I went home after that to let the three of them have their own time. Nag-text na lang ako kay Grayson na nauna na akong umuwi at sulitin niya ang oras kasama ang anak niya. I told him not to come home immediately. I know that he won't too because he missed them above everything in this world.

While I was alone in his house, I packed my things so when it's time for me to leave, I'll be ready. Packing my things with him around will be very hard for me so I seize the time and use it productively. 'Wag lang sana niyang mahalata dahil sigurado akong magagalit siya.

I mean . . . we didn't talk about me-leaving the place-anymore. But I know that at the back of his mind, he wants me to change my mind . . . to stay with him here and leave my life in Manila.

Pero hindi ko kayang gawin 'yon. Love needs her. I can't take him away from her. At isa pa . . . he loved Jenna. Baka ito na ang second chance na para sa kanilang dalawa. After all, nagpunta lang naman ako dito to clear my mind; to refresh my broken hearted self. I didn't come here to find another man to love.

7:00 p.m. came and Grayson's still not around. Even though I have a hunch that he has already eaten his dinner, I still cooked food that's enough for the both of us. If ever man na kumain na siya, ayos lang naman na kumain ako nang mag-isa. Sanay naman na ako.

I waited for a few hours again and when it's already 10:15 p.m., I ate my dinner alone. Wala akong masyadong gana kumain dahil sa pag-iisip ko kung ano na bang ginagawa nila at kung nakapag-usap na ba sila ng tungkol sa mga dapat nilang pag-usapan.

I hope that they will fix everything that they left broken a few years ago. They have so much potential to be fixed and become a happy family once again.

I sighed as I washed the dishes.

But at the back of my mind, it hurts. My whole body is hurting because I am letting him be with the person that he once loved . . . to talk about things that they left a few years ago and make them reconcile.

Ang sakit pero . . . tama naman itong ginagawa ko. Sigurado naman akong tama ito. Para din naman kay Love ito. Ano lang ba naman ang sakit na nararamdaman ko? Mas masasaktan ang bata kung kukuhanin ko ang ama niya sa kan'ya para lang maging masaya ako.

I was raised with a complete family and I am very happy. I feel whole as I grew up. I can't imagine the pain of a kid who will grow up without a father figure. I can't let that happen to her.

Nang matapos na ako sa lahat ng dapat gawin sa bahay, naligo na ako at nagbihis ng pantulog. Lumabas ako ng bahay at naupo sa front porch habang naghihintay kay Grayson. It's already 11:00 p.m. Why is he not coming home? Is he staying the night with them?

With that thought, I suddenly felt numb. Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig habang iniisip kung anong p'wedeng mangyari habang magkakasama silang tatlo. I know that this is what I wanted. This is what I planned, right?

Why am I acting this way now?

I gulped as I took my phone and sent a message to him.

Me:

What time are you coming home? Or are you staying there for tonight?

I waited for ten minutes for his reply but he never did. So, I tried calling his number. It rang . . . and it rang . . . but he never answered. I called him again . . . and again . . . but he never picked up his phone to answer my calls.

I sighed as I felt my eyes heated.

Bakit ba ako nagkakaganito? Ako naman ang may gusto nito, 'di ba? Tama lang naman ang nangyayari ngayon dahil umaayon sa plano ko ang lahat, 'di ba?

I stood up and entered the house. I locked the door and went upstairs. May susi naman siya kaya makakapasok pa rin siya kung sakaling uuwi siya. Dumeretso na ako sa k'warto at naghanda na matulog.

I was lying on the bed while my eyes were shut but I couldn't sleep. It's been hours but I still couldn't sleep. I want to call Grayson again but the fact that it's already 1:30 a.m. says that he will stay for the whole night with his family.

Is this what mistresses feel like? Pero hindi naman ako kabit.

Hindi ako kabit . . . pero bakit parang gano'n ang pakiramdam ko? I'm starting to feel disgusted with myself right now. I fucking hate this feeling.

My tears fell voluntarily as I realized . . . wala naman ako ng p'wedeng bumuo sa amin ni Grayson. We were never whole in the first place. The only thing that we have is our feelings for each other which is still not clear to me . . . to both of us . . . kasi paano kung mawala 'yung feelings niya sa akin ngayong nagkita na sila ni Jenna at ng anak niya?

At ako . . . sa patagal nang patagal ng pag-iisa ko sa bahay na ito, nare-realize kong . . . tama naman si Grayson. I love him . . . I think I really do. After all, I won't do this for him if I don't. And I won't feel this way if it's not love.

It really is possible to fall in love with someone during the whole month that you're together all day, fucking all night. Akala ko, sobrang babaw lang ng pagmamahal na sinasabi nila kapag umamin sila sa isang tao in just less than a month.

I, once again, invalidated Grayson's feelings for me. Now, I proved it myself that you can actually fall in love with someone in just a short period of time. I never knew it was possible before. Ngayon, alam ko na.

***

Kinabukasan, 8:00 a.m. na akong nagising. May nabasa akong message mula kay Grayson na text niya kaninang 6:30 a.m.

Grayson:

My love, I went home earlier but you're fast asleep. I didn't wake you up because I only took some clothes for me to change. I will spend the day with Love and Jenna. I'm sorry to leave you alone here but you can roam around the place that you want to visit. I'm really sorry. Babawi ako sa 'yo mamaya pagkauwi ko, kapag naihatid ko na sila sa airport, ha? I love you, my Summer. I love you.

A small smile crept in my face as a pain hit my chest.

As I read Jenna and Love's name, the feeling of being a mistress became evident to me once again. I can't look at myself the same way anymore. Para na talaga akong kabit na hinahayaan ang boyfriend kong magpakasaya sa asawa niya habang ako . . . nandito . . . naghihintay sa libreng oras niya.

Pero ito naman ang tama. At isa pa . . . this moment won't last. This disgusting feeling won't last to me because after all . . . aalis na rin naman ako.

Tulad na lang ngayon na may text message akong na-receive galing kay Enzo.

Enzo:

Let's meet. I'm in Panglao. Shall I pick you up to wherever the fuck you are?

Napahawak ako sa sentido kasabay ng pagkabog ng dibdib ko. Ito na nga ba ang sinasabi ko. Magkikita na rin kami katulad na lang ng inaasahan ko. Akala ko nga, kahapon din siya darating, kasabay ni Jenna. Mabuti na lang at ngayon. Sakto rin na busy si Grayson sa pamilya niya kaya wala akong problema sa pagpapaalam.

I replied.

Me:

Send me your location. Wait for me. I'll just dress up.

After I received the message saying the resort that he is staying in, I went straight to the bathroom to take a bath. I wanted it to be a quick bath but all of my overthinking made me do it for an hour or more. After that, I wore a simple floral pink dress and a black sandals, and then I applied a little amount of makeup. I wanted to eat even just a piece of bread and a cup of coffee but I don't have the appetite to do that. Parang wala akong ibang gustong gawin kung hindi ang matapos ang araw na ito.

Gusto ko na lang umuwi ng Manila kahit na may two days pa ako to stay here.

By 9:30 a.m., I sent a message to Enzo saying that I am on my way. He replied with the name of the restaurant saying that he's there, waiting for me. Nang makasakay ako sa tricycle, nagpahatid ako sa beachside restaurant kung nasaan si Enzo. In less than thirty minutes lang, nakarating na ako ro'n. Nagbayad ako bago bumaba at pumasok sa loob ng open restaurant.

I scanned the whole place and saw Enzo there, sitting with his arms crossed, while looking at me. My heart started beating so wild and I know that it's not the same beating that it used to do with him.

Right now . . . I'm just scared to death.

I gulped as I walked towards the table he's sitting in. When I'm finally in front of him, he just looked at me as he glanced at the chair in front of him, telling me to sit. After that, he called for a waiter.

"We will eat first," he said as he scanned the menu that the waiter gave him.

I sighed as I browsed for the food that I think I'll eat for my breakfast but I really have no appetite for this. In the end, I ordered a cup of coffee with a little amount of creamer, like I always do.

"Order something to eat," he said without looking at me.

Wala akong nagawa kung hindi ang dagdagan ang order. Since I am not sure if I can finish a whole meal, I only ordered a sandwich so that this man in front of me won't have something to say anymore. Nang makapag-order na rin siya at umalis na ang waiter, sumandal siya sa upuan at tumingin sa akin.

He scoffed. "Is this what Bohol did to you?"

My forehead creased. "What do you mean?"

"Look at yourself. You looked so tan. In just a month of stay, mukha ka nang probinsyana."

I gulped as I felt my whole body heated with the words he said but I still kept my stare at him. "What's so wrong in looking like a probinsyana?"

He smirked. "You look better when you're in Manila."

I pursed my lips for a few seconds, before I talked. "I looked like this because I enjoyed my stay here."

He laughed sarcastically. "Of course, you'll enjoy because you get to be fucked by some probinsyano here. Kaya nga gan'yan ka na, eh."

Nagsisimula na namang mag-init ang sulok ng mga mata ko. I'm talking, again, to the angry Enzo I am very scared of.

"Why are you looking down on people who are living in a province?"

"I did not. I'm just saying that you're better in the city, Ruth. You know that you don't belong here."

I looked away and didn't answer him anymore. There's no point in discussing this matter to him because an angry Enzo is an Enzo who's always right.

After a few minutes, our orders came and we ate in silence, not talking a single word to each other.