1975 - 5th year

Libby's POV

It had been two weeks since Dumbledore had announced the news in front of the entire student body. Two weeks of students telling Liberty that they were sorry, that they understood, that they were there for her.

Two weeks of nothings in other words.

Also two weeks of Libby being the angriest, moodiest teenager in the history of teenagers.

And that was saying something. She would scream into her pillow, punch walls, burst into a torrent of tears, yell at other students, or smash her ink pots. The tears were the most minimal of her actions. Smashing ink pots and yelling at other students were her favorite things to do.

And only two weeks until her brother's 17th birthday and the day he dropped out of school to take care of their younger sister.

There was already talk of an epic birthday bash in the Room of Requirement, a birthday party and Quidditch victory party. It was Hufflepuff versus Ravenclaw and both houses were going to be at the party so it would be a Quidditch victory for at least one house. All the Gryffindors were to attend as well but no Slytherins. Although rumor had it, that Lily Evans was taking Severus Snape as her date.

Dates seemed to be another common conversation topic with the approaching party. Having a date was a statement and not having one was a statement as well, completely different than the other. Couples often used dances and parties and whatnot, to go public with their romance or to go official.

I had plans to not do either. An entire statement on it's own.

"Hey, er, Libby?" I hear Lily say softly from behind me, slightly cowering, her hands fidgeting in front of her,

I turn around from my armchair around the fire and snap, "What?'" She shrinks back. "I, was I was just wondering if you wanted to go to Hogsmeade and pick out a dress for your brother's party with us this weekend." She says quietly.

"Oh." Is all I respond with.

"Oy, Libby. I think it would be a good idea if you went. Get some fresh air and some butterbeer." Sirius says, walking up behind me and plopping down on my arm rest. I scowl at him and try to shove him off but he holds his ground.

Sirius never cowered in fear or let my anger issues bother him. He was always there for me, through every up and down. Sure, I could piss him off sometimes but he would never leave me.

"She'll go. Where are you going to meet?" Sirius told Lily, ignoring my jabs to his ribs.

"The common room on Saturday at 10 o'clock. We'll see, er, see you there Libby." Lily says, glancing my way and waving a little before walking off.

"Move your fat arse over Sirius." I tell him, shoving him off my arm rest with all my might. He topples off and wraps his arms around my waist as he falls, with me landing on top of him.

"What the hell Sirius?!" I screech at him, slapping his arm, trying to get off of him. He just grabs my arms and holds them in a firm grip above his head.

"You're the one who decided to shove me off the armchair." Sirius says, his face too close to mine.

"What the actual fuck is going on here?" James says from behind us. We both turn our heads towards him and Remus.

"Did you finally find a way to help Libby's mood?" Remus says softly, frowning.

"What?! No you dumbarses." I screech, managing to roll off of Sirius as I did and I jumped up.

"He was just being, I, he, he was being an idiot, and I--I." I stutter, feeling heat rise to my cheeks. I turn around and storm to my dormitory. I grab my satchel, sling it over my shoulder, walk out again, and shove past the guys in the common room. They all look confused and slightly terrified.

"Hey Libs, wanna go..." Fabian begins to say but immediately stops when he sees me and my angered face. I just storm off.

...

TW ! ! -bl**dy hands and severe br*u*ses

The air is crisp and smells of warm pumpkin pie and turkey. I sit there, on the edge of the lake, breathing in the glorious scents the Hogwarts grounds have to offer, for what is probably hours. I take out my worn copy of Pride and Prejudice out and read, ignoring the looks of pity I see out of the corner of my eye from some students further down the shore.

I'm on my favorite part of chapter 2 where Mr. Darcy refuses to dance with Elizabeth, when I notice a tear slip down my cheek. I wipe it and inwardly curse myself for being so stupid. All my anger and dozens of smashed ink pots is going to cost me more than I thought it would,

But like I said earlier, anger is easier to deal with this the overwhelming sadness that my dreams have already succumbed to.

Gpa is was the only adult in my life, the one person I trusted more than anyone and now he's gone. Gone forever.

Both my parents left when I was 5, reason(s) unknown. My Gpa raised us ny himself after Gma died when I was 8. So technically, we're not orphans, my brother, sister, and I but almost. We have no idea where our parents are or how to contact them and even if we did, I wouldn't. They left us. I'm not going to go crawling back to them.

I grab my last salvageable ink pot from my satchel and proceed to smash it into the nearest tree, the tree where the Marauders and the rest of our gang hang. Hot, angry tears leak out and I scream in anger. I walked further down the shore so no one could hear me from where they some students were around the grounds. On the far side, dangerously close to the Forbidden Forest.

I grab my hair and run my hands through my unruly, uncombed, snarly, chestnut waves. I crouch down, trying to suppress the sobs building up in my chest. They threaten to bubble out of my throat so I scream again and smash my hands into the ground. I grab some rocks and pitch them as hard as they can into the lake. Seeing a large boulder, I run over and throw a punch to the side. Pain instantly shoots through my knuckles. Liking the way the pain subdues my drowning grief, I punch with the other hand, punching until the sun has almost dipped all the way down, past the mountainous hills. Sobs escape me and I'm shaking from the pain and sadness, but as soon as I stop I suddenly feel so much better.

Wiping my face and my hands on my jeans, tenderly, I begin my walk back to the castle. My high-top chucks and skinny jeans are covered in dirt and blood. My maroon sweater had several large mud smears on the arms and back. I finally tied my hair up in a crazy bun on top of my head when it kept blocking my view. My hands are bloodied and bruised beyond redemption. I'm sure I've broken a few knuckles or maybe even a finger, so I debate walking to the hospital wing for some elixiris but decide against it, relishing in the pain, needing to remember that I'd done that so I wouldn't let my grief wash over me again.

..

"Hey Lib... what the HELL happened to your hands?? Who did you beat up??" James says, his jaw dropping. everyone at the Gryffindor table proceeds to turn and gawk at me and my injured hands. I just shrug and plop down in between Sirius and Remus.

"What happened Libby?" Lily asked me lightly.

"You should really go to the hospital wing Libby." Mary says, squirming under the sight of the blood, dried and caked on the scabbed and bruised sight that are my hands.

"Nothing." I shrug, reaching out to grab a dinner biscuit, wincing and relishing when my hands touch the plate.

"That sure as hell isn't nothing." Sirius says darkly, looking me in the eye.

"Look, I got a little pissed by the lake, love my bourbon a lil too much, and I fell down a hill." I say lightly, trying my best to act drunk.

"You need to get that check out." James and Remus say at the same time. I shake my head quickly. "No..nah. I need a reminder to not get pissed by the lake again." I say, trying to slur my words a little bit.

The rest of the meal, everyone tried to convince me to get it checked out and I tell them to bugger off. On our way up to our dormitories, James goes on about how he wants to get me pissed at my brother's birthday.

"Liberty? What happened?" Edison says, as he catches my eyes in the hallway.

Shit.

I can't lie and say I'm drunk around Edison, true, I've seen him wasted oh so many times but he's my big brother, there are boundaries.

"Umm, fell down a hill and tried catching myself with my hands. I know, idiotic. Won't do it again." I tell him sheepishly. I notice Sirius slowly walking up the stairs, clearly eavesdropping. I zone out and don't hear what Edison is saying.

"Well, I have to go now. Got some homework. See you on Friday I guess." I say and rush past him, jogging to catch up to Sirius.

"Can't tell him I'm pissed." I tell him, trying to act drunk again. He just nods a little and keeps walking.

When we get to the dormitory, the common room is empty and it's just Sirius and I.

Sirius grabs my arm gently, looking torn. I turn around, "Something wrong Padfoot?" I ask.

He bites his lip and then looks into my eyes, his gaze so earnest and deep, it scares me. "I know you're not drunk Liberty. There's no alcohol in your breath. Just, just make sure you don't hurt yourself again in the future, okay? I know what that's like and I understand that facing your grief takes more courage than hurting yourself into not feeling anything, but it's better. You'll have to eventually." He says and then drops my arms.

"I..I don't know what you're talking about." I say, my voice thick, clearing my throat.

" g'night Libby." He says before turning around and disappearing in his dormitory.

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**Author's Note**

Hello lovelies, thank you so much for reading!! I know it's early and dark but it's important for character development and so you know what makes Libby tick.

Feel free to leave any comments or critiques below!!

Stay healthy, lots of love, Lori <3