"I keep getting scared at the looming sense of reality, Others are running ahead, why am I still here...?"

~Intro: HwayangYeonhwa-BTS

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Next day, Jae-hwa wanted him to stop by after school, she didn't care for the change in hair color, saying he looked more threatening with black hair. He wasn't trying to please her, so he let it be, the worst part about it, was what she wanted him to come to school for.

At first he thought it was just that one day, but then it was the same the next day, she was just asking him there to put her hands all over him.

He hated it, every second, every minute, but there was nothing he could do, he'd trapped himself, there was no way out of this. After a while, he let her almost willingly, kissing her back without meaning anything.

She liked that, she paid him more when he went along with it, he was still handing money to Namjoon everyday, but the more he made, the more it was worth it.

Though, somewhere deep inside, he was disgusted with himself, everything he did, just felt like it wasn't even really him, like he was just doing it, his body was anyway, not so much him actually. That was the way he wanted to think, if he actually let himself think it was all really him, he'd lose it.

After, Jae-hwa would boast about getting that deaf girl--Lee Hana, locked in the supply closet, hiding in the bathroom, thrown food at. And Then she showed him the pictures. Pictures of her half naked, crying, her dark eyes full of a certain kind of horror and fear and sadness. Jae-hwa had shown the whole school the pictures, sent the whole school the pictures through a text message.

Namjoon was right. It hurt even more to know the extent of how damn right he was. Hana was being sexually abused, she was being torn down from the inside and the outside at once and I helped Jae-hwa do it, I made it all the more possible. All for some 'problem' she won't tell me about. Not that any excuse would justify any of this.

When Saturday came, he'd never been happier when Jae-hwa said he didn't have to come, that there was no need to be there for the act and nothing she wanted him for.

After she'd told him, he'd given the phone back to Namjoon with almost a smile on his face. He was relieved. It's over for a while, I don't have to, I'm free for today.Namjoon looked at Yoongi evenly, watching as Yoongi smiled wider, eventually collapsing on the couch and quietly chuckling to himself like a madman.

It was strange, he was laughing, but he was crying. He was relieved, but really he felt like he was dying.

Namjoon sat next to him, and eventually, he felt a hand on his back. "Squirtle, you're vulnerable."

"Ugh, would you shut the fuck up..." Yoongi said, sniffling. What the hell does that even mean? Vulnerable?

Namjoon didn't stop talking or move. "I'd hate to say I told you this would happen, but I did, and it's only been a few days, and you're already breaking at the seams."

"I have to do it." Yoongi said, holding his breath as much as possible to stop the sniffling. "I've already thought it over, Eomma was worse...so much worse...I can't go back, I'm not going back..."

"Is that what it is?" Namjoon said, and Yoongi could see him reaching in his pocket for a lollipop. "Just a game of who's worse? Squirtle, you just lessened the pain by dispersing it to others you don't even know, that's all you did, the pain is still there, and there's more pain than ever."

"I don't need you goddamn fortune cookies right now!!" Yoongi yelled, the sentence coming out in a growl.

Namjoon took a metaphorical step back, backing off from Yoongi. He knew he wouldn't have to reiterate his point, Yoongi knew it too, but he also knew if he reiterated his point, he would break down, which was something Namjoon might not have known. He hadn't completely broken down yet, and if he did--he was finding a lighter and torching the nearest thing, and chances were, it would be the whole of the apartment.

Yoongi held his head in his hands, and after a few deep breaths, he stood up. "I'm going out."

Namjoon knew what was up, he wasn't stupid, as much as Yoongi hated to admit, it was the truth, Namjoon knew what Yoongi was up to more than likely.

Yoongi didn't care anymore, grabbing a jacket, not his, but Namjoon's since he couldn't really afford any clothes and so far Namjoon had just been letting him borrow his, then he headed out the door, and he was so beyond himself he forgot to slam it.

~~~

Yoongi looked up at the sky. The white clouds going fast through the sky, in an entirely different place in the sky if he looked away for a second.

He wanted it to rain. Just come pouring down, but it was sunny, and kind of hot and of course it was one of those days that were 'perfect' and everyone would be outside, playing or some shit. Especially families and snot nosed kids.

Of all things, though it was stupid as hell, he'd bought a lighter with some of the money he'd gotten from Jae-hwa. But he'd felt incomplete without it, and he felt dumb for just handing Kyung-mi a lighter, god knows what she was actually going to do with it. She'd probably smoke or something and have a asthma attack or something.

As Yoongi walked, about to take out the lighter and roll his thumb over the flint to he smelled smoke.

Which was odd, because one, he hadn't lit the lighter yet, second because smoke was something that usually came when you actually ignited something. Smoke was when something was burning, not when you just light a lighter.

Yoongi ignored it, continuing his walk for a bit, starting to get into the housing rather than the apartments. It was probably just a barbecue, or a bonfire or something anyway. He was being paranoid, fire had started to become synonymous with pain and suffering, the thought of it rewinding him back to that moment he'd decided enough was enough.

"Damn fire..." He mumbled, closing his eyes for a moment, a shiver running through his body. It had been a while, and he didn't tell anyone, but there was still the voice in his head, telling him to burn everything, everyone, himself. Who can I tell without sounding insane?

"Help!"

Yoongi stopped his walk, turning the direction he'd heard the voice. He saw a house across the street, nothing looked wrong. My stupid imagination. I'm losing it, I should go back and sleep, I haven't slept in days.

He was ready to ignore it and go back, but then he smelled burning hair. And the way that smells, he'd never forget it, it was an unforgettable scent, and one of the most bitter he could think of.

Yoongi glanced at the house. They looked well off. It wasn't his job to do anything, he didn't have to, the whole neighborhood would call the fire department in a second, these kind of neighborhoods, everyone cared. Unlike mine, where they heard me screaming and never did a damn thing.

But he waited anyway, for a moment, just to see the fire trucks pull up.

They didn't come.

"H-help!!" the voice screamed again, desperate, loud, weak sounding.

It's not my problem, I don't have to do anything. He told himself, while he walked to the nearest house, knocking hard on the door.

After a second, whoever it was still screaming for help, the door opened, revealing a middle-aged woman, her black hair done up in a messy bun, and wearing a pink polka-dot dress.

"Yes?" she asked, looking Yoongi up and down, all the while, cries for help could be heard behind him.

"What the fuck do you mean, 'yes'?! There's someone screaming for help over there!" He said, pointing to the house. "don't fucking tell me you don't hear it! You'd have to be deaf!"

She looked over at the house, then shrugged, "You must not live around here, that's the psychiatrist's house, she takes home a lot of projects, and frankly, they scream a lot when she's not there, and the neighborhood is tired of babysitting and freaking out over nothing." She said, then started to close the door.

Projects? Yoongi stopped the door, yanking it back open. "You're going to tell me you don't smell the smoke? You don't hear her screaming? You're going to ignore all that, and go back to baking your fucking pie, right?"

"You'd understand if you lived with it for as long as I have." She said, calmly, "Let go of the door, call someone yourself then if you're so worried!"

Then she slammed the door so hard, Yoongi's first thought was to get out of the way rather than try to stop her, and though he banged on the door as hard as he could for her to open up, she didn't, and she wouldn't, and if the neighorhood hadn't heard her screaming, they sure as hell heard him yelling every profanity he knew while he demanded she open the door.

He turned around to face the house where the screaming was coming from, breathing hard, not from anything but pure frustration.People are assholes, it's not even just because it was me, people are just like that.

He didn't think about it long at all before running across the street. It wasn't about balancing out what he was doing, how he'd fucked up, this was about not being like them, to not sit there and let things happen just because that was how the world went.

Forget people, people don't care, they just don't care. I hate everyone. I hate all of them.

I just wanted someone to care, but I see how you are now. You don't care, you'll never care. I'm alone, everyone is alone.

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A/N: Aye~

Remember last time, I said remember that gif? Know why?

BECAUSE SOMEONE NEEDS TO HIT ME FOR THESE LATE UPDATEs

Just kidding~~ is because I like the gif and TaeTae :33

Anyways~ If I don't update ToMORROW, spam my inbox, thx ><)/

~Neri needs to chill, but can't #storyofmylife~