"I guess everything will be difficult after this hasty confession Nevertheless, I can’t take it anymore I wanna run to you now... "

~No Longer-NCT 127

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yoongi ran, he couldn't really say that he had any sense of where or that he even cared, he felt the sting of tears in his eyes, and he wasn't sure why, maybe it was the whole of the situation, maybe it was that Kyung-mi had to see that ugly act, maybe it was how he had just messed up Taehyung's life even further, someone who didn't even know that more often than not, Yoongi was in the same house as him.

He ran down what was eventually a highway leading out of town, the roads empty, everything grey, and he stopped by a light post, then he picked up the nearest rock he could find and chucked it hard at the light, making it shatter, the glass raining down on him and pieces of it staying in his hair as he knelt down and covered his face, crying, the tears warm and rolling down his face quietly while he sucked in painful, heaving breaths, shaking.

He gently picked up the glass, closing his fist tightly around the shards, some of them shattering further while they cut into his hand, he'd hoped that that pain would drown out the pain he felt inside, but it didn't even come close, nothing ever did, the pain was always so so much, it never ended, if it wasn't one thing, it was another, there was always something wrong, always some way he couldn't be happy.

He looked up at the sky, hoping it would rain so no one could see him cry, so the blood could just wash away down the street, "Hey...If there was ever something....up there....c-could....y-you....pl-please...!" Yoongi paused, choking a little, "Why...? why I-is th-this my fate? Wh-where's my happy ending?!" He threw the glass across the sidewalk and sat there, angry he never got an answer, that as many times as he has asked that, there's never an answer.

He reached in his pocket, digging out his lighter rolling the thumb of his non-bleeding and shaking hand over the wheel and onto the ignition in one smooth and swift motion, the flame igniting and shining brightly.

With the thoughts that came next, he realized his own psychosis, There wasn't a question anymore. 

~~~ 

He walked slowly, trying to convince himself this wasn't what he needed, but he never thought of a reason good enough, so before he knew it, he was looking at Jae-Hwa's foster home, and nothing could stop him from going up to the door, and pushing it open. With so many kids in the house, they never remembered to lock the door.

The house was mostly empty except the little kids, who had seen Yoongi before and never questioned it before and didn't question it now, still playing with their blocks as an older foster child slept on the couch.

He went right up to Jae-hwa's room knowing he saw acetone on her dresser, when he was here last and he reached to grab all of them.

There was something else on the dresser however, and he paused, looking it over, as it seemed incredibly out of place to him. It was just a card with a symbol on it, nothing more, nothing less, maybe for her nails or something, but it was strange, just a red dot and a black, shiny perfectly straight bar running through it.

He pocketed it, not sure what it is and wanting to look at it more later, then he popped the cap off a bottle of acetone about to pour it all over when he paused again, the reasonable part of his mind kicking in finally.

There were children downstairs... Kyung-mi came to mind, as she loved children, and the image of them playing with their big, oversized blocks haunted him for a moment.

He bit his lip, knowing he couldn't have them get caught in this, but he also couldn't have the older one suspect he did this.

He swore softly and put the cap back on the acetone and sat on the floor, with a sigh, feeling something in his back pocket when he did so.

A phone, Kyung-mi's baby blue bird covered phone, he hadn't realized he'd taken it. He didn't really have his own phone, Seokjin had said he's clear his old one and give it to him, so he'd been borrowing Jin's to text Kyung-mi when they weren't together.

He must have grabbed it after Jae-hwa called him on it... so he immediately went back and blocked the number, going back to their chat over Kakao talk, which Seokjin set up so Yoongi didn't have to use text messages, and though Seokjin could see it, it was separate from everything else.

He'd never said much over it, Kyung-mi talked a lot, but he was always kind of short with her, and he smiled softly at some of the things she had sent him, scrolling back through it to remember happier moments than this.

He almost jumped when he got a new message, from "himself", making it jump down to the newest message.

Suga: You're online with her phone??

Suga: Where the heck are you????

Suga: What the heck was that about? do you have any idea what u just did to tae and kyung-mi? [7:38PM]

He stared at it, his fingers floating over the screen of the phone, thinking about answering, but unsure who was talking, so he wasn't sure he could trust them.

He decided to ask, and since it was Kyung-mi's phone it came up under her name when he sent messages.

Kyung-mi: who is this? [7:40PM]

Suga: So you are there! tell me where you are [7:40PM]

Kyung-mi: Who. is. this. [7:40PM]

Suga: Jin. Seokjin, Yoongi can you please just tell me where you are?? Please....we're worried....Kyung-mi is worried... [7:41PM]

Yoongi called Seokjin's number then, putting the phone by his ear and waiting for him to pick up, shaking, unnerved, but not really scared or caring if anyone caught him in Jae-hwa's room about to torch it, he had bigger fears than that.

Seokjin picked up, he could hear the click, but he was silent over the phone, maybe he was just waiting or Yoongi to tell him where he was, maybe he was unsure of what to say. He had no idea what he had done beyond what he did at the school, so if he knew that, maybe he would be yelling at him instead of staying quiet.

Yoongi adjusted the phone against his ear, swallowing and exhaling quickly before looking down and speaking, "Hey.....is Kyung-mi there?"

Seokjin pauses, then a scuffling is heard, along with a soft, nearly out of range, "it's him." from Seokjin as he hands the phone to Kyung-mi.

"Suga?" she asks and sniffles, "What happened?? you were acting so weird.....everyone thinks you're the devil...everyone hates you...but they just don't know what's going on right?" She takes a deep breath, "R-right? Th-they just don't k-know you..."

Yoongi smiles a little though she can't see it and adjusts the phone again, nervous, but trying to subconsciously distract himself, "Maybe they're right, you know? M-maybe I am just a bad person, maybe I woke up and... I needed to hurt someone..." He says softly, knowing the person set out to be hurt was himself, "But I never meant to hurt anyone else, right Kyung-mi?"

Kyung-mi pauses, "M-maybe I forgive you for hurting me..."

"Maybe that was the last thing I wanted and... I'm so sorry for ever hurting you."

"M...Maybe I could never really be mad at you, Yoongi..."

"Maybe I love you..."

Kyung-mi doesn't say anything to that, and part of him knows this is because there is no response to that. There's nothing to say back, but the silence kills him.

"K-Kyung-mi.....Kyung-mi, I love you..." he says again, starting to cry, his voice breaking as he shifts uncomfortably, he wants to hang up, to not sit through the torture of her not saying anything back, but he doesn't, he stays on the line, trying to not fully break down.

~~~

a/n:

Silence hurts more than words.

-Neri