iDon't Know What I'm Doing
After the rest of the day was spent with everyone, even Millicent, helping Carly get her online dating profile on Tinder up and running, the gang relaxed for the rest of the night, with Carly herself saying she wouldn't look at the app again until the morning, to judge whether her bold decision to start online dating would work. And when that morning came, she unlocked her phone when she woke up to come across more than 20 guys who had liked her already - but judging from her reaction, she didn't like any of them.
Carly: Yuck... too old... too weird... since when is juggling with knives considered a hobby?
She took it out to the living room, where she saw Harper sprawled out across the couch, with a few shot glasses and couple of bottles of wine either side of her, as well as a half drunk one on the table.
Carly: Oh, Harper... you never will learn...
She cleared up the mess and ordered eggs benedict for them both on Postmates. And when she stuck the TV on, the formerly drunken now hungover Harper woke up.
Harper: Uuuggh... my head... it feels like I've been trampled by a wild bunch of fashion critics three times over...
Carly: And good morning to you too! Already ordered food, it's on the way.
Harper: Thank god, I am starving...
She then laid back on the sofa good and proper while she asked about Carly's Tinder.
Harper: So, meet any cute guys yet?
Carly: No, nobody I like yet. The closest I've seen is a Freddie lookalike called William, and he's a marine biologist.
Harper: Well that doesn't sound too bad...
Carly: He's only here for a week and he lives in Chicago, no doubt what he's looking for...
Harper: Yeah, probably best you... stay away from that one...
Harper took a quick glance at him, liking what she saw a little before Carly continued to swipe left and right until the food arrived. And when she gave Harper her bag, she tore through it like a lion devouring a gazelle, while Carly took smaller bites, along with her orange juice.
Carly: Jeez girl, slow down!
Harper: I can't help it, I needed this.
Carly: I guessed that...
She got up and gave Harper another bag.
Carly: Which is why I took the liberty of getting you two portions. This one... with extra bacon on the side!
Harper looked grateful as she gently took the bag from Carly's hand, but the end result was still Harper demolishing the food in under 2 minutes, to which Carly just shook her head.
Carly: Nope... no... DEFINITELY not... Ugh, I never expected this online dating thing to be so... strenuous...
Harper: Relax girl... you just need to bide your time, the boys will come to you.
After a few more swipes in both directions, Carly then put her phone down and finished her food.
Harper: Trust me, I tried this sorta thing a while back, and it kinda ended up well - I had a couple of dates with this guy who works at the swimming pool as a lifeguard, but after the second night I spent with him, he lost interest in me...
Carly: Classic Harper...
Harper: The important thing is getting yourself back out there, and this is pretty much the perfect way!
Carly: I guess so...
Meanwhile, Freddie barged into Spencer's apartment with a panicked look on his face, only to find Spencer himself sprawled out on the floor, only wearing his black and gold robe, a pair of boxers and one sock.
Freddie: Spencer? Spencer, wake up! I need your help!
Spencer slowly came to, rubbing his eyes to clear his blurry vision.
Spencer: Freddie? Why are there three of you merging into one?!
Freddie looked a little stumped but no more than usual.
Freddie: Spencer, it's Pearl. She got back to me late last night and said she wants to meet up and talk about our feelings.
Spencer: Uh oh...
Freddie: Uh oh? What? What do I do?
Spencer: I really shouldn't have had all that tequila...
He then stumbled towards the bathroom, and Freddie listened to Spencer throwing up, pulling weird faces every time.
Freddie: And people say I can't hold my drink...
Soon, he heard the toilet flush and Spencer came out looking a bit better.
Freddie: All good now?
Spencer: For now yeah.
They then made their way to the kitchen and had a drink of lemonade.
Spencer: Here's a warning for future you - never mix tequila, wine and vodka together with the girl you like the night before you have a date... with a different girl!
Freddie: Er... duly noted... did you even know what I said just now?
Spencer: Yeah - Pearl got in touch and wants to talk. What about it?
Freddie: This is the first I've heard from her in days - and I have no idea what to do!
Spencer: Just be yourself - be the man that made Pearl want you in the first place.
Freddie: So... a 2 time divorced failed start up businessman who thanks to her has made this start up amazingly awesome?
Spencer nodded in approval.
Spencer: I mean, I was gonna say just be yourself and leave it at that, but hey... whatever works. Now, can you help me choose an outfit for tonight?
Freddie: Shouldn't you be asking Harper that sort of thing? I mean... she is the girl you like...
Spencer: I know - I would have asked Carly instead but she's too obsessed with her dating app thing.
Freddie: Millicent?
Spencer: You really think I should be taking outfit advice from a teenager?
Freddie: No harm in trying.
Spencer shrugged his shoulders as he grabbed practically his entire wardrobe, then dragged Freddie out of his apartment and went to Carly's, seeking advice from Harper, while Freddie got Millicent and followed him.
Spencer: Okay, this is officially an emegency!
Carly: What's wrong?
Freddie: Regretful drinking has led him not to have an outfit for his date tonight.
At the mention of the words 'his date', Harper's eyes lit up.
Harper: Date?
Spencer: Yeah, I have a date with this super hot blonde, Amanda, tonight, and I need your help choosing an outfit.
Millicent: And I assume you want a second opinion courtesy of... moi.
Harper: I guess I could use some help, but what about you, Carls?
Carly was too busy swiping left and right on her phone.
Carly: Sorry, what?
Freddie: I take it the online dating thing is going well then?
Carly: You could say that. I've had over 30 guys like me since last night, but not one of them turned out not to be creepy, a weirdo or some mad musician who gets obsessed with the first girl they see.
Spencer: So basically, these boys like you, but you don't like them?
Carly just looked at her older brother with an 'are you kidding me?' look.
Carly: What was your first clue?
Spencer: Sorry, I'm hungover and need outfit advice.
Freddie: Maybe it'd be better if me and Carly weren't here to see this.
Spencer then picked out a hideous white tuxedo with a black button up shirt and a white bow tie.
Spencer: Huh? What do you think?
Harper: I'm thinking... you seriously need some help if you think that looks good!
Millicent: Can I take a picture and a few videos so I can humiliate you on my channel?
Carly: I'm thinking we should get the hell out of here before this gets even more embarrassing for either of us.
Freddie: Seconded.
Carly and Freddie then got their stuff together and headed out the door, while Harper was left confused and Millicent looked excited.
Millicent: My next video looks like a hit already.
Harper: Er... let's come back to that one...
Spencer reluctantly agreed before the three of them discussed their next option.
Meanwhile, back in Spencer's own apartment, Carly and Freddie were relieved to get some space from the fashion disaster that was taking place.
Freddie: That's something I never want to see again.
Carly: What, Spencer wearing a white tux?
Freddie: That and my daughter encouraging him to wear awful outfits.
Carly: Yeah, true. Thank god we're out of there.
There was an awkward silence between the two as this was the first time they'd been alone since their talk on the rooftop.
Carly: So...
Freddie: So...
Carly: You trying to work things out with Pearl? I've been so caught up with my own lovelife since... you know... that I haven't really asked about yours.
Freddie wandered to the kitchen and got a drink for the both of them as he answered her question.
Freddie: Well, until last night, I had just left her alone as I thought she might want some space to take everything in. But late last night, she messaged me saying she wants to talk about our feelings for one another.
Carly: Wow, sounds like that could be a very deep conversation.
Freddie: I'm no good with that sort of thing though...
Carly just gently patted Freddie on the back and tried to encourage him.
Carly: Look, you're a great guy, Freddie. I realised that way too late. You'll come up with the right words at the right moment.
Freddie: I hope so. It's just I know I'm not that good at this sort of thing.
Carly: Okay, how about this? I'll pretend to be Pearl and you can speak your feelings towards me. Then when it comes to actually talking to her, you'll know what to say.
Freddie: Well, if you think it'll work, then let's try it.
Carly: Okay, hold up a sec...
She pretended to do her hair like Pearl's and got into character.
Carly: Ahem... So is it true? Are you in love with Carly?
Freddie: Pearl, listen. What you and I have is something special that I never want to lose. I love YOU and nobody else. I've been married twice and been divorced twice. Never again. You're my third time lucky.
Carly: You mean it? You really love me?
Freddie: More than anything in the world.
Carly: Then prove it. Kiss me.
Freddie: Prove it? No problem.
Still in character, he slowly made his way towards Carly/Pearl and gently grabbed her sides as their heads leaned to either side and their lips met. For Carly, there was a sensation for her that she shouldn't be doing this with her best friend, but here she was, doing and enjoying it, anyway. Her arms were around Freddie's neck as the kiss deepened. Freddie was out of it, and he just thought this was part of Carly's character. As the kiss began to get a bit intense as Carly then pushed Freddie onto the sofa, straddling his lap, the kiss couldn't get any more passionate, with Carly letting Freddie unbutton her pale purple blouse and vice versa, Carly unbuttoning his red shirt.
Carly: Mmm... what the hell are we doing?
Freddie: Whatever we want to do. Just let it happen.
Obviously thinking she was still in character, Freddie went a step further and gripped her ass, while Carly began moving around near Freddie's crotch to get him going.
Smut alert!!!
Her panties were next to go, with Freddie wanting for her to keep the short skirt on as he was into that. By now, they were on the stairs leading up to the studio, leaving a trail of clothes on the way. Their shirts followed, then came Freddie's jeans as they were now in the studio, with Freddie now in just his boxers and Carly in a baby blue bra and her small floral skirt.
Carly: Mmmm... make love to me, Freddie.
Freddie still was convinced Carly was playing as Pearl but went along with it as he carried her towards a beanbag and he sat down, with Carly straddling his lap and getting a feel for him in his private parts, which were growing by the second. The two then shedded what clothes they had left and got down to business, with Carly slowly sliding onto Freddie's shaft, both of them sighing and moaning in delight at the feeling.
Freddie: Oh, god...Ohhhhh yeah...
Carly: Mmm... that's it Freddie, that's the spot!
The two continued to make love to one another for another 10-15 minutes before Freddie released all he had into Carly, the web show host begging for it.
Carly: Give it to me, Freddie, give me all you've got! I want it all inside me...
As the two then rested, physically exhausted from the pleasure they had just gone through, the two passed out on the beanbags, before coming to their senses, and realising what they had done.
Freddie: What...
Carly: The...
Both: Hell?!
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