❝𝘋𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘦, 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘮𝘦, 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘮𝘦, 𝘣𝘰𝘺 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥❞

ꨄ

𝗝𝗨𝗟𝗬 𝟭𝗦𝗧 , 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟯
𝗟𝗢𝗦 𝗔𝗡𝗚𝗘𝗟𝗘𝗦 , 𝗖𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗙𝗢𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗔
𝟴:𝟯𝟰 𝗔𝗠

Kiana wouldn't normally be awake so early in the morning, but lately she couldn't seem to sleep, and the reason as to why abundantly clear. The singer thought about watching TV but the volume was forever stuck at 25 due to the volume button on the remote not working, and seeing as Julien was still asleep that was off the table. So instead she unlocked her phone and explored the mess that was her notes app. She scrolled down a couple years until she reached a section called 'I Wouldn't Mind' she had made in late 2017.

The section contained fully finished lyrics for an unreleased song Kiana had forgotten about. She read through the lyrics and realized it was a love song about Julien. The song was essentially a promise; a promise to spend forever with her no matter what. Kiana stared at the lyrics for a moment before grabbing a guitar and played a few chords until something felt right for the song.

"Merrily we fall out of line, out of line. I'd fall anywhere with you, I'm by your side" Kiana sang softly as to not wake Julien. "Swinging in the rain, humming melodies. We're not going anywhere until we freeze"

"That's beautiful"

Kiana jumped at the sound of her voice, "Fuck, don't do that!"

"Sorry," Julien pushed off the doorframe she had been leaning on and stepped foot into the living room. "Is that what you're working on with Jack?"

"Uhh... yeah, it is"

"What's it about?"

"You." She says, "It's about wanting to spend forever with your partner"

"Forever as in marriage?"

"Forever as in whatever we want that to look like"

"When we first got back together I was scared that everything would be the same, but it's not. It's even better than I could've imagined"

Kiana adverted her gaze, unable to reciprocate the same love she once felt for Julien. Kiana still loved her, just less than she used to.

"Hey, are you okay?" Julien asked, but she was ignored by Kiana. "Kie, look at me. Please" She bent down in front of her girlfriend.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me" Kiana burst into tears and collapsed into Juliens arms, knowing full well that it was all a lie. She knew exactly what was wrong, Kiana just couldn't bare to tell Julien and break her heart.

"Nothing is wrong with you" Julien reassured her, "And you don't have anything to apologize for"

Julien had given Kiana the world, but she couldn't provide the same for Julien. But things were different with Leah, she was more relaxed and herself around the model. Kiana knew she had dug herself into a deeper hole the moment she decided to keep things going with Leah. She knew that with the paparazzi constantly harassing her she couldn't keep Leah a secret for long.

—

The Fourth of July had come quicker than Kiana expected, which she wasn't complaining about, she would welcome anything that distracted her from her messy love life.

The two bands — MUNA and boygenius — and their partners were the first to arrive at the beach. They set up a canopy tent and unfolded the beach chairs and waited for the others. Half of them had remained under the canopy while the other half bolted towards the water.

"Kie, wanna join me?" Julien motioned at sea ahead.

"Maybe later"

Julien shrugged, "Okay"

"Don't drown!" Phoebe shouted, which made Julien spin around and flip off her friend.

Kiana gave Phoebe a puzzled look, "What about drowning?"

"Julien almost drowned when we were at the beach one time" Lucy answered casually, earning a now concerned expression from both Kiana and Tatum.

"My girlfriend almost what?!"

"This was a while ago, don't worry about it" Phoebe spoke of it as if it were a normal day to day occurrence.

"Oh, is that what Anti-Curse is about?" Tatum asked, which Phoebe confirmed with a slight nod.

The singer watched as Julien and Zach were swept underwater by a wave, the two resurfaced after a second or two and burst into a fit of laughter as they wiped the seawater from their eyes. Kiana watched her girlfriend with regret; she didn't know if what she regretted was Julien or meeting Leah. Kiana tore her eyes off of the two friends and glanced over at Naomi who was asleep and buried under the sand.

"Naomi," She tossed a beach ball at her friends face to wake them, "Wake your ass up"

"Fuck you bitch" They mumbled. It took Naomi a minute to realize they had buried under the sand."What the fuck?"

—

It was 1 in the morning when Julien and Kiana had returned to the apartment. They'd all originally gone back to Phoebe and Zach's after the fireworks to hang out a little while longer.

Kiana collapsed onto the bed out of exhaustion, "I think I'm gonna stay here for a minute"

"Kie, baby, we've gotta talk"

"Talk about what?" She mumbled.

"We barely spoke to each other today, or at all for the past few days" There was a moment of silence that the couple shared, which made Julien think her girlfriend had fallen asleep. "Kie, are you awake?"

"Mhm"

"Please, sit up and talk to me"

Kiana did as she was instructed but couldn't look her in the eye. "I don't know what you want from me"

Julien sat on bed beside Kiana. "I want you to not shut me out" Her voice was gentle as she spoke, "Something is clearly bothering you, and if I don't know what it is I won't know how to help you"

Kiana desperately wanted to tell Julien the very thing that pained her was having to look at Julien every day knowing she'd been cheating on her. No matter how much guilt Kiana felt, she couldn't stay away from Leah. She loved her too much for that.

"I can't" The brunette whispered, "You'll hate me"

"Nothing could ever make me hate you," Julien was too trusting for her own good. She had never once doubted Kiana's loyalty to her.

"I'm tired, can we pick this up in the morning?" Kiana stood and went over to her dresser to grab a pair of pajamas.

"No," She finally put her foot down, "Every time you say the same thing but we never talk about anything!"

"J, please- "

"Do you love me, want me, hate me? I don't understand Kiana! You can barely look at me anymore!"

"I can't do this" She tossed the pajamas in her hand back into the drawer and started towards the front door.

"Where are you going?!" Julien called out, following closely behind her girlfriend.

"A friends, I can't do this with you tonight" Kiana pulled on her shoes and slammed the door behind her.

"Yeah, just run away like you always do!"

𝗮𝗹𝗲𝘅 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗸𝘀 !
we are so close to my favorite chapter I've ever written (chapter 13)
all im gonna say is that the chapter is very 'enough for you' (by olivia rodrigo) coded