"If only it was a diferent guy and not me, if only it was a line from a comedy..."

~Baby Don't Cry-EXO K

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Namjoon came in and immediately took that chicken out of the microwave, sitting on the couch and eating gingerly.

By that time, Yoongi was already in such a state he didn't want to be seen, but it was too late in many ways. Namjoon had come in late, but he didn't entirely miss Yoongi bawling his eyes out, and the humiliation was unbearable, he couldn't make eye contact with Namjoon or Jin.

No one said a thing for the longest time, the silence was thick enough to hear a pin drop, but felt like a weight that should have been loud in some sense.

"You fucked up?" Namjoon asked eventually. "You finally realize that?"

"Namjoon...!!" Jin whispered harshly, still with his arm around Yoongi's shoulder. "Could you have a little decorum, I don't think Yoongi needs to hear that right now..!"

Yoongi could see Namjoon shrug in the corner of his eye, "Oi, it was just a question, can't comfort him if I don't know what's wrong." Namjoon took a bite of chicken, not seeming to care all that much.

Maybe it was the amount of times Namjoon had offered to help, and Yoongi had denied him, maybe it was all the choices Yoongi made that Namjoon advised against, but he addressed the matter as casually as if just discussing what the weather would be.

"So, okay, I'll put it nicer... How did you fuck up, Min Yoongi?" Namjoon said, still enjoying his chicken.

Jin glared at him for a second, silently communicating a multitude of things with just the look. "What happened, Yoongi?" Jin said, still looking at Namjoon.

I don't want to even tell them. They already think I'm some stupid weak piece of shit. Namjoon was waiting to say 'I told you so' or bust out a philosophical lecture with the same meaning, but at least 30 minutes longer than that simple 'I told you so', but with thrown in extra meanings and deeper lessons that no one really needed.

The silence wasn't getting anyone anywhere, and it seemed even Jin was curious as to why Yoongi had broken down, clearing his throat after a while.

"So what was it? Yoongi?"

He pushed him away. Shoved him hard in the chest and got up, "Don't ask that."

"Why?" Namjoon asked, staring back evenly at Yoongi as he glared at him. "Why? Answer. Or can't you?"

Yoongi took a step forward, "Shut up, Kim Namjoon. Shut the fuck up."

Namjoon had a way of not buying into any of Yoongi's intimidations worth a shit, so he smiled.

Yoongi took another step forward, standing right over Namjoon. For someone younger, as Namjoon was, he had a lot of gall, a lot of fearlessness in him, and Yoongi couldn't tell if it was because he just didn't care, or if he knew better than what Yoongi could have thought he did. But this wasn't Yoongi he was standing up to, the part that wouldn't hit him was dead.

"Oh." Namjoon frowned, looking at Jin, then back at Yoongi, "I think you're looking for love in the wrong places--."

Yoongi grabbed Namjoon's collar, but Namjoon kept talking as if he'd done nothing at all.

"You can't buy love, you don't win it, it has to be there first, otherwise, there's no point in trying. Love doesn't just appear, sometimes working for it isn't enough, because you're begging the wrong people to care--."

Yoongi was gripping his collar with such tight white knuckled fists, it was starting to hurt.

Namjoon's tone changed, he now sounded angrier, more irritated, "Is that what you think you get from Jae-hwa? Some sense of someone caring? You're looking for love from someone who hasn't felt in years and expecting something to change, you're looking for love from a mother that hated you since before you were born, but those who actually fucking care, you're trying to pick a goddamn fight with, because they want to tell you the truth, and you take the truth as some great offense!!" Namjoon grabbed Yoongi's wrist and twisted it. "Now fucking let go of me, I'm trying to help." Namjoon gave Yoongi's wrist an extra hard twist, "I tried to help."

Yoongi let go, not so much because he wanted to, and not because he was scared of Namjoon, because he obviously wasn't a fighter, his figure all wrong for it. Namjoon was more of a thinker then someone who would raise his fist as anyone. No, he couldn't say he let go because of anything to do with Namjoon, rather, because he was starting to cry, and he wanted to wipe the tears away from his eyes before Namjoon could see.

Namjoon sighed, "Let me give you an idea about who you're bitching to--someone who's parents want him to avoid talking with 'lesser' people, someone who's parents drove him until he cracked, and now don't want anyone to see him, or what he's become, or be able to relate to them in anyway, someone who's crawled to people that didn't give a damn first before happening on someone who could love him the way he was."

Yoongi could see Jin bite his lip at that.

"I've been there, and I'm trying to stop you before you spin too far out of control, but I'm starting to think it's become too late, that you're too late to save, and if it gets to that, you can go live with Jae-hwa in her little foster home, understand?" Namjoon got up, not saying anything further or waiting for Yoongi to answer, taking the empty plate and dropping it off in the kitchen before going to his room.

He didn't know what to think. He hadn't thought of Namjoon like that before. He can't say he so much gave a shit what his life was like. He'd been a creep at first, a weirdo second, but then Yoongi realized, wasn't that what he was now?

Wasn't he just a creep? A jerk? A weirdo that didn't fit in anywhere? What was the difference?

He stared at his hands, the things he'd used to only hurt people.

Jin tapped his shoulder, "Go sleep, ok? I think sleep would be best, you should always sleep these kinds of things off, I think, and when you wake up it might be tomorrow, and things will be different." Jin gave him a smile. "refresh it all, ok? And then maybe we can actually talk about it, and actually do something about it?"

Wishful thinking...

"Ah, don't give me that look..." Jin said, Yoongi's face apparently making some kind of disgusted or doubtful face. "Let sleep be your medicine, ok? If reality is hard...just sleep for a minute. It sounds stupid, but it works, sleep is really the best cure sometimes."

Jin took Yoongi's hand, and he couldn't even manage a glare to give Jin, and probably just gave him a look like a puppy. That's all I was inside, just a lost stupid puppy beat to death everyday. That's who Min Yoongi was.

Jin led him not to the couch, but to his room, which was pristine, and yet minimal in a sense. There was his twin size bed, the foot of it toward the window, the actual bed covering was a light peach color, the pillows both plain white that looked like it had never been touched. There was a small chestnut brown shelf, filled with paper--literally just paper, neatly stacked papers, filled with text, some of them yellowed with age, others still white, but all of them looked well paged through, the corners a bit bent.

Jin pulled him to the bed and gently made him sit down, and from there, Yoongi could see a desk by the door with a computer and even more paper, a wheeled desk chair sitting by it, along with a closet with a folding door.

"Proper sleep, okay, Yoongi? Maybe it will help..." Jin bit his lip, looking like he was thinking of something. "Namjoon said you're starting to lose grip of yourself...and I believe him, but I can't decide if that was you crying of just the person that's taken over to survive."

Yoongi looked up at him. That was me. Weak me. Sensitive me...vulnerable me.

Jin cleared his throat, "Yoongi....I'm willing to help....you can tell me, I won't tell Namjoon..."

All Jin got for that was a long look, Yoongi staring at him. His mouth started to work almost, about to tell the whole story, but then he couldn't get it out of his throat, the tale lodging itself in his throat and hurting as if he'd swallowed a rock the size of his fist.

"I have to go tutor tomorrow, you want to come?"

Yoongi shook his head slowly. "No. I want to see Jae-hwa."

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A/N:

I'm setting up my own fictional reasons for Min Yoongi's habits :3 Sleep y'all~~ I honestly do not think Yoongi is lazy, sleep is a beautiful thing and it's hard to stay pumped 24/7 ok, because he's human and he's a human who tours and practices dances and writes music, and raps and works really hard. So respect Min Suga, you guys~~~ <33

chapter was delayed ;~; I've been trying to update at least once a week, and last week I kinda just didn't?

And recently I haven't felt well ;-; I've had all sorts of problems and been to a lot of doctors (HiSSSsssSS WhItE rOoMSsS) I'm generally okay, trust me ^-^ Author-nim is between clumsy and born with over loose joints that can be prone to dislocating :'((( but is okaaai~ :)

~Neri~ (Smile, honey, you're perfect <3)