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j 💕

November 7, 2:09 p.m.

So ayun when I asked to talk calmly sa sala, katabi ko si mama nat. I was holding her hand kasi kabado din naman ako and so she could calm down too. Galit kasi talaga siya kay papa kasi may history din pala before (bata pa ako nun kaya hindi ko alam).

2:11 p.m.

Nag sorry muna ako kay papa and mama na umalis ako nang walang paalam. Then I told them na I did it because I couldn't stay for another minute sa bahay knowing na kahit anong gawin ko, magagalit sila. 😔

2:15 p.m.

Sinabi ko na never ko naman silang sinuway. Palagi akong nagpapaalam, kapag hinihigpitan nila ako, sumusunod naman ako. Especially that time when si kuya nag hatid sundo sa akin kahit hindi naman kak comfy around him. Kahit mas gusto ko si ate van kasama ko 😔 never naman akong umimik tuwing nagagalit sila.

2:18 p.m.

I also told them na all the people around me have their best interest at heart. Na hindi tayo nagrereview para mag liwaliw. Tuwing nagpapaalam ako for study lounge, nag aaral naman tayo and we all did our best for our grades para sa past sem. Hindi kasi nila maintindihan na porket iba yung hirap nung time nila, ibig sabihin madali para sa atin. Palagi kasi nakukumpara na nung time daw nila before di pa uso google at wiki, talagang sa library sila pupunta.

2:21 p.m.

Gets ko naman yun :( Sure mas open and malawak tayo sa resources ngayon. But hindi lang naman yung resources natin ang nag aadvance. Pati yung difficulty nag aadvance din. Sinabi ko rin na kung ano naman yung pinapaalam ko, yun din ginagawa natin. Ni minsan naman di ako nagpalusot para payagan nila ako.

2:24 p.m.

I told them na hindi bad influence and mga friends ko. Na it hurts me every time they say bad things about you not knowing na kayo pa mismo nag pupush and nag uurge sakin to do better. Na kung wala kayo, mas lalo akong mahihirapan.

Vina 😔

Ang sama ng tingin sakin ni papa nung time na to kasi I know he wasn't believing all the things I'm saying. I know mas pinapaniwalaan niya yung reasons niya. Every time he was trying to interject, pinipigilan siya ni mama. And somehow, it felt nice to let some things out kahit kabado ako.

2:27 p.m.

I'm happy kasi for the first time I also stood up for my friends and you and ate van. Lalo na rin kay ate :( I asked them to apologize to her kasi si ate lang naman din nasasabihan ko dati. Concerned lang din siya sakin dahil siya rin yung nakakita firsthand kung pano ako nahirapan huminga that night. 😔

2:30 p.m.

I told them that everything has been suffocating me. School and yung pressure sa bahay. Then di na napigilan ni papa sumingit kung anong pressure daw pinagsasabi ko e wala naman ako ibang gagawin kundi mag aral 😔

Hay 😪

Sabi ko he's right naman. Wala akong ibang gagawin kundi mag aral, but that doesn't mean na I'm pressured. Ginagawa ko naman lahat ng kaya ko so I could pass my subjects and para hindi rin sila ma-disappoint sa akin. That even after all those things, I received nothing from them but insults. Buti sana kung sakin lang pero pati kayo damay eh :(

Anong sabi ni tito?

Nothing. Nanahimik lang siya. He never even said sorry. But it's okay, at this point ang mahalaga sakin is nasabi ko sa kanila. It may not be everything, but for now at least I could breathe.

Okay okay
Buti hindi ka niya pinagalitan

I think... kung wala si mama pagagalitan niya ako. Niyaya niya rin pala akong sumama sa kanila pauwi

Sumama ka sa kanila?

No. Sabi ko hindi pa ako ready
I told them na sharing a space with them still suffocates me and hindi ko pa kaya umuwi. Dito muna ako kay mama nat

Buti hindi ka nila pinilit

Yes, buti nga rin hindi
Pero ayun, I'm just proud kasi nasabi ko and I was able to stand up for myself this time

Alam mo ba

Ano yun?

Sobrang proud din ako sayo

Thank you ja 🥺

As in sobra

I wouldn't do it without mama nat and kayo nila devie and ate van, so thank you too for lending me your strengths. Super na aapreaciate ko kayong lahat 🥺

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