I don't even think you'll read all of this. You're just here to know what I'm writing about, right? Well, if you don't want the full reasoning, skip to the asterisks. 

You know what I've noticed recently?

People don't seem to appreciate each other's work very much anymore.

"lol wait what do you not see how much people appreciate yo-"

I'm not here to whine or complain, because I appreciate your support as a reader and I understand that I do currently have almost 2000 followers and over 100K reads on my first fanfiction. I'm just telling you all what I've noticed.

Judge me all you want, but I'm writing down my thoughts here and publishing them. Deal with it, because I'm not in the mood to deal with people thinking I'm just whining for attention. If you are, please see the above text.

I've learned how to please the crowd in writing. I learned what they liked and what they didn't. When I started Wattpad the number of followers I had for a while was less than twenty. I started following people, some followed back, some did a follow-for-follow. I wanted to feel recognized (and don't get me wrong, it feels nice most of the time when I can comment and you guys say hi or whatever lol :>) but when I wrote my first book on my old account (that I've since deleted), I had two people really be patient with me and help me along the way. I really appreciated their support. But that was mostly it. Granted, it was pretty bad to begin with, and I've definitely improved since then, but it was nice to be recognized for something I really worked hard on when I was thirteen, or whatever age it was.

When I created this account, I knew, I actually knew, that simply because I wrote about Transformers that I would be recognized a little more than I was. And I was right. Then and Now, my first book, received 3.6K reads with nine parts in total before I took it down. The book on my other account had 1K with around 26 parts when I took it down. While I had TaN up, I realized the "Facebook" thing was popular as well. I wanted to try it for fun, and when people started noticing it, I was really surprised when it exceeded my own fanfiction. I figured that this was what people wanted more, and focused on it more. It was even the reason I was nominated somewhere as "most comedic author" somewhere to receive some type of prize or recognition by one of my readers. That was great, but was that really all I was known for?

Granted, one of my readers (who I remember but will not name) also nominated TaN as "best undiscovered fanfiction", and I was really touched. She was really one of the few who supported TaN completely while it was out. It really meant a lot to me.

So when I had received a few followers, which then turned into tens of followers, and then hundreds, quickly after FB came out, I thought, "Hey! They'll see me publish a new story, maybe they'll check it out because they like my writing!"

I found it interesting that not everyone did.

Of course, I'm not that naive anymore, but then it did hurt a little.

Of course, that book was also Without a Word, which has 135K reads, and I'm not complaining about that. People seemed to really enjoy my story, my plotline, my characters. When people left comments telling me what they liked, or even simple "crying with laughter" emojis that indicated they thought something I wrote was funny, It made me feel great, it made me want to keep going. I've always enjoyed comments more than votes. I liked to see what people thought of my work. When I finished, there were so many people who loved my story and told me so, that I carried that into my next work. I had deleted TaN because I didn't have ideas, and it didn't have any recognition. It discouraged me from continuing because I knew what was wanted.

("Surely, with Without a Word and FB getting people to read your works, they'd look at others, too?"

lol nope)

I used to write Facebook for fun. It was fun. But then someone asked to be in it.

I never thought of it. I thought it was my story, and even then, I wasn't going to give myself a part.

But they caught me off-guard, and so I said yes.

Then someone else asked.

Then someone else.

And then someone dared the 'bots to do something.

But I didn't think of the consequences, and said yes to them, too.

I never planned on this becoming a "dare the cast of Team Prime" book. It was supposed to be Facebook. But I've broken the "facebook" theme a few times to actually write because I had to for the dare.

Eventually, it just became too much.

I shut it out. Nobody but the Prime cast would be there again like it was meant to be. Even now, I look back at those few chapters and I cringe. Horribly.

But you all still wanted the dares, so I kept them.

I really liked writing them, too. I wanted you guys to laugh, I like brightening your day. I liked writing the characters and getting them to react to certain things. My favorite moment still is "I'm going to call you Googletron from now on, k?"

I chose dares I knew you'd like that I'd still be comfortable doing. But then I even did things I wasn't as comfortable doing, and for what? To please you guys?

And then when someone kept insisting they be in the story, even though I explicitly stated in a previous chapter I'm taking everyone out, and also told them individually I wouldn't put them in? Do I not matter? I'm just here to please the crowd, right? The book is there for you to do what you want and I'll write it for you. Right?

Wrong.

My last chapter was not me. It was a robot impersonating me, because hey, I need to update. It may have felt rushed, and that's probably because it was. I chose dares that weren't "make Ratchet do something romantic with OP" because it just made me uncomfortable, and then quickly wrote the chapter because I felt obligated to. Not because I enjoyed it. I enjoyed some parts I wrote, I really did, but I still felt I needed to get something out there. And I let you all choose the next person to be dared, because hey, I'm doing this for you, not me. Which is unhealthy.

That's another thing. When I created the system of "dare the next person", it really means "only dare that person", and I explicitly stated that. But still, I got dares from people who wanted their dare done that was in no way related to who or what the chapter was. Sometimes that was the only type of comment I got, or others like "update please". The only comment from that person was that.

Wait, but I worked really hard for you to enjoy the chapter I just made, did you not enjoy it?

Some people who asked for OptimusxRatchet are people who follow me. When following me, I'm pretty sure half the time people go to my profile. Maybe they want to actually get to know me, it's not like I barely stay under my limit of 2000 characters to eagerly tell people about myself so I'm not some random person on the internet.

Oh wait, they like my writing

That's great! Again, I'm happy they do. But sometimes, it hurts when it's all they like.

But somewhere, somehow, maybe you saw that I'm very against that ship? And yet you avidly asked for it?

I know, I know, I'm one person on the internet. Honestly, people probably didn't even look at my profile or they completely forgot that I'm avidly against RatchetxOptimus. Most of them don't even follow me, which also perfectly explains it. But it really just annoyed me to no end that I received notification after notification of anything OptimusxRatchet. Part of the reason I didn't include Optimus in the list of people to be chosen to dare next was because I could not deal with the next wave of OptimusxRatchet, OPxMegatron, or whatever other Optimus ships there were. I didn't want to sift through the comments to find something for Optimus to do that wasn't related to a ship.

I'm not explaining myself well, I know. I guess I'm not that great of a writer, huh? :P

I wrote what I knew people would like.

I wrote TaN because it was RiD, and RiD was the new show out (Fun fact: TaN is the mystery book mentioned in FB. I advertised it as a type of attempt to get people to read it. It didn't really work. They kind of just looked at the designated chapter).

I wrote WaW because it was a "Ratchet guardian fanfic", but what changed was I had a character I liked and I did what I wanted to, not what people wanted me to (xRatchet, specifically, and I've even seen it referred to as an xReader before. Cassidy is my character, not you, what's the logic?)

I wrote Shattered Glass because shattered glass seemed to be a popular thing as well. But honestly, I was surprised when people gradually stopped reading it. It seemed like you all enjoyed it, but when I updated a chapter and saw less and less people, it kind of discouraged me. I finished it because of the people still reading, but so many times I felt like quitting. I almost did. But I killed Bumblebee because I wanted to, and when I did, most of you were upset. Like, I was upset when an author killed my favorite character, but I tried to let them know I wasn't mad at them, or that I was still going to read the book, because it was their plot and they probably wanted/needed it to happen.

My Rules of War series was something I wanted. I wanted to write and experiment with torture scenes and writing things a little more dark, and I'm pleased some of your guys' responses. I was writing for me, but also for you, because it's nice to have an audience to write for. But so many of you were so upset over Optimus that I felt the need to include him in my last chapter of War Without End, something I didn't plan on.

Updates on My Book of Scrap, even, are scarcer. People seem more interested in my writing than the person behind it, and so my "life update" book even stopped. I've noticed, even, that my author's notes at the end are less detailed about my personal life and more so about the chapters.

But now I've hit a wall.

I don't know what you guys want anymore.

And I know that's my problem. I'm so busy trying to please you that I don't focus on what I want.

I love your guys' comments, really, I do. I love writing for an audience. But now I'm just overwhelmed. I can't write my way. I'm trying to focus on making you all happy that I don't make myself happy.

And you know what?

Shattered Glass was actually one of my favorite stories, because of the concept, and because I did what I wanted. Even though a lot of people stopped reading it, I kept writing, because I wanted to. I wanted to finish. I created a plot. I wrote. It was actually the first time in a really long time I was actually excited to write.

But it's over. I enjoy reading it, but that leaves my other books.

I attempted MTMTE because I asked if you wanted it, and you did. Sure, I had ideas, but I quickly realized none of them stuck. It left me with an unfinished book and a new understanding that I have no idea how to deliver what was wanted again.

When I announced I was returning Undercover Rookie, not very many people responded. "Oh. Maybe this isn't what they want. I thought they might; they enjoyed the first one."

When I asked people about book ideas I had, most people didn't even comment about them. They just commented on the chapter itself. When I introduced my OC's a few chapters ago in my Book of Scrap, few people (and I'm so thankful you did) commented on my characters. They were created from my own mind, and I put so much effort into them. The book I wanted to create with them was not going to be published until after I had written it, and so was Through the Smoke Screen (Undercover Rookie 2.0), because people would read them if I stuck to a writing schedule, and I wouldn't have to worry what people thought, because the books had been finished already!

But it's really, really hard to do that. Comments are what give me fuel to continue on. And when I realize I didn't have enough fuel, I become discouraged. But I've realized now that I've been relying too much on other people for my happiness and success. I should write because I want to, and I should write how I want to.

I think that's the conclusion I've been trying to make, and I just had to write all this out to get there.

**************************************************************

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I said in the beginning that I doubted you'd read all of this. I did that because it's true. I really do doubt it. You're here for something else, right? And when you realized it's not for humor or about my writing, it's about my own personal thoughts, you'd just scroll through to say you read it and move on.

No, I get it. That's fine.

But some of you actually do care enough to read all of this, and I'm not saying "woohoo, you care about me and I know it because you just read like 2300 words of me laying out my thoughts for the world to read", I'm saying you care about the author behind the story as well, not just the story itself. And from one random person on the internet to another,

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

*

Here's what I'm trying to say from all this:

*I'm not mad at you for commenting. Don't not comment, because I love your comments.

*You are an awesome person with your own awesome personality.

*I am most definitely NOT blaming anyone for what any of this has led to.

*I need to remember why I'm doing this and who I'm really doing this for.

*If you don't understand half or most of what you just read, don't worry about it. It's why I'm bulletpointing.

*My recent 10-day social media fast has made me remember who I am.

*It has also made me realize this site doesn't make me as happy as I once was, and that's because I was trying to please everyone.

*Not just in writing, but in other areas here as well.

So what am I going to do about this?

*I've already disabled my Wattpad notifications for my phone, and the e-mail I use for this account is rarely checked as it is.

*I'm sorry, but I think it's time to end If Transformers Prime Discovered Facebook. I just feel pressured to update now, and it's not fun for me anymore. I love making you guys laugh, really, I do, and I want to brighten your day. But I want to do it in a way that we both enjoy it.

*And I might not be on very much anymore, except to update or to read other updates.

*I love this community. Seeing you all interact with each other and talk on one of my books makes me feel happy I'm bringing a positive atmosphere and letting you all enjoy each other's company and bond over something you love. I've made friends on here. A lot of them. And I love them all. I don't want to leave them, and I'm not planning on leaving them. I'm not leaving Wattpad either. I love it too much. I just want to write how I'd like to. I still want to interact with all of you, I just may not worry about what people want so much anymore.

*I've been on here more than I should be. I'm a senior in high school. I don't have my priorities in order and because of it I've been giving myself unnecessary stress. I know it's unhealthy.

*This isn't goodbye or anything, I promise. I just need to figure out what I want to update and how I want to do it. The reason I haven't updated anything much is because I've spent so much time on here doing everything else but writing, and I haven't been productive and I've only wasted my time here. I need to change.

And I really hope you all can understand that. <3

-Your favorite Bumblemus Prime

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