Seokjin stood in the apartment complex lobby staring wordlessly as Luisa checked her mailbox. They had only spoken briefly in the months since they'd had their one and only date. He knew that she was giving him space to deal with the issue of Emily's illness, but he wished she'd not distanced herself so much.

He'd left her several text messages that she'd responded to with only one or two words. It made him feel that she was trying to cut him out of her life. Maybe now was the time to address that.

"Hi, Lu."

She visibly gulped and shifted the mail in her hand. "Hello. How are you?"

He pursed his lips together. Should he really tell her how he was, or should he stick to the usual small talk? "I'm...not doing well, Lu."

"Jin, I—"

"I need you," he interrupted her. "I need to be able to talk to you. When I said I wanted to be with you, I wasn't lying. I can barely get through my days because I can't see you or talk to you or..."

Another resident entered the lobby and checked his mailbox, causing them both to fall silent. They nodded their greetings at him and waited until he climbed into the elevator.

Luisa pressed her lips together as Seokjin took a step closer to her.

"...or hold you in my arms," Seokjin finished his previous thought. "Please don't shut me out. Please."

"I'm not," she protested. "I just thought you needed time to sort everything out."

"I don't need four months to sort things out," he said, his voice echoing in the room.

Another resident walked into the lobby. Again, they nodded to her. When she was gone, Luisa sighed.

"Fine. We can't talk here. Let's go to my place." She waited for the elevator. They remained silent until they were inside her apartment. She heard him close the door behind them and turned to face him.

He pulled her into his arms.

Luisa knew she should move away, but she missed him so much. His touch was awakening the desire she'd kept locked away for months, and she was afraid she'd end up doing something she shouldn't.

"I've missed you," he whispered, leaning his forehead on hers. "These past few months felt like years. Please don't starve me like this."

She moved out of his arms and walked further into the apartment. "It was never my intention to hurt you in any way. I told you. I wanted you to have time and space to deal with the situation. How is Emily?"

"Fine, I guess. I don't know," he replied.

She exhaled and walked into the kitchen, coming back with two bottles of water. "That's not kind of you, Jin. She's dealing with a very serious issue. Don't be dismissive." She opened her own bottle and sat down on the sofa. "How is she really doing?"

"Yeah. Sorry." He ran a hand through his dark mop of hair and sat next to her. "She started her first round of chemo in April, and it's been rough. It takes her so long to recover only to have to do it all over again in a few weeks." He sighed. "Her father made some calls and–poof–I'm on paid leave of absence." He groaned. "I don't know how I'm going to get out of this. I want to help her. I want to support her, but I don't want a relationship with her. I certainly don't want to marry her."

"Marry?" she asked in surprise. "Her father wants you to marry her?" Her heart thumped loudly in her chest.

Seokjin shrugged. "He didn't exactly say it, but it was definitely implied. He talks a lot about where we're going to live when Em recovers and where we can travel that will be safe for her. Emily is so excited that she doesn't complain about the treatments anymore."

Luisa stayed silent. Seokjin was helping Emily feel better. That was the plan, wasn't it? She didn't want to be the reason why a very sick woman got her heart broken. But who would care if she got her own heart broken? Why was it okay for her to lose out only because she was healthy? Why had she insisted that Seokjin stay with Emily? Nothing made sense. What if she asked him to forget about Emily and be with her? The more she thought about it, the worse she felt. Guilt was a horrible feeling.

"Are you busy tomorrow night?" he asked suddenly.

"Tomorrow?" she asked. "Why?"

"Let's go out."

"Jin, I don't know." She fidgeted with the water bottle. "Please don't. What if...what if people see us and talk?"

"Then we can stay in," he said. "I'd much rather be at home with you anyway." He leaned toward her and kissed her neck. Her shiver prompted more kisses from him. "There's my good girl. I'll come over at 7 tomorrow." His gaze burned into her soul.

She saw the hungry look in his eyes and felt the familiar stirrings in her blood. She moved away from him. She wanted him so badly, but it just wouldn't work.

"Meg and I were supposed to go to dinner tomorrow," she said. "She has a new boyfriend and wanted to chit chat a bit."

"Call her and change it to another day," he said and pulled her back toward him. "Please."

"Why tomorrow?"

He sighed and looked down. "Emily's mother is going with her to chemo, so that I can have a day off. They want me to get some rest. I'd rather get my rest with you." He smiled at her. "Or not get any rest with you."

Luisa frowned. "So, in other words, you just want to have sex."

"Luisa. Stop. That's not—"

"Is that why you're here? You need a bit of time off, so why not hop into bed with stupid, standby Luisa?" she continued, the words tumbling out before she could control them. "I guess you think I'm the type of woman who will let you do anything you want, right?"

Seokjin looked shocked. "Of course, that's not it. I'm not just asking you to hop into bed with me. I'm asking for something more. I'm committing myself to you. I want us to have relationship. I always have. I don't think you're stupid in any way. And that's not why I'm here. What kind of man do you think I am?"

She looked down at her hands. "I'm sorry. I'm just on edge about this whole thing." She gave a long sigh. "I know that you are trying your best in this situation, but maybe you shouldn't make any promises to me. You can't commit to me right now. We can't pretend we're a couple. We should just remain as friends."

He stared at her as if he couldn't process her words. "Pretend?"

"Let's face it," she continued. "Any time spent with me is time that you are taking from a very ill person. She's going through something very frightening, and you told her you'd be with her. She needs you."

"And you don't?" he asked, his voice rising. "You don't need me?"

"Don't do this to me," she whispered. "I'm trying to be selfless."

He sprang to his feet. "No. This is not being selfless. This is being selfish, Lu. You make me believe that certain things are possible then you just take it all back when it gets complicated. You just want to make things easy for yourself, and most things are rarely easy. I'm not pretending anything. We deserve a chance, don't we? You have to fight for what you want."

She also stood up. "Fight? At what cost, Jin? What are we fighting for? There's a woman who loves you, who's fighting for her life because she thinks you will be with her. That's the real fight right now. Do we just forget all about her?" She shook her head. "No. I can't do that. I won't. I could never be happy at someone else's expense."

He held her by the shoulders. "Luisa, think about what you're saying. I already said I would help Emily, but I won't pretend I love her just because she might be dying. I really do feel for her, but I want to be happy, too. Why don't we get to be happy? Huh? What have we done that's so wrong that we have to be punished?"

They looked at each other silently for several minutes. The only sound was their labored breathing.

Finally, Luisa moved away from him. His hands fell back to his sides.

"You know how I feel about you," he said softly.

"Please don't say any more. I'm sorry," she murmured. "I wish things weren't this way, but they are. We need to forget about anything between us—"

"No!"

She nodded. "Yes. Please. We just need to take a step back while this issue with Emily is going on. She deserves your full attention right now."

"Damn it, Lu!" he exclaimed suddenly, causing her to jump. "This is bullshit!"

"Don't yell at me!" she countered. "It's not my fault!"

"Is it mine?" he growled. "Why must there be someone at fault? This is not anybody's fault. Why the hell do you have to make everything so complicated?" With a loud exhale, he turned away from her.

"Stop blaming me!" she cried. "This is exactly why we need to step back. We're already yelling at each other and we're not even together. Have you stopped to think how I feel about this? How difficult it would be for me to see you, to be with you? Are we supposed to sneak around behind her back? Do you know how guilty I feel when I wish Emily were out of the picture? I feel like the worst trash ever! I don't like what I've become. I can't hate a dying woman, and yet...I do. I don't want this. I can't become this despicable person." She couldn't hold back her tears. "Have some pity on me. Please don't put me in this predicament. I'm trying to do what's right. I need you to do the same."

Seokjin pulled her into his arms and stayed silent while she got her sobbing under control. "You're too good for me. You're a better person than I am. I'm sorry I put you in this situation," he whispered. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I just need time," she replied. "I need to get myself into a better headspace." She moved away from him. "I need time."

"How much time?" he asked.

She shook her head. "I don't know. I just know that I can't see you because then I will lose my resolve. I won't sleep with a dying woman's boyfriend."

"I'm not her—"

"She thinks you are," she interrupted him. "And right now, that's where we are, and I don't know what to say anymore. It's so difficult for me. So, please, have a little consideration for me." She inhaled deeply. "Please. We can only be friends."

He reached out his hand toward her but didn't touch her. He slowly brought it back down.

"All right," he whispered. "I don't want to add to your burdens. I don't want you to feel bad about all of this." He wanted to beg her to reconsider. He wanted to say Please stay with me. But he couldn't.

With a nod, he walked out of her apartment. As the door closed behind him, a chill ran through his body and a pain constricted his chest. He had never felt so bereft in his life.