"God knows we're all drawn to what's beautiful and broken, but some people cannot be fixed, and if they can be, it's only by love and sacrifice so great it destroys the giver"- Magnus Bane, Shadowhunters. 

"Stars, hide your fires, 

Let not light see my black and deep desires." 

— Shakespeare, Macbeth. 

*'｀｡*ﾟ+◕◕*.✧*'｀**'｀｡*ﾟ+◕◕*.✧

Jae-Ni could feel it. The heat originating from her core as her fingers awoke the fiery nerves from beneath tender skin. She thumbed herself roughly, allowing her body to be overtaken by cold and hot sensations. Her back arched uncontrollably as the pumping of her fingers sent shoots of pleasure pain striking through her abdomen. Trembles possessed the muscles in her spread legs and the silk shorts and lace panties were around her ankles. Hair scattering in melanin strands over the pillows, she tossed her head wildly as the muscles of her core clenched sporadically around her fingers. She was so close—

The door flew open and Namjoon stepped in.

Jae-Ni hastily righted herself, tugging the covers up to disguise her earlier activity. But even with the blankets close around her body, Jae-Ni spied a smugness in Namjoon's expression. She shuddered. 

He eyed the duvet with a smirk and said lowly, "No need for that...I've seen everything." At her perplexed and mortified face, he looked pointedly at the top left corner of the room.  And then she saw it, a red light blinking in the left corner, right above her. 

Her gaze met Namjoon's reluctantly, and the look on his face made her feel some type of way. His eyes looked dark and heavy with lust but something ㅡ humour, she thoughtㅡ curved his lips slightly. Yet tension was trapped beneath the twitching nerve in his jaw and the set of his shoulders was angry. She probably looked lost; her hair a mess from before, the tinge of red in her cheeks from embarrassment and her eyes wide and guilty. 

" I..." but there was nothing she could say to redeem herself. 

He made a split second decision then, breezing over to her with an air of nonchalance. It was his job to take things forward from here, and being awkward or hesitant would look weak. Much to his now heightened pleasure, Jae-Ni looked scared with each confident stride he took to towards her. 

"Hey, there's no need to be scared," he says in a mockingly soft tone, tilting his head to the side as he looked down at her. Namjoon slowly began to unbutton his shirt, watching with satisfaction as Jae-Ni's eyes widened and followed the movement of his fingers. Soon enough, the shirt was misplaced on the floor. 

Holding her gaze, he gracefully topped her. 

It was as if his proximity struck a chord, pulling her from the realm of cold heat. Suddenly the heat of sexual tension felt warm and fuzzy, and the prickliness in her chest was a feathery sigh which somehow ended up forming his name on her parted lips.  

The whisper leaked the tautness out of his shoulders, her warm breath carried spice and sweetness that caressed his face bringing his blood rushing to the surface. That was not the only place where a lot of blood was present...she could probably feel him through his trousers and the covers. He tentatively pressed more into her and the low simmer in her lust darkened eyes seemed to blaze up into a fire. It slightly took him off guard, as he remembered how the russet flecks in her eyes had only glowed slightly, how she had first come across as an aloof, shy person. It felt like he was seeing her for the first time. 

"Say it again,"  his voice was low and trembled slightly.

She did so, this time moving one leg from beneath the covers and wrapping it around his waist. The cover slipped a bit, and more of her copper skin was exposed. 

Not quite enough to show everything...but enough to drive him crazy. 

His hands were instantly exploring her body, curiously touching the parts he could. She  looked beautiful beneath him as she leaned into his touch, letting the blankets - and the rest of the world - slip away like oil on water. Soon only his trousers and her silk top separated them. And they were tangled in kisses, touches and words of heat, friction and fire. 

Jae-Ni gasped into Namjoon's hair as she felt his hands experimentally slipping the barrier of her hips. She grasped at his hands reluctantly, not really wanting to stop their activity down there.  But when she drew her hand away, he seized it to bring their now interlocked fingers down between their bodies. Then manipulating her hand where he needed it, coercing her fingers into stroking him. "This is what you do to me, Jae," his tongue flicked over his lips, simultaneously gracing the skin of her neck. 

"Now you're gonna fix it, right?" 

She said nothing, just staring at her hand working his zip down as if it held all the answers in the world. 

He watched, his adam's apple bobbing as he gulped. She was removing all barriers and he knew he couldn't bear it any longer - to wait. To not be inside of her. Not when she lay bare beneath him, her rose gold folds glistening with wetness. He wanted to bury himself deep within, till he was an imprint on her soul. 

This smouldering fireplace heat they had was not enough. He wanted a forest fire. 

"Please," he persisted as she kept quiet. 

"No," Jae-Ni's voice had a teasing lilt to it. Though he had let his guard down a bit, she thought, he was still a man of many secrets. 

"Why?"  His voice came out in the strangled whine of a kicked puppy. 

"Namjoon," she giggled, drunk in the new idea of leaving him hard and needy. "Joonie."  Jae-Ni tapped his nose, watching him blink - startled. "Why should I spread my legs for you, when you haven't even opened up to me?" She pointed out, airily. 

"I—" the protest died on his lips as she cut him off. 

She pressed a finger, covered in their arousal, to his lips. Then trailed it down over his neck and to the center of his chest, splaying her hand across it. His skin felt like silk on metal. 

"The noblest thing you could ever do," she moved her hands to grip his arms, her voice now gravely serious, "would be to show your fears."  

He froze. 

"Not just for me, but for yourself too," their lips brushed as she spoke. " I feel—you seemed so strong at first. But your façade—there are cracks in it, Namjoon," she sounded almost teary now, voice hitching on his name. "You're beautiful," she whispered, " and broken. It's inevitable that I would be drawn towards you." 

"I am not vulnerable, or broken," but he sounded broken even as he said that. 

"It's being afraid you're afraid of. You're scared to be weak." 

Oh, why did she have to see right through him? 

He broke down then, holding her small figure against himself and burying his face in her neck. His tears cascaded down, splashing her skin. And as he held her, no matter how small she was, she felt more stable and strong than anything he'd ever had. He was a flower, straining towards the last rays of sun. 

She held him as the sobs wracked his body, whispering into his dark locks that it was going to be ok. And unknowingly, her fingers traced his back. Her nails scraping the silk and brandishing in metal the shape of a flower.

 Tuesday 17 December 21:05