to blocklist,

#####

Messenger
Auds

Auds:
Kuya 🥹

Pwede ba ako sama sa 'yo? Hehe

Pupunta ka kina Cal 'di ba?

Ryker:
ako may kuya tapos kay cal wala?

aba?

baket

ano need mo kay cal?

Auds:

Sisilip lang po. Hehe

Kung okay lang? Sama ako? 🥲

##

Messenger
ERPS BALITA

Ryker:
CAL

HEY

Eastre:

What's meron

Groggy pa ako

Sorry

Cal:
Yes?

Ryker:
alis ka nga muna dyan

Cal:

I'm cooking breakfast.

Saan ako pupunta?

Ryker:
ewan ko

sa jupiter

sa multiverse

basta wag dyan sa bahay nyo

Eastre:

Gago hahaha

Cal:

Alis ako? Sa bahay? Ha?

Bakit?

Ryker:
alis ka muna dyan

pakibilisan, thanks
[😭2]

Eastre:
Punta Auds 'no?

Cal:
Hindi ko naman type si Audrey.

Ayoko ng may kapatid na babaero.
[😭🤣2]

Ryker:
HEEEY

ako lang kapatid ni Audrey!

Eastre:
Yes, ikaw lang din babaero haha

Ryker:
kahit nah?
hahaha
but pls for my mental health alis
ka na dyan cals
thank you so muchie 😊
[🤣2]

Cal:
Ang aga ko naman mapaalis sa sarili kong bahay. 🚶

#####

Chapter 1

I hated my father for being a womanizer but I couldn't do the same for my mother who kept on getting her heart broken by men. Siguro kasi. . .para sa akin iyon lang yung gamot n'ya sa ginawa ng tatay ko. It was the only thing that kept her to believe in love—something I wished I had gotten from her.

Everyone else wanted to abort me. Ang mga tita ko ay iyan ang kwento sa akin. Si Mama lang daw talaga yung kumapit na ipagpatuloy yung bunga ng pagmamahalan nila ng walang kwentang ama ko.  Kaya naman lumaki ako na iniisip. . .kailangan ko alagaan si Mama dahil pinili n'ya pa rin akong buhayin. Even if I was a living proof of how unloveable she was for my father. Iniwan siya kahit may anak na sila.

Sana kasi baog na lang yung papa ko eh. Para di na sana ako nabuo. Baka mas maganda siguro buhay ni Mama kung wala ako.

"Sabi ko naman kasi sa 'yo, hindi siya seryoso eh," I consoled my mother by giving her some noodles and pandesal. Sinilip ko na rin yung itlog na niluluto ko. Ang malasado masyado ng itlog! Pero ito ang paborito ni Mama, I like my eggs scrambled though. Baliktad kaming dalawa.

"Binigyan n'ya kasi ng bulaklak, anak," pagtatanggol n'ya pa. "Roses pa."

"Malamang! Gusto n'ya rin kasi ng bulaklak mo! Nagpauto ka na naman!" I scolded her and she pouted her lips.

Nakipag-break na sa kan'ya yung kasintahan n'ya. They were dating for two months, boss n'ya ito. I told her how unethical it was but she was too optimistic that maybe it was her chance at love once again. Pero hindi na siya talaga nakinig sa akin, ayan tuloy at mukhang maghahanap na naman siya ng bagong trabaho. Her boss was petty enough to fire her just because they broke up.

Napabuntonghininga na lang ako.

Maganda si Mama, madalas siyang mapagbintangan na kapatid ko lang. Maaga rin kasi siyang nabuntis kaya naman gano'n. They say I looked like her. Kulot kami pero nagpa-rebond ako at pinapanatili na maikli ang buhok. Palaging above my shoulder ang buhok ko.

"Ikaw ba? Kailan ka magpapakilala sa akin ng lalaki? College ka na ah," pumalumbaba si Mama habang nakatingin lang sa akin. She swirled some noodles on her fork and slurped on it.

Nanatiling tikom ang bibig ko. Dinala ko lang sa kan'ya yung itlog at kumain na lang din nang walang ibang sinasabi.

I don't know.

Parang ayoko magpakilala ng lalaki sa kan'ya. Ayoko rin na ikasal. Ayoko matali. Ayoko magkaroon ng mahabang attachment sa isang tao.

When you grew up. . .seeing how your mother welp just to be loved—it's an ugly sight to see and also it was a terrible event for a kid like me to console my mother each time she gets her heart broken.

It was true that as a daughter—I didn't like how my mother turned out to be. Yet as a woman, I feel her beyond our bloodline. I could empathize on why she turned out to be so. . .stupid to fall for the same tricks made by men.

Ako?

Ayoko.

Hindi bale maging masama ako sa iba pero yung puso ko? Akin lang. Walang babasag nito. Hindi ko sila hahayaan. I will build walls after walls and even put out the flames so my heart would appear to be empty and wouldn't need passion at all. Hindi bale na hindi na magmahal basta di lang masaktan.

HAWT GURLS

Lotte:
Hey Aziah
Papasok ka ba?
Wag mo na isipin yang si Ryker
Ganyan talaga siya

Kels:
Even some of my blockmates had to get rebounds just to forget that motherfucker haha

Gwapo eh

Nakita mo naman di ba?

Lotte:
Ingat ka rin diyan kasi the more na curious ka sa kanya? Lalo ka lang malalaglag dyan hahaha

So wag mo na lang pansinin

Aziah:
WALA AKONG PAKE
SA KANYA

Kels:
Tone down your typings hahaha

Aziah:
POTA SIYA

I DONT CARE ABOUT HIM

Halos masira ang screen ng phone ko dahil sa sobrang diin ng paglapag ng aking daliri. Nababasa ko pa lang ang pangalan n'ya ay awtomatikong kumukulo na ang ulo ko agad. Para akong nakakakita ng punching bag kapag nakikita ko pangalan n'ya.

I don't even know where the hatred roots from. Bukod sa gwapo n'yang mukha na may mayabang na ngisi, wala pa naman siyang kasalanan sa akin talaga. Bukod lang sa nabitin ako sa halik n'ya. I could still taste his lips. . .and I could still feel his hands treading on my hair.

Sayang dahil alam ko naman na hindi siya magiging matino. That's why I only play with them because they won't settle down. Kung sa iba nga na matino, hindi nila kaya makuntento eh. Paano pa kaya sa akin na halatang hindi rin naman naghahanap ng seryosong usapan?

I was only on it for the thrill and fun, anything beyond that is out of my reach already. Ako ang unang tatakbo palayo kung may magsasabi sa akin na seryoso na siya.

Nagyaya muli sina Kelsey at Lotte na mag-Taft. Sa The Labyrith daw kami magkita, I usually accept invites such as this because it's free. Si Lotte madalas ang may sagot dahil siya rin nagyayaya, she takes offense when you try to split the bill. I remember having to be in between them when Kelsey already bought some drinks even before Lotte can. Problemang mayayaman kaya hindi ako nakikisali. Not that I could even compete when I have to even feed for my mother sometimes.

I wore my usual white tank top and black skirt. Kumuha lang ako ng manipis na kulay beige na cardigan sa closet ko para naman hindi ako lamigin.

Sa labas pa lang ng The Labyrith ay rinig na ang dumadagundong na remix ng mga kanta no'ng 2000's. Kinakausap ni Lotte ang bouncer habang nakasunod kami sa kan'ya. Agad naman kaming pinapasok nang walang kahirap-hirap. I saw the bouncer putting some money on his pocket. So, I'm assuming that was the reason how we got in without any reservations at all.

"Hahanap lang 'yan si Lotte ng mapagtitripan," sabi ni Kelsey nang makahanap kami ng pwesto.

Ngumisi ako saka umiling. That's right, sa kanila ako natuto manglalaki. When we're bored. . .magpupustahan kami sino makakabingwit ng pinakagwapo. It was usually me or Lotte. Si Kelsey kasi ay masyadong pushy, o di kaya halata kaya naman madalas ay na-tu-turn off sa kan'ya yung kausap n'ya.

Sino ba naman kasi gaganahan kung unang conversation pa lang, nilalatag na agad ni Kelsey ang dream wedding n'ya sa Maldives? Kahit ay tatakbo eh.

"Iinom ka ba ngayon?"

"I don't know yet," sabi ko sa kan'ya. "Baka mag-margarita lang ako."

O kaya body shot, kung may matipuhan ako ngayong gabi. I roamed around my sight to spot on anyone who might be interesting. . .kaso isang pamilyar na lalaki ang nakita ko.

This time, he was wearing a black polo sleeves. Nakatupi ito hanggang sa siko n'ya. Maganda ang pagkakalatag talaga ng features sa mukha n'ya dahil kahit patama-tama lang ang strobe lights sa kan'yang mukha. Putanginang singkit na iyan. Bakit iyan nandito?

Di ko alam bakit naginit muli ang ulo ko. I can remember how he made me moaned so easily as if I was one of Pavlov's dogs and I was conditioned to moan with Ryker's touch alone. The thought. . .crushes my pride.

"Nand'yan pala si Ryker," Kelsey said, stating the obvious. Ang mata n'ya ay nakatitig na rin ngayon kay Ryker.

I scoffed. "Maaga yata ako uuwi. I'll take a Grab or whatever."

"Di naman kasalanan ni Ryker na masarap siya," tukso ni Kels.

"Kasalanan n'yang nakakairita siya," I shoot back. "Anyway, call me if you need anything. Uuwi na rin ako."

"No fun! Hindi ko inakala na hahayaan mo ang isang lalaki na sirain ang araw mo."

"Hindi lang siya lalaki," I corrected her term. "He's Ryker Adeva. I wouldn't want to be involve with him. Mas gugustuhin ko na lang magpabuntis ng sampung beses."

"Sa kan'ya?" Ngisi ni Kelsey.

"Fuck," I rolled my eyes. "Tumigil ka na nga. Tantanan mo na ang agenda mo na magkalapit kami kasi hindi talaga. Hindi ba crush mo iyan? O ni Lotte? Kayo na lang."

"Speaking of fuck," pahabol ni Kelsey. "Akala ko ba you'll fuck him real bad? Eh bakit na naduduwag ka ngayon? And honestly, tanggap naman namin ni Lotte na hindi namin kaya si Ryker."

Huh? Kahit si Lotte? It makes me wonder how much of an asshole that guy could be. Oo, gwapo siya, at masakit man aminin ay siya na nga yata ang pinakagwapong lalaking nakita ko sa buong buhay. Pinaka-type ko siguro kung di lang siya babaero.

"Ah so kaya ko?" Nagtaas ako ng kilay sa kan'ya.

Tumango-tango siya na para bang bata. "Kayang-kaya! Your kitty cat can handle him!"

Agad na lumipad ang middle finger ko sa ere. From my peripheral view, I could see Ryker finally looking up and viewed my direction. Kanina kasi ay may kausap siyang mas maliit sa kan'ya kaya bahagya siyang nakayuko.

Nagtama muli ang tingin naming dalawa. He raised his glass at me and smirked as if he was inviting me to have a drink with him. Nilipat ko ang middle finger ko patungo sa direksyon n'ya.

He laughed and even his shoulders move. His eyes turning to slits, ang cute n'ya tumawa. Tanginang 'yan.

Di ako rurupok. Bahala siya d'yan.

E, lumapit.

Puta.

His steps were calculated and his presence were easily known to us. Hindi ko alam bakit para akong naestatwa. I usually don't care if men invaded my space for as long as they keep their own boundaries. Pero si Ryker? He's like colonizing me. Wala akong magawa kapag nand'yan na siya. 

"Hi!" Bati n'ya sa amin pero ang tingin ay nasa akin. "Chelsey and Ziah?"

He was watching for my reaction. As if I should be grateful that he remembered my name. Nagangat lang ako ng kilay sa kan'ya. Ulol.

"It's Kelsey," ngumuso si Kels.

Pinalobo n'ya ang kan'yang pisngi. "Sorry, Kels!" Lumingon si Ryker sa akin. "But I got yours right?"

"Oo, can't forget me, huh?" asar ko sa kan'ya.

He smirked. "Of course, I mean. . .how could I forget the girl who moaned publicly because of me?"

Oh.

This is so on.

Natawa ako, the sarcasm took shelter in my throat. "It's only human nature to do so."

"Really?" Ngumisi siya sa akin. "Akala ko kasi kapag nasasarapan ka lang."

Umiling ako sa kan'ya. "Then you need to learn more."

"If you'd teach me. . .I wouldn't mind," he lazily drawled. "I honestly want to learn more from you."

I wasn't able to say something back. Masyado akong naliyo sa amoy n'ya. I sniffed because it was infiltrating my nostrils. Hindi siya masakit sa ilong. I was imagining that Ryker's scent could be a mixture of cigarettes and drinks. . .but he smell like lavender and mint.

Amoy essential oil si gago.

Tangina.

Ang bango.

It distracted me for a bit. Bakit gan'yan? Gwapo na nga siya tapos mukha pa siyang maalaga sa sarili n'ya? Not that he shouldn't be. Pero bukod sa halatang playboy ang isang ito, I couldn't pinpoint a fucking flaw at all. Sana kalbo na lang siya! Pero kahit yata kalbo ang isang ito eh. . .gwapo pa rin.

"Hey Ryker," tawag ko sa kan'ya.

"Yeah?" He looked at me with those piercing eyes once again.

"You use any essential oils?"

"I do, it keeps me calm when I review some notes. Bakit?"

"Can I know the brand? And link please?"

"Sure. . ." he was eyeing me suspiciously. "It's—"

"Do you have any social media accounts?" putol ko sa kan'ya.

"Yup," he licked his lower lips. "Rideryker."

Fuck.

"Message kita ah," sabi ko at hinanap ang account n'ya. Ah okay, nasa Instagram pala siya. It was the first social media that I checked.

I immediately went to the messages and type a message for him. Ramdam ko ang titig ni Ryker sa akin.

ziahsfleur :
ano brand ng essential oil mo?

also