CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
To Kill Or To Be Killed
September 11th, 1978.

Daphne didn't really know how she got there, how she got to kill for the first time. A week had passed since the meeting and nothing much had been going on—her mission was boring and she hadn't caught a glimpse of any of them, though she still hadn't moved out. Yesterday night, she had gotten a letter from Tom, he was asking nicely to go see a man and try to recruit him. Regulus had told her that the last part of the letter wasn't so bad—it was described as an awful act but wasn't the case every time. He even told her that the feeling of guilt would pass rather fast. But, the only thing she recalled was begging the man to accept because if he said no, she would have to kill him and Daphne didn't know if she was ready to do so.

"Could you please just say yes? Or hex me and flee! I'll tell them that you were stronger than I am," she had shouted, hoping he would say yes.

"There is nothing for me on your side, I'd rather die than be one of you sick people," he had said angrily.

With one motion and one simple yet awful word, his body had fallen on the floor making a loud thump as it hit the ground. Merlin, it was a rather sick feeling to end someone's life. Antoine Beau, a french wizard who had recently moved to England so he could join the Order—Dumbledore's little army.

"My, my, my...He said no, I presume?" Regulus' voice echoed behind her as he walked closer to her. "Are you alright, Daph?"

"Am I alright? I don't know? I think I'm numb," she mumbled, sighing. "He looked like a good bloke."

"Everyone looks like a good bloke, it doesn't mean they are one," he replied. "See for our Lord, quite charming on the outside but rotten on the inside."

"Right."

He laid a hand on her shoulder and offered her a tight smile, "You did great, Daph. After all, it was to kill or to be killed," he told her as she let out a long sigh and buried her head between her hands. "Alright, on your feet. We are going to visit some flats."

"I promised Evan we would go together," she muttered.

Regulus rolled his eyes, "He's already waiting for us."

Wordlessly, Daphne let herself be pulled up by Regulus who had à strong grip on her, afraid she'd run away. But, to be honest, Daphne was too exhausted to try anything against her cousin's wants so she followed. Then came the second worst part of her day, Apparating with Regulus and not on her own. It always made her sick to Apparate with someone and she had completely forgotten to tell Regulus before reaching the Apparating point.

As usual, Diagon Alley was packed, well à little less than usual because most teenagers were in Hogwarts until the winter break.

"It is awfully packed for this time of the year, innit?" Daphne asked her cousin as he hummed.

"Right," he muttered. "There might be a shop that is doing sales. I reckon Wiseacre's Wizarding Equipment is doing one."

"Oh, I should probably check later on my own," she said as he hummed in affirmation. "Where's the first flat?"

He pointed at the white building right next to Whizz Hard Books, "On the second floor. Come on."

A lovely scent of old books hit her nose as they climbed up the stairs. They could hear Evan chatting with the man who was selling the flat, he was asking tons of questions which sounded actually very intelligent. From what the Dark Lord had told her, Sirius wasn't living that far—hopefully, if she chose this one, she'd be able to still spy on them.

"Ah, there you are," Evan said as soon as he saw them. "Marcus, lovely man by the way," he showed the man as Daphne shook his hand. "Regulus Black and Daphne Rosier."

The man, Marcus, offered her a sweet smile and spoke up, "Is the flat for you, Miss Rosier?"

"Yes! I've decided to finally move out of the family house. About time, right?" She chuckled as he hummed. "I saw the Whizz Hard Books on my way up. Does the street gets noisy on weekends?"

"Well...considering the Leaky Cauldron isn't that far, it does get noisy indeed. Though, nothing stops you from casting a charm."

"Right," she hummed. "How many rooms?"

"Three."

"Perfect. I'll take it," Daphne said immediately with a big smile.

Regulus frowned, "You'll take it but there are others yet to see," he argued as she turned to look at him.

"No, I need this one, Reg. Think about it! I'm close and it'd be easier, besides I have enough room for the two of you and Barry!" She explained.

It was a poor argument but nevertheless, her cousin sighed and accepted it. After all, he didn't have much to say about her choice considering her parents were the ones paying after all. She shook Marcus' hand one last time before agreeing to sign all the necessary papers to get the flat—surprisingly, as soon as all the papers would be signed, she would get the keys. Thankfully, her Mum and her had been packing everything ever since she got home from that meeting. Both parents knew things had to get going fast, even though it meant to let go of their eldest daughter. Amalthea wasn't a fan of that idea, at all—she had gone livid at the news and had fled the dinner table. No mother would like to see their children being taken away by world cruelty.

"Mum is going to be delighted by the flat," Evan said, looking at the brand new keys in his hands. "It's an amazing flat," he added sheepishly.

Regulus hummed, agreeing with his cousin before turning his head to look at Daphne, who was staring out of the window, "When do you reckon you'll be moving in?" He queried.

"As soon as I tell my parents I've found a place. Dad keeps rushing it so I guess he'll be happy with whatever flat I've got," she mumbled, finally bringing herself to tear her eyes away from the street.

And Daphne was right, hours later she was settled in. Letty, her house elf, had brought most of Daphne's furniture into the apartment. Now, the living room, that had only a ridiculous table and four chairs was full of new things her Mum had probably bought. The bedroom looked quite the same as the manor and to be honest, she didn't mind it at all. The rest was basic but Daphne felt at home somehow.

"I've never really thought I'd live by myself that young and unmarried," she mumbled, turning her head to look at Narcissa who had paid her a visit. "Do you think I shouldn't be...part of this?"

"I really have no idea, Daph. It's complicated to say," she replied, holding her cup of coffee tightly. "Did he ask anything else?"

Daphne offered a sad smile before nodding, "Asked me to recruit a man. Didn't succeed though. It is a shame really...I killed my first man today and I reckon it's not going to be the last time," she said, throwing her cigarette in the ashtray.

Narcissa grimaced, "How can you smoke these vile sticks? Andromeda used to do so, she's probably still doing it at this point," she mumbled.

Daphne stayed still for a minute, not used to hear Narcissa talk about Andromeda. It was rare and basically never happened.

"They are not that vile, you'd love them."

"Not so sure, besides I can't try because what if I'm pregnant?" Narcissa replied, voice full of hope. "I did what I was told by you two and yet, nothing. Is it normal?"

Daphne smiled softly, "Cissa," she started, sitting down and taking her hand in hers. "It won't happen with a simple snap. Having a baby can take time. I know that you said you didn't have time, but it is important that you don't stress yourself with it. Trust me, you should be pregnant soon."

"You're not a Seer, Daph. You don't know these things," she said with a roll of eyes.

Daphne hummed, "You're right, however I do feel it. How would you name it? If you ever have one."

"Draco. I've loved this name since I was a child," she ranted quickly with a look Daphne had never seen before. "It would keep the family tradition. Draco is a constellation."

"Lovely name, though I hate them."

"Why do you despise so much things?" Her cousin asked with a little sigh. "Don't you want children? A husband?"

Daphne thought and chuckled sadly. She wanted those things but she wanted them with the wrong person. James.

With a shrug, she threw the cigarette away and turned to look at Narcissa, "I guess I am what we would call a rebel on our side. I do not want a husband, at least not yet. I mean, why do I need one when I can be fully independent on my own?"

"Because...because having a husband means you have someone you love for life," she replied. "You've loved before, Daph. You must know how good it feels."

"I do," Daphne said, offended. "I do know how it feels like to love someone and to be loved, but I have fallen in love with the wrong person, Cissa."

"And? Who knows, you might end up with them after this war."

Daphne let out a loud snort, "Please. Don't be ridiculous."

"Daph..."

"No, please," she replied with a shaky sigh. "I want to...I wish to go to bed, Narcissa."

Her cousin straightened up in her chair as she cleared her throat, "Right, then I'll leave you. It was a pleasure to see you, Daph and the flat looks lovely."

"Thank you."

Daphne looked out the window but she could hear her cousin's heels approaching her. No words were spoken but Narcissa's hand touched her shoulder and gave it a squeeze. Minutes later, Daphne was alone and could feel the void again, the same void she had the morning before after ending this man's life.

She stayed in the same spot for quite a long time, her eyes scanning the streets as she smiled at some jokes people were telling while they walked under her window. It was almost as if nothing was happening, no war and death. She wondered for how long she'd actually stay at this window now that she had a real opportunity to achieve her mission. But, the thought of seeing James again made her quite sick.

After exchanging with Tom yesterday, she learned that James was still living with his parents and so was Peter. Lily was all the time with James' family, Mary was living with her family in Bristol while Marlene and Dorcas were happily living together. The thought of seeing one of them in the street made her shiver. How was she supposed to blend in? Daphne had never blended in before, she had never tried to.

"Bloody stove," she muttered to herself as she tried to turn on the stove in the kitchen. Daphne had cooked before but she was always with Letty, and honestly she never had the opportunity to learn how. "I'll just go grab something to eat."

Taking her coat, she threw it on and headed outside. The weather was still rather nice at this time of the year, but we could feel the coldness slowly settling in.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she mumbled as she bumped into someone. Her eyes looked up as they fell on Fabian Prewett. He was an old student at Hogwarts and from time-to-time she'd go see him play Quidditch.

He smiled, "No worries. Do we know each other?" He queried.

"Not personally, no," she answered. "I was at Hogwarts, just graduated this summer. Daphne Rosier."

"Oh, I know you then! You were just starting in playing Quidditch when I graduated, how was that?"

"Well, Gryffindor won the Cup," she said as he cheered for a bit, making her laugh.

"Did they? Wow, that's bloody amazing then!" He said as she nodded. "My bad, I haven't introduced myself. I'm Fabian Prewett."

Daphne offered her hand and smiled, "Nice to meet you, Fabian. May we meet again?"

"Of course," he grinned. "I'll do my best to walk down here again and bump into you then," he teased as Daphne could feel herself blush. "Have a lovely evening, Daphne."

"You too, Fabian."

Daphne didn't know why she didn't move when he started to walk away, or why she waved back when he turned around and gave her a little wave. It was the first time in months that she actually felt herself smile and a real smile. Turning her on her heels, she headed to the other side where she could find the Leaky Cauldron.

"Oh, Sirius come on!" He heard a voice yelling, and she could recognise Remus' one everywhere. He had this thick accent. which none of them had. "James and Lily are right here, stop being a tosspot."

Daphne was silent because she had to blend in. She turned her head to the side and caught James' silhouette, and soon Lily's followed. James had an arm wrapped around Lily's shoulder as she was laughing loudly to a drunk Sirius.

That night was the first time she saw James Potter since her birthday, and for some reasons it felt totally different. She didn't know if it was because his arm was wrapped around Lily's shoulder, or he looked awfully happy without her.

But, something was telling her that James Potter was no longer hers.

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authors note, hello lovers! i'm back and hopefully i'm not going away anytime soon :/
but enjoy a chapter of daphne being depressed 🤪🤪🤪