Chirping birds were a telltale sign of spring's true arrival.

Rustling leaves could be heard through a small opening of the partially covered windows. Faint ripples of water from a nearby pool permeated the overall silence as well.

It smelled sweet outside. Like flowers and slightly of heat.

A few trees blocked the picturesque view of awakening plant life. Orange and black wings from a passing butterfly could be seen flapping away through a narrow parting of the curtains.

Alessandro watched the pleasant scene in a numb state.

He'd been awake for a good two hours now, but he didn't have any energy to actually get out of bed. Sitting up on its own was hard enough. When he pulled his legs over the side of the mattress to stand though, they didn't listen to him when he tried to physically make them move.

The necessary bottle of medication sat out of reach.

The distance wasn't even substantial—it only consisted of two, maybe three yards. But because of a mental disconnect, a few yards felt more like thousands of miles. Like the space between the bed and the dresser was lengthened by an obnoxious amount.

A passing thought of getting up brought upon more waves of encompassing exhaustion.

Nothing even happened. Alessandro slept well for once. He didn't have any nightmares or unpleasant dreams. He woke up on his own, rather than forcing himself awake with the incessant blaring of a screeching alarm.

Feeling lost and detached just... happened sometimes.

He barely had the strength to blink. The action only happened because his eyes felt too dry, and that feeling by itself was uncomfortable. As was the ache in his back from staying hunched over, along with a faint itch on his bare thigh that was too much of a hassle to be scratched. Even moving his toes to keep his feet from falling asleep was too much.

The only reason breathing wasn't a difficult stretch was because it was something that was done on autopilot. It didn't need to be forced. Nor was it a gesture that took a tiring amount of thought. His muscles moved on their own accord in that regard.

He relied on the comforting notion that he didn't have to do everything.

"Andro?"

Aside from a slight turn of the head, he didn't answer.

"Are you- are you okay?"

"...Just a little sluggish this morning," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

It was amazing that Lance even heard the quiet sound. "Can I get you anything?"

Alessandro knew what he needed. His meds were right there. He knew that they'd give him the reprieve he yearned for to get on with the day as planned. He just wasn't too enthusiastic about going through the explanation that would be coupled with retrieving those pills.

Still, Lance wanted to help. So it'd be fair to tell him the truth.

A part of it, anyway.

"I need that orange bottle on the dresser. It's a prescription for an... illness."

Bare feet were heard padding against the floor. Alessandro clenched his jaw when he also heard the familiar sound of pills shifting around in a plastic container. He kept his gaze on the window when Lance took a seat beside him.

"You're..." He paused for a second, unsure of what to actually say. "You're taking antidepressants?"

A single nod answered the straightforward question. "I need two capsules. Don't worry about running to grab water. I can take them dry."

When the pills were placed in his hand, Alessandro did just that. A chalky taste lingered on his tongue like always. For some reason though, it was a little more bitter than normal.

He believed the change had to do with the fact that a certain medication was being taken in front of someone else—instead of being done privately like usual.

"Why do you need them?" Lance questioned, his voice gentle as he knew he was stepping into private territory.

Alessandro bit the inside of his bottom lip. "...I have long-term anxiety. Depression sneaks its way in there from time to time. It wasn't something that happened out of nowhere. I've been struggling with mental illness as a side effect of- of a pretty hard fought battle with PTSD."

"PTSD..? What- what traumatized you that badly? When was this?"

"...It wasn't your fault. Please believe me when I say that. But let's just say... you weren't the only one dealing with demons after we broke up. Mine never went away. They just linger over my shoulder instead of standing right in front of me."

A tense silence fell between them. Distant sounds of spring made it a little less suffocating.

"How long does it take for those to start working?" Lance asked.

"I should be better in the next twenty or thirty minutes. For now, well, this is what I have the strength for. I'm sorry. I know we have things that need to get done today."

"It's fine, Andro. Take as long as you need. There's no rush."

A certain thought flashed through his mind at the kind statement.

This was the first time someone had actually seen him in the middle of a depressive episode in... fuck, years. It was the first time he had some kind of physical support.

Just having company was nice, but something else could help this situation more. Alessandro was hesitant to ask, however.

Persistent want ended up overriding hidden fear.

"...Can I hold your hand?"

"Yeah, that's more than fine."

Tears started building when long fingers interlaced with his. The presence of light heat against his palm almost made him sob. "Thank you."

*

"You've really got a lot of junk, Andro."

"I know, I know- I'm a hoarder."

"At least you're somewhat organized about it."

A wooden door was left open as a means of filtering out stale air. Dust particles danced around the environment and clung to multiple surfaces. Hardwood floors weren't as clean and polished as the ones in the rest of the house. An unoccupied spiderweb hung from a high corner near the tall ceiling.

Alessandro wondered where the fuzzy little eight legged creature was hiding. He wasn't afraid of it possibly being in the room; he just wanted to know where the spider was so he wouldn't accidentally kill it.

The home office could've acted as another slightly smaller bedroom. The area was the same size as the master bathroom without any fixtures taking up space. Multiple unlabeled boxes sat on the floor and on top of one another. A few were open, but most of them were closed.

The consensus for cleaning was for any items being kept to be taken downstairs to the finished basement. Any items that weren't needed would be trashed if no longer functional and donated if they were.

"Do you still play badminton?" Lance asked while taking out a racket from one of the open boxes.

"Not as much as I'd like, but I still enjoy it. The front yard is big enough for me to play. I just haven't really had any company to do so."

"Guess it's a good thing I'm here." The racket was twirled before being swung. "I bet I can still kick your ass."

"Pfft- yeah, okay. Keep telling yourself that."

"Who was the one with higher tallies for winning?"

"Look," Alessandro countered with a chuckle, "you only had an extra win because I fell down that hill at the park. How was I supposed to know my sneakers would fail on me? They usually had pretty good grip."

"I'm pretty sure, if I remember that day correctly, the grass was still wet from when it rained a few hours before. You probably would've been fine had you not tried to be all flashy about your swings."

"...My statement stands."

Playful banter mixed its way into the lighthearted atmosphere as they spent some time sorting and cleaning. Alessandro found himself shocked that he still owned a plethora of mementos from his high school and college days. Mementos he honestly forgot about.

A copy of his Intro to Business Studies book was covered in a thin layer of dust. He remembered having to pay a pretty penny for the new edition, and it took him about three months to refill his wallet after that transaction dented his savings.

What was even dumber about the whole situation was that his professor only used the book in the beginning of the course. It wasn't something that was regularly referenced to or studied with. The guide was opened a good three, maybe four times before never being looked at again. 

Once that semester for school was finished, the textbook became a glorified and absurdly expensive tabletop for nights spent with instant noodles.

An old cookbook from home ec was found too. Some of its pages had smudges of brown and yellow from old stains of oil, batter, and things as such. A few passages were highlighted. Despite having not been touched for a long time, the wording still remained legible, albeit a little faded. 

Faint creases lined the outer edges of the book because it had accidentally been dropped in the school's decorative fountain during some random lunch period.

Alessandro was trying to do a bit of extra studying when a goose ran up to him. He had no idea how it got into the enclosed area, but the animal spooked him enough to send the book flying into the clear waters of the old stone fountain.

He'd never trusted a single goose ever again since that ordeal transpired.

An old pair of baby blue sneakers were kept together by their knotted laces. They could've used a wash but still looked functional. Little doodles were drawn near their rubber tips and sides. They were done in permanent marker and dark blue pen. Random symbols like music notes, stick figures, and three dimensional shapes were crude in execution. A date was written as well.

From what Alessandro could remember, it was the day he got those shoes.

They were a belated present for his fifteenth birthday. He hadn't had a new pair of sneakers since the beginning of seventh grade. His parents had surprised him with the gift since he didn't think there was enough money for it.

Those sneakers meant a lot to him.

He didn't want to forget their significance, so he wrote the date on them. Subsequent doodles kind of just became a habit. They added some unique flair of personality.

After a few boxes were emptied, Alessandro found himself settling down in front of another closed one. Just looking at it made his chest feel tight. The contents within the box had almost been gotten rid of multiple times. In the end, he couldn't bring himself to throw anything away.

The outer cardboard was blank except for a single date written in marker.

02/08.

His and Lance's old anniversary.

The box was full of mementos from their previous relationship.

Mementos that Alessandro couldn't part with. So he hid them just like everything else.

"Is that what I think it is?" Lance asked as he came over.

"We gave each other a lot of stuff back in the day. Something about celebrating all of the important milestones. Almost four years worth of gifts were stored away. I- I never got rid of the things you gave me. They were too important. There was too much sentimental value. But I haven't looked inside this box in years. I'm not sure if I can remember everything that's in here. If it makes you uncomfortable, I can go through all this another time when you're not here."

"It's fine. We may have broken up on bad terms, but that doesn't mean our relationship was like that. I wouldn't mind taking a little stroll down memory lane. I'm curious to see what you kept."

Alessandro nodded his head in understanding. He cut open the tape that sealed both cardboard flaps. Once opened, he got hit with a strange wave of emotions.

Pride, happiness, nostalgia, unease, want, guilt.

He tried to push them down while rummaging through the box.

The first item that caught his eye was a plushie. It resembled a purple jellyfish with sparkling stingers. Crackling sounds came from the stuffed animal when it was grabbed because of the type of fabric used for said stingers.

It'd been a gift that Lance presented on their very first date back in freshman year. There had been a sale on tickets at the local aquarium; and since Alessandro had never gone before, he was excited to see what animals lived at the establishment.

Most of the trip was spent roaming around dark tinted rooms that harbored glass walls. Numerous animals made triumphant appearances during their stay.

Yellow seahorses swam around with bundles of tiny babies. An albino stingray flapped its little wings as if it were soaring through the sky. A sea turtle was lying on the sand with its shell pressed against the front of its tank.

For Alessandro, the most captivating scenery came from the jellyfish exhibit.

He was completely enamored with the gelatinous creatures and their flowing stingers. White domes glowed beneath any light that made its way into the tank. It was like seeing bright bubbles that had been painted against a dark background. A captivating spectacle when looking at the minute details, as well as the overall picture.

Lance noticed his date's astonishment and proceeded to buy a purple jellyfish plushie named Albert.

The second memento that caught Alessandro's attention was a crumpled piece of paper. He couldn't remember when exactly they passed the note to each other, but it was probably during math or chemistry. It held a conversation asking about plans for the weekend.

Lance was going to go on a field trip with the art club on Saturday, whereas Alessandro was going to spend the weekend home alone since everyone else in the house would be working. Lance offered to hang out the following Sunday and proceeded to write down his phone number.

They started dating about a month later.

Another object of interest was a painting. The canvas housed a group of musical instruments standing in front of a bright yellow background. Lance had used some form of abstract art to get the piece together. Blues, greens, and purples popped against the vibrant scenery.

It was the first piece of art he had ever given to anyone.

The painting came about because Alessandro started taking music classes. At first, he didn't know what he wanted to play as his go-to instrument since it'd be one that would follow him throughout high school. It was a big choice to make at the time.

He ended up picking the xylophone of all things.

The decision was made on the fly, and he hadn't intended to actually stick with it. A few days with the instrument, however, made him completely infatuated.

It took a couple of weeks to really play with even a semblance of comfort. Doing so in front of other students was nerve wracking, but Lance was a different story. Playing music in front of him came easy because he enjoyed being serenaded every single time.

The abstract painting was given during a holiday concert where Alessandro successfully completed his first solo.

"What's this?" Lance asked after a few minutes spent sitting in silence.

Alessandro glanced in the other man's direction and saw him holding a small lavender box. Even without it being open, he knew what was in there. "...Our old promise rings."

"Our? How did you get mine?"

"You kind of threw it at me when we broke up. It felt wrong to toss them, so I hid them. I hid everything that made me feel too much."

"That..." Lance stammered. "That doesn't sound healthy. Hiding and bottling things up like that."

"It wasn't," Alessandro answered with a frown. "At some point, my feelings became too much for me to handle. I ended up going to college for the same reason you did. I even worked while I was in school; both to afford my stuff and to keep myself occupied. It only helped for so long. I ended up having a mental breakdown in the middle of my sophomore year. Almost dropped out and moved to Italy with my family. But my brother talked me into getting some form of assistance. I've been getting professional help since then."

"Is that- is that why you're Mr. Perfect at work? Because you're afraid of feeling things like that?"

"You guessed right when you made that assumption the night we started sleeping together again—when we had that talk beforehand. I'm afraid of feeling too many things. Especially in public. I don't want people to see me that way."

"You let me see you that way."

"Like I said, I trust you. And I can't hide things like that from you either way. You know me too well."

Lance chuckled. He looked down at the small box without opening it.

Alessandro was grateful for that.

He wasn't prepared for the whiplash he'd get if he were to look at those rings after such a long time of them sitting in storage.

"We used to do so much together," Lance said. "I wouldn't mind doing stuff like that with you again. Y'know- going to concerts, going to aquariums, going to carnivals. I miss doing things like that. I- I miss hanging out with you like that. Getting drinks at Heatwave the other day was nice because it was just the two of us. It felt familiar. I'd like to feel that again."

Alessandro pursed his lips. He looked over the open box of mementos with an unfocused gaze. A sinking pit formed in his gut. A cold wave forced its way into his body and made him shudder.

"Lance, I know you said this doesn't need to mean anything. And I'm more than happy to just go out and have fun. But what're we going to do when all of this starts meaning something?"

"...Then we'll worry about it when the time comes. For now, I'd like to just take things as they are."

The scenario they were in—it was scary. It was exciting because they'd finally be doing things together again. They'd finally be given an opportunity to move past their biggest hurdle.

But Alessandro was terrified that all of this could possibly end with him getting his heart broken.

He didn't know if he'd be able to stop himself from falling in love. It didn't help that part of him knew it was already happening whether he wanted it to or not.