"Ruth, why did you resign?" Mama asked when I got home with my things from the office.

I smiled. "Mama, you know that I am not doing my job well anymore."

She sighed before sitting on the edge of my bed. "Anong plano mo ngayon?"

I shrugged. "Wala pa sa ngayon. Pero bahala na po. Gusto ko lang pong magpahinga na muna."

Tumango si Mama bago ako hinalikan sa ulo. Matapos n'on, lumabas na siya ng kuwarto ko at hinayaan akong magpahinga.

After a week, I found myself browsing for a plane ticket. I don't even have a plan yet but I'm actually looking now for a place to stay in Bohol. I've never thought of anything about this. But now that I'm already doing this, I might as well make the most out of it, right?

Before paying for that plane ticket to Bohol, I talked to my mom about it.

"Gaano ka naman katagal do'n?" tanong niya habang nagpapalaman ng tinapay.

I shrugged, leaning on the back of my seat. "I just think that I need to do this, 'Ma. Noong nasa work ako, hindi na maalis sa isip ko na magpunta ng island to relax. Feeling ko, masiyado akong pagod sa life ko."

Mama sighed before giving me a saucer with bread on it. Sa tabi nito ay orange juice na nasa baso.

"Then, go. I know that experiencing a break-up from a long-term relationship hurts, kahit hindi ko naranasan. But if you think that you need that, then do it. Sasabihin ko na lang sa papa mo."

Tumango ako at nagpasalamat bago kinain ang pagkain na ibinigay niya sa akin.

Kinabukasan, I bought the plane ticket that's bound to leave in less than a week. The next day, I went to the mall to buy stuff that I need for the Bohol trip that I never planned in the first place. Wala rin akong list ng mga kailangan kong bilhin ang shits.

Bahala na.

I sighed as I paid for the things I bought with my credit card. I have saved money for the future life with Enzo, and he really took care of me so well—halos wala akong ginagastos sa unit unless mag-initiate ako or gumastos ako without telling him.

He has been a great husband to me—hindi nga lang kami umabot sa puntong ikakasal kami.

But . . . it's too early to say, right? What if we needed this time to grow individually? What if, kami pala talaga? My eyes heated as I took the paper bags of the clothes I bought from the counter.

Hanggang ngayon, pinapaasa ko pa rin ang sarili ko for something that's not even vivid. Ayaw na nga akong kausapin, eh. Ano pa bang inaasa-asa ko ngayon sa sarili ko?

I entered another store to buy bikinis that I could use whenever I decided to swim in Bohol. The only plan that I have right now is to stay for exactly thirty days on that island. After those days, I'll need to get back on track and come home, start working again and live my life the way I usually do.

Bahala na talaga.

Before the dinner time, natapos na ako sa pamimili ng essentials ko for my Bohol trip. Nang nasa sasakyan na ako matapos ipasok sa backseat at compartment lahat ng pinamili, bigla ko na namang naalala si Enzo.

Should I tell him that I'll leave in two days? Pipigilan niya kaya ako? Kung pipigilan niya ako, I won't leave. I'd stay here in Manila for him.

But . . . what if he told me otherwise?

I sighed before I took my phone from my bag. I dialled his number, hoping that this time, he will answer.

It kept on ringing until on the fourth ring, he answered. Nag-init ang sulok ng mga mata ko, kasabay ng paglunok ko bago magsalita.

"H-Hello . . ."

He was silent since he answered the call. He kept on sighing before he decided to talk.

"Ruth . . ."

I gulped with my tears pooling on the corner of my eyes. "W-Where are you?"

"Home."

I sighed as my tears dropped on my lap after hearing his short answer.

I used to be your home, babe . . .

"C-Can I come over? I need to talk to you."

He sighed. "A-About what?"

"Just . . . let me see you. Please . . ." I sobbed. "Enzo, please."

He sighed for the nth time before I heard him talk. "Okay. I'll . . . wait for you."

Sa maikling segundo, nakaramdam ako ng ginhawa. It also feels like I gave myself a false hope . . . na para bang binigyan ko ng ibang kahulugan ang huli niyang sinabi.

Will you wait for me? I'll wait until you're healed too, babe.

I started driving towards his parents' house after the call ended. Napahampas na lang ako ng manibela nang maalala ko, this car was bought two years ago with the help of him. Damn, why am I always reminded of him in everything?

Kahit saan yata ako lumingon, pumunta, si Enzo pa rin ang naaalala ko. Kung wala akong makikitang pag-asa sa aming dalawa ngayong gabi, I'll definitely leave to move on from him, not just to unwind. I'll leave and forget that we'll ever have a second chance if tonight doesn't give me hope for the both of us.

Nang makarating ako sa harap ng gate ng bahay nila, nakita ko kaagad siyang nakatayo ro'n, suot ang thin-rimmed eyeglasses niya. I saw him sighed before he went to my car and entered the passenger seat.

"I'll drive away," I said. He nodded in response.

Lumayo lang ako sa bahay nila at itinabi ang sasakyan sa gilid. After that, pinatay ko na ang makina. Sumandal ako bago tumingin sa kan'ya. He's looking straight outside the window, not wanting to look at me.

"What do you want to talk about?" he asked.

"I'm leaving."

He immediately look at me right after I told him that. Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko dahil, for some reasons, tinanggap ko siya as hope na ayaw niya . . . na baka ayaw niya akong umalis.

"Uhh . . . why? Where are you going?" he said in his softest voice.

I gulped. "I'm leaving for a month. I'm going to an island."

Umawang ang bibig niya bago tumango nang bahagya. "So . . . you're coming back in a month." He smiled a little while looking at me. "Enjoy your . . . vacation, then."

I gulped. Hindi ko muna pala dapat sinabi na one month lang ako ro'n.

"Paano kung magustuhan ko ro'n? I only bought a one-way ticket. I might extend my stay or stay for good there. Who knows what will happen there? Paano kung . . . hindi na ako bumalik, Enzo?"

I watched him gulp repeatedly as he kept his silence. Kilala ko siya. This is his mannerism whenever he couldn't find the right words to say.

Are you thinking about the two of us now, Enzo? You don't want me leaving for good, right? Hindi rin naman ako mag-i-stay ro'n longer than a month. I hope I can tell you that.

"Then . . . I have no right to stop you. Who am I?" He laughed, avoiding my gaze. "I'm just an ex-boyfriend. Wala na akong karapatan sa 'yo the moment I asked for a break up." He looked at me with a small smile. "Ruth, it's your life. You do you."

Mabilis na umagos ang mga luha ko, kasabay ng sunud-sunod na pag-iling. "Enzo, no."

"Ruth . . ." He sighed, looking down before holding both of my hands. "I'm . . . having psychological therapy." He looked at me again with his now red eyes, probably stopping himself from crying. "I'm clinically diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder . . . and it's not even mild." He gulped. "I can't be with you."

I sobbed continuously. "No, Enzo. Hindi. I can wait for you until you're healed. I can be with you throughout your healing process—"

He heaved a deep sigh, cutting me off. "Ruth, I hate to break it to you, but you're one of the causes of this."

I shut my eyes, crying louder as I bow my head down.

Right . . . I invalidated his feelings multiple times and told him that it's just nothing. Ang kapal naman ng mukha kong mag-offer na samahan siya sa healing process niya, when I am one of the reasons why he's like this now.

"Enzo, I'm so sorry." I sobbed. "I'm sorry for everything. I'm so . . . sorry," I said repeatedly.

I heard him sniff before he held the back of my head. He pulled me closer to him and then I felt his lips on mine. I would be happy if we're not in this situation but right now, all I can taste from his lips is bittersweet. I'm still in love with him . . . so much. But I know that this is the real goodbye.

"Ruth . . ." he said in between our kisses. "Ruth, I can't . . ."

I felt a tear drop on my face as I kissed him back. I put my arms around his nape, crying in between the final kisses that we're sharing.

Final kiss . . .

"I can't be with you."

Right after he said that, he broke the kiss and looked at me with his wet eyes.

"Mahal kita pero hindi ko na kayang manatili sa 'yo." He gulped, still staring directly into my eyes. "U . . . Umalis ka na lang nga siguro. Para . . . para hindi ka na rin masaktan kasi . . . hindi na ako babalik."

Matapos niyang sabihin 'yon, lumabas siya ng sasakyan at naglakad na palayo sa akin. Pinanood ko siya habang papalayo sa akin, umaasa na . . . baka lumingon siya.

Pero hindi . . .

Hindi siya lumingon kahit saglit lang.

Nawala na lang siya sa paningin ko, hindi ko na ulit nakita ang mga mata niyang tumingin ulit sa akin matapos lumisan.

Umalis ka na lang nga siguro . . . para hindi ka na masaktan kasi . . .

Napahagulgok ako habang mahigpit ang hawak sa manibela ng sasakyan matapos maalala ang huli niyang sinabi.

. . . kasi hindi na ako babalik.

Hindi na siya babalik, Ruth.

Kahit na anong sabihin mo, wala nang Enzo ang babalik sa 'yo . . . dahil din sa kagagawan mo.