are common amongst aristocrats which it seems I've become these past years. "You are a remarkably beautiful and yet cruel woman of noble blood, I have tried to be kind and counsel you despite your unpleasant reputation and yet you are even more horrid than they say."

"Cruel and horrid am I?" I ask, and decide to show him how cruel I can be. "How old are you Advisor?"

"Thirty five."

"Thirty five and mummy and daddy have to approach my family because you're too much of a condescending prick to find your own spouse?" Those words certainly do not please him and so I say some more. "You're a rich man so clearly whatever is between your legs must not be impressive enough to keep even the shallowest person."

I turn my back on him to leave and he makes the mistake of going to grab my wrist and grips it so tightly it could bruise as he threatens "I will not be demeaned by a spoilt-"

I grab his hand and he screams out as I twist it until I feel something crack before striking him across the face and now he is truly mortified. 

"Consider yourself fired from your position," I tell him, watching as he nurses his injury. "You insult my sister, question her reign, patronise me and now lay hand on me. I may not have the authority to strip you of your title but I can certainly have you removed and banned from this palace for your comments which border on conspiracy and treason for which you will now be investigated."

He curses my name and after a nod to the security guards he is indeed removed from the palace whilst I go to prepare for dinner. 

~

I'm seated inside my family home at the table next to Sola as Mom prepares lunch, even Grandma Thule has made it. Padme is in the kitchen helping, from her demeanour she is indeed not happy so I can only assume she was informed of the incident although it seems she'd unhappy with the advisor and not me so I'll take that as a win.

"So tell me more about your investigation dear," Grandma says to me while everyone else is talking. "I never much liked the Palpatine even when he was senator, talking your parents into putting Padme into politics at eight." She scoffs. "Always been something off about him."

Since no one else is listening I whisper to her "Well you aren't wrong grandma."

"I never am," she tells me and it's then Mom comes with the food, Sola helping her with it.

"I hope everyone's hungry," she smiles, always happiest when she is playing the perfect housewife, the perfect mother, always pretending to be perfect. "How nice it is to have everyone together, it's such a rare occurrence these days."

As we start eating Padme speaks up "I have spoken with the queen who will be succeeding me in several weeks time and she has expressed interest in officially asking me to become senator of Naboo after her coronation."

Naturally I knew this right after it happened, but everyone else expresses sounds of surprise and congratulates her as they should. She's devoted herself to public duty since she was eight, she wouldn't be able to cope if her career was to end at eighteen. She is as excited and ready for duty now as she was at fourteen.

It's all celebration until Mom says "If only Rhea was succeeding you as queen, then it would be a true partnership with one ruling and the other in the senate."

"Maybe next term she will run," Dad says to try to keep the peace. "Before Padme women Rhea's age and even older served as monarch, there is plenty of time."

"No, I don't think I will be," I say politely. "I would much rather oversee the planet as General."

"Still, you should have at least run after being elected as Princess of Theed, it's only natural," Mom says and Grandma Thule takes a drink from her wine. "If you weren't so invested in this investigation you would have been easily elected. The people themselves were calling for it and yet you decided instead to spend your days making these mad accusations."

"Mom," Padme says, trying to diffuse the situation. "Rhea was elected as Princess of Theed after the invasion so she could investigate it properly and put measures in place to ensure it won't happen again."

"And now you've made her a general," Dad says, trying to bring a positive light to this. "We are very proud Rhea. One daughter a senator, another a general, and another about to make us grandparents."

I looked over at Sola with a smile, her stomach swollen enough it won't be long before she has the baby. "A little girl, she kicks hard enough that's for sure."

"Have you thought of names yet?" I ask her and she reaches across the table to take Grandma Thules hand.

"I've decided to name her after Grandma Thule," Sola announces, deciding to stick with the tradition of naming after people in the family. "Ryoo Naberrie."

Whilst I've spent much time with Padme since entering public service I've grown ever closer with Sola since we've entered adulthood together, only a year apart and I cannot wait to meet my niece.

"So lovely," Mom says and I'm smiling as they all talk about the baby and the upcoming shower, that is until Mom clears her throat. "In fact Rhea, while we're on the topic of families and children there is someone we would like you to meet, the eldest son of one of your fathers friends, he's a politician who's just become the economic advisor." 

And there it is.

"Whatever for?" I ask, so I can hear her say it before telling her what I did.

"Well," she begins. "You know, your father and I's marriage was almost arranged." Grandma takes another drink to exclude herself from this conversation. "But much to their surprise we fell in love naturally and we believe this man could be a good match for you."

"Well he's not." Padme cringes and I don't force back my smile as I tell her. "In fact I believe just a few hours ago I broke his hand and struck him before having him removed from the palace by security."

There's a clang as Mom drops her utensil and stares horrified "Rhea Naberrie I swear-"

"He's a prick who questioned Padme's suitability to reign before patronising myself," I reply as she remains quiet, no doubt glad to have him gone but still having to disapprove of my methods. "Would you have rather me entertained such a man?"

Mom sighs "I had hoped you would find someone who would inspire you to retire from public life and settle down."

"Is that what you want for me?" I ask her, my sisters both knowing what's coming. "To marry a wealthy man and disappear into obscurity so I may live out my days as a housewife?"

"Would it be so awful," she asks and her next words hurt more than they should. "You have never known anything of love and I just want you to be happy."

"I know plenty of love," I grit out and push my chair back. "Excuse me." 

"Rhea," I hear Dad calling out and saying to Mom "I told you not to bring it up like this."

"Well I didn't think she'd get upset."

But I am, in the kitchen I wipe away tears of frustration before anyone sees them and Padme finds me reaching for a bottle from the top shelf.

"Rhea, you shouldn't-" she cuts herself off as I pour myself a glass. "I'm worried about you."

"Don't be," I tell her, but we both know the truth. "For once I just want to be good enough, but nothing I do is. I help stop the invasion and create a military so it doesn't happen again only to be told I should be a pacifist. I devote myself to public duty only to be told I should marry a rich politicians son and be a housewife. But no, unless I am a queen or a jedi or pregnant it isn't enough."

"You are enough," she tells me and I force myself to pull it together for her sake as she takes my hands in hers. "You and I know everything you have done and sacrificed for duty, they don't."

"And then to sit there and tell me I know nothing of love-" my voice catches and she holds my hands tight. "Even now I still have dreams that make me question the decisions I made."

Her voice is gentle "Have you thought of visiting the temple?"

"That would be a terrible idea."

"Would it?" she asks me and tries to reason "You miss him, would seeing him to find some closure be so terrible?"

"If I showed up at that damn temple and he by some miracle still felt the same way it would just end in disaster," I tell her, having decided that long ago. "It ended because it had to."

"Is this why you're so miserable, over a boy?" Mom asks as she walks in with Sola cautiously following behind her. "Because if it is there's always others."

"No mom, it's not because of a boy," I argue, struggling to keep my calm. "And don't act like you know anything about my life. Have you thought that maybe I'm on edge because my investigation is going to be decided upon by the senate in just a few days time?"

"Your witch hunt you mean?" she corrects and I down the drink I poured. "The chancellor is a very old friend of the family."

"And a fucking snake," I say and Sola is the one pulling the empty glass out of my hand. "I'm sorry you have enough blind faith in him to believe we don't need a military to protect ourselves even after you were thrown in a fucking prison and we had to go against the senate to save your life!"

"Watch your language!" she scolds. "I did not raise you to talk like you grew up in a cantina."

My voice is harsh "That's because you didn't raise me."

"Alright, that's enough," Dad says and physically moves me out the door into the garden. "Enough fighting, you know how it ends with your mother."

"Come on dad, you never wanted this for any of us," I remind him now it's just the two of us. "You never wanted me to be taken to the order, you never wanted Padme to become a child politician." His face is filled with regret, knowing I still remember those things. "I know you have to believe me when I say Palpatine is not a good man."

"I do," he says quietly. "He pushed us into uprooting our lives to get Padme into politics, your mother believed we were supporting her dreams but I- she was just a kid, you both were." He frowns as he looks at me. "I know you'll never forgive us for letting you go, but know that even if your mother is not sorry for it, I am."

He hugs me tight and I stand there stiff, not used to this sort of affection but manage a reply "Thanks dad." 

But even as he pulls away with a warm smile I wonder just how long it will take my parents to feel like my parents again. My sisters... that bond was never truly broken and they are the people I will always be closest to, but even now with my parents I fear the walls I have up will never truly come down.

When he goes inside Sola comes out and sits down beside me in the garden with a hand over her stomach and sighs as she looks up at the trees.

"It never is a family dinner without a fight," she tells me and before the guilt can set in assures me "I gave it to them long before you ever came back to us. You and I used to tell people we were twins remember?"

I smile fondly at the memories "We did."

"Except it seems you and Padme grew up to look more alike, little traitor," she teases and goes on "Just because you two are some infernal team that torments all the men in that palace, it doesn't mean I'm not here Rae."

"I know," I say quietly and shake my head. "I don't know why I'm like this, why I get so angry. As a Jedi I never felt fulfilled and no matter what I do that doesn't seem to change."

She nods quietly and presses carefully "I heard what you said to Padme." I look down at the grass as she says "I didn't realise you still missed Obi-Wan."

After it happened Sola knew straight away something had passed between us, having seen the Jedi by my bedside and my tears when all others were rejoicing and in my sorrow I confessed it to her. Confessed the parts she would understand, the feelings and the affair, not how the force itself seemed to bring us together.

"They say first love stings but it feels like I'm still waiting for him when I know I can't."

"In a way I'm glad I don't feel the need to have something like that," she tells me, having chosen to have children on her own. "I love my family, and I love my daughter. I know you loved him but there is so much more love in the world, and you have too much love in your heart to spend it all on one man."

"I know," I say quietly. "It's not like I haven't tried to move on, physically I still want to be touched and admired and all that, but there's this connection that I haven't been able to find elsewhere, the force, it's impossible to explain but I still feel it."

"It's nothing a trip to the red light district couldn't fix?" she asks and I laugh loudly.

"Unfortunately no amount of that can fix it," I tell her and lament. "Maker knows I've tried, god he was too good at that too."

She shakes her head at me as at least one pleasant memory comes to mind of our time together and she suggests "Considering you've exhausted all the shallow solutions have you thought of something else to give that love to?"

It takes me a moment to realise what she's referring to "A child?"

"You've practically adopted all of Padme's handmaidens, you're more maternal than any of us," she tells me and I can't exactly argue with that. "You've never considered it?"

I'm quiet now, remembering those weeks after the night Obi-Wan and I shared, the worry that filled me at what the consequences could have been. "I have but..." I trail off, struggling for the words. "One day perhaps but something tells me that day is a long time off yet."

She squeezes my hand and I'm left with yet another question about what I want out of this life, feeling as if I'm running out of time despite life having only just begun but when you're made to grow up so young it's hard not to feel ancient at the young age of twenty three, much like Padme does at eighteen.

It's late and the air is crisp when her and I finally walk back to the palace.

"You know Panaka will have a fit if he knows I let the queen travel without security," I joke with her and she just laughs.

"You are the security," she says and then turns more serious. "In a few days you'll be going to Coruscant, you should stop by and see Obi-Wan."

"You think I don't want to?" I ask her, having spoken about him more today than I have in three years. "I loved him Padme and I never even knew just how much until he was gone, but it wouldn't be fair to just throw myself back into his life knowing how impossible it is."

"I just want you to be happy," she says, squeezing my hand tight. "And tomorrow I need you to go to Serenno."

"Serenno?" I repeat, not even recognising the name. "Why?"

"I received an invitation to meet and discuss the difficulties we're having in the senate regarding the Trade Federation but considering your leading the investigation I thought better for you to go."

"I'll go," I tell her, knowing I've been wanting to get off planet for a while, even if it is to debate politics with aristocrats. "And when I get back I'll be heading to Coruscant so wish me luck, I'll need it."

She hugs me and tells me "Just remember that you've done everything you can, it's in the Republics hands now."

It should comfort me, but it doesn't.

~

Padme's words about seeing Obi-Wan linger on the journey to Serenno. I want to see him more than anything, even if it's just to ask him if he's happy, or if he's been as lost as I am. I never even realised his severed padawan braid was still in my room until the day after he and the council left, I threw it in the bottom draw of my dresser and there it's remained since. A living reminder that what we did there that night can never truly be forgotten. 

Maker knows it haunted me in the weeks following, knowing that while that night we initially tried to be careful well... by morning that was another story. 

Perhaps it was sheer worry that caused my period to be late or a cruel lesson from the force, because it was only hours after I sat on my bedroom floor waiting for the results of the test that my period came. But it was enough time I asked myself what I'd do if by some sick twist of fate I'd fallen pregnant.

Thankfully I never had to make that choice, but it frightened me badly enough that the next day I went and got an implant in my arm to ensure I'd never be put in that position again.

I open my datapad as I travel the hyperspace lanes, returning to a bad habit as I search for the victory day parade on the holonet and find the holopictures of that day. As a Jedi there's no where else I can search for his face but here in the news article of that day and find him standing there beside me, the camera managed to catch us in a moment where our eyes were only on one anothers. 

I remember how bright his eyes were, how full of hope they were until I dragged him into that garden and crushed it with the heavy truths neither of us wanted to face. Yet none of it mattered the moment the council denied me, they made the decision for us.

The memories haunt me, the ghost of a girl that existed only whilst I was with him, one that was happy, one that for just a moment was more than what I am now. I thought time would ease the wound but it's as raw as ever, an open scar that despite how many treatments I apply in vain refuses to heal.

I don't know how many times I've been off world where no one knows me and sought out comfort in strangers in cantina's only to push them off me as they start taking my clothes off because any touch but his makes me sick. I found the touch of women less sickening than men but no more fulfilling. Obi-Wan and I's affair truly ruined all others for me despite my efforts. How can sex with anyone else possibly be fulfilling after making love as if the force itself had consumed us, after sharing my heart and my mind with a stranger who I haven't been able to unlove.

Sometimes I wonder if he shares the same agony as I do.

I look up as I come out of hyperspace and upon laying eyes on Serenno realise I have no idea who it is I am meeting with, but I'm in the mood for a surprise.

When I land I find the planet descent enough, nothing of particular beauty but civilised. A man stands waiting for me in the hanger.

"Queen Amidala?" he asks.

"Lady Amidala on the queens behalf," I answer, having that line well rehearsed by now. 

"Very well, follow me," he answers and I'm taken to a castle and realise Serenno must still operate under a hereditary nobility by the looks of things, so all the better I dressed as a lady instead of a general, knowing they typically respond better to the lack of a queen with someone who almost looks the part. After I was elected as Princess that seemed to fix any issues regarding my authority to act independently from Padme.

I'm taken into the finely furnished tower, finding artworks and all sorts of lavish decorations as we walk through the castle and upon reaching the top of the main tower the guard leaves me and I enter the room to find myself gazing upon a considerably large stain glass window, but it's the man in front of it that leaves me caught utterly blindsided.

"I apologise on behalf of Queen Amidala that she could not meet your acquaintance personally," I say stiffly but as he turns and looks at me I know this was what he attended all along.

"Lady Rhea," Count Dooku says to me. "It is past time we met properly." He motions to a single seat placed across from his. "Please, sit."

As I take a seat I remember him leaving the order several years before I did, something about him taking up regal responsibilities, it seems I should have indeed asked who I'd be meeting after all.

"Do you know why I requested an audience?" he asks me, as if I'm under interrogation as he remains standing and vaguely remember him being in the temple the last time I had been there, storming out of the council chamber in a fit of rage with Obi-Wan running after me.

"You invited my sister here to discuss our troubles within the senate," I state, very much on guard in this moment. "But I suspect it was me you wished to see Master Dooku."

Master Dooku, it was only ever how I knew him.

"Smart girl," he praises, not treating me as a diplomat nor any person of ranking, but a padawan. "You were always a sharp student, it is pleasing to see you have remained as such."

His motives here remain in question, but I oblige the route he has taken, surprised he even remembers me. "You were the master that taught my padawan's saber class."

"Indeed I did," he says and it quickly becomes clear this is no political meeting. "You were a star pupil, even then your saber skills surpassed that of the students in the years above you. I considered taking you as my padawan when you grew old enough, but I had parted ways with the order before that time came."

Those words shock me, Dooku was one of the most revered Jedi Masters when he left the order. "You did?"

"Yes," he answers matter of factly. "But fate would have other plans, I left to do my duty to Serenno just as you now do your duty to Naboo after you were cast out from the order for stopping an act of injustice. I believe Qui-Gon at one point had considered taking you as a padawan but he was assigned to young Obi-Wan Kenobi." He looks at me with a curiosity that tells me he indeed knows he and I were acquainted and does remember that day. "It is strange how fate works is it not?"

"It is," I say, the trip down memory lane not a pleasant one. "May I ask Master why I have been invited here?"

"As a guest," he answers. "I have heard of your troubles and wish to discuss some areas in which I believe we will be of the same opinion. But before we get into that business I wish to ask some questions of you."

So it is an interrogation.

He pours me a drink of wine and asks "You are old enough now to partake yes?"

"Yes," I nod and accept the drink, smelling it as he turns away and continues walking about the room.

"I remember seeing you several years ago," he tells me. "I had been visiting the temple at the same time Qui-Gon had brought you there, I remember the stir it caused. My own maverick apprentice bringing an expelled Jedi on a mission and that was before you stormed out of the council chambers with his own apprentice chasing you down."

I still at those words, having not realised Dooku was Qui-Gon's master.

"I did not know Qui-Gon was your apprentice," I say and my voice is stiff. "I apologise for your loss, I do not remember seeing you at the funeral."

"I could not bring myself to attend," he admits to me. "I told him before he left for Naboo that a sith lord was nothing to be trifled with, I did not expect it would be the last I would see him." I'm quiet as he stops and looks at me. "Tell me what happened that day, for it seems only yourself and Qui-Gon's own apprentice would know."

I can't help but be nervous at the questioning. "We had arrived on Naboo to retake it from the Trade Federation, we were cautious that the sith lord may appear. To this day I still cannot know the sith's intentions but it seemed they were targeted towards my sister."

He hums. "Yes, it is difficult to understand the intentions of a foe, especially when he does not survive to reveal them." And then comes the question. "Tell me how it is Qui-Gon was killed while yourself and Kenobi survived?"

Is it accusation in his voice or curiosity? Regardless, I have not felt this much like a padawan in a very long time.

"When the sith revealed himself, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon went after him whilst I destroyed the droids attacking my sister and got her to safety. I found them duelling in the plasma reactors, for security measures the hallways are lined with force shields." The memories come to my mind and I find myself struggling to keep my voice even. "We fought him together until Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan were trapped behind the shields and I was left with the sith. I was able to hold him off until they disengaged and Qui-Gon got through but Obi-Wan was still trapped." It's the screams that came next that haunt me. "We both fought him until I was knocked back and Maul broke his defence, he struck him with the hilt of his saber, it stunned him for just a second and that was all it took to drive the saber through his chest."

He nods in acknowledgement of my words, calm despite hearing the details of his apprentices death. "So it was quick then?"

"He survived until we had defeated him and then died as Obi-Wan held him," I say, but he can tell I'm being kind with my words.

"I imagine young Kenobi must have been distraught," he says and I nod, my answer short.

"Yes, he was."

"But the question still remains, how did two padawans, one who had been expelled at such a young age, kill a sith lord?"

"I had been taught Vaapad by Master Windu and Master Billiba," I tell him and he is visibly surprised. "They knew I was troubled and due to my discipline with my saber training they thought it would assist me in channelling my emotions."

"Interesting indeed," he says and gathers "This would have been a similar style to that the sith used, so you were familiar with the techniques?"

"Yes," I answer. "Prior to engaging the enemy Qui-Gon had Obi-Wan and I training together so he was able to see these techniques and learn how to counter them, even if it was a brief moment of training it prepared him and allowed me to remember enough of my training before we faced the sith."

He nods in approval. "And it was through this saber technique you killed the sith?"

"No," I answer, having to go back to that day I've so desperately tried to forget. "I held him off well enough in saber combat until I was disarmed and well, in my time on Naboo I had learned other forms of martial arts because I didn't know who I was if I didn't have my training to focus me, and the sith didn't expect a Jedi to attempt to strangle him with a belt." That does indeed surprise him. "He overpowered me of course, a nineteen year old girl against a sith lord, but it was enough time Obi-Wan was freed from the force fields and he attacked him, I was injured with a broken wrist and while the sith was debating how to kill me Obi-Wan cut him in half and it was done."

He is quietly impressed and asks "The council did not ask you to return after this feat?"

"Obi-Wan asked me to return," I tell him, the memories painful. "Qui-Gon had faith in me and believed I was still meant to be a Jedi, his padawan shared this belief. I was reluctant to return because of my disagreements with the nature of the order but-" I find myself struggling with the next words. "He had faith in me and that was something no one else had and so I allowed him to stand before the council and petition for my return. While most listened and some such as Master Yaddle advocated for me I knew how it would end." His eyes fall at the mention of Master Yaddle, both of us aware she died several years ago. "I would not betray my beliefs to satisfy them and that was that. Obi-Wan and I thought it could have been the start of reform, but no my opinions were too great a threat to the stability of the order it would seem."

"I once thought as you did," he tells me and I'm listening with a new attentiveness. "That by accepting a seat on the council I could drive change from within but found myself attempting to speak to high walls that would not yield. I realised far too late such change was impossible when they serve a corrupt senate before the people of the republic."

Those words spur something in me and I dare ask "You believe the senate is corrupt?"

"Of course," he answers, as if to believe otherwise would be foolish. "It was corrupt long before their new chancellor was elected, from what I've heard it seems you are the only person daring to investigate the truth behind his rise to power, to hold him accountable."

And there is the reason I was asked to come.

"Everybody I know thinks I am mad for seeing the truth," I say, unable to help the bitter edge to my voice and the words that come next. "It was the blood of my people that got him to where he is now, he is praised as a hero of the Naboo and yet never lifted a finger when they were put in camps." Barely contained anger surfaces in me. "Three years I've investigated the invasion, and it all leads back to Palpatine, a truth everyone is willing to ignore for the sake of pacifism." Disgust truly shines through at that last word. "And now no matter what conclusion the senate comes to the power is in his hands to dismiss it. How is that a democracy when we cannot hold those in power to account for their crimes?"

"It is not a democracy," he says, saying loudly the words no one else has dared to utter. "You would be surprised to hear there are many in the galaxy who know it to be true, many of us who see the Republic for what it is. The Republic much like the order cannot be fixed."

Relief floods me, that finally there is someone who sees what I do. "I don't understand how everyone lives in such blissful ignorance and chooses to turn a blind eye. That they refuse to see it for what it is, the Republic and the Order both."

"Because at a young age you learned the truth of it the hard way," he reminds me. "You saw corruption and watched the Jedi stand by for the sake of pacifism, so you took matters into your own hands. You were regarded with such great potential and yet discarded of because you would not bend your will. It is an admirable quality and yet one incompatible with the code."

"The code," I say, finally letting the long buried animosity surface now I am speaking with someone who understands. "It goes against the very nature of humanity, they claim there is no ignorance only knowledge and yet they live in a state of ignorance for the sake of peace. They believe attachment is a path to the darkside and yet-"

"Through attachment many find purpose, passion," he finishes. "Some would even say through passion we gain strength."

"Because it's true," I say and he wears a look of pleasant surprise as we indeed find common ground that cannot be found elsewhere. "I remember telling Obi-Wan what the force is outside of the code and the order, that to experience it fully you cannot try to deny yourself from feeling."

"I sense you had a connection with young Kenobi, an understanding," he says and I look away. "One the council may have sensed and that influenced their decision to again cast you aside."

"Perhaps," I admit, certainly not wanting to touch that wound. "But it hardly matters now, I will never be a Jedi and yet-"

"You still long to be one," he realises and comes closer. "It is not the order nor the code that makes a Jedi, but the force. Once a Jedi you shall always be one regardless of the path you walk." He stands over me now as he says "Which is why I want to offer you a choice."

"A choice?" I repeat cautiously.

"You can continue walking the path you have, fighting a system that will never change or you can join me in creating something new," he proposes and I'm speechless as he says "As my apprentice."

My voice is thin, filled with pure disbelief "Your apprentice?"

"You have a brilliant mind, one that has been underestimated. It is rare that one can see through the lies of the Republic and the Order, but it takes an extremely rare person to fight it as you have. You and I are alike in that." He extends his hand to me as an invitation to stand and so I take it, coming to my feet as he says "Allow me to complete your training and together we may right the wrongs of the order and republic."

"I-" I begin, still stunned. "I have a duty to Naboo-"

"Of course," he says, as if it is just another fact of the matter. "As I have a duty to Serenno, I am not Master Yoda, I will not ask you to abandon your duty in fact I encourage it. It is possible to both have your duties to your planet and family, and to be a Jedi." I open my mouth, struggling for words and he tells me "You need not decide now, take your time, consider my offer. I know you will come to the right decision."

I give a stiff nod and try to keep my voice neutral as I tell him "I will consider it."

"Very good," he says and walks me to the door. "I wish you luck in your trial by senate, for you must know the only reason you have been asked to stand in such a public arena is to be humiliated by the Chancellor."

I look at him, those words fueling the paranoia that's been eating at me since I was told the matter would be resolved so publically. "Yes, considering my history with the Chancellor I do believe he will take the opportunity to attempt to put me in my place."

"When you speak, know that there are many senators there who are longing for someone to say the words they are all thinking," he advises me. "Speak the truth and many who have the same suspicions we know to be true will be swayed regardless of the overall decision."

"Thank you for your counsel," I tell him, even now, especially now, revering him as the Jedi Master he was. "You will have my answer soon."

He nods and the guard outside escorts me out, my mind in turmoil as I'm led through the castle and to my ship. By the time I take off it's started to rain and I'm trembling as I sit there.

He brought me there so he could ask me to be his apprentice, he's been watching me, likely since he saw me at the temple those few years ago. It seems I'd left an impression when I all put pushed past him outside the council chambers while cursing them to Obi-Wan. Now my investigation and distrust of the senate has sealed his decision.

But mine...

I forced myself to accept my Jedi training was at an end, and here I am prepared to open all those old wounds. What would it even mean? It is clear he has plans to form something separate to Order, something that could most certainly be considered a threat, and I would be part of that.

Dooku may have taught one of my classes when I was just a child but all I truly remember is that he was highly revered although controversial before he left the order and still at the end revered by Master Yaddle who once compared the two of us, and Qui Gon. I didn't know he was his master but it makes sense to me and there is only one person who could know the truth about who he is, only one person could truly have a clue what being his apprentice would mean.

That would be Qui-Gon's own apprentice, Qui-Gon's living legacy.

Obi-Wan.

And so I chart course for Coruscant.