Nang makuha ko na ang lahat ng luggage ko at mailagay sa cart, lumabas na ako ng Tagbilaran airport. Sumakay ako sa isang van na naghihintay sa mga pasahero para ihatid sa pupuntahan nila. I waited until all the passengers were already here inside the van before we left.

Since my destination is just 15 minutes away from the airport, I was the one who got out of the van first. The driver helped me put all of my things down from the compartment before he drove away. Now, I'm left here alone in front of Grayson's house.

Is he even here . . . ?

Tumingin ako sa kalangitan. The season right now is not that sunny anymore. May araw pero hindi na mainit sa pakiramdam. Therefore, it's not summer anymore. I took a deep breath before I walked towards the door bell and pressed it.

I waited for a few minutes. Right now, my hands are cold and shaking because I wanted to surprise Grayson . . . that I am here for him now.

Pero ano bang naghihintay sa akin sa pagbukas ng gate na ito? What if he has someone else already? What if . . . he's not here anymore?

Naputol ang pag-iisip ko nang bumukas ang gate. Napapikit ako nang mariin nang maramdaman kong may tao na sa harap ko . . . at ramdam na ramdam ko kung kaninong presensiya ito.

"Summer . . ."

I slowly opened my eyes as I looked at Grayson who's now in front of me. His mustache and hair grew a lot. It's longer than the last time we saw each other. He looked a bit thinner now than the last time we met.

He also reeks of alcohol and cigarettes.

"H-Hi . . ."

He gulped as his eyes looked at the things behind me. He gulped repeatedly as his eyes turned red before he looked at me.

"Y-You're here."

I smiled as my tears pooled at the corner of my eyes. "And always will be."

He heaved a deep sigh as his tears fell immediately. "Will you really do that?"

"Of course."

He bit his lower lip. "Kahit umitim ka na ulit?"

I laughed. "Kahit maging uling pa ako."

He cried more. "Even though you need to leave your life in Manila behind?"

I stretched my arms to show him all of the bags and luggages I am with. "I already left everything behind."

He sighed once again. "Are you even sure? It's not an impulse decision, right?"

I smiled. "I've finished all of my unfinished business in Manila for two months, Grayson. Nothing is never planned here." I stepped forward. "Ako pa rin ba? Mahal mo pa rin ba ako?"

He chuckled. "Hindi naman nawala ang pagmamahal ko sa 'yo."

Lumapit ako sa kan'ya at niyakap siya. "Mahal na mahal kita."

He hugged me tight. "Will you marry me now?"

I nodded. "I will."

His voice broke. "I love you, Summer."

I chuckled. "Kahit hindi na summer ngayon?"

He laughed. "I love you in all of the seasons that the world has."

We stayed in our position for a couple of minutes until we both calmed down from crying. He helped me take my luggages inside, then he prepared the food for both of us. As we ate, we tell each other things about what happened in our life when we're not together and how I finished all of my business in Manila before I came here.

I told him everything . . . even Enzo and my parents' reaction. And I've never been so happy hearing all the words that he said.

"I'm so proud of you. I will not make you regret everything that you did for me."

I smiled at him. "I never regret anything when it comes to you. And I will never regret this one, I swear."

***

Time went by so fast.

Tulad ng sinasabi ko nang paulit-ulit, wala akong pinagsisihan sa desisyon ko. It was the best decision that I made, so far, and I've always been at peace with him. Dagdag pa na nakakasama ako sa mga photoshoot projects ni Grayson sa iba't ibang lugar, maging sa ibang bansa. Once, a model's manager even asked if I could be their model for their bikini products too but I politely declined.

This whole body is for Grayson's eyes only.

Also, I think I'm too old for that. I'm 28 already. Modeling is best for the younger ones. Though, I know I looked younger than my age, though.

"Are you alright?" Grayson asked after I went to the bathroom.

We're in Tokyo right now for a magazine photoshoot. It's winter too, that's why it's very cold. Baka kaya ako nagsusuka. Hindi ako gaanong sanay sa sobrang lamig. We've been here for a week already, though.

"Yup," I said as I wiped my mouth with the tissue he gave me.

He gulped. "I . . . I think you're pregnant."

Napakunot-noo ako sa sinabi niyang 'yon. Mabilis akong umiling. "I had my menstruation, Grayson. I can't be pregnant."

He sighed. "We've been living together for a year. Maybe it's time for us to get married. What if you're really pregnant? Isn't it better that we marry first?"

I pouted as I held his hands. "Grayson, I want to sort my issues with my parents first, especially with Papa. Hindi pa rin niya ako kinakausap, alam mo 'yan. Gusto kong si Papa ang kasama kong maglakad sa altar papunta sa 'yo."

He sighed. "I'm just worried. What if you're really pregnant? I really think that you are."

I gulped because I'm kind of worried about that too. The only thing that's making me believe that I am not pregnant is the menstruation that I had two weeks ago before we flew here.

"Kahit naman buntis ako, wala namang mawawala kung kasal tayo o hindi."

His jaw clenched. "Ayaw ko lang isipin ng ibang tao na pinakasalan lang kita dahil buntis ka. Hindi gano'n 'yon."

I smiled before cupping his face. "Grayson, fuck what other people think about us. We both know the truth. That's enough for me."

He shook his head. "Hindi sapat sa akin 'yon." He gulped. "Pagkauwi natin bukas, magpapa-check up ka kaagad, ha? And if you're pregnant or not, I don't care. We'll tell your parents that we'll marry. It's long overdue, Summer."

Thinking of a family with Grayson always makes my heart feel excited. Simula pa noon, gusto ko nang mag-anak sa kan'ya. Noon ko pa gustong mangyari sa amin 'to . . . noon ko pa hinahangad ang regalong ito. Pero sa loob ng mahigit isang taon na magkasama kami, ilang beses na akong umasa na buntis ako . . . at ilang beses na rin akong nabigo kasi mali ako.

Pagod na akong umasa na magpo-positive ang pregnancy test kits na ginagamit ko.

***

Tulad ng sinabi ni Grayson kahapon, pagkauwi namin, dumeretso kami sa OB Gyne na kinuha ko dito sa Bohol. She was kind and she's really helping me to take care of myself. Grayson said that she was Grayson's classmate back in high school kaya naman gano'n din kadali na makahalubilo siya. I don't feel anxious at all.

"Did you take a pregnancy test?" Anne asked.

I shook my head. "No." I chuckled. "Sawa na akong ma-disappoint."

Tumango siya bago ako pinahiga sa bed at ginawa ang mga usual tests na ginagawa niya. At first, I was nervous because I am getting my hopes up once again. Seeing all these apparatus here makes me want to expect for this great gift na ilang beses nang ipinagkait sa akin.

But . . . I think it's the right time to expect it.

"Congrats, Ruth and Gray! You're having a baby!" masayang sabi ni Anne. "You are four weeks pregnant! Congratulations!"

Yumakap sa akin si Grayson habang nakaupo ako sa bed. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang saya niya pero ako, wala akong ibang maramdaman kundi kaba . . . takot . . . at oo . . . saya. Pero natatakot ako kasi bakit ako nagkaroon ng menstruation last two weeks? Though, mahina lang siya pero it's still menstruation!

"Pero, why did I have menstruation two weeks ago?" I asked.

She smiled a little. "You can get pregnant kahit nagkaroon ka ng menstruation last month. In your case, it was spotting. Hindi siya menstruation, Ruth. You need to be a lot more careful from now on. We'll have to get you checked. Gaano katagal itong spotting mo at anong na-feel mo aside from that?"

Nanlamig ang mga kamay ko dahil sabi ko na nga ba . . . tama ang instinct ko na may mali, eh.

"Cramps. The bleeding lasts for two days. I had cramps and nag-chills din ako."

Tumango siya pagkatapos.

Marami pa siyang ipinaliwanag sa mga risk ngayong nagbubuntis na nga ako. Parang wala na nga akong maintindihan dahil takot na takot ako ngayon. Umasa na lang ako na tinatandaan ni Grayson ang lahat dahil sa ngayon, wala talaga akong ibang iniisip kung paano ko ililigtas ang anak ko sa kapahamakan.

Nang makauwi kami sa bahay, doon ko lang naintindihan ang lahat ng sinabi ni Grayson.

"You should lessen your body movements, Summer. Sabi ni Anne, kailangan mo raw mag-bed rest. For now, dito na muna tayo sa ibaba magkwarto, hmm?"

Tumango na lang ako bago nahiga sa kama.

The bed is slightly smaller than the bed that we have in his room upstairs pero ayos lang. Hindi naman kami malikot matulog. At ang importante ngayon, maligtas ko ang anak ko.

Matapos akong lagyan ni Grayson ng kumot, tumingin siya sa akin at ngumiti. "You should not worry too much. Our baby will be fine, okay? Walang mangyayari sa kan'ya. Magtutulungan tayo, okay?"

Tumango ako kasabay ng pag-init ng sulok ng mga mata ko. Lumapit siya sa akin para halikan ako ng mabilis sa labi bago ako niyakap nang mahigpit.

"I love you so much, Ruth Summer."

I nodded as my tears fell. "I love you."

***

Since that day, I regularly have myself checked. Kahit isang beses, hindi ako nagkaroon ng absent sa mga check up ko. Ginawa ko rin ang mga laboratory tests na kailangan. Wala namang mali sa akin, except sa nagkaroon ako ng spotting at maliit ang matres ko.

And because my uterus is small . . . there came a problem once again.

My blood pressure went higher than the normal rate. I had chills and my stomach ached a lot. Nang dahil doon, kinailangan akong isugod ni Grayson sa hospital. My child is only seven months and two weeks but why does it feel like He's taking her away from me immediately?

"We need to operate on you, Ruth," Anne said after giving me the first aid that I needed and taking the tests.

My tears pooled. "Hindi pa siya nine months."

"Talagang ganoon. Kung gusto mong mabuhay kasama ang anak mo, kailangan na natin siyang alisin sa 'yo. You know your situation, right?"

I cried so hard, thinking of how my child is going through a lot now.

"Anne . . . she's premature. She needs to stay inside me. She needs—"

"We will do our best to make her live, Ruth. We already talked about these things with Grayson. Right now, all he wants is your safety."

At that moment, I felt hurt. "What about the safety of our child? Wala na ba siyang pakialam doon?"

Umawang ang bibig niya. "Hindi sa ganoon—"

"Unless you promised me to make us both live—or make my child live—hindi ako papayag."

Lumunok nang ilang beses si Anne nang dahil sa sinabi ko. She was silent because I know that what I wanted right now is not certain.

"We will try our best—"

I shook my head. "I need you to promise."

She sighed. "Okay, we'll promise, Ruth. Just trust us. Trust me."

Kahit papaano, nakahinga ako nang maluwag nang dahil doon. Bahagya akong ngumiti bago tumango sa kan'ya. Nagpaalam na siya na ipe-prepare na ang operating room at ang mga dapat pang gawin.

May mga nurse na nag-assist sa akin. They even injected something in me that made me feel sleepy. I tried so hard to fight that feeling because I wanted to make sure that they will do their best for us . . . for my child. I wanted to keep myself awake.

Pero ang huling naramdaman ko na lang ay ang pagturok nila ng kung ano sa likod ko. I felt the pain so much but I was too sleepy to react to it.

I don't know what happened after that. I woke up feeling dizzy. I cannot even feel my whole body. It feels likeI am in a dream but I know that I am not dreaming.

With my blurry eyesight right now, I saw Grayson beside me, looking at me as he held my hand. He smiled a little but his tears were very clear in the corner of his eyes. I wanted to ask about our baby . . . if she's fine or if they really did their best when they operated on me. But I can't talk. I fell asleep once again.

Kinabukasan, tuluyan na nga akong gumising mula sa operation. Wala na rin ang epekto ng anaesthesia kaya naman nararamdaman ko na ang mga masasakit sa akin, pati ang mga itinusok sa katawan ko.

"Hi. Good morning," Grayson greeted me.

I smiled. "Where's my baby?"

"She's in the NICU. She needs to be incubated for a few weeks." He gulped. "She's not fully-developed yet so she needs to be there."

My tears immediately fell after that. "G-Gaano raw katagal?"

"Two weeks at most, Summer." He sighed when he saw me cry more. "She needs to be there. Para rin sa kan'ya 'yon."

"Two weeks . . ." My voice broke. "Two weeks is too long, Grayson. Kapapanganak niya lang, inilayo na kaagad siya sa akin."

He sighed as he wiped my tears away. "Kailangan ni Winter 'yon . . ."

Winter . . . what a beautiful name. It was the contract of my name, Summer. And also, it was Winter in Tokyo when Grayson and I talked about having myself checked if I am pregnant or not.

It's sad that she needs to be away from me . . . but I understand. I am not the best person to carry a child in me. And if I wanted to be sure about my baby's health, I needed to sacrifice that two weeks away from her.

In less than a week after I got operated via C-section, I was discharged and my baby was left in the NICU alone. All I could do for her was to visit her and watch her from outside of her room. I could see the feeding tube attached to her and it hurts to know that she's suffering because of how badly I am built to carry a child.

Wala akong magawa kung hindi ang umiyak nang umiyak.

Grayson did everything to help me cope up with sadness. Palagi niyang sinasabi na time flies so fast. Makakasama rin namin si Winter in no time. Masusundo rin namin siya at magiging maayos na rin ang lahat sa pamilya namin,

"After that . . . we can marry," he said.

I smiled. "I will not marry you without my child, okay?" I chuckled. "Kapag nandito na si Winter, we can talk about our wedding."

Nakitaan ko ng pag-asa ang mga mata niya nang dahil doon. "Then . . . what about your parents?"

I smiled. "I don't know. Sa ngayon, gusto ko na lang ng buong pamilya para kay Winter. I don't care about anything at all."

Grayson hugged me. "Thank you, my love."

In less than a week, we are notified that my baby's already ready to be taken home! I was excited that I couldn't even eat my breakfast at all. Gusto ko na lang lumipad papunta sa hospital para sunduin ang anak ko pero nakakainis kasi ang bagal-bagal ni Grayson!

"Hey, please make it fast!" I said as I watched him brush his wet hair.

He chuckled. "Heto na."

Pagkatapos niyang magsuklay, kinuha na niya ang wallet at ang cellphone niya, pati ang susi ng kotse, bago umakbay sa akin saka kami sabay na lumabas ng k'warto. Sumakay kami sa sasakyan saka siya nag-drive papunta ng hospital.

Kitang-kita ko rin sa mga ngiti ni Grayson ngayon kung gaano siya kasaya at ka-excited habang nagdi-drive. I know that he's fought his own battles before but he still managed to help me get through all those darkest days that I had without my daughter beside me.

I'm really glad that Grayson is the one for me.

Nang makarating kami sa hospital, nagmamadali akong bumaba. Halos hindi ko na mahintay si Grayson dahil ang bagal-bagal niyang maglakad! Sa huli, hinila ko na siya papasok ng hospital!

Nang makarating kami doon, hinanap kaagad namin si Anne. Ibinalita niya sa amin na nasa maayos nang kondisyon si Winter at naibigay na sa kan'ya ang mga treatment na kailangan para sa pagiging premature niya. Habang nagbabayad ng hospital bill si Grayson, ipinaliwag na rin sa akin ni Anne ang mga dapat at hindi dapat gawin kay Winter.

Marami 'yon. Gumawa pa siya ng list para doon since kaibigan na rin naman daw ang turing niya sa akin at friends sila ni Grayson. Of course, I was very thankful because of that. No doctor would do that voluntarily.

Nang mabayaran ang hospital bill at matapos na ang mga dapat gawin sa pag-discharge kay Winter, tuluyan ko na nga siyang nabuhat.

It was the first time that I got to hold her like this. Ganito pala ang feeling na buhat ko ang sarili kong dugo . . . laman. Ang buhay ko. I can't help but to cry so hard because I've been waiting for this moment . . . to have my own child.

"Thank you so much, Anne, for obeying your promise," I said.

She smiled. "I am not the most confident doctor, Ruth. You made me do all of these. Thank you for the pressure."

We laughed.

Pagkatapos n'on, lumabas na kami ng hospital. Buhat ko si Winter habang nakaakbay naman sa akin si Grayson. Hindi pa rin ako tumitigil sa pag-iyak dahil sa sobrang saya. Pakiramdam ko, panaginip lang ang lahat ngayon.

Nang makasakay na kami sa kotse, nagsalita ako. "Pakibagalan lang ang pagda-drive, please?"

He chuckled. "Sure, my love."

I looked at Grayson and kissed him. "I love you, Grayson. I love you so much."

His tears pooled on the corner of his eyes. "Mas mahal kita. Maraming salamat, Summer."

I nodded before I looked at the sleeping Winter in my arms. I smiled before I kissed her forehead.

"There may be things that won't last in this world. But my love for you, Isla Winter, is something that—I know—will last forever."

THE END.