WARNING: Slightly explicit content

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Chapter 37

"S-sorry!" I immediately bowed my head in shame. Pinilit kong isantabi ang imahe ng katawan n'ya sa utak ko—but how unfair it was to have a good looking face and a body like that? Ang tone eh!

"It's o-okay. . ." Narinig ko ang bahagyang pagpasok n'ya muli sa kan'yang comfort room. "Bakit ka pala pumasok dito? May nangyari ba?"

"Y-yes," I nodded. "Someone was trying to go to our room. Siguro ako na hindi si Ate Rita or Ate Ailene iyon. Both of them are already asleep. . ."

Kaya sino?

"We can ask the security," aniya. "Hindi naman basta-bastang makakapasok dito ang mga tao nang walang login. You can sit on the bed if you want, magbibihis lang ako," his voice reverberated through the walls of the comfort room.

Tumango naman ako at sinunod ang habilin n'ya. A part of me feels safer that there's someone near me. Kung noon ay mas gugustuhin ko ang maging mapag-isa, ngayon ay natututo na ako humingi ng kalinga ng iba. But I wished it was someone that I was close with, hindi naman kasi kami masyado naguusap ni Kuya Jahiel.

Lumabas si Kuya Jahiel ng banyo na medyo basa pa rin ang buhok. Nakatitig siya sa akin habang pinapasadahan ng tuwalya ang kan'yang buhok.

"Gusto mo bang ihatid kita sa kwarto n'yo? We should at least check on them as well," sabi n'ya habang patuloy ang pagpapatuyo sa buhok.

"Sana," I nodded then quickly went off from the bed. "Sorry po talaga sa abala.

Ngumiti si Kuya Jahiel. "Never naman naging abala. . .pero siguro next time ay kumatok ka muna? Nakakagulat kasi," Halakhak n'ya.

Napakamot na lang ako sa aking batok. Kung ibang tao ito, baka kanina pa ako sinigawan o kaya ipinahiya. I was lucky that it was Kuya Jahiel.

Lumipas ang ilang minuto at nagdesisyon na rin kami lumabas ng kwarto. I was skeptical at first because the person might still be there. Baka kung ano ang gawin n'ya. . .she was able to harm both my mother and Ryzi! She was dangerous. Hindi dapat siya pinapabayaan na pagala-gala ngayon. But we still need more proof that it's her.

Mahinang kumatok si Kuya Jahiel sa room kung saan kami naka-stay in ni Ate Rita. Agad naman itong binuksan nung babaeng naka-hoodie. My eyes widened as my heart raced as fast as it can, sa puntong iyon ay di ko alam kung ano ang una kong gagawin. Aatake ba ako sa kan'ya? O tatakbo?

Tumikhim si Kuya Jahiel upang pangunahan ang nararamdaman kong takot. The woman was unfamiliar and I didn't think that it would be her. Hindi ko siya kilala at mukhang hindi rin naman n'ya ako namumukhaan!

"Ate Nimfa," tawa ni Kuya Jahiel. "Tinakot mo naman itong kasama nila. Hindi ka pa ba nagpapakilala kay Ziah?"

Ate Nimfa, the woman in a hoodie, started to laugh. "Hala? Pasensya ka na, neng! Ang lamig kasi! Kaya naka-jacket ako. Lumipat din ako sa kwarto nila Ailene pansamantala dahil hindi ko mahinaan ang aircon ng kwarto namin. Natakot ba kita?"

Namutla ako at agad na umiling. "Pasensya na po! Hindi naman po kayo nakakatakot. Matatakutin lang po talaga ako."

I tried to at least make my excuse believable. Nakakahiya naman kasi talaga na pinagdudahan ko siya. Mukha naman siyang disente. Siguro ay nanguna lang talaga ang maligalig kong pagiisip. Sinubukan kong maglagay ng munting ngiti sa labi ko.

Ate Nimfa smiled back. "Pasensya ka na ah? At mukhang naistorbo mo pa ang jowa mo sa pagligo n'ya?"

Unti-unting napawi ang ngiti sa labi ko. Mula sa higaan ay napabangon si Ate Ailene at Ate Rita. Pareho silang nakapantulog na. Akala ko ay tulog na sila pero mukhang masarap ang kanilang kwentuhan dahil hanggang ngayon ay dilat pa rin ang kanilang mga mata. They were wearing creepy smiles on their faces as if they caught us red-handed.

"Ay naku! Baka sabay pa nga silang naligo," biro ni Ate Ailene.

"Panindigan mo 'yan, Jah!" Ate Rita added.

Nahihiya akong umiling-iling, paulit-ulit dahil pakiramdam ko at lulubog na ako sa mismong pwesto ko.

"Walang gano'n! Mema kayo!" angal ko sa kanilang dalawa. Bumunghalit lang ang kanilang tawanan at lalo akong pinaulanan ng tukso.

"Doon ka na matulog sa kwarto ni Jahiel, Ziah!" sitsit ni Ate Ailene. Nililingkis pa ang kan'yang unan.

"Tama 'yan! Hayaan mo na kami maging rich tita! Ikaw ang maging magandang housewife!" asar lalo ni Ate Rita. "Na may sampung anak!"

"Sorry, Kuya Jah," nahihiyang sabi ko sa kan'ya. "Nadamay pa kita."

Humalakhak lang si Kuya Jahiel. His eyes slowly turned to slits. "Ako nga dapat ang humingi ng sorry. Sawayin ko na ba? Hindi ka na ba comfortable?"

Namula naman ang mga pisngi ko. He was really nice and soft-spoken. Pakiramdam ko kapag inaway mo siya, kikidlatan ka agad ng guilt dahil sa sobrang bait n'yang kausap. Even the other people in the hospital can attest to how nice he was.

Bumalik na si Kuya Jahiel sa kan'yang kwarto at kinulit lang ako nang kinulit nila Ate Ailene at Ate Rita. I was beyond pissed already because even if they were caring adults; nature ko po ang maging pikon! Hindi ko naman pangarap magkaroon ng sampung anak!

Lumabas na muna ako para magpahangin. Ilang hakbang pa lang ang natatahak ko ay may humarang na agad sa aking daanan. I had to look up to see who it was. It was none other than Ryker who had a dimmed expression on his face. Seryoso siyang nakatitig sa akin habang may hawak na. . .t-shirt.

"Ano 'yan?" Kumunot ang noo ko sa kan'ya. "Gabi na ah!"

I was slowly yanked towards the end of the hallway. Halos matisod na ako sa sobrang bilis ng lakad ni Ryker. He was. . .cutely pissed, huh? Mas may pikon pala sa akin!

"Ry!" hila ko sa kamay ko.

Binitawan n'ya ako habang nakanguso. Gago! Pa-iyak na! His eyes were turning a bit red on the sides. Hindi ko alam kung matatawa ako dahil bakit siya naiiyak? Ganito ba siya kapag lasing?

"Sabi mo sa akin ka lang magpapaanak ng sampu," naiiyak na sabi n'ya. He was clearly drunk!

"Gago?! Wala akong sinasabi?" I hissed at him and nibbled on my lower lip. Okay! He's acting cute! Pero hindi n'ya ako madadaan sa ganito. We were not fine! Ako pa nga ang may kasalanan sa kan'ya. . .why was he this. . .lovable?

"Na bubuo tayo ng pamilya kasama si Ryzi," hikbi n'ya pa.

"Ibang babae ba 'yan?" basag ko sa kan'ya. Wala naman akong naaalala na pinagsasabi ko sa kan'ya!

"Sa sarap mo lang talaga ako naaalala!" he hissed then stomped his foot while crossing his arms across his chest. Parang bata!

"Magpahinga ka na," I sighed then went to touch his arm. "Lasing ka lang, Ry."

Because I doubt that he still loves me just the same. I was complicated to handle. I was hard to love. He didn't deserve this kind of situationship. Mas bagay siya sa babaeng alam kong papahalagahan siya.

"Madaya ka talaga," he whispered, then looked me in the eyes. Ngumuso siya nang makita ang labi ko. "Can I kiss you?"

"What?" Napakurap ako roon. He was clearly drunk!

"I miss you, Ziah," he slowly went in to embrace me. Sa gitna ng hallway mismo! Ang init n'ya ay nanalaytay sa aking balat. The way his muscles almost occupied my entire space made my cheeks flustered.

"Lasing ka lang, Ry," bulong ko sa kan'ya. "You shouldn't be saying this."

"I'm not," patuloy n'yang paghikbi. "Hindi ako lasing."

"Amoy alak ka," puna ko sa kan'ya. The whiff of alcohol was sprayed on his entire clothing. "You don't love me anymore. Lasing ka lang."

"I'm not," Umiling-iling siya. "I didn't even take any drinks!"

"Then you must be kidding!" atungal ko sa kan'ya. "Kasi imposibleng mahal mo pa rin ako kahit nasaktan na kita."

My breathing hitched up. Hindi. . .hindi talaga p'wedeng mahal n'ya pa ako matapos ang nangyari sa aming dalawa.

Dadating yung panahon na mahirap na talagang puro pagmamahal na lang. Alam ko iyon. That's why when he was acting cold towards me, I embraced it wholeheartedly. I accepted it with a clear-headed mind.

Nakakapagod magmahal ng taong paulit-ulit na lang ginagawa ang alam nilang makakasakit sa 'yo. They say to be loved means to be known. If I knew it would pained the person that I love, bakit ko gagawin ang bagay na iyon sa kan'ya?

I knew fully well that it would hurt him. . .and I did it without even flinching.

Tumawa siya, pait at poot ang naghahalo sa kan'yang boses. "Alam mo? Sana nga, hindi na lang kita mahal. I've tried dating anyone available in the block! I've tried so hard to replace you! Lahat ng naglalakad na p'wedeng landiin, nilandi ko na! And you know what I feel at the end of the day? I feel like complete shit. . .kasi mahal pa rin kita."

"Ry. . ."

"Kasi kahit saan ako lumingon," his eyes started to water. "Hindi ko maintindihan bakit hindi mo ako kayang mahalin pabalik?"

"Ryker, lasing ka lang," mahinahon kong saad sa kan'ya. "Talk to me when you're sober. Baka sakaling ma-realize mong nagpapakatanga ka sa maling tao."

I caressed his arms to calm him down. Umangat ang tingin n'ya sa akin. His eyes slowly softened upon leveling it with my own. Kung kanina ay doble ang pagtibok ng puso ko, ngayon ay triple na ito.

"Hindi nga ako lasing!" giit n'ya sa akin at hinawakan ako sa magkabilang braso. His breathing was ragged. It was as if he was trying his best to keep calm.

"Hindi mo na ako mahal," I told him gently. "Nasaktan na kita."

He laughed, almost as if to taunt me. "Hindi ba. . .ibig sabihin no'n ay mas mahal na talaga kita? Because even when I already got hurt by you. . .for some reason, it has always been you. My heart was meant to be broken only by you, Ziah."

Bahagyang natahimik ako sa isiniwalat n'ya. A part of me isn't convinced that I deserve to see a vulnerable Ryker. He was only like this because he was drunk. Kung hindi naman siya lasing ay paniguradong galit siya sa akin.

Dahan-dahan na umangat ang mga kamay n'ya patungo sa aking mga pisngi. "Mahal kita, Ziah. It hurts me more when you push me away. It hurts me more when you're not near me. It hurts me more, na balak mo sampu yung anak n'yo ni Jahiel tapos sa atin ay isa lang tapos mukhang aso pa—"

"Tangina mo talaga," halakahak ngunit sa napapaos na paraan.

I always feel inadequate. I always feel that I'm not worthy of their love and appreciation. Once they see how broken and shattered my insides are, they won't hesitate to leave me as well. They won't hesitate to drop me. Wala na ulit akong makakapitan. Wala na akong matatakbuhan.

Yet, who am I to dictate their feelings? Who am I to make them suppress their affections? The only ones capable of controlling one's emotion is themselves. And who am I to say that he couldn't love me anymore. . .

Ngumiti ako sa kan'ya. My lips quivered as I practiced to move it to say the words 'I love you'. My mouth went agape and was about to speak when someone went in our direction. Sa sobrang panic ko ay natulak ko si Ryker patungo sa makipot na lalagyan ng mga cleaning materials. A fucking janitor's closet!

"Ouch!" Ryker bumped his head on a bucket.

"Shh!" I hushed him as I put my index finger on my lips. "May dadaan."

"Bakit tayo nagtago?" tanong ni Ryker at sumilip sa may labas, it was accessible because the door was like horizontal blinds.

It was Kuya Jahiel. Mukhang may hinahanap siya. His eyes roamed around to spot someone but to no avail.

"Oh? Bakit 'yan nasa labas pa?" bulong ni Ryker.

"Baka hinahanap ako," sagot ko sa kan'ya. I mean, I was the last one that he was talking with.

"Talaga naman. . ." he groaned inwardly. Napatingin pa siya sa itaas n'ya na tila ba nagpipigil ng inis.

"What?"

"Daya mo," he pouted his lips then slowly his eyes traveled down to mine. Nakatitig na siya ngayon sa labi ko.

My heart pounded against my chest. As I inhaled his manly scent, the whiff of his smell betrayed my independence. Pakiramdam ko ay mabubuhay ako kahit palaging nasa piling n'ya lamang.

"I miss you. . ." he whispered through the compressed space between us. It reverberated through the small corners and through my heart.

"I miss you more," I said and held on to him. Baby steps, Aziah. Baby steps, indeed.

It might sound like it was a small thing. . .it was a small win. Yet, now that I'm slowly conquering the need to push away others before they can even stay beside me. . .now that I'm slowly learning to express how I really feel. . .it feels oddly satisfying to see his eyes widening a fraction upon hearing the words from my mouth.

"Si Aziah ka ba talaga?!" he chuckled then slowly leaned forward. "Ikaw yata lasing eh. My Aziah wouldn't admit that so carelessly. . .but I'm glad you do."

His lips covered mine. Hindi na ako nagulat pa dahil ako na mismo ang humila sa kan'yang batok upang mas mapalalim pa ang aming halikan. His tongue pushed its way towards the inside of mouth as I suppressed a sound of moaning. He pinned me against the door as he started to kiss me aggressively, as if he was a hungry lion finally finding its prey.

"Fuck it, Ziah," he mumbled on my skin.

Nagulat ako nang makitang napapitlag si Kuya Jahiel sa labas. I almost forgot that he was still outside the small room that we're currently occupying. Napalunok naman ako, he might see us! At kung mahuli n'ya kaming parehong magulo ang itsura, I know he isn't dense enough to not know what happened.

"Ry," I murmured. "Nasa labas si Kuya Jah. . ."

"Paki ko?" His eyebrows furrowed as he hissed.

"B-baka mahuli tayo. . ." I said as his hand traveled inside my shirt. Napapikit ako. "This isn't a nice place to makeout."

"But. . ." a tiny smirk coasted on his lips. "Hindi ba ito ang gusto mo? The thrill of someone finding out how wild you are, Ziah?"

"A-ano?" My mouth went agape as I felt the tension in between my legs. Ang kan'yang kamay ay unti-unting napunta roon.

It was fingers at first, as soon as he was able to keep track of my womanhood in spite of the darkness inside this small room, I started to bite my lips to suppress the sounds of pleasure coming out of my mouth.

Kinabahan ako dahil unti-unti siyang lumuhod. I looked down at Ryker and he was smiling mischievously at me. He was teasing me as he slowly pulled my shorts down. Napamura ako dahil parang imbis na kabahan ako. . .nae-excite pa yata ako. Fuck it!

He started to taste my insides and I closed my eyes to keep myself intact. Napakapit ako sa pintuan habang nararamdaman ang pagdaplis ng sensasyon sa pagkababae ko. I fisted Ryker's hair to make him stop because the pleasure was too consuming, too addicting, and too dangerous for me.

Unti-unting umangat ang tingin n'ya sa akin. My juices were scattered on his lips as he lifted his eyebrows at me. Hawak-hawak ko pa rin siya sa kan'yang buhok.

"It's not nice to disturb someone when they're eating, Ziah," tuya n'ya sa akin at nagawa pang ngumisi. "I wanna eat well."

This fucker! Bumangga ako sa may pintuan kaya naman parang may kumalabog. Napalingon ako sa labas at nakitang nanglalaki ang mga mata ni Kuya Jahiel dahil nakatitig na siya sa mismong lugar kung nasaan kaming dalawa ni Ryker.

"M-may daga ba d'yan?" Namumutlang tanong ni Kuya Jahiel. Instead of proceeding towards the path of our hotel rooms, agad na siyang bumalik sa kung saan siya galing.

Para akong nakahinga nang maluwag dahil wala ng tao sa labas. I pulled my shorts upwards and watched as Ryker fixed his shirt as well. Kitang-kita ko ang tuwa sa kan'yang mukha. He was smiling at me as if he did a great job and he was proud that I endured not moaning too loudly.

My heart was pounding against my chest as I let go of Ryker's hair. Lumingon ako sa kan'ya at siniko siya habang unti-unti naman siyang tumayo. He laughed languorously at me, sinikap n'yang tanggalin ang maliit na espasyo na namamagitan sa aming dalawa sa paghawak sa aking baywang.

"Sarap mo," halakhak n'ya sa aking tainga.

I hissed at me. "Solo ka sa hotel room mo?"

"Yup, why?"

My cheeks flustered but I immediately glared at him. "Baka gusto mong mag-buffet?"

Lalong lumakas ang tawa n'ya at siniksik ang kan'yang buong mukha sa aking leeg. "I miss you most, Ziah."