I was ten seconds away from crying when there was a loud knock on my cubicle door. Jerked out of the stupor I'd fallen in, I whirled around to face the door. I could just make out a blury face through the little glass box.

Sucking in a sharp breath, I quickly dabbed at my eyes with a tissue before opening the door.

To my utter astonishment Haneul stood outside the door.

"Oh, thank lord! I thought I'd gotten the wrong cubicle for a moment there." She sighed, giving me a loopsided smile.

I just stood there. Unable to believe my eyes.

After almost four whole months of ghosting me, not a single reply to my texts, not even visiting the company, she suddenly shows up here like nothing happened.

Was I angry? Not quite.

Was I worried? Very much.

Did I want to give her a chance? Debatable.

My biggest shock was that she acted like she hadn't avoided me forever. I don't care what Suga says, I'm not naive enough to believe that the only reason she spoke to me that day was for nothing more than to get the boys to visit that stupid party.

She'd ghosted me again once she had gotten her job done.

I wasn't bitter. I wasn't even mad at her. But an explanation for her actions would be nice nonetheless.

She sighed deeply, kneading the bridge of her nose, when I remained silent.

"Look, Haya, I get you're probably really confused right now, but I was really busy with stuff and I didn't have the time to goof around with you." She said, then looked over my shoulder. "Can I come in?"

Pursing my lips, I silently stepped back, holding the door open.

She smiled before stepping inside, closing the door after her.

"I heard about Yoongi." She said after a moment of silence, her eyes darting all over the room. "I got worried when I heard. How are you holding up?" She asked, her eyes finally settling on mine.

There was no weight behind her gaze. It didn't even look like she really cared for the answer. She was asking to the sake of asking.

I shurgged my shoulder.

I wasn't giving her the silent treatment. I really wasn't.

I just... I couldn't understand how to answer her.

How could she waltz in here and act as if she hadn't gone for four months avoiding me? At least she used to exchange greetings and reply to my text two months ago. She literally hadn't bothered to even check up on me for the past two months.

The last time we held a proper conversation was when she asked me to invite the boys to her party. Then she'd disappeared again. Even during the party... it had gone unnoticed - even by Suga - due to all the activity happening.

"I... I guess I'm to blame for this aren't I?" She asked, guilt filling her eyes. When I continued to stay silent, she went on. "After what happened between us, I should've warned you this might happen Haya. I'm so sorry, I was an idiot just like what happened with Jaewon. I got careless again and I'm really sorry Haya. Really sorry I wasn't here."

I didn't pull away when she grabbed my hand gave it a gentle squeeze, a plead in her eyes asking for forgiveness. Only, she was apologising for the wrong thing.

"What are you telling Neul-ah?" I questioned. It wasn't that I didn't understand what she was telling. More like I couldn't comprehend it.

Was she really telling me that Suga had abandoned me to drown in my own tears? When I was surrounded by his extended/adopted family 24/7? When I always had arms to fall back into in his place? When he had made sure that I wasn't adrift at sea without an anchor?

Haneul looked at me for a long moment. Then took a deep breath and started again.

"Suga leaving without saying a word to anyone. How he's avoiding you pretty much in the same way he won't even talk to me anymore. That I should've seen this coming and warned you."

I stared at her, wondering if she was being serious.

The way she stared at me told as much.

With a sigh, I slumped my shoulders, then gently let go of her hand. Turning back to my computer screen, I sat down.

"Are you going to tell me what has been going on with you?" I asked instead of replying to her.

I didn't know what to say to her.

I barely knew where oppa was, but if he didn't want anyone knowing what he was doing, the first person on his list would be Haneul. My problem with Suga didn't involve her and he'd hate me for involving her in it. I respected him too much to lose his trust.

Even if Haneul and I never talk again, he's one person I couldn't bare the thought of losing.

Silence prevailed within the room. I couldn't bare the thought of facing her, so I stared at my computer screen. The video I was supposed to be revising still playing. The boys goofing around in front of the camera.

Any other day the sight would have brought a smile to my lips, a giggle to bubble out of my throat, a light feeling to lift all the weight off my chest.

Today, I couldn't focus. Not with the heavy silence that settled between us. Not when I was missing Suga so badly. It had hit all at once. Even before I had put on the video.

Funny how he wasn't even in it and I'm crying. Or was, before Haneul came in and now refused to explain anything.

Had it been any other day, if I had been in a good mood and my emotions not all over the place, I'd have done what she came here to accomplish. Forgiven her without a proper apology. Tell her it was okay that she had ghosted me and not pry into something she clearly didn't want to tell me.

Because then I would have had Suga with me.

I'm not sure for how long we remained in silence. It couldn't have been more than a minute or two, but it felt like much longer.

"I have a lot of work left to do, Neul-ah. We can talk at lunch if you're sticking around." I mumbled when it didn't look like she was going to answer any time soon. With a defeated sigh, I put on my headphone and got to work.

I didn't know whether she left or if she was still standing behind me. I didn't look back to check. As hard as it was, I forced myself to concerntrate on editing the video. Cut out any parts that were unappropriate for release. Add captions and subtitles.

It must've been lunchtime when Tae and Jimin barged into my cubicle and forced me down to their practice room for lunch.

I noted Haneul really had stuck around. Seated between Hobi and Jungkook, she was telling something animatedly to them. Jungkook had a soft, love-sick smile on his lips as he stared at her. Hobi was outright laughing, causing her to give him a mock offended look and playfully smack his arm.

She gave me a hopeful smile when we joined them. I gave her a small one in return. I wasn't mad at her. Just hurt.

My attention however, was taken up by Jin the moment I sat down.

"Were you crying?" He asked, looking horrified, cupping my face between both his large hands. His thumbs traced tracks under my eyes, worry filling his beautiful pair. "Your eyes are all red."

I gave him a smile which I hoped was reassuring. "I was just editing old videos for the bangtan bomb and... I just miss Oppa." I said, not even bothering to try to lie. Lying would only worry him further. Besides, he could already see I had indeed been crying. By telling him the truth I could make sure he knew that it wasn't because of anything important.

"It's stupid Oppa, he wasn't even there in the video, but I'm fine. I promise." I added quickly when his face crumpled further at my words.

"I for one, am glad that you are crying." Jungkook piped up suddenly. I'm not exactly sure at which point he had stopped conversing with Haneul. Or even when he'd been listening to me and Jin. Other than Taehyung, everyone else were catching up with her.

I wasn't the only one she had ghosted.

The only difference is that they were too busy to notice, because I'm sure this isn't the first time she had done this. Also, they wouldn't notice anything amiss. Because they didn't hang out with her the same way I do.

"Jungkook." Jin hissed, glaring at the maknae. His annoyance at Jungkook made him squishing my cheeks together.

Jungkook rolled his eyes at Jin and took my hand instead.

"You know, I really didn't use to like showing my feeling to my Hyung's way back when we debuted. The first time I cried in front of them, do you know what Yoongi hyung told me?" He asked, his voice soft. Only for my ears, and Jin's. And Taehyung's - he was being unusually quite right now.

"That it's always better to let your feeling out than keep them all bottled up inside." I knew Jungkook's question was rhetorically, but I answered nonetheless.

His reaction to my answer was definitely worth it.

Lips patting, he stared at me in what I could only called stunned silence. His lips moved trying to form words, but none made there way out.

"How did you know that? You weren't even there." Jin question for Jungkook.

Giggling I grinned a the pair of them - why was Taehyung being so silent? Was he mad at me for something?

"Don't tell me hyung told you." Jungkook said sounding horrified.

Laughing I shook my head. "No, Oppa didn't tell me. It's something I used to tell him because he always held himself so erect and his standard for himself was sky high that he was usually stressed about everything. Since then, he always tell it to me whenever I cry. I used to be quite the crybaby back then, you remember don't you Tae Oppa?"

Being directly addressed finally roused Taehyung from whatever thought he'd been having. He blinked at me, not getting what I was telling.

"I once called oppa... um, maybe a month or two after you guys debuted? In any case, oppa was on an interview and had left his phone in the practice room I think. Tae oppa answered my call. I was a crying, blubbering mess-" I explained, but he got it before I could even finish the story.

Face brightening up, he grinned widely.

"I remember that!? Haya stopped talking the moment I talked, but you didn't cut the line because I kept talking to you because you were crying. I could hear you sniffling through the line." Even talking about an event long since past, he pouted as if I had done it to him recently.

"Tae Oppa, talked to me for about 45 minutes before Oppa came back and you had to give the phone back." I said, smiling widely at him. I was very relieved to have enthusiastic Taehyung back. Him being silent and out of it wasn't a controvesy I ever wanted to see again.

"And during the whole time you didn't say a word to me. But later Hyung came and told me you said thanks for talking to you. He told me you asked to give me big kiss, but he didn't want to give a kiss so I never got my kiss."

Laughing, I jumped on him, knocking him to the floor - good thing we were already sitting down so it wasn't a long way down. "I'll pay my due now then." I said and kissed his cheek.

His booming laughter filled the practice room as he hugged me tightly. Then he released me, giving me the widest boxy grin that I had missed all day.

With Jin's help, I settled back on my place. Ignoring everyone - they were all looking at us inquiringly - I turned to Jungkook.

"So did I guess right?" I asked him, continuing our conversation from earlier.

Junhgkook stared at me for a beat too long, then fell back laughing. He was laughing so hard that tears pooled in his eyes.

"Yeah, that's exactly what hyung said." He said, once he calmed down. Wiping the corner of his eyes and stiffling bursts of laughter still.

And that's how the rest of lunch went by. Goofing around with the boys as usual. Making fun of each other. And Taehyung back to his bubbly overexcited self. The last fact gave me more relife than I had realised I had been worried.

It was after lunch, as I was heading back to work, Haneul fell in step with me. I didn't say anything to her and vise versa. We walked all the way upto my cubicle in silence. It was when I reached for the door handle that I finally acknowledged her presense.

"Are you coming in?" I questioned, the only invitation I was willing to give her.

Her head jerked up in surprise, but she quickly nodded her head. Then it was silence again. I didn't want to take the initiative to talk to her. Not when she refused to even apologise for ghosting me.

Even that I would have forgiven without being asked, if the first thing she had done once she came back wasn't trying to caused a rift between me and Oppa. I didn't realise it until right then, but yes, I was mad at her. As hurt as I am, the boys weren't the only one she constantly left without any explanation.

This wasn't the first time she'd done this to me.

And I understood. Understood that I had to respect her wish to remain silent about her family problems if she didn't want to share. I knew the better part of it and I knew it wasn't pretty.

I would have continued to if she hadn't said what she said about oppa.

Rubbing my forehead tiredly, my own thoughts putting me off, I settled down in my chair. The silence heavy and suffocating.

"I'm sorry." Her whisper had me whipping back to face her. Lips patting in surprise. She met my eyes for a second then dropped it to the floor. "I'm sorry Haya. For everything, but please... I can't lose my best friend. I'll tell you everything, I'll explain, but please don't ignore me Eunha. I just, I can't lose you." She begged, her shoulder heaving with a broken sob.

Worried, I shot to my feet.

"Hey, hey. Calm down." I said as I stepped closer to her. Wrapping my arm around her, I sat her down in the other chair occupying my cubicle. "I'm not... No, I am angry at you for leaving me hanging without an explanation Neul-ah, but I'm giving you a chance to explain. It's-"

I hesitated, then realised that what she really wanted right then was morale support. And as her best friend, even if I was hurt by her actions, I needed to be there for her.

"It's okay if you don't want to tell anything Neul-ah, just don't cry. Please." I said, hugging her to my chest. Rubbing up and down her back, I gently patted her head. "I'm still here. It's okay Neul-ah."

Fisting her fingers in the hem of my top, she shook her head.

"No, you're right. I should explain." She sniffed, then pushed me back. Hesitating to pull back completely, I sat back, waiting for her to continue.

"Oppa.... he... he decided to elope with Cheawon unnie. They ran all the way to America." She hiccupped, slapping a hand over her mouth when a cry broke out.

Sucking in a sharp breath, all I could do was listen in silence.

"But you know father. He dragged them back here. Oppa is locked up in his room, I don't even know where Chaewon unnie is. Dad won't let anyone talk to Oppa. Mom and dad are arguing almost all the time and I just.... I don't know what to do Haya."

"Oh Neul-ah." I whispered, pulling her into my embrace again. This time she didn't push me back. Instead held on to me like I was her last lifeline. "Why didn't you say something earlier?"

She didn't have to tell anything for me to know, she had kept herself locked in her room. The only person she loved in her whole family was her brother, surely she was locking everyone away ever since the incident.

"What could you have done Haya. My father is too powerful." She cried.

I didn't take offence at her words. Even if she meant it. She was letting her hurt talk for her.

"Doesn't matter. You're here now, that's good enough." I whispered, kissing the crown of her head.

I held on to her for a long time, letting her cry it out. Once she had calmed down some, we went out to get her a coffee. I could pull an allnighter to finish my work. As important as it was, being there for her during this hard time was equally important.

When she fell asleep with her head on my desk, I didn't have the heart to wake her. Not to send her back home. So letting her sleep it out, I finally got to work. I wasn't about to sleep tonight anyway, might as well, let her get the rest she needed.

A/N -
Hello my lovely readers. It has been a month (I didn't even realise it's been a month since my last update, I swear I thought it was only two weeks until I opened wattpad). So I've been stuck with a rather creative slump for IDOL these days and am pulling my hair trying to find mortivation to finish this. So I decided to maybe, perhaps try editing the book, as it's pretty much none edited before I post. Get all those filler chapters out of the way and maybe find my muse for IDOL again, so if updates are far and few, I do apologise.

On that note, if their is anything you want to see within the book just comment down below and I'll try to make it happen.

Also constructive critisism is always welcome.
Have a wonderful day
R£NΔ~ 💜💜💜