Nang makabalik kami sa souvenir shop, kumuha ako ng mga bibilhin ko na ipapasalubong ko sa Manila once I went back there. Though I'm already having doubts kung babalik pa ba ako doon, I still don't want to miss this opportunity to buy lots of stuff for a cheap price!

"Why are you taking so much of that?" he asked, pointing at the shirts and mugs I am holding.

I smiled. "Souvenir for my friends."

"You don't have friends here, right? And they don't need that."

I know what he meant. "Friends in Manila, Grayson."

I looked away when I saw the disappointment in his eyes. I continued getting things that would be a good pasalubong for my friends there. I'm sure that they will love it!

Nang matapos na akong makapamili, nagbayad na ako. Tahimik lang si Grayson na nakasunod sa akin. Alam ko kung anong ikinatatahimik niya. I know we talked about this already—that I won't talk about me, leaving the place. But I still don't want him to forget that I am not from here originally. I have a home in Manila that I need to get back into. I know that he is my boyfriend now but that doesn't change the fact that I am living in Manila, not here.

Matapos naming magbayad, umalis na kami ng lugar at dumeretso sa sasakyan niya. Tahimik pa rin siya kahit na noong ini-start niya ang engine at nagsimulang mag-drive.

I suddenly felt bad because we had a good day. We had a good start, right? Sana pala, mamaya ko na lang binanggit sa kan'ya ang tungkol doon.

When a few minutes have passed and he's still silent, I sighed. "Grayson, don't be like this."

"Be like what?" he asked while his eyes were fixed on the road.

"This. Silent. Cold treatment."

He sighed. "Why can't I? You just told me earlier that you're buying things for your friends in Manila. You have plans to leave here—to leave . . . me."

Parang may kirot sa puso ko nang dahil sa huling sinabi niya kaya muli na naman akong napahugot ng malalim na buntonghininga.

"You know that I lived there. I need to come back. Bakit? Hindi na ba ako babalik dito?"

He glanced at me with his hurt eyes. "Paano kung hindi?"

My mouth parted at his question. "Grayson . . . why did you say that?"

He looked back on the road as he talked. "Your ex-boyfriend is there. What if you went home and didn't come back to me anymore? What if he wanted to take you back and you realized that it's still him. What about me?"

I sighed repeatedly. Grayson has been so anxious for things that I didn't think about for the past few days anymore. I barely even think about Enzo because right now, I know that it's him that I want to be with.

"Grayson, Enzo and I are already done. Kaya nga nandito ako, 'di ba? Kung hindi kami nagkahiwalay, hindi ako pupunta dito. Hindi tayo magkakakilala. It's you now. I don't give my all to someone if I am planning to come back with someone from my past."

Hindi pa rin siya sumagot kahit na ipinaliwanag ko na sa kan'ya ang lahat. I have something in my mind but I'm just so afraid to tell him this.

What if I am right?

What if this trauma he had about Enzo came from . . . her?

I remembered everything he told me last night. Kaya lang naman sila natigil sa kung anong mayroon sa kanila noong Jenna noon . . . kasi nakipagkita ito sa ex-boyfriend niya nang hindi alam ni Grayson, 'di ba?

"Grayson . . ."

He gulped but he still didn't answer me. I don't want this talk to end this way . . . to confirm things I don't want to know yet. I don't want to ask him this but . . . I had no choice.

"Is this all about Jenna?"

Mabilis niyang natapakan ang brake ng sasakyan saka nag-park sa gilid bago lumingon sa akin nang magkasalubong ang dalawang kilay.

"What the fuck, Summer?" He sighed in frustration. "Anong kinalaman ng taong 'yon dito? She's not even here."

"But she was here." I smiled. "She used to sit in this place. You used to caress her thigh as you drove away!"

"And you're jealous? You're jealous of someone I never even loved in the first place?!"

"Then why are you jealous of my ex-boyfriend?! Kapag ikaw, p'wedeng magselos, kapag ako, hindi?!"

His jaw clenched. "You loved him so much that it made you fly here just to fucking move on!"

"But that made me meet you, right?!"

Hindi siya nasagot pa nang dahil doon. Ilang sandali pa, nagbuga siya ng buntonghininga bago nagtanong.

"Why are you including Jenna in this problem, really?" he asked calmly.

I looked away. "You kept on mentioning about me, going back to my ex-boyfriend. Ilang beses na kitang binigyan ng assurance na ikaw na nga, Grayson. I even obeyed you to not message him back or talk to him while I was here. Kung babalik ako sa kan'ya, hindi na sana ako nagtagal pa dito, Grayson."

He sighed. "Natatakot akong baka nasasabi mo lang 'yan dahil hindi mo pa siya ulit nakikita. Natatakot lang ako na baka kaya ka lang sumasaya sa akin . . . kasi ako lang ang nandito sa 'yo palagi. Paano kung may iba nang gumawa sa 'yo ng mga ginawa ko? Paano kung may iba ka nang kasama dito maliban sa akin? Ako pa rin ba, Ruth?"

It hurt me the moment he called my first name. He never called me that unless he's really, really serious. I know that he has a point with everything he said but it really hurt me and I felt offended with what he said.

"Ganoon ba ako kababaw sa tingin mo?" I asked.

He sighed. "Hindi gano'n."

I looked at him. "Naisali ko si Jenna dito . . . kasi kinwento mo sa akin, 'di ba? Kaya naputol ang ugnayan ninyo noon . . . kasi nakipagkita siya sa ex-boyfriend niya." He sighed in frustration once again. "At galit na galit ka noong pumunta ito sa birthday ng anak mo . . . kasi para sa 'yo, hindi naman na siya dapat pumunta."

"Summer, where is this—"

I pursed my lips as I tried my best to smile. "If you really never loved Jenna . . . why would her ex-boyfriend matter to you? Kung nagko-co-parenting lang kayo . . . why would you always feel so furious at the mention or sight of her ex-boyfriend?"

Umawang ang bibig niya at paulit-ulit umiiling na parang hindi makapaniwala sa mga pinagsasabi ko ngayon.

"Summer . . ." He sighed. "What are you implying now?"

"Baka naman pinaniniwala mo lang ang sarili mo na hindi mo siya minahal dahil lang hindi maganda ang start ng relationship ninyo? What if you're only here with me too . . . because you found someone that will be a great replacement for her?"

"What the fuck?!" He hit the steering wheel so hard before he glared at me. "You're not just a replacement! Kaya kong gawin 'yon bago ka pa dumating sa buhay ko pero hindi ko ginawa—"

"Because no one can be a good replacement for her until I come into your life?"

"Because I don't intend to replace anyone who never stayed in my heart in the first place! And I am here with you now because I fucking love you, Summer!"

Umawang ang bibig ko sa sinabi niya. Parang binuhusan ako ng malamig na tubig dahil sa loob ng dalawang linggo, hinding-hindi ko inaasahang maririnig ko ito sa kan'ya nang ganoon kabilis.

Hinampas niya ulit nang malakas ang manibela bago napasabunot sa sarili.

"I fucking hate to admit but I've really fallen so hard and fucking fast! I fucking hate this because I know that you—leaving me here—is 100% sure that it will happen and it will leave me wrecked—a fucking mess—once again but I don't fucking care anymore! I fucking love you and all I want right now is to be with you while you're here! I want to make every moment with you last! I want to fucking marry you right now because I don't want you to leave here!"

Hindi na ako makapagsalita. Wala na akong ibang magawa kung hindi ang mapaawang ang bibig at panoorin siyang ma-frustrate sa harap ko habang inihahayag ang pagmamahal sa akin.

Ang bilis . . .

Ang bilis naman niyang sabihing mahal niya ako. Nakakatakot kasi . . . parang ang bilis din matapos ng pagmamahal na gano'n. Parang nagmamadali. Parang walang kasiguraduhan.

Pero bakit ang saya ng puso ko?

"This has nothing to do with Jenna, Summer. Everything I told you was all about you. Everything that I am now . . . that's all because I love you."

Nag-init ang sulok ng mga mata ko kasabay ng pag-iwas ng tingin sa kan'ya.

"I don't need to replace her because there was never a void to fill when she left. The only void that was left in me was when she took my daughter away from me . . . and I can't even blame her because I know that it's my fault. I hurt her and I doubted my own daughter. I deserved all of that, I know."

He sighed as he went silent for a few minutes. I waited until he talked once again.

"Hindi ko minahal si Jenna. Hindi ko naramdaman sa kan'ya lahat ng nararamdaman ko sa 'yo ngayon, Summer. I just want you to know that."

Ilang minuto pa kaming tahimik habang ako ay paulit-ulit na hinihigit ang paghinga dahil sa mga sinasabi niya ngayon. Ilang sandali pa, nagsimula na siyang mag-drive ulit paalis nang hindi nagsasalita.

I wanted to turn the radio on so that the atmosphere would feel lighter but I can't touch his things, especially now that I just started a fight with him.

And why do I want to smile???

Damn it, what's so wrong with me? Why do I feel so happy when I was so frustrated and jealous earlier because of his ex?!