"At times I'm scared of myself too, self hated and thanks to the depression that takes over me, Min Yoongi is dead..."

-The Last~Agust D

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**Slight Trigger warning**

She fell onto the floor, crying, and immediately  he felt bad. But in the back of his head, he was sure she deserved it in a way. She'd almost killed herself or some shit, maybe by accident, maybe on purpose, possibly while not in the right mind, given the neighbor's account on who owned the house and what kind of people lived there.

But it's not an excuse.

She'd have to be stupid, to start a bonfire in the house on the second floor. It was dumb, even if she wanted to hurt herself, this had to be the hardest way to do it, and she probably had better options.

Yoongi glanced into the room, seeing the smoke starting to clear, revealing a few things around the fire. A pile of files, a few pictures and picture frames, what looked like sheet music, and a once stuffed lion that had been ripped open, his stuffing everywhere.

"Park Kyung-mi, you're crazy, and stupid, and--what the hell are you crying for?"

She shook her head, sobbing on the floor. Yoongi hadn't hit her that hard. Really, he shouldn't have hit her at all, but he was angry, and really, now, thinking about it, he didn't get why he did it. Because this is my fault, I gave her the lighter, I did this to her, I put the idea in her head, I told her to make something burn, and she took it so literal  she almost burned her house down.

Yoongi groaned loudly and threw his hands up into the air in frustration, "What in the hell made you think any of this was a good idea?!"

He wasn't expecting it when she turned to him and yelled back, her face streaked with tears, "I make a lot of bad decisions ok?!  I don't know what I was thinking, I just did it!"

She yelled so loud the silence after was thick enough to cut through--at least until she sat down and started crying again.

Yoongi sighed, he had trouble watching her cry, especially with him standing over her. I reminded him of a night with his mother that he remembered all too well, except he was crying, and his mother was standing over him laughing. As he begged, and pleaded, she laughed.

I hate her, I hate her, how could she do that to me? Do I mean nothing? Did she give birth to me just to hit me? She could have just gotten an abortion. If she didn't want me, why didn't she just get an abortion?

Kyung-mi sniffled on the floor, "Mom's going to come soon. The alarm is linked to her phone."

Yoongi's eyes widened for a second. "Oh, she's a doctor, of course she's rich and has an amazing security system in her house." He rolled his eyes. "Okay, fine, I've got to blast then, I'm  not sticking around to play the burglar."

"There's cameras, she already knows you're here."

Yoongi stopped midway to the stairs and whispered under his breath, "Son of a bitch..." He turned back to her, and grabbed her by her collar, "She knows? You have any idea how wanted I am? Who else is coming? Police?! The Fire Department?! Who?!"

Kyung- mi whimpered, scared of him, and he could see why with him yelling in her face. She visibly swallowed then answered, "No, just my mom, unless she called the police, it's just her, and even if she did call someone, they probably won't show up, they haven't for the longest time..."

Yoongi let go of her, that made him feel slightly better, but he was still on the hook, because the police would definitely have a reason to arrest him if the Psychiatrist showed them a live feed of him breaking and entering.

Then he heard the door slam open. The door being thrown open so hard that the inside knob hit the wall next to it with enough force to probably put a dent in it.

"Kyung-mi!!"

It was a woman's voice, she sounded scared to death, on the verge of tears. Yoongi had heard the tone before but never really felt bad for the person behind the tone.This one is different, she sounds like that because she's scared, because she loves this idiot who started a fire in the house.

Yoongi paused for a second. A stupid move on his part, given all he'd been though, he shouldn't be so hung up on a tone of voice. But he was, it made him nostalgic, and in his mind, he briefly traveled to a place in his memory he thought he'd shut away. Mom, stop! I-it hurts! Mom! Wh-what did I do? Wh-what did I ever do?!

 For a moment the space around him wasn't the psychiatrist's house, but his, that little shack he used to call home, every detail, every crack in the ceiling every burned out bulb--it was all so vivid for a moment, he thought he could reach out and grab it. The bat, his mother's hand, everything seemed real enough to touch.

The only thing that broke the trance was the Psychiatrist rushing past him and going straight to Kyung-mi and helping her up and into a hug.

It happened so fast, he wondered if the Psychiatrist even saw him. The way she just hugged Kyung-mi tight not saying anything, just holding her tight, it didn't seem like she had, or if she had, she'd forgotten about him that quick.

But she's not even her daughter, she's just a foster kid at most, why does she care? I don't understand. I don't understand. My own mother never cared that much...she never...

He was spacing out, he knew he was, just squinting at them like he couldn't understand it, because he honestly couldn't begin to. He wished he knew what it was like, but he couldn't imagine his mother ever doing that. Not for any reason. She never touched him unless she wanted to hit him.

Yoongi made his way to the stairs, slowly climbing down them. And he was right, if she had seen on the way up, seeing Kyung-mi erased any worry she might have had about what he did.

I'm a ghost. The Min Yoongi that once existed has been dead for a long time...all that's left is this angry, alone, bruised shell that wants to act like it hasn't been dead for years.

And when he walked out of the house, he realized how very angry even that made him, how sad it made him. But he was beyond crying after all the nights he'd spent in his closet at home, hugging his knees to his chest as he sobbed and tried to cover up bruises with the sleeves of his shirt so he wouldn't have to look at them. The sadness just boiled down to more anger, and by the time he was to the sidewalk, he was furious.

~~~

Flame licked the walls, the heat was almost unbearable, each second just dehydrated him, but he sat in the middle of it anyway, and it felt like he'd blacked out, like all of a sudden this was reality, but he remembered starting this, taking nail polish remover from the front desk, swiping a room key when the clerk wasn't looking, taking the batteries out of the smoke detector, soaking the sheets in the acetone...

Yoongi sat on the couch in the hotel room, tears starting to roll down his face, but drying up about midway because of the heat. He could close his eyes and almost not hear the fire roaring, not hear the people screaming as they noticed the fire, not hear himself choking on tears and smoke.

He screamed, threw his head back and yelled as loud as he could, and it let out some of the frustration, some of the anger, some of the sadness--but only for a second.

It all closed right back around him like an elastic bubble, and he cried harder, and he hated himself for crying, for being weak but it wouldn't stop and he wanted to disappear.That's what mom wanted too.

That one thought made him stand up, giving the fire that was spreading his way a final look before wiping the tears with the back of his hand and walking out of the hotel room like nothing had ever happened.

You burned something again, Yoongi. Who are you? I don't know who you are anymore. Who am I? Why am I even alive?

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A/N:

ALLO~! ALLON-ZY~

I had a lot of trouble writing this, because this is where Yoongi dies and realizes he's dead and the things he does next?

...is my secret for now ;))

LOL!~

But! I'd get ready to yell at him for being an idiot :3

Actually, for now, yell at me, because I've already written the next couple of chapters, but my writing app is being a BISH and will not open so I can't access them :(((((((((( Cons of writing in a separate app T^T I will have a full rant in my personal book TTT^TTT it's that complicated

~Neri~ (WHY IS ALL MY STUFF BEING A PAIN AT THE SAME TIME, TTTTTTT^TTTTTTT)