The curtains were open, but Rose was still in bed. She was staring out into the gray day. The house had been quiet for some time. Daniel had taken Henry out earlier and about an hour later she had heard the door shut. She had most of the afternoon all alone in the house. In all that time, she had watched small snowflakes make their way through the air. The flurries were light and so a thin layer of snow covered the ground. You could still see the brownish green grass below it. She watched as the wind blew through the gum tree. Every now and again she took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. She felt afraid to start living again. She felt as if she moved back to her house on Miller street and resumed her domestic duties --Henry, the garden, the house--that she would one day, unexpectedly, maybe a spring day when the garden was abundant full of potential, she would see that she was tired again, that she felt feverish and that her whole body ached. She was afraid to take the chance. To start living again. Or maybe she would find herself shampooing her hair or adjusting a falsie and she'd feel a lump and it would all start over again. Maybe the cancer was sitting there, silently for now, tricking her.

There was a quiet knock, then Lilly cam into the room with several boxes. "I've got some things for you," she said wistfully. "you also have a number of Christmas cards and, some mail."

"Did you go over to Miller Street?" Rose asked.

"To pick up your mail and check on things."

"How's the garden?"

"Everything needs your attention, dear. But when you feel ready. It'll be all right until you are well enough to go back."

Lilly sat on the bed. "I have some things for you." Lilly looked down and fiddled with the corner of the box. "I want you to start having dinner with us. I'd like for you to come with me to the hair dresser and have your hair neatened up."

Rose wasn't against these ideas. They were just a lot at once. "What's in the boxes?"

Lilly smiled, she seemed almost embarrassed. Rose had always been so well dressed. She knew how to pick clothes and put things together. Lilly carefully opened one of the boxes. "First," she said, "I'll show you the dresses."

"Oh," Rose said, A smile crossed her face and she sat up taller in the bed.

Lilly rested put her hands into her lap and stared into Roses eyes. She put her hand on Rose's cheek. "I like seeing you smile, sweetheart."

Still, inside Rose felt weak. And, any feeling of lightness that might come to her --a moment with Henry in her arms, a thought about the garden, or a memory of Nick or childhood—it was almost immediately thwarted with the sickness of having a disfigured body. It in itself was a cancer; it was eating away at her. It had taken her womanhood, it was evidenced in her flesh. She had never known ugliness and she was angry at herself for never having recognized how fortunate she had been. She'd never known that feeling so pretty or attractive was something that could instantly stolen. And, of course, the feeling of whatever had been done to her body when the lights went blurry and black. Of course, there was some kind of horrible knowledge that her flesh remembered what she couldn't. It was a knife or an instrument and it had removed an integral part of herself. And, as always she remembered pulling apart bread dough with her own two hands. She imagined somehow, that the operation was the same.

She looked back up at Lilly. "What do you have?" Rose asked. Her voice was still hoarse from so little conversation.

"I know that you are –you have such lovely taste. I went to the dress shop."

Rose could feel herself blushing. She hadn't worn anything but a nightgown in so long.

"I also talked to someone at Sears."

"Who?"

"There is a lady there who fits girls for...they have post surgery bras with special material, like rubber inside of them."

"Oh," Rose said softly. "What about my shoulder and arm."

"Well, that's why I found some dresses and a jacket. The cut on them would be lovely on you and, I think with one of these brassieres you would feel more like—more like you used to."

"Did you get me one of the brassieres?" Rose really was interested. Maybe she could feel more like a normal person, at least with her clothes on. Maybe she could pretend to be a woman.

"I did," said Lilly. "I hope you don't mind. I brought one of your old ones and they tried to match the size. You've lost so much weight, I had them go a size smaller."Really you should go and have them fit you. She said that part is important, but she suggested one based on your size. I could take you, Rosie."

"Can I see the one you got for me?"Rose rubbed her right arm. It was sore and still swollen. It hurt to move it much. "Can you help me get it over this arm?" She couldn't bring herself to say, 'my arm.' The right side of her had become 'this side," "this arm" "the chest." It wasn't hers. Something so grotesque couldn't belong to her.

Lilly lifted one of the boxes and placed in in front of Rose.

"Isn't this strange?" Lilly laughed. "presenting it like this?"

Rose could feel a smile come over her face. "Yes. It is." Then she looked at Lilly for a long time. Tears came to her eyes, "but I love you for caring so much about me."

"I do care about you. I love you."

Rose started to cry again, "I wish Nick were here." She said.

'Here open it up. I'm dying to see what you think."

Rose opened the box. It was hard for her to admit what she expected. She had expected –in some way, somehow—something that would look exactly like a breast. She didn't know what she'd thought. Something rubber. Something that would fill in her concave chest. But, at first it looked just like a brassiere. A little more bulky, with stronger looking straps, a band that criss-crossed in front. The cups had a rounded cone shape. Rose removed it from the little box and unfolded it. The right side had a pocket where the form would fit into. Beneath the bra was a rubber breast form. Rose picked it up and looked at it.

"Here it is," she said to Lilly. She felt embarrassed as if she should do all of this in private.

"Maybe I should try to get it on most of the way, then you can come and help me snap it if I need?"

"All right," said Lilly. She fingered the chenille bedspread for a moment. Rose knew that Lilly wanted her to see the dresses she had picked out. Rose was more interested in the bra. What it might mean for her life to look normal from the outside.

"I should look at the dresses," Rose said. "I'd like to see what you got for me."

"There's only two," Lilly said. Rose knew this was extravagant. Lilly had saved up and used her own rationing coupons for the clothes. Rose opened the first box. Inside was a deep, periwinkle blue dress with red buttons and a red belt. Rose pulled it out of the box and spread it out on the bed. The top buttoned and had a collar. There were three quarter length sleeves. There were pads in the shoulder with pleats down the chest. Rose could see that the shirt buttoned fairly high on the chest. It would cover her right side very well. Rose's eyes widened. "I think this will do just fine," she said and looked up at Lilly. Lilly had her hands in her lap and was smiling tenderly at Rose. In that moment, Rose realized that Lilly had grown much older over the past several months. Maybe it was worry, but her hair looked lighter and her eyes more burdened.

Rose opened the other box. Inside was an equally beautiful dress: It was a pale pink colored straight skirt. It had fabric covered buttons down the front with pleated pockets at the hips. The collar was high, but it had a pretty square cut. The collar and the button holes had a pretty rose pattern fabric. The dress was long sleeved. Underneath the dress were a pair of white gloves.

"These are just lovely." Rose said. "I think I'll take a bath and try them on."

"I'll go downstairs and you just call if you need any help."

Rose felt elated. She was excited to try on the clothes. They were like costumes that could help her to be more like her old self.

Rose was sure to fill the tub with bubbles. Once the tub was full, she slowly removed her robe, taking care not to look at her reflection in the mirror. She sunk down low, under the bubbles. Her chest and body were hidden from view. The warm water felt good on her flesh. There was a window on one side of the bathroom and she could see outside. The snow had stopped falling, but the sky remained gray. Rose was afraid to hope for things to become normal again. She was afraid of feeling safe and secure again. She rubbed her right arm with her left hand. It was weak and sore. She decided that she would try to regain her strength.