Warning: language

Amelia's POV

I stayed holed up in my room for two days, and I would have stayed longer had I not received an email from Professor Anderson calling me in for an urgent meeting on Friday.

I seriously contemplated not going, but I knew that I had to put an end to my hibernation eventually. What happened, happened, and I couldn't stay in denial for the rest of the academic year. I would be facing Conner one day or another, and while I could try to discuss getting a different student to tutor, I had to accept that that might not be a possibility.

After double-checking the meeting time and place, I shut my laptop and put it back on charge. I had left my broken phone in Ronan's car and solely depended on my laptop the last three days. I hadn't had the heart to ask Veronica or Lily to retrieve my phone for me, not that it would have been of any use if I did have it. I had thrown it a little too hard.

I knew I needed to take a shower, since I hadn't taken one since Ronan had dropped me off. The sight of the bruises conner had left on my arm and waist irked me, but I forced myself to not look at them too long and get on with what I needed to do. I didn't need people running from me because of my hibernation stench.

Lily and Veronica stuck their heads into my room on as I got ready to go to university. The looks of concern on their faces drew a sigh out of me. I hadn't told them what had happened, and they were worried sick wondering what was wrong with me and why I hadn't left the apartment, even for classes.

"Good morning, guys," I greeted them, an eyebrow raised as I picked out some clothes. It was a cold November morning, the sky a reflection of the storm brewing in my mind.

My friends settled themselves down on my bed as I pulled a black oversized hoodie off a hanger and found my favourite black jeans. When Lily caught sight of what I'd chosen to wear, she grimaced.

"What?" I asked, looking down at my clothes. A basic black outfit always worked well on days I didn't feel like dressing up.

"You're choosing to dress darker than Conner's soul today," she said. I knew she was only joking; I knew she meant well; but that didn't stop me from physically flinching at her words. Lily and Veronica's laughter seized the moment they noticed my uneasiness.

They shared a look between themselves, the one where they were somehow speaking but not speaking. "I didn't mean to offend you," Lily said tentatively.

"Oh, no," I clarified immediately, not wanting her to feel bad. I sat myself down in my desk chair and spun around to face them, my hands rubbing my face tiredly.

"You didn't offend me, it's not that," I told Lily and attempted to smile to ensure the point got across. The last thing I wanted was to make Lily or Veronica think I was upset with them, especially when they hadn't done anything wrong.

The last two days they tried to talk to me and ask what was wrong, but when they understood that I wasn't up for discussing anything, they respectfully gave me the space I needed. Veronica even made me my favourite breakfast yesterday, in hopes that it might cheer me up.

"Then what's wrong?" Lily asked me.

I let my head hang and shifted my gaze to my feet as I thought about what to say, how to explain. It wasn't a matter of trust; I knew they would respect my privacy and not go around blabbing my personal issues to anyone. Yet still, there was this portion of my mind nagging at me to not tell them, to not tell anyone.

I once read somewhere that if you talk about something, that means it matters, and if it matters, that means it's real. Did I want this problem to be real? Did I want to face it, deal with it, heal from it?

Did it even matter?

"Mia," the sound of Veronica's gentle voice brought me back to reality. Her eyes were sympathetic as she took my hand in hers. In that moment, Veronica truly looked like an angel with her soft features and kind aura.

"You know you can trust us, right? We care about you, and we only want good things for you, Mia. Seeing you so out of it the last two days as been hard on both of us, and we want to help you in any way we can, but we can't do that unless we know what exactly the problem is, you get what I'm saying?"

"Yeah," I whispered, "I understand, it's just-" I paused, unsure and hesitant. It doesn't matter. It does. It doesn't. it does.

It doesn't.

"I have to tutor Conner," I told them instead. "And I really don't want to, you know what a douche he is. But I don't have much of a choice," I explained. Suddenly, my skin crawled and burned as I remembered Conner's hands on me. Images of him towering over me, of his terrible smirk, flashed through my mind.

"Why don't you have a choice?" Veronica demanded. "Tell your professor you don't want to tutor him and to assign you a new student. If he doesn't, screw tutoring."

When she said it like that, it all seemed so terribly simple, and I felt like an idiot for over-complicating it. But it wasn't that simple. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

"I have to tutor. I fell behind in his course because of all the time off I took for swimming, and he said this is the only way he'll let me make up for what I missed. It's either tutor or drop his course," I picked at my nails as I informed her of the situation I was stuck in.

Tutoring Conner Bryans was bad enough, but it was going to be a million times worse after what he had done.

"I have a meeting with the Professor today. I think it's because I was supposed to meet Conner two days ago about this tutoring thing but, you know, I didn't," I waved a hand.

"Try asking your professor to get you a different student," Veronica suggested. "And if he won't let you change, then we'll think about what to do, okay?"

I nodded at her offer, grateful, and turned my attention to Lily. She had stayed quiet the whole time, listening to me, and nodding along to everything Lily said. Now, she looked back at me sceptically, and I felt as though she was trying to search my soul.

"Now that that's sorted," Lily spoke slowly, a calculating glint in her eye, "Mia, is there any other problem?"

I was thankful I had taken a seat before starting this conversation; my body suddenly felt like jelly because of how nervous I was.

It doesn't matter, I tried telling myself again, but the thought only took me back to when Conner had trapped me between his body and my car.

It doesn't matter, Amelia. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

I felt myself begin to shake. I had to close my eyes to hold back the tears that burned behind them. I knew I needed to keep it together, but I couldn't.

"Hey, hey, hey," I heard Veronica say before arms wrapped around me. The comfort their hugs brought me was overwhelming, and soon I was sobbing.

It took me a while to settle down, but Veronica held me tightly and Lily brought me tissues before settling down on the ground and hugging my leg. When I didn't finally stop, Lily was the first to speak.

"Tell us everything, Mia, we're listening," she said.

It does matter.

And so, I told them.

****

To say Lily and Veronica were furious was an understatement. They were fuming when I finished telling them everything that had happened. At first, I had tried to be vague, but once they knew what Conner had done, they had forced every last detail out of me.

Their first solution was to report Conner to student affairs for harassment, but I was quick to shut down the idea. I didn't want to do anything yet, if at all. For now, I needed to heal on my own and deal with the tutoring issue.

I would see what I wanted to do when I was feeling better.

After we finished discussing the tragedy that was my life, Lily needed to go to a shoot for work, and Veronica began getting ready for her classes.

I felt a so, so much better after talking to my friends. They assured me that they fully believed and supported me, that they would respect whatever decision I made, that they loved me. Knowing that they had my back was a blessing as much as it was a relief.

I was packing my bag and getting ready to leave when the doorbell rang. "Can you get it, Mia?" Veronica called from her room. "Sure," I shouted back as I quickly finished gathering my things. I dumped my bag on the kitchen island as I made my way to the door.

I froze when I came face to face with the person on the other side of the door.

We looked at each other wordlessly, me dumfounded and him observant, before he finally broke the silence.

"Good morning to you too, Amelia," Ronan said, amused.

His sarcasm snapped me out of the confused daze I was in, and I stood up straighter, finally getting a grip on myself.

"Ronan, hey," I said lamely. What was Ronan doing here? That too, alone? Hunter visited often, and sometimes he brought Mason with him, but this was the first time I was seeing Ronan here, if you didn't count when he dropped me off a few days ago.

My mind buzzed.

"Oh god, thank you so much for the food you got me," I felt my cheeks heat up as I thanked him. "You didn't have to do that for me; it was too much."

"It wasn't," he replied immediately, "It wasn't at all."

The smile I gave him was small but genuine. His act of kindness that day had taken me by surprise, as had his apology. I'll be there, he had promised me, and I had tried to find any hints of insincerity in his words, his voice, his face, but there had been none.

Ronan's eyes danced over my face, and I felt myself shrink back under his observant gaze. His lips twitched downwards, and I knew he noticed my pale skin, my puffy bloodshot eyes, the lack of sleep I had gotten.

I wondered if he had noticed that I hadn't been at university the last few days. I wondered if he did notice, had he cared?

He licked his lips, and I knew straight away what he was going to ask. I spoke before he could. "So," I started. "What brings you here?"

Ronan didn't answer right away, but he kept his eyes on me as I leaned against the doorframe and crossed my arms. I couldn't tell what it was he was searching for as he watched me, but a small part of hoped that whatever it was, he found it.

I don't know how long our staring contest went on for, but he eventually looked away and dug a hand into his jacket pocket. He pulled out a white rectangular box and held it out to me.

I didn't take the box from him. "What's this?" I tried asking, confused. Ronan had come all the way here to give me, what? I racked my brain, trying to guess what it could be, but I couldn't come up with anything. There was nothing Ronan could possibly need to give me, and this only made me more hesitant to accept whatever it was.

"It's yours," he told my and thrust the box closer to me, and though I had no idea what he was talking about, I took it cautiously.

I eyed the box then flicked my eyes up to Ronan. He responded to my questioning look with one that seemed to say go on, open it. When I did, my jaw unhinged.

"Ronan, you cannot be serious, are you fucking kidding me?" I screeched as I tried to push the box and its contents back into his hands. He didn't take them.

"You left it in my car, I just got it fixed for you," he began explaining, but I wouldn't hear it, it was too much.

"Ronan, it's a phone. I can't accept this," I shook my head.

"But it's your phone, I just got it fixed. It's not a big deal."

"Ronan, I-" I didn't know what to tell him, I was in shock. He somehow got my phone fixed and he came all the way to my house to give it to me. How was this happening? Was this real?

I sighed as I pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Thank you for doing this for me. Tell me how much it was, let me pay you back," I went inside to get my wallet.

I shuffled through my wallet and collected all the cash I had as I made my way back to Ronan. There was no way he did this. He wasn't serious about giving it to me. he probably expected me to pay him back.

"This is how much cash I have right now. Let me know how much I still owe you; I'll stop at the ATM on my way back and get you however much is left."

When he didn't accept, I waved the money in his face.

"What makes you think I want you to pay?"

I frowned at the edginess of his tone. It was as though he was annoyed, but there was no reason for him to be.

"You don't owe me anything," he said before I could respond. "On the contrary, I owe you. Besides, I've not done anything extraordinary. Don't worry about it."

And with that, he left, leaving me with my mouth hanging open as I watched him go.