❝𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘥𝘳𝘶𝘨𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩 𝘪𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯❞

ꨄ

𝗙𝗘𝗕𝗥𝗨𝗔𝗥𝗬 𝟲𝗧𝗛 , 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟰
𝗟𝗢𝗦 𝗔𝗡𝗚𝗘𝗟𝗘𝗦 , 𝗖𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗙𝗢𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗔
𝟭𝟬:𝟭𝟭 𝗔𝗠

That morning Kiana was woken up by a dog licking her face. She opened her eyes and smiled slightly at Bleu, petting the overly excited dog despite her fatigue. Something in the house had rattled which made Bleu bolt towards the sound, which Kiana assumed was more than likely Jo or Kelli shaking her food bowl.

Kiana slowly sat up on the sofa and groaned as she did. The drugs from last night had worn off but left her feeling like she was hit by a bus. She hung her head low for a moment to get a grip on everything before even attempting to stand.

"Morning"

Kiana lifted her head to see Jo walking past her and into the kitchen. "Hey," She croaked. "What time is it?"

"Uh, like 10" They replied. "By the way, paparazzi caught you being arrested last night, the photos are everywhere"

Normally Kiana would be shouting and pacing around the room but she just didn't have it in her to do so, the drugs from last night had done a number on her. "Well that's just fantastic"

"Did Tony see them?" She wondered. "Did my parents?" Kiana knew that they had without a doubt seen them, and knowing the internet they knew why she was arrested too.

"Oh, before I forget" Jo walked to the kitchen counter, picked up an old journal and handed it to Kiana. "My mom found it in some old boxes the other day"

"My... journal?" She had forgotten about the journal ages ago. "I remember writing songs in here" Kiana flipped through the pages until she landed on a page titled: Ribs. It was a song Kiana had written about her and Jo on that Fourth of July back in 2011.

"I sort of looked through it" Says Jo, scratching the back of their head. "Ribs was my favorite. I really loved that day, it was fun"

"It was," Kiana agreed. "It was. I miss the days when we would hang out like that"

The guitarist awkwardly nodded. "Yeah"

She kept flipping through the pages and skimmed her unfinished songs from high school. Kiana recalled the memories that had inspired the songs, she was fond of those memories.

"So um, I have to go down to the studio with Katie and Naomi in a bit so we should probably get going"

"Right" Kiana nodded and shut the journal. "Okay, yeah"

—

The car ride had been silent, neither of them spoke, they just sat in the awkward silence. The only noises were sounds of muffled car horns or random shouting from the streets, it was Los Angeles after all, crazy people were everywhere.

"Can I ask you something?" Jo said suddenly.

"Uh, sure"

"What the hell were you doing at a crack house?" She questioned.

Kiana thought about the question for a moment. She knew exactly why she was at one, but how was she supposed to answer without sounding like an addict despite being one. "I had to give a Grammy to Julien"

"So you were doing hard drugs with some rando?" Kiana stayed quiet and let Jo put the pieces together. "Fuck, Kiana"

"Don't lecture me too, alright? I've already heard enough from Marcus" Kiana crossed her arms and looked out the window.

"This is dangerous shit Kiana, you're gonna end up dead if you don't quit!" Josette gripped the steering wheel and exhaled, loosening their grip on the wheel as she did. "I just want you to be aware of the risks of the dumb shit you're doing"

Kiana scoffed. "So now you care about me?" She turned to face the person she once called her best friend. "Where the hell were you these past few months? Katie and Naomi forgave me so why couldn't you?!"

"I don't know" Says Jo. "You cheating on Julien caught me off guard I guess. I didn't want the internet to come for me so I ignored you completely"

"Do you know what that did to me? I went fucking crazy"

"I'm sorry- "

"I don't want to hear it"

The guitarist sighed and kept driving. The two artists only sat in silence for five minutes or so. Jo parked on the street and Kiana left the car without saying a word to them. When Kiana had entered her apartment, Tony was sat on the couch drinking tea while watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

"You're home" He said calmly, setting his tea down on the coffee table. "I'd ask where you were but the paparazzi photos let me know"

"Tony I can't deal with your passive aggressive shit right now" Kiana walked past him and went into her bedroom to quickly change into her pajamas.

"For someone who's trying to stay out of trouble you're really doing a horrible job at it!"

The singer exited her room and stood in front of the TV with her hands crossed over chest, already done with Tony's bullshit. "Either shut the fuck up or leave"

"The coke hangover hit you like a bus, huh?" He questioned. "Kie, honey, you need help. If you keep going down this path- "

"Yes, I know, I'll die! Now get the fuck out Tony"

Tony saw no point in going back and forth with her, so he nodded and made his way to the door but turned back for a moment before exiting the apartment. "Please get help Kie, I don't want to lose you"

Kiana slammed the door behind Tony and threw herself on the couch. She didn't think twice about what Tony said, Kiana got up and searched in her nightstand drawer for pills and popped two in her mouth. Kiana allowed herself to fall backwards on her bed and stared up at the ceiling. Kiana didn't understand everyone else's concerns, the drugs is what allowed her to forget and feel good for just a moment. To her it was peace.

—

"Ugh, fuck" Kiana groaned. She had fallen asleep before she could feel the effects of the ecstasy and was woken up by someone softly knocking at her front door. Kiana got up and shuffled her feet towards the door and swung it open fully expecting it to be Tony or Marcus or her parents. "What do you- " Kiana cut herself off, she hadn't expected Julien to be the one at the door. "Hey, what are you doing here?"

"I saw the photos" Says Julien. "I wanted to check in and see how you're doing"

"I thought you weren't speaking to me"

Julien shoved her hands in her jacket pockets and nodded. "Yeah, well things change. Can I come in?"

Kiana wanted nothing more than to slam the door in her face. Julien was the sole reason she was at that crack house getting high, and now she wanted to come in. Being around Julien killed her, but at the same time it's what she wanted. Kiana's feelings towards her couldn't be more complicated.

"Sure" She stepped aside and allowed Julien to step inside. "If you're here to get me to quit, Tony and Marcus have already tried"

Julien shook her head. "I wasn't going to"

"Then? You're just here to check on me?" Kiana questioned her ex.

"Yeah"

Their eyes seemed to meet each other, and for once there was a comfortable silence that fell between the two singers.

"I miss you, J"

"Kiana..." Juliens voice trailed off and she looked away from Kiana.

"Please look at me" Kiana begged, but she kept her eyes on the floor. Kiana tilted Juliens face up so that she was looking at her once again. "I know I fucked up, trust me, but I really miss having you in my life"

"Technically I never left. We keep finding ourselves in these situations" Julien chuckled softly. "Everywhere I look, you're there"

"I guess you never left" Kiana agreed.

They both fell silent once again. Truth be told, Julien sort of missed Kiana too. She missed all the shenanigans they'd get into while being on tour with MUNA, how they'd sneak around the hotel just to see each other. She had felt like a kid again with all the secrecy and sneaking around. Or maybe Julien had tricked herself into thinking she missed Kiana, she didn't know.

Julien's eyes flickered towards Kiana's lips. "Can I do something stupid?"

"Anything" She said softly.

Julien leaned in and pressed her lips to Kiana's and cupped her face in her hands. The sudden kiss had caught Kiana off guard, but she didn't pull away, instead she began to kiss back and even smiled into it.

"Holy shit" Kiana breathed.

"I'm sorry, it was so sudden but it just felt right
and- "

Kiana pulled Julien towards her and kissed her to shut her up. "It's okay, you have nothing to apologize for"

—

It had been a couple hours since Julien showed up to Kiana's house unannounced. The two were lying in bed with their arms around the other barely clothed. For those few hours Julien had allowed herself to completely forget about her and Kiana's history, the kiss—which led to them hooking up—was a spur of the moment type of thing. Julien could never fully trust Kiana as her girlfriend again, there wasn't anything the Stevens woman could do to gain it back, there was no way to undo the damage Kiana had caused.

"I'm sorry," Julien got out of bed and picked her clothes up off the floor and quickly got changed. "This was a mistake, I'm sorry Kie"

Kiana was baffled, she didn't believe what she was hearing. "What the fuck do you mean?"

"I mean I never should've slept with you" She says. "I let you believe that we were fine, but the truth is I we're not, you know it and I know it"

Kiana quickly grabbed her shirt off the floor and pulled it on. "So what the hell was this?"

"A mistake. I've had a shitty day and- I don't know, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, but there can never be an us again"

Kiana stood there with tears in her eyes, she hated Julien with every bone in her body—or at least she tried to. "I've had a shitty day too! But you don't see me going around fucking some girl to forget about it!"

Julien balled up her fists and sighed. "No, I don't, but I saw those paparazzi photos"

"How the hell did you managed to make this about me?!" Kiana found it kind of funny how fast Julien was able to switch the subject and make it about her drug problem.

"I've been exactly where you've been. I understand how drugs make you feel, you forget about everything and when life's really shitty you want to forget"

"Shut up, just shut up okay!" Kiana snapped, she hadn't yelled at anyone like that in a while.

"Look," Julien kept her cool, she knew this wasn't Kiana talking, the drugs had made her like this. "Us getting together again is off the table, but we might have a shot as friends. But you have to choose, me or your drugs"

If Kiana were sober the choice would've been easy, she would've chosen Julien in a heartbeat. But instead the choice was left up to a drug addict, and nothing would ever make Kiana give up her drugs.

Julien nodded and fought back tears. Kiana's silence was more than enough. "You've clearly made you're choice. I can't watch you do this to yourself, Kiana" She pulled on her jacket and left Kiana standing alone in her bedroom.

Kiana heard the front door slam shut, she collapsed on the floor and brought her knees to her chest. Kiana needed Julien, but she needed drugs more than anything.