I loved all of Amelia's friends and their eagerness to help, but still, I couldn't help but count the seconds until I had more alone time with her alone. My eagerness was pathetic. My cheeks were tinted as Jaxson cackled at my actions, nonetheless I didn't move, nose nudged against my bedroom window as I waited for Mia to round the street corner.

      "Go away, Jaxson," I grumbled. "I'm sure you were even more pathetic than I am." From what I knew, Jaxson was in love with Lexi; his person was a romantic soulmate, which I could only imagine made his task that much messier. He could play cool all he wanted, I saw the fumbling, lovesick fool behind his bravado. Earlier that week, he walked into the fridge, reciting a piece Lexi had recently published.

      I heard his voice as he retorted but didn't comprehend a single word uttered, because I spotted Amelia and was rushing past him, down the stairs.

      I had a few seconds to catch my breath before the knock on the front door came. Hand on the doorknob, I counted to three before twisting it open. That greeting grin would never fail to make my day.

      The moment I stepped outside, Mia placed a baseball cap atop my head and then placed a matching one on her own. "To be more discrete," she said.

      "I really don't think they're going to have the effect you're looking for."

     "Oh, ye of little faith. You'll see."

      I took a few steps before voicing my apprehension. "Should I be worried that you're wanting us to be discrete?"

      "Do I look like an untrustworthy person?"

      I puckered my lips in playful consideration and Mia bumped her shoulder against mine in protest. "You do trust me," she decided. "But, in case you need more incentive..." She clicked on the calendar icon on her phone and tilted the screen my way. I slowed my steps, brows furrowed at the screen until I noticed the appointment set for next week. The relief that washed over me was indescribable. This was the first step of many, but she had taken the leap. There were so many emotions in my soft smile, I hoped she could decipher a few, especially of pride and relief.

      "You spoke to your parents?" I tried not to scare her away from the topic.

      Usually full of words, she only nodded. Worried settled in my gut, praying that I hadn't misjudged their supportive natures. "Did they take it well?"34

      She nodded again. "They think the appointment's a great idea... But I think they'll be upset when they realize the full extent of—things. I may have undermined the thoughts I've been having." She spoke as if she was afraid of disappointing me. As if I'd be disappointed in her for having such thoughts and failing to admit to their intensity.

     "It's a start, Mia. I think it shows tremendous courage on your part." Tremendous? I cringed. I was doing too much reading.

     She smirked. "I like it when you call me, Mia."

      I was too busy blushing to realize that she was changing the subject. There was no chance of recuperating the conversation when she turned my brain to mush.

      When the hospital came into view, I thought for sure we'd walk past it, towards the community garden. I was going to have to learn to expect the unexpected when it came to Amelia. Or expect the opposite of what my decisions or actions would look like. Amelia veered off into the hospital parking lot, towards the main entrance. Eyes drawing together, my lips parted to question her, but I decided it was best that I didn't know what she had planned. I couldn't imagine what I'd enjoy in a hospital. It was far from one of the first places I'd think of in search of happy moments. Though I knew many happy moments could be experienced there, such as someone overcoming whatever they were fighting or someone giving birth... Finding a way to watch a live birth seemed like such an Amelia thing to do that I was queasy in anticipation. As much as I could see the appeal in bearing witness to someone's first breath, I wouldn't be able to get past the bleeding, torn vagina part.

      "Whatever you're thinking about, stop it." She flicked my ear. "You turned ghostly pale."

      I chocked on my laughter. Mia only had a second to look at me funny. Walking through the front door, she wrapped an arm around my shoulders and fixed my hat before reaching the screener.

      It was clear that we were meant to sign in, but Mia strode right pass the screening counter with her head held high. I tensed when the woman stood from the chair to call on us. Amelia's grip on my shoulders tightened as she greeted the woman with a wave.

      "Nice seeing you again," Amelia called, and then turned her face towards mine. Had I inherited my dad's nose we would have bumped together. "Grandpa's excited to see you Betty, he's over on the second floor." Considering our proximity, she spoke much louder than necessary. It was clear that her words were all for show. Was this really her idea of discrete?

       I held my breath until we were far out of sight from the entrance, and no one followed.

      "Your lack of trust in me is insulting." Despite her choice of words, her lips were quirked at their corners. She removed her arm from my shoulder once we stepped into the elevator but remained just as close.

      "I trust you!" I played into her game.

      "You've got a funny way of showing it."

      I chuckled, prepared to defend my honor until the metal door slid open and revealed Mia's chosen unit. The maternity unit... She couldn't possibly think this was a good idea.

      I saw a flash of her affronted look, but she pulled me out of the elevator so quickly that my surroundings blurred. She didn't stop until we reached a less crowded hallway. Her steps slowed until she brought us to a halt in front of a large window. Facing the glass, I scanned the rows of newborns, smiling at the nursery. In a breath, I released the tension in my shoulders. This is what she had planned. This was the upside of shredded vaginas or sliced abdomens. This part I could enjoy. Wondering if I was supposed to be looking at a specific baby, I turned towards Amelia. Rather than looking into the nursery, she was staring at me with a smirk.

      "You thought I signed us up to watch a live delivery." The amusement was apparent in her eyes.

      I guffawed as if the idea was ridiculous, but she saw right through my questionable acting. She burst into laughter, grabbing the wall with one hand, and clutching her stomach with the other one. "I so wish I would have done that. Maybe next time."

      "Don't you dare." I nudged her in the ribs. "Stop laughing at me—" I couldn't help but laugh at her wheezy snort. "Which one are we here to see?"

      She straightened, still giggling under her breath. "All of them."

      I quirked a brow. "You don't know any of these babies?"

      She scanned the rows of bassinets with squinted eyes. "I think the one in the far-right corner might be Mrs. Darcy's."

      It took me a second to place the name. Mrs. Darcy was her new grouchy neighbor; a woman who was old enough to be my great-grandmother. "I think her childbearing age ended many years ago."

      "A grandchild then," she decided. I tried to get a better look at the bassinet to see if a name tag had led her to her confusion. "They've got the same stick in your ass crunched nose."

     An ugly snort escaped me, and I covered my mouth to shield my amusement. "You can't say stuff like that about a baby."

      She smirked at my hand as if she knew my real thoughts. "Maybe I'm being too critical. They could just be having a dump."

      I groaned and stifled my laughter again.

      "In all seriousness that could be the one to grow up and win a noble prize... It's kind of strange to think of what their futures will look like. It's like we're looking at the first page of the unwritten books of their lives. I can't help but wonder how many chapters each of them will have and what kind of conflicts they'll have. But you certainly hope the plotline to their stories leads to a happy ending."

      If it was possible, I'd brand her brain and her mouth with her signature doodled unicorn. "I can't imagine why Maria doesn't ask you to participate in the slams more often."

      "My thoughts tend to go from one extreme to the other quickly. She has me participating in one, in a couple of weeks. She'll probably ask you too." My thoughts on performing must have been clear by my face. "You can say no. Could be a good opportunity to talk about the project you're working on. You might like it. Everything's worth trying once, right?"

     "I could write you a very long list of things people ought not try."

     "I bet poetry's not on it... She'd probably put you on after me. So, you wouldn't have much to live up to and you can multitask as collateral damage."

      "You can't be that bad."

      "The writing itself isn't horrible, but not everyone appreciates the extent of my brutal honesty."

      "Well, I look forward to bearing witness to your work... What does your brutal honesty think about baby number five?"

      "Definitely going to be obsessed with boy bands." Her ridiculous words spoken with such seriousness made me laugh.

      "Alright." I rolled with it. "Are we thinking 1D vibes or Green Day?"

      "I'm thinking more underrated bands, like Roadtrip or The Unlikely Candidates."

      I pretended to know who she was talking about, making note to research the groups later that night.

      "I think baby number eleven might be the lead singer of that future band. Looks like they've got quite the set of lungs on them." As if on cue, a nurse cradled number eleven in her arms before the wailing triggered the rest of them.

      "Ooh," Mia cooed. "Number two is going to be a charmer with the ladies. Those dark eyes haven't left the nurse since she walked in." On her way out, the nurse slowed by number two's bassinet, readjusting the blanket, and smiling down at wide curious eyes. Now, I'm sure they weren't supposed to have favourites, but it was easy to see that number two held a special place in her heart.

      "See?" she urged. "They've already got the staff wrapped around their tiny finger. They've perfected the art of manipulation at only a few days old."

      "Amelia," I laughed. "I hardly think manipulation is at play. Number two looks content. They're probably the calm one. That's why staff are drawn to them."

      She watched me with a smirk toying at her lips for the briefest moment and then diverted her gaze.

      "How long until babies learn to speak? I could use some lessons on how to draw certain people to me."

      I willed myself not to get distracted by the sinking sensation in my gut. I heard the implication behind her words. I spent a lot of time with Mia, but that didn't mean I knew of everyone she spoke too. I'd make note to subtly question Avi about what sounded like a brewing crush. Not for my own interest. The addition of a love interest would surely complicate my already difficult task. Whoever it was, would have to wait a few months. She was well worth waiting for.

      "I hardly think you need lessons in that department." I couldn't explain why my words warmed my cheeks, or why her appraising look that ensued turned pink to red. She kept her gaze fixed on me longer this time, still sporting that smirk that had been plaguing me all day. I shifted nervously until I couldn't help but question her.

      "What's with that smirk?" I played with the collar of my shirt, rosy skin spreading down my neck.

      "What smirk?" she asked, still wearing that dopy signature smirk.

     "That one." I ignored my mother's etiquette lessons and pointed at her face. "Like you've got a secret that you're not sharing with me."

      "I'm just starting to really see you."

      I squinted at her eyes. "Did you get new contacts or something?"

      Mia threw her head back and laughed, before taking a step forward. Had my feet not suddenly been glued to the floor, I'd have taken a step back. I couldn't think around her when she was five feet away, let alone inches from my face.

     "I'm starting to see the real person in here." She poked my chest, slender finger resting above my heart. I thought she might have a built-in defibrillator, because I swore in the short three seconds she made contact, my heart stopped and started again. Verbal response stolen out of my capacity, I managed to furrow my brows in question.

      "You see so much good in people," she said and instinctively my nose crinkled in disagreement. "You like to think of yourself as a pessimist, but when it comes to people, you like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. You see so much good in strangers, and it makes me wonder why you don't grant yourself the same liberty? You hold no judgement of others because you save it all for yourself. You show the world so much kindness, but you don't keep any for yourself."

      I was speechless for many moments. When I finally released a shaky breath, I met her gaze with blurry eyes. I still didn't know what to say.

      "I didn't mean to upset you." Her voice softened. "It's nothing to be ashamed of. We've all got different battles to overcome."

      I smiled weakly. I never got the chance to overcome mine.

      Eyes narrowed with sympathy; she didn't look away yet. "Who hurt you?" Her question had barely reached my ears, as if she had hesitated to voice it. Already she appeared to be formulating an apology for her curiosity. I made a promise to myself to be honest with her, to allow her to see vulnerable side. And I wouldn't break that promise.

      "No one," I laughed without humor. "I mean other than myself, of course... Aren't we all our own enemies in some way."

      She nodded. "But for most people it's a trait opposes or adds obstacles to every other characteristic of their person. You know like pride, greed, or the inability to trust. It's different for you." She must have seen the overwhelming emotions playing on my features, because she swiftly and tried to keep things light. "You're in desperate need of an enemies to lovers redemption arc. Just like those books you love so much."

      I smiled because I knew it was what she was looking for, ignoring the harsh tug on my heart at the realization that there would be no redemption arc on my plot line. The fact that she remembered my favourite trope added some genuineness to my lips.

      We envisioned the future of the other newborns, until we spotted the growing suspicion of one of the nurses.

      When Amelia dropped me off later night, I didn't wait up for Jaxson, to pore my heart out about my time with Mia. There was something about my growing admiration for her that left a sense of speechlessness. The more I got to see of her heart, the more I wanted to share it with the world, but a selfish part of me also wanted to keep my discoveries to myself.

       When my phone dinged, seconds away from succumbing to sleep, her name only caused further turbulence in the confusing feelings in my chest.

Amelia: I hope someday I can help you see you through the same lenses you reserve for others, the same lens that I look through to see you. If you could see yourself through my eyes, there'd be no barriers to reaching that redemption arc.

      My fingers hovered above the keyboard, stilled with no direction. I stared at my screen, scrambling letters to form words with no success. I fell asleep with the phone clutched in my hand.

Me: alhidigj

Amelia: "Laughing emoji" Good night, Addie. 

Footnotes

34. Not everyone reacts to emotional problems the same way. Sometimes our loved ones have a hard time understanding why we're so sad. They may feel like they're not enough. But it truly has nothing to do with them. Mental illnesses can become so overpowering that they cloud our sense of reality and perception of love. Please be patient when someone finds the strength to share their deepest mental troubles with you.