Warning: language

Ronan's POV

"Alright Izzy, this is the last one," I told Isabelle, holding up my tiny teacup. It was the day after Amelia and I kissed, and I was sitting on a tiny wooden chair that was threatening to break under my weight and drinking water out of a tiny teacup that I could crush between my two fingers if I wanted to.

Isabelle always wanted to have tea parties when I was home, and I didn't have it in me to tell the six-year-old that I didn't want to, even now when I really, really didn't want to.

I wanted to sit in my room and think about Amelia, how she felt in my arms, and how her lips felt against mine. I wanted to remember the moan she'd let out and the way her hands pulled my hair. I wanted to imagine what could have happened had we not stopped when we did.

Most importantly, I wanted to think about what the hell I was going to say when she returned from her swimming event. I had promised her that we would talk about it when she got back, but what were we going to talk about? What was I going to say?

She was going to leave at the end of the semester, to God knows where and for God knows why. From the way she made it sound, she didn't have any plans of coming back anytime soon either, so what was I going to say? What was I going to do?

I knew I should probably regret yesterday. I should regret kissing her and saying those things to her and leading her on, hell leading myself on, when I knew it wasn't going to work out. But I didn't. I didn't regret even a small, tiny part of it.

Instead, I found myself constantly glancing at my phone to see if she had replied to the message I had sent her this morning.

"But why?" Izzy grumbled from across the small wooden table, her eyebrows pinched together in the most adorable way. Her annoyance disappeared just as quickly as it came, and her eyes went wide. "Do you not like the tea I made?"

I schooled my features and forced myself not to laugh, knowing she would get upset if I did. Isabelle was a loud and outgoing child, but she was also very sensitive, something many people didn't expect from her.

"Your tea is perfect, Izzy," I told her kindly, "But how are we going to eat the pizza I ordered for you if we fill our tummies with tea?"

Izzy lit up so quickly, one would think a switch had been flipped. Pizza was her weakness, and it always worked. "Pizza?" she asked through a toothy grin. I slowly brought my hand down, hoping the movement would be inconspicuous as I spoke. "Yup, you heard me right, pizza's on the way," I lied as I carefully put the teacup down.

Pizza wasn't on the way yet.

"You know I love pizza, right? It's my favourite food in the whole wide world," Izzy beamed at me, her tea party forgotten.

"Really?" I asked, trying to act shocked. "Well then, we should go set the table before the pizza gets here," I encouraged and stood up. Izzy yelled her agreement and ran out the room with a huge smile.

I chuckled at her as I pulled my phone out of my pocket and called the closest pizza shop. I ordered Izzy's favourite pizza as well as Talia's. I told the person on the phone that I would pay extra if they delivered my order within 10 minutes.

Talia was home today, but she was holed up in Adam's study, helping him with something related to the firm. My brother and sister-in-law were some of the best people in the world, but they were awfully busy. Sometimes, I worried about Izzy. I tried to babysit her as much as I could, but I usually didn't have much time to spare between classes and hockey.

"Ronan! Where'd you go?" Izzy yelled from somewhere downstairs. I couldn't help but laugh at my baby sister as I made my way down to her, hoping and praying she didn't want to have another tea party.

***

Technically, we weren't supposed to be at Harvey's Lounge without Lily and Veronica, but when Mason called me to pick him and Hunter up so that we could grab dinner before they left, I decided not to remind them. I mean, we would only be breaking the rules if we were caught, right? What Lily and Veronica didn't know wouldn't kill them.

That's what I kept telling myself as we walked through the diner's front door and past the curtain, and it subdued my guilt somewhat. I closed my eyes on instinct as I walked in; the blue and purple lighting a bit too harsh for me to suddenly adjust to.

"... and I swear to God she was all over it," Mason was saying as we slid into our usual booth one by one. "Like, how does that even make sense? I don't understand women; they're so weird."

I hadn't listened to the first part of his story, so I had no idea what he was talking about. But I couldn't miss an opportunity when it was right there. "And this," I said, pointing a finger at Mason, "is why you're going to die single and alone."

Hunter smirked at my words, and Mason rolled his eyes so hard that they almost went into his skull. "Well, would you look at that, someone finally grew a sense of fucking humour," Mason spat back at me, the slight curve of his lips betraying his amusement. "And for your information, I ain't dying alone," he added as he crossed his arms and leaned back into the booth.

I wasn't sure whose eyebrows shot up higher, mine or Hunter's. I looked to Hunter to see if he knew anything, but he looked back at me with similar puzzlement. "Who's the girl?" Hunter asked, though there was only one girl that Mason had been spending excessive time with: Lily.

Mason guffawed, but I noticed the pink tint creeping along his cheekbones. "There's no girl," Mason clarified, "But I was just saying, like, generally. There's no way this," he waved a hand at himself, "is going to end up alone."

"And you're saying this," I waved my hand at Mason, "has nothing going on with Lily?" I narrowed my eyes at my best friend, and he shifted under my scrutiny. "Don't be stupid," Mason muttered as his fingers drummed against the tabletop. "We're just friends; it's nothing like that."

Hunter barked out a laugh. "Really? Is that so?"

Mason's gaze flicked from me to Hunter, his eyebrows furrowed. "Yeah?" Mason answered somewhat cautiously, as if he wasn't sure he was saying the right thing.

"Well, you didn't look like just friends when I saw you both in the library last week." Hunter smirked at our friend, who was going from pink to rosy red.

I didn't need to ask Hunter what he was getting at, and Mason's reaction only confirmed my suspicions. I joined Hunter in his laughter, and Mason's mortification only grew.

"But-wha-Seriously?" he gaped. "Since when the hell do you even go to the library?"

"Since I found out you and Lily go. Veronica thought it would be a good idea for us to have, like, study dates there."

Mason sat up straighter, a grin creeping onto his lips. "You mean, she thought it would be easier to babysit your clingy ass," he said, the glistening in his eyes showing his amusement.

Hunter glared at Mason so hard I was surprised lasers didn't come out of his eyes. He mumbled some colourful words under his breath, but he didn't try to correct Mason.

I tuned out what Hunter started saying and focused on my friends. It'd been so long since we all came out together without the girls. Times like this, when it was just the three of us, messing around and having fun, I was the most at ease. This, right here, this felt like home. Though I would never admit that to either of them.

"Isn't that right, Ron?" Mason's voice pulled me out of my thoughts. I blinked as my friends stared at me, unsure of what they were waiting for me to say.

Mason huffed. "Really Ron? You didn't hear a word I said, did you?"

I was about to lie and tell him I was just thinking of what to say but Hunter shook his head. "His ears turn off when you're not talking about something Amelia-related."

"Wait now, hang on a mom-"

Mason simpered. "You've got a point. Ronnie boy here malfunctions when she's around, have you noticed that? He actually becomes somewhat tolerable."

I sighed, knowing that denial would lead me nowhere. Besides, they weren't completely wrong; I was a bit different when I was around Amelia. I wiped my hands on my thighs and stood up. "You two can sit here and gossip all you like, but I'm starving."

Both of them yelled their orders at me as I got out the booth, just as I expected. Foos was the best way to distract them, and it worked every time.

My phone chimed while I was waiting in line, and I hastily pulled it out. Amelia had probably reached the hotel she was staying at form the gala. The buzz of excitement dissipated when I saw who it was.

Siobhan: I know you don't want to hear from me, but I honestly just want to talk. Can't you do that, even for the sake of our friendship?

My immediate thought was to leave her on read, but the memory of my own words resurfaced in my mind.

If running from your problems is how you solve them, then go.

I hesitated, stuck between doing what I wanted to do and what I needed to do. "Oh, fuck it," I mumbled. Then, I typed out a message.