"If you.... If you're struggling like I am, can't we make things a little easier...?"

~If You-BigBang

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Kyung-mi was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia at age 7, her parents both had jobs, she was often at daycare, or school, hardly at home except to sleep, she didn't eat there, and if she did, it was just takeout her parents had ordered for her since they weren't home.

Her parents had no idea she wasn't mentally well, they didn't see her often enough to notice details such as that she would talk to herself, or set her dolls on fire in a rage, and then cry and yell at herself for breaking her favorite and only friends.

Her parents never noticed the absence of a few dolls, a few toys, they were hardly ever home, and the dolls and toys she had, the lady at daycare had either given to her, or she had had since she was born, they were quite literally baby shower gifts, her mother had never bought her a toy.

But for as many as she torched, she just bought new ones herself. Since there was money left on the counter to pay the delivery man for the takeout, after she paid him, sometimes there was change, she would save up that change, then walk the streets of Daegu to the nearest toy shop and buy new ones.

Which worked fine, until she was caught, she said it was a woman with a bright floral dress, a big gray purse, and a 5 year-old little boy, who'd finally asked her, and Kyung-mi, not thinking to lie, or the consequences of the truth, answered, 'My parents are at work.'.

She was taken to the police station, confused and scared. It didn't take long at all for them to see she wasn't mentally well, her parents were called in, furious at her for getting called from work.

And that led to a visit to the doctor, an official diagnosis, pills to start her out with. But her parents were never home, Kyung-mi wouldn't remember to take the pills, especially if, in her mind, she wasn't Kyung-mi always, and she couldn't make rational decisions. The pills sat on the counter, gathering dust, it was only a matter of time before a doctor paid a visit to check in on her a discovered she was alone most of the time.

Next thing she knew, her parents were being told if they couldn't give her the pills, they would be sued and she would be taken away from them.

What they did hurt her, they dumped her at a mental hospital, saying they'd visit, that they'd come back for her, that they'd check on her.

They never came.

Day in and day out, she asked for her parents, when they were coming back for her. For years she did that, and it wasn't long before she barely remembered what they looked like, their faces just a blur of features. She didn't even remember what she herself looked like, had no idea, it had been so long without seeing herself.

They tried to make her better, then one day, something changed, and they stopped doing that, they started using her to test drugs, she was a lab rat. Some days she couldn't remember who she was, after any sort of electro-shock therapy it was like that, just electrocuted until she couldn't remember how to speak. She was nothing more than a sad dog to beat when there was nothing better to do.

I'm so sorry, Kyung-mi... 

~~~

Yoongi awoke with a start, finding himself in the same position he laid down in, and feeling sore from laying on his arms.

He slowly pushed himself off of the ground, looking around a bit, but then his eyes stopped on Kyung-mi.

She was laying next to him, curled up into a small ball, probably because she got cold, and Yoongi confirmed that by how cold she felt when he touched her cheek.

He'd fallen asleep on her story, he'd missed the end, but he knew enough he supposed, he felt sorry for her. Pity was probably not what she wanted, but it has how the whole thing made him feel.

With a deep breath, he took whatever amount of Min Yoongi that was left and put an arm around her. Either way he justified it, because she was cold or because he felt she needed a hug of some kind, it was still nothing like what he had become lately.

He debated for a second, whether or not to wake her, but it didn't take long for her to sleepily look up at him, and when she did, her eyes widened, and then she bolted up.

"School!! I'm late!! I'm late!!" She said, getting up and trying to get to the shed door.

Yoongi hadn't let go of her, grabbing onto her shirt in shock when she got up so quickly, so he yanked her back by the waist, "Idiot! It's Sunday!"

Kyung-mi landed hard into his lap with a squeak, and Yoongi sat in silence for a minute, wondering what the hell had possessed him to do that, especially given it kind of hurt.

It was a bit of an awkward silence where Yoongi felt uncomfortable, and he could feel Kyung-mi feeling uncomfortable, her body frozen in place, but suddenly radiating heat and producing tons of sweat, and her ears a shade of red. She's blushing. Why the hell is she blushing?

Yoongi cleared his throat, "It's gotta be like 5am, tell me the rest."

Kyung-mi paused, "The rest...?"

"Of the story, before I tell you my opinion."

Kyung-mi moved a bit, looking down, "Mrs. Park found me, loved me, made me feel like the world, like I was important, told me what happened with my parents--."

"What happened?"

Kyung-mi stiffened again, this time, her hands closing into fists, "The bastards signed away custody of me....they sold me to the hospital... That was why they stopped caring for me, that was why they started experimenting..." She seemed to almost growl, a new sort of angry in her. "They screwed me over, they sold me to the devil, they condemned me to death!! I hate them!! I hate them!!"

She had screamed it, the words coming out in furious shrieks, and the silence after was like being deaf.

Yoongi rested his chin on Kyung-mi's shoulder so he could see her face and she looked right at him, her dark eyes aflame.

"Fuck them." He said, looking at her evenly.

Kyung-mi repeated like a parrot, "Fuck them..."

Yoongi then remembered how easy she was to influence and paused on what he was going to say after that. "Don't say that." He started, covering her mouth, "I think..." He looked around the room thoughtfully, "That...if you were looking for them to love you...You were looking in all the wrong places. And....Now you are free of them, you have someone who loves you, but you won't let them in," Yoongi closed his eyes and sighed, "You're living with some great expectation of life and....just because it hasn't been good up to this point, you're thinking it can only go the same way and everything is so fragile, and you're messing it up for yourself." Yoongi inwardly wished that he had some other kind advice to give, but what would she know where it came from? Only he would have to live with the humility.

Kyung-mi looked right at him, just blinking, as if she didn't believe a word of what he said, and Yoongi remembered that Jin was a friend of hers, and she probably heard something a little similar to this before, if so, he was embarrassed. He was giving her advice he couldn't follow himself, advice he'd scoffed at. Then he realized his hand was still over her mouth, and he hurriedly took it away so she could speak.

"I think I have to take my medication..." Kyung-mi said quietly.

She started to get up, but Yoongi pulled her back, "Why? You don't seem crazy to me, you've seemed perfectly sane so far."

"I'm crazy...Sunbae, nothing will change that." She looked down. "It's been years, Yoongi-sunbae... I'll never be sane...it's a stupid fantasy..."

Yoongi couldn't see her face still, but he could hear her voice crack, feel the tears fall onto his hands. You're giving up.....no....don't give up....no...

Yoongi blinked, keeping back tears, he couldn't pinpoint why he was sad over this, but he looked up at the ceiling, not looking for hope, just trying to keep tears in his eyes and not rolling down his face.

"Hell no, get up."

~~~

Yoongi pulled Kyung-mi through the streets, the sun still not up all the way, the streets still dark at the corners, and orange and pink everywhere else, casting long shadows that followed them as Yoongi dragged her along.

And she was either tired or just not willing to go, but either way, she was slow and stumbled a lot, and further, she complained, at first it was, 'it's too early to go anywhere', 'Eomma will wonder where I went...' but lately it was, 'we'll get lost.'

That wasn't even a possibility, if anything, Yoongi knew the streets, he'd run away more than once to escape a beating, knowing it would only result in a more severe beating when he got back, but doing it anyway. It was like a last meal before execution, except not quite as extreme, he climbed up buildings, threw himself over fences, ran before she beat him and he was too sore to do it.

"Sunbae....where are we going...?" Kyung-mi asked, her hand still in his, slightly out of breath.

He wasn't holding her tight, if she wanted to go, she only had to let go, but still, she held on.

"Somewhere. You ask too many questions, you need to learn how to shut up." Yoongi said, not nearly as serious as he could have been, but almost joking.

Yoongi smirked back at her, pulling her along a bit more before leading her around to the back of a building, the shadow big and long in the sunrise, and the features of the structure nothing but dark shapes and extremities.

With a bit of a jump, he reached up and grabbed the emergency ladder, which had always hung a little low, so even though he wasn't the tallest guy, he still pulled it down to the ground.

Kyung-mi looked only concerned in the low light as she watched him, but this place was nostalgic for Yoongi, for the first time in a while, he flashed a little bit of a gummy, genuine smile, and it was gone just as quick when he realized, replaced with his usual slightly annoyed facial expression.

Yoongi held the ladder down with one hand and looked at Kyung-mi blankly. "Up."

Kyung-mi looked up, probably trying to see where the ladder ended, but it was in vein in the dark like this. She bit her lip, looking down for a second, "Sunbae... why are you...?"

"Go, Kyung-mi, or not." Yoongi said, voice flat.

She took a deep breath, then her hands found the rungs of the ladder, her feet following suit, and she climbed, and Yoongi followed not too far behind.

The ladder was long, Yoongi couldn't say he trusted the bolts and welding keeping the ladder onto the building, but he couldn't say he actively thought about it too much either. The only thing he thought about was the top.

I wish life was like that. That I could ignore all the bumps and pain and just see the end that I want....

When Kyung-mi reached the top, she stopped, staring out, and Yoongi couldn't help but chuckle at her when she slowly climbed onto the roof and stood up, in a daze almost.

He followed up behind her, taking her hand again, since she seemed to be stuck, "Closer, Kyung-mi." He said, slowly pulling her to the other side of the roof, closer to the sunrise.

In front of them the sunrise was a milky orange, a few pinks and blues kissing the sky like a child had dragged the bright yet soft colors lazily across an empty white canvas. As they got closer to the edge, more and more of the expanse below them was visible, all the houses, and offices, and hospitals, and apartments, and all the cars, slowly making their way onto the street, in some places looking like nothing but a far away wire with a little colored buzz of electricity driving on it.

She didn't speak, she just stared, looking out, her chest rising and falling quicker and quicker as she took it all in. She didn't even seem to notice Yoongi had taken her right to the edge of the building.

"What do you feel?" Yoongi asked softly.

"Like...." Kyung-mi licked her lips, "like its alive...and....its all so....irrelevant....and....I feel...."

"You feel...?"

"Like....I'm big....like this is mine...." Kyung-mi almost took a step forward, and Yoongi pulled her back a bit before she took a step too far and just fell off.

"You haven't had your pills, is that a crazy thought?" Yoongi asked. "I think that too when I see this, am I crazy?"

Kyung-mi was quiet, not saying anything for a second, either thinking or too entrapped by the view to answer at first, and when her lips parted, as if about to say something, she said nothing, and instead just closed her eyes as a nice cool breeze came through, blowing her short hair and her bangs out of her face, revealing her eyebrows and forehead.

Yoongi laughed, "You don't even have an answer? I thought you were so crazy you'd never be sane, but this seems like a pretty sane thought to me."

She opened her eyes and laughed a little, then leaned over and grabbed him by the face, kissing his cheek.

It scared him and he flinched, pulling away from her quickly, and he was going to swear or something, but.... 

It felt different. He couldn't say what it felt like, beyond the actual feel of her lips was something else, and he didn't know what the hell it was, but he felt his heart freeze or skip or something for just a second, and he looked down, "You sap."

Why the fuck did you do that? I've been a jack ass to you, idiot.

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A/N:

LONG CHAPTER FOR ALL THE PeOPLE WHO WAITED!!11!!1!

Maybe some people don't know this, but Jeon Ji Yoon (Formerly of 4minute shdjf) is the face claim for Kyung-mi XD her hair is shorter thooo, bangs are same length as the gif, but otherwise shorter and no makeup :33 and this has been the face claim since I started Through the Glass, i just never showed it there because she wasn't really all that present beyond the first part??? (where errrybody hated her, and like, I doN'T BLAME YOU IF YOU STILL HATE HER AT THIS POINT, IDK

&&& you know, i wrote 80% of this listening to Troye Sivan, and the Blue Neighborhood album really gave me such nice vibes for writing this??? and the song Gasoline was basically this fanfic XDD 12/10 I RECOMMEND AND ALSO MIGHT GIVE YOU IDEAS ABOUT HOW SAD THIS MIGHT GET, BUT DON'T THEORIZE YET

~Neri~