CHAPTER FIVE
To Be Lonely
January 7th, 1978

          James had missed Sirius. Yes, they saw each other everywhere and shared a bedroom but it did feel like they didn't know anything about each other anymore. They had made their way back to the Gryffindor common room, Lily had joined them a little before heading back to her small apartment—considering she was Head Girl. James was too, but he had preferred to stay in the dorm with his best mates since it was their last year. Sirius and James were sitting on the sofa in front of the fireplace, while Remus and Peter were up in the bedroom doing their homework.

"How is she?" Sirius asked out of the blue and James knew he was talking about Daphne. "When did it even start?"

"Beginning of the school year," James admitted timidly and Sirius' eyes widened. He definitely wanted to argue about the small detail that meant so much, but kept his mouth closed. "And, she's nice. More than nice."

"She makes you happy, then?"

He nodded vigorously, "Very much. It really feels right to be with her," he told Sirius. "How do you feel when you're with Moony?"

Sirius closed his eyes, "I feel loved and happy. The most happy I've ever been," he confessed. "It's like I could be so angry and he would walk in, look at me and I would forget all my anger was about. He makes me better, though I am not sure I make him better."

"You do make him better!" James argued. "Have you seen how much he's smiling? Bloody hell, every day I'm expecting for his face to split in two," he teased and Sirius laughed loudly, "I feel the same with her."

"Really?"

James thought Sirius was trying to be sarcastic and make fun of him, but he genuinely seemed interested by the mysterious girl. He knew deep down that he was restlessly looking for who it could be, Remus had told him a few weeks ago but he didn't care. As long as he didn't say anything then he would be okay, and if—if, they found out then he couldn't do much about it. It would probably feel like a huge relief.

"Yeah, she does," he replied with a small smile, eyes on the crackling fire in front of them. "She loves me, you know? She told me after coming back from the break—and, it felt like everything around me was slowly becoming clearer or warmer? I wouldn't know. It did feel different."

"Bloody hell," Sirius chuckled, lighting a cigarette and it reminded him of how much Daphne used to smoke before, though he wasn't sure he had seen her doing it a lot lately. "She rocked your world, didn't she? What?! Don't—don't look at me like you're a little saint, Potter."

James shook his head with a laugh as he sunk down in the sofa, "Never said that I was, Pads," he answered and heard him gasp loudly. "What is it?"

"You two already had a shag?" He asked, surprised.

James scratched the back of his neck, "I mean, yeah we did. Multiple, even," he admitted with flushed cheeks. "Why do you, Sirius Black, find this so scandalous? May I remind that you used to snog and shag whoever was in your sight before Moony?"

Sirius scoffed, "That was different," he said then glanced at James. "Wasn't it? Besides, my extra activities aren't your business, Prongs."

"Oh, but they are," he insisted. "Moony is my best mate, too. You won't hurt him again," he added, chasing away the vivid memories of the so-called prank.

"I won't," his voice cracked a little and James instantly felt bad. "Are we bound to meet her? The mysterious girl?"

"I hope so," he replied with a sad sigh.

After a few seconds, James watched Sirius as he tossed his cigarette in the fireplace and turned his face to watch James, "I've always thought you would be with Evans by now," he confessed, watching attentively his friend.

"I did too," James said rapidly.

It was true; there was no denying in that. James always thought he would end school with Lily Evans at his arm because that was how everything was supposed to go, Evans and him—in love. But, apparently fate had chosen a different path for him and he definitely didn't feel the need to complain about it.

"So, that girl, she's not just here to help you forget her? I mean, Lily," he asked and James wondered when did Sirius become so protective over Lily.

"Of course not," James replied. "Do you think that low of me?"

Sirius stiffened, the crease between his eyebrows became a little more prominent, "Fuck no," he said. "You're the person I think the most highly of," he added then squinted his eyes. "Well, after Mum and Dad."

Hearing Sirius talk about Euphemia and Fleamont—his parents—brought a smile to his face. He hadn't sent a letter to his mum in weeks, though she'd send him sweets here and there. He then made a mental note to owl her as soon as he could. His dad on the other hand had never been a fan of letters so James never really bothered with it.

"I bet they miss us," Sirius continued with a playful smile, then his attention snapped to the two blokes entering the common room—Peter and Remus. "Ah, there you are!"

Remus scoffed playfully, plopping next to Sirius, "We were gone for an hour, Pads," he muttered, earning a gasp from his boyfriend. "It's not that long," he tried to defend himself.

"Well, I bloody missed you," was all Sirius was before putting his head on Remus' lap, taking Remus by surprise.

It was obvious that Remus Lupin was not used to public display of attention, especially from Sirius but he released a breathe, and put his hand on Sirius' shoulder. Everyone who walked by could think they were just close mates—after all, James, Peter, Sirius and Remus had spent their whole seven years of school attached to the hip. And James wondered if they'd ever drift apart.

No, no bloody way, his little voice echoed in his mind. You lot are best mates for life. Sirius will be your best man at your wedding and they'll be here for you—forever.

Now, he was convinced that this little voice was actually himself trying to convince himself that they would never go separate ways. How could they? James couldn't think of anyone else to have by his side as he grew older, well besides his wife and children. But, them! They were meant to be friends forever. Though, it did feel kind of selfish thinking this way. 

His attention drifted back to Remus and Sirius who were now smiling lovingly to each other, and surprisingly not a soul seemed to catch them.

I want that, he thought staring at his two best friends. I want that with Daphne.

Was it stupid to want this? Even though, he had agreed to the conditions of dating Daphne Rosier. He didn't know if it was really stupid but, at least, it was worth it. All of it, was. That night, James went to bed happy and proud of how far he and Daphne had come because mainly, he didn't except it to work. Then as he fell asleep, it was only him and his favourite dreams. The ones where Daphne was there.

...
January 8th, 1978

          Daphne woke up with a throbbing headache, she waited a few seconds before opening her eyes and to her disdain she was laying on one of the sofa in the common room. Sitting up, she noticed Evan was still knocked out at the other side of the sofa and it brought a soft smile to her face.

Last night's party was extremely good, eventful even? Well, from what she could remember. It was still a bit blurry but she had some memories of it; Pandora had been here the whole night and had congratulated her millions of times, Evan and Barty had been caught snogging a girl from their year, Regulus had drunk more than usual, even Snape had fun. Oh, and...Rebecca and her had made up.

"Shite," muttered Evan, rubbing the back of his head. "How are we not into our room?" He added, glancing at his sister.

Daphne yawned, "I bloody don't know. This sofa is so damn uncomfortable," she complained, sitting up. "How was your night, lover boy?" She teased her little brother.

"Sod off," Evan mumbled, rolling his eyes. "It's what...seven in the morning? It's sunday and you're asking me about the girl I was caught snogging."

"Ding, ding, ding," Daphne chanted with a smile. "Spit it out. Who was she?"

"Stop it," he replied. "It feels bloody wrong to talk about girls with you!" He argued but noticed her face, and sighed. "Alright...it's the last time I'm doing this, Daph! I just can't stand your bloody puppy face."

Daphne scooted closer to her brother, nudging him playfully, "Thank you so much for trusting your big sister, Ev," she teased. "Tell me, then. On you go."

"Her name's Katie and she's in my year. She's pretty too."

"Oh, obviously," Daphne joked as he let out a breathy chuckle. "Are you going to go after her then?"

"I...I don't know," he finally answered.

With a hum, she nodded her head and rose on her feet. Taking a shower must be the most satisfying thing to do after a party, she couldn't tell how long she spent under the shower—apparently, not so much because when she reached the Great Hall, it was almost empty. Though, Regulus and Pandora were already here. Daphne used to think they were a bizarre pair, the lot of them, but after getting to know Pandora she could go on and on on why they made such a good pair.

"Morning Daph," cheered Pandora, giving her a soft smile. "How did you sleep?"

"Awful," replied Daphne, instantly filling her plate with food. "I slept on one of the sofa in the common room, it is awfully uncomfortable."

Pandora snorted, "I'm sorry," she said rapidly, covering her mouth with her hand. "I didn't mean to snort. I just remembered something from the party."

"What?" Regulus asked, suddenly interested.

Pandora leaned closer to him and Daphne watched Regulus, thinking he'd move but instead he continued to eat his breakfast, "Well...you actually fell," she admitted after a few seconds. "You were dancing with Rebecca on the table and fell, so Barty carried you on the couch."

"My..." she started but stopped, trying to hide the blush on both of her cheeks. "It must had been so embarrassing! Did everyone see?"

Pandora hummed, "They did but no one seemed to mind," she told her and Regulus laughed loudly. "Are you imagining it in your head, Reg? Just like I am?"

Regulus snapped his head to look at Pandora and nodded his head, "That is exactly what I am doing, Pandy."

"Okay, enough you two," she chirped in as they both looked at her with a smile that said we'll make fun of you when you'll leave. "How was your night, though? Had fun?"

Pandora nodded, "Your parties are so much better than ours," she said referring to the Ravenclaw. "Thank you for inviting me."

"Oh, please," Daphne exclaimed, smiling widely at the blonde. "You are our friends and it'd have been a bore if you weren't there."

"Trust us," added Regulus, then he returned his attention to his cousin. "I had fun, most of the night. All of these people cheering for me—"

"You do love attention," Pandora remarked, earning a gasp from her friend and a laugh from Daphne. "What? I'm only saying what I've noticed from last night. You, Regulus Black, live for attention."

"I do not! Take that back!" He exclaimed, nudging her playfully and she shook her head, taking a bite of her pie. "Alright, I am guilty...I do enjoy attention, only for my Quidditch skills though."

Daphne shrugged, "Fair enough, eh?"

The three of them continued to share little talks here and there while eating breakfast, the Great Hall was getting crowded and noisy. Students laughed, shouted, talked. Then before they knew, thousands of owls filled the room as they dropped letters and packages. To her own surprise, a letter fell in front of her and she caught rapidly so it wouldn't fall into a porridge.

"Who is it from?" Regulus asked.

Daphne studied it, she had never seen the handwriting so it wasn't James playing a silly joke on her nor her parents, "I don't know..."

Opening the letter carefully, she started reading it.

Dear Daphne,

I hope your school year has been going well since the last time we saw each other. However, it has come to my attention that some of your fellow comrades were eager to join our cause. As you know, I cannot risk to be seen near the school so I will ask you, as your friend, to send me a list.

I know that I might be asking you a lot but I do hope that you are taking your role very seriously. So, a list is all I ask of you for now. A list of the people who wish to join us with names and last names. In the meantime, do not trust Albus and be very careful of your actions. May I remind you that actions have consequences.

And last, take care of yourself and who you think trustworthy. I will leave you and Regulus Black in charge of what is happening in the school, please keep me updated.

Your dear friend,
T.R

By the time she had finished to read the letter, all the colours from her face had disappeared and suddenly she felt the need to throw up her whole breakfast. Rising on her feet, she strolled outside the Hall and she could hear the heavy steps behind her meaning Regulus had followed her. Pushing the lavatory's door, she rushed to the nearest toilet and threw up. It was only seconds later that she felt a hand between her shoulder blades, running down her back smoothly.

"What is it?" Regulus' soft voice echoed as she released a breath, and rose on her feet weakly. "Daph, talk to me," He pleaded.

Daphne splashed water on her face then run a shaky hand through her hair, "He sent me a letter," she notified him lowly, afraid people were around to listen. "He told me to send a list of people that wanted to—"

"Join him," finished Regulus as she nodded her head.

A sob escaped her lips as she turned around to meet Regulus' eyes, "I'm sorry I shouldn't even be crying, it's just that—" she stopped for a second, breathing in. "I feel like I have so much responsibility now, I don't know how manage it all, Reg."

"You don't have to be alone," he spoke softly, reaching for her wrist as he tugged her closer. "We're family, I will help you. Evan, too."

Daphne wrapped her arms around him, hiding her face in his chest as he returned the hug hesitantly, "I just can't bring myself to drag you two in this mess—at least, not Evan. He hasn't take it and I don't want him to."

"Let's walk you back to your room and we will talk it out, alright?" Regulus proposed, pulling away from her. "I'm not letting you down, Daphne."

"I'm not either," she replied softly, drying her tears.

Thankfully, James hadn't tried to reach out to her and she had been able to walk back to the common room with Regulus without being interrupted. The letter was still clutched in her hand as she pondered what to do with it—was she supposed to keep it? Burn it? Let Evan see it? Regulus would sometimes glance down at her, offer her a genuine smile. He always had been a little shy when it came to physical contact, but his presence was enough for Daphne. Definitely enough. Because despite what she kept saying, she couldn't bear to be alone in this.

—————
authors note, not james and daphne but quality time with sirius AND daphne receiving a letter from tommy riddle himself 😩🤞🏽 what a lucky gal

also, thank you for 5k! it feels unreal, i love you <3