1944 - July

Henry sat on the steps. A suitcase sat in the entrance. Rose rushed in and out gathering last minute necessities for the beach. "Mommy!" he whined. "Can I swim when I get there?"

Rose was stuffing a beach towel into the bag. "Of course, we can play in the waves Henry." Lilly and Daniel would be there soon. Rose peeked out and looked down the street for their car. They were going to Rockaway beach for a week.

"Do you need to use the bathroom?" she asked. "Why don't you go use the toilet?"

"No" he pouted.

She knelt down in front of him and said, "listen Henry it's a long drive—You have to be a big boy and help mommy."

Rose heard footsteps on her front porch and she turned to see the mailman dropping off the mail.

"Jim," she said trying to be courteous but somewhat impatiently, "you received my note that we'll be away for a week?"

"Yes Rose," I'll hold the mail. He handed her a handful of letters. "Have a good trip."

"Thank you, See you soon." She said.

She thumbed through the letters. She was nervous that Ed may have sent another letter. He had sent her two letters already. She flipped past a telephone bill, and a note from one of the garden club members. And, there it was: a plain white envelope with her name written in neat perfect block letters. Just the way he signed his paintings. Seeing his handwriting gave her more of a sense of him somehow. She folded the letter and put it in her purse. "What a louse," she whispered.

"What mommy?" Henry asked.

"Please do as I say and go to the toilet, Henry."

The weather at the beach was lovely. It was warm. Warmer than it usually was on the coast. There was hardly a breeze. Rose sat out on a towel and watched Henry play in the surf. She rubbed lotion on her skin and the sun felt so good on her body. Her face, arms and legs were turning pink. She knew it was good for her and Henry's health to be out in the sun and there was so much rain the rest of the year in Portland.

She thought about the letter in her purse as she looked out over the ocean. The waves had a rhythmic roar and the light from the sun glistened here and there. It was getting late in the afternoon and the light was turning just slightly orange. Somehow the thought came to her, "I'm not speaking to him." She thought of the two, now three unopened letters. Not reading the letters was a way of not speaking to him. She sat up and watched Henry who was laying down on the wet shore on his back and taking handfuls of goopy sand and covering his body.

"Rosie!" Lilly called from the porch.

Rose turned and saw Lilly walking towards her with two glasses. Rose sat up and made room on the blanket.

"I know you don't drink much" Lilly said when she got closer. She was out of breath from walking across the hot sand, "but I made a couple of Crème De Menthe highballs."

"That sounds good to me, Lilly. Sit down next to me."

"Oh my," she said, looking down at the beach at Henry. "I've got to go and fix dinner, but I can sit for a minute. Let my feet cool off."

"Where are your sandals?" Rose asked. Rose took a sip, "this is good."

"Oh, who knows?" Lilly joked.

Rose said. "Henry will sleep well tonight with all the sun and playing."

"Its good for him," Lilly said.

"I know it is," Rose said. She rested her chin on her knees and held the glass in front of her.

"What are you thinking about?" Lilly asked. Rose turned her head to one side. She could be a little girl around Lilly. When she was younger, a teenager, Rose would sit at Lilly's kitchen table and tell her her worries.

"You know, you're such a beautiful woman," Lilly said. She put her hand on Rose's arm. Lilly was pretty too. She was tall with graying hair. It was always perfectly styled. It was held back now with a scarf. You could see so much of Nick when you looked at Lilly.

"Thank you Lilly," Rose said.

"You know why I'm saying that, don't you?"

Rose smiled. "Maybe."

"I'm saying it because its true." Lilly took a big sip of her cocktail. "And, I think its time for you to go out and meet someone."

They both sat watching Henry for a time. The ocean was so comforting. Lilly put her arm around Rosie. They sat quietly.

"Hmm," Rose whispered, "I'm not so sure about that." Then, Rose turned to Lilly and looked at her seriously, "Can I tell you something, Lilly?"

"Of course, Darling."

"Its pretty horrible. That's what I have been thinking about."

"I don't' care what it is. You're a good girl, Rosie."

Rose took another sip. "There was someone." She wrinkled her brow and looked into her glass. "But it was a bad situation."

Lilly squinted her eye and looked out towards the ocean. The warm sun beat down on them. "Is it all over with?" Lilly asked.

"Yes."

She turned to Rose, "Does anyone know about it, Rosie? Besides you both?"

"My friend Carmen does."

"Carmen's all right. You don't have to tell me the details. But, I want you to remember that everyone makes mistakes. It isn't easy going through life—even being married, never mind widowed at your age--- mistakes are unavoidable. That's what I am trying to say."

Rose wanted to tell her that she wasn't sure that it was over, but as for that moment, it was over. So she wasn't lying.

Lilly turned to her and looked at her seriously. "I'm not going to ask you if you love him. I'm not going to ask you that on purpose."

"Why?" Rose asked.

"I'm not going to answer that question either. Just do the right thing, Rosie."

This made Rose's heart sink. There is no question about what the right thing to do is.

Lilly smiled. Her lipstick left an orange smudge on the cocktail glass. "you should get that boy in for a bath." She said standing up. "I've got to go get dinner or Daniel will starve to death. Would you like another drink?"

"No thanks," Rose answered.

Lilly stood up, started to walk to the house. She stopped and turned back to Rose. "You know that I love you like a daughter, don't you?"

Rose nodded and smiled. Then she put her chin on her knees and stared back out at Henry in the surf.

After Henry went to sleep Rose went into her room. She removed the letter from her bag and held it up to the light. She could see his block letters through the paper. Unlike Nick, Ed was still out there somewhere, waiting for her to read it. Waiting for a response. She remembered what Ed had said about Nick's unopened letters "You're the one he loves, he wanted you to read it." She carefully tore the top of the letter and opened it up. It said,

"Rose. How many more times do I have to do this?" Then, he wrote "Forgive me for being stupid. People do stupid things when they're in love. And, I am in love with you Rose. I realize we haven't known each other very long, but I'm not going to deny my feelings for you. You love me too..."

His words caused Rose to take a deep breath and hold it. It was as though he could read her thoughts. he could see into her feelings in a way no one else could. She needed to be completely honest with herself. She felt Ed knew her even better than Nick had. And she understood him too. And, somehow, she knew that each one of the unopened six letters said the same thing. She smiled to herself and listened to the rhythmic ocean as it sent a salty breeze in through the bedroom window. She thought of his hands on her body. She felt her heart pounding. How did this happen? She thought to herself.