CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Sorrows, Prayers
June 18th, 1979.

White. White was all Daphne could perceive around her. The noise was distant, almost absent and she presumed one of the nurses had thrown a quieting charm.

Kreacher sadly had to take her to St Mungo's considering he couldn't fully take care of her—her wound was too horrid and it caused him great stress to know Walburga could come upstairs any moment. He, weirdly, promised to come back and check on her considering he didn't trust their practice.

Her cousin's death still hadn't quite sunk in yet, she still found herself reliving the memory whenever her eyes were open. As if she hadn't left the moment, really. Her wound was a mere memory of the event.

Knocks echoed on the door, revealing no one but Pandora Malfoy, "Hello, Daphne," she spoke calmly as ever, wearing a smile. "I heard you were residing in this small room. I had to see for myself."

"Well, here I am, Pandy," she breathed out, trying to sit up but winced as soon as she moved.

Pandora glanced at the wound and grimaced, "This will leave a scar," she muttered. "I am sure they are taking good care of you, are they?"

"I reckon..."

"But, I must say it is lovely to see you. Is something troubling you, Daphne?" She queried.

Daphne bit her lip, "I—I wouldn't know, Pandy. Someone I was very fond of died," she said quietly, suppressing the tears. "It has been rather difficult."

"Oh," Pandora breathed out. "Sorrows, prayers, Daphne."

Daphne couldn't help but chuckle as she heard Pandora's words, never she had heard that before. Pandora seemed to like her reaction because sh7e smiled ear-to-ear, her cheeks turning so lightly pink as she started to chuckle as well.

"I shall leave you," she added, rising on her feet. "Do not stop yourself from writing to me, alright? We are friends after all. Get better, Daphne."

"Thank you, Pandy. Really."

Daphne watched as Pandora left her sight, leaving her alone in that white room. Daphne was dreading the moment she would have to see all of them again, the moment where she would tell them (Sirius) Regulus had passed.

It felt like she had failed somehow, failed the promise she had made to herself before deflecting.

"Daph, hey," Fabian's sweet voice snapped her out of her thoughts and she couldn't help but let the tears fall as he approached her. He frowned quickly, reaching her side, "What is wrong, love?"

"Fab, it's...Regulus—" she started but he cut her off, shushing her. His hands ran into her hair gently, attempting to calm her down.

"I know," he reassured her. "I know, darling, alright? His house elf told me and said you might be sensible."

"Did he?"

Fabian nodded, "He even said that Regulus had ordered him to take care of you."

"Blimey," a quiet sob escaped her lips as she buried her head between her hands. Shame was all she felt. Seconds turned into minutes as she began to feel her chest getting heavier, and heavier. It felt like she couldn't breathe and the room around her was closing, trapping her. "I--I can't breathe," she managed to whisper.

"Daphne, are you alright?" He queried, his hands cupping her face as he called a healer. His words started to echo and soon she couldn't hear anything or see anything. Her vision was so blurry that she couldn't see his curly red hair anymore. "Daphne, my love, I'm here," he reassured gently, hugging her close.

Despite not being able to see anything or hear anything, Daphne could feel his heartbeat against her face and she tried her best to focus on them. Slowly, they brought her back. When she managed to breathe correctly again, a healer was handling Fabian a potion and he was gently stroking her hair.

"Fab?"

"Yes, yes," he said hurriedly, putting the vial down and looking at her. "Merlin, are you alright?"

"I reckon," she croaked out. "I'm sorry..." she whispered, closing her eyes.

He let out a sigh of relief, "Do not. Do not apologise to me, ever," he told her. "I'm just happy that you are alright, darling. The healer believes you suffer from severe anxiety which can lead to attacks. She gave me a draught of peace," he explained calmly as Daphne managed to lay back in the bed. "I love you, you know that right?"

"I know," she smiled. "I love you too, love."

"Is there anything I can do to make things better? Smoother?" He queried, holding her hands tight.

She cleared her throat, "Could you call Sirius and ask him to come here, please? Oh, and would you go fetch the coat I was wearing? I believe there is still a piece of paper in it," she asked as he nodded. "Thank you."

"I'll be back soon," he promised, leaning down to kiss her forehead.

All she could do was think of a way she could possibly announce it to Sirius. Besides, she didn't even know how to reach out to Aunt Walburga. Perhaps she could just let it unroll by itself...That was the wiser thing to do considering Regulus didn't want them to know. She wondered if he would get a funeral despite not having his body or if people would mourn him the way she did.

Perhaps someone will call me a hero someday

Regulus was a hero.

"Hey, cousin," Sirius said, entering the room as if he was home. He sat on the closer chair and smiled at her. "What happened to you? Prewett just told me you were here," he added.

"Enormous wound on my stomach," she admitted as he peeked at it, quickly wincing in pain.

"Bloody hell! How did that happen?"

Daphne closed her eyes as she bit her lower lip, trying to find the best words but instead she blurred it out, "Regulus is--" there was a stop as Sirius frowned, straightening his posture. "He's dead, Sirius. I'm sorry."

"Wha. . . what do you mean by "he is dead", Daphne?" He asked shakily.

Daphne fidgeted with her fingers, ignoring the tears that were escaping her eyes and rolling down her cheeks, "He--He made me promise him to tell you everything. He said that he was sorry for joining the Death Eaters and that he never thought of you as a traitor," she mumbled as Sirius shook his head, clearly blocking out everything that she was saying.

"How did it happen?"

"We--he came to me a month or so ago, he said that You-Know-Who was making Horcruxes. You've already heard of them, haven't you?" He nodded. "Kreacher came home after being with him and he was shaking--he wasn't alright."

Sirius scoffed, "This elf is never alright."

"Listen to me, please," she pleaded as he sighed but hummed. "He explained that he took him to a cave and made him drink a potion then let him die, but he managed to escape. So, Regulus did some research and found the place. He came home and asked me to come with him, so I did..."

"A cave? Am I supposed to believe that?"

"Regulus died saving me."

"Did he?" He asked as Daphne nodded. "B-but how?"

Daphne sighed, "Inferius dragged me in the water and managed to dig their fingernails in my stomach so Regulus jumped in to save me."

Sirius rose on his feet, running a hand through his hair, "Reg doesn't know how to even swim!"

"They dragged him under the water and I couldn't go back in..."

Both of them were quiet, they could only hear her sniffles across the room. She did feel guilty for not being able to save him, she wanted to. Glancing at Sirius, she noticed how teary he was and she couldn't help but repeat how sorry she was. After a few minutes, he approached her and wrapped his arms around her. Daphne didn't even remember how warm her cousin, Sirius Black, was. He did feel like family after all. For a moment, it felt like Regulus was here, hugging her.

"I'm sorry, Sirius..."

---

"Moony, do you happen to know why he all asked us to be there?" James asked, sitting down in Sirius and Remus' flat. "It didn't give us much detail..."

Remus shrugged sloppily, "I have no idea, Prongs," he replied softly as concerned as James was. "Perhaps he wants to announce something."

"Are you lot getting married?" James queried as Remus snorted, shaking his head. "Ah, it is a shame, isn't it?"

Before Remus could answer, the door flew open and James had noticed how red his best friend's eyes were. Remus seemed to have noticed as they shared an anxious look. Had something bad happened?

"Pads?" James started, making Sirius look up.

Sirius offered a warm smile, "Oh, Prongs, Moony. You're here," he said softly. "Didn't think you'd make it home so fast," he added, sitting down next to Remus. "I was at St Mungo's."

"What?"

He shrugged, "Yeah," he nodded, taking an old glass from the table and poured himself a drink. "It's Daphne, she's badly hurt," he admitted, clearing his throat. James did his best not to react. "See, she was a mess. She has this huge wound on her stomach."

"How did it happen?" Remus asked.

He sighed, "Inferius."

"Blimey!" James exclaimed, concerned.

"Right. Exactly my thought. Who would be that stupid to approach Inferius?" Sirius muttered. "Ah, I know! My little brother, Regulus."

"Did something happen to Regulus too?"

Sirius nodded vigorously and the two boys understood that Sirius already had a few drinks before reaching the flat, "Oh, yes. He's dead."

"Fucking what?"

"Regulus died as a hero. Believe it or not," he muttered with a snort. "You see, he—he just had to—"

"Hey Pads, you are going to be okay. We're here," Remus whispered, soothing him down. "Take your time, yeah?"

"Right," he mumbled, taking a deep breath. "Thank you, Moony," he sat back up and shook his head, trying to explain how he truly felt. Anger, surely. It was there. Sadness, too. "Before I left, Daphne handed me a piece of paper. I reckon it is a letter. I hate to say this but this is so--so Regulus of him."

"Have you read it?" James queried and Sirius met his eyes, shaking his head poorly as he played with the piece of paper in his hand. "Do you want Moony or me to read it? Out loud, maybe? Reckon it could help you, mate?"

He shrugged, "Moony can do it," he whispered tenderly, giving it to his boyfriend.

"Are you sure?" Remus asked, starting to shake as well. It was not just a regular letter but a goodbye one and Remus didn't know if he was supposed to read it; but after Sirius nodded again, he took a deep breath. "Dear brother, if Daphne gives you this letter, it means I have not returned and died. I know, it is a harsh way to put it out there but the truth is I don't fear death the way I should. Perhaps Mother raised me well or not."

Sirius snorted, his lips moving up as he tried his best not to smile too much, "That old vile woman did not raise him well."

"I already loathe writing this letter because I am about to admit what I have always denied deep inside. Sirius Orion Black, you were right. You were right from the moment you've run away to the moment you've joined the Order and fought against the Dark Lord. You were entirely right. He is cruel and vile. I sometimes hate myself for not listening to you, all these times where you've tried to reach out for me in the corridors or tried to put me on the right path. Perhaps, life would have been better for me."

"Merlin," James whispered, clearly as shocked as Sirius who was trying to take it all in. "Should we stop?"

"No, let Moony continue."

"Right..."

Remus took a deep breath and went on, "I apologise for being the person I was and I am writing this to say that I never truly hated you and I am sorry for everything that you went through at Grimmauld Place. Please, forgive me. Your brother, Regulus A Black," Remus put the paper down and cleared his throat. "This is it."

"This is--" Sirius stopped, releasing a breath as he ran a hand through his hair. "Can I have it back?" He queried as Remus gave it back to him. "I'm going to take a bath so if you need me, I'll be in the bathroom."

"Sirius," James called for him before he could leave his sight. "I'm sorry for you and we're here."

He smiled softly, "I know. Thanks, Prongs," he replied then continued. "Oh and Daphne is well. She's at St Mungo's in the bad injuries wing, if you ever need to--you know."

"Sirius!" Remus exclaimed. "Do not tempt him to go see her."

Sirius shrugged with a smirk, "Moony, oh lovely Moony, I am merely stating facts to my best mate! Where is the bad in seeing a friend?" He stated as he walked to the bathroom, leaving a rather flushed James Potter and a puzzled Remus.

"You are not thinking of going to her, are you?" Remus questioned, his eyebrow arched. James opened his mouth to say something but he closed it. Remus snorted, chuckling despite the situation as he brought a cigarette to his lips and lit it. "She is in love with Fabian, you do know that."

"I know, Moons."

"But? There is always a but with you blokes," he muttered, slightly turning his head to blow the smoke away. "Go on, I'm your best friend too!"

"I can't help it, it's like I need to see if she's okay," he mumbled. "But, Lily is quite angry with me at the moment so it wouldn't be wise to visit her, even if it's as a friend."

"Oh, Lily is still mad at you for the Occlumency lessons then?"

James nodded, "I have tried to explain that Moody forced me to go but she won't have it..."

"Give her some time, James. She will come around," he explained softly. "All I have to say is do not get stuck in the past, it can be quite tricky. Live in the present, James. You have loving parents, a loving girlfriend and loving friends. Take care of them and you too."

"How are you so bloody wise?"

Remus stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray, shrugging his shoulders as his lips formed a thin line, "I wouldn't know but you shouldn't see her, at least not now."

"Right. You're right," he said, rubbing his hands on the fabric of his jeans. "I need to head out because I promised Lily that I would cook dinner," he added. "Take care of him, yeah? I'm not that far if you ever need me, just ring us."

Remus smiled, "I will. Say hi to Lils for me. Bye Prongs," he told him, walking him to the door.

Surprisingly, James made it home and on time. He didn't change his path to see Daphne and instead he went home to cook dinner for Lily. One thing he had realised during his first class of Occlumency and the talk with Remus was that he didn't need to be involved romantically with Daphne. Yes, he felt the need to know that she was alright, that she was happy but perhaps he could get over the fact that she was happy without him. Besides, he was head over heels for Lily Evans and could not lose her.

"You're right on time, Potter," Lily exclaimed loudly as he walked through the front door. She greeted him with a soft kiss on the lips and a wide smile. "What was the emergency?"

"Oh," he scratched the back of his neck, almost forgetting why he had gone there. "Regulus is dead."

Lily's eyebrow furrowed as she grimaced, "How? I thought they weren't close," she replied, following James to the kitchen. "Did he happen to know the cause?"

"Yeah, er--Daphne told him," he mumbled. "He went to see her at St Mungo's and she told him. Apparently, You-Know-Who is making Horcruxes and Regulus knew one of them. He asked Daphne to come and help him."

"Blimey, Horcruxes? Is Daphne--you know, wounded?"

He shrugged, "I wouldn't know. Sirius mentioned a wound on her stomach."

"Right."

It was silent for mere minutes before James spoke up again, "You know, Lils, you should really go to the Occlumency lessons. I reckon you would manage to learn pretty quickly and between us too, in battle, you'd be the one surviving if we ever get captured."

"Do not say that, James! It is horrible."

"I am just saying that you should try," he said. "It could be a great advantage and I rather do these lessons with Daphne than lose you, my parents or our friends."

Lily bit her lower lip, sighing, "Alright, I will give it a try. I don't want to lose anyone either. Merlin, I don't even want to lose Penny and her stupid husband either."

James chuckled, kissing her forehead, "Thank you, love."

—————
authors note, ok for the name of the chapter i couldn't help myself because when i started writing the chapter, i was just starting to watch queen charlotte!

also, can we all agree that queen charlotte is a MASTERPIECEE??!!!??

anyways, i am indeed back with an update! sorry i couldn't find the time to write because of exams :/ they are honestly exhausting but i am doing great so far!!

how's everyone??