Wish that you could build a time machine
So you could see
The things no one can see
Feels like you're standing on the edge
Looking at the stars
And wishing you were them

What do you do when a chapter ends?
Do you close the book and never read it again?
Where do you go when your story's done?
You can be who you were or who you'll become

• • •

Dinner was nice so far, I was was thinking as I ripped apart a Hawaiian roll and buttered it. But, of course, I should have knocked on the wooden table because that's when one of Princeton's older sister said, "What Clan do you come from?"

The discussion that the family had been working to keep me apart of went hushed and the knife I was using to butter my roll stilled in my hand. Pain stabbed my heart at the thought of them, and I took in a shaky breath. I had to learn to get over my pain at some point. "Rosedale."

"Rosedale? As in Andy Rosedale?"

Yes. As in Andy Rosedale. Now can you shut the hell up about where I come from? I would appreciate the hell out of it if you stopped talking about it.

"Mm," was all I replied. "Yeah."

"Wait ... your name is Rivera?" she said, realization clicking. "You're his chosen. You two —"

"Are nothing anymore," I said sharply, slamming the knife down on the table harder than I meant. "I'm no longer apart of his Clan. I'm an outcast. He's no longer my chosen."

The woman bit her lip while the silverware clanked against the plates awkwardly, nobody wanting to get involved. Princeton, however, had his brown eyes focused intently on me, hooked onto every piece he could manage to capture.

"I'm sorry." She set down her glass. "I didn't mean to upset you, Rivera. I'm Maddie."

"It's nice to meet you," I muttered, unsure whether I liked her or not. She was nosy, obviously, very curious. But she didn't seem threatening, just gossipy. "Sorry for snapping."

"It's okay."

"I hear your cat is very beautiful."

Good God, could this woman get anymore personal? Asking someone about their animal side is the equivalent to talking to a couple about their sex life. It's a very intimate topic. When we're shifted, it's fine when we see it. We're animals. When we're humans, it's awkward to talk about our forms outside of the shift and mindlinks.

"Maddie," Princeton mumbled from across me. I looked toward him, trying not to grin at the sight of his eyes cast down to the plate and his cheeks holding a pink color. "Could you be anymore blunt?"

"Oh come on. I'm asking about an animal, not her boobs."

One of the brothers choked on his food while their mother glared at him, then turned her wrath on Maddie. "Madilyn!"

"What?" she held her hands up in the air. "I'm asking a legitimate question!"

"A personal question," her mother scolded. I swore, if Lana was my mother and she stared at me like that I would be running for the hills to hide. "Apologize."

"Yeah, Mads, apologize for your indecency," said one of her brothers with a large smirk. He had long hair, pulled into a ponytail, and gray eyes.

"Oh don't talk, Terrence. Mom found you in bed with Lila the other day, right?"

"What?" A quiet brown haired girl, another sister, yelled, stabbing her fork into the wooden table and sending a flaming glare at her brother. "Misha's little sister?"

Terrence opened his mouth and shut it again. "Uh —"

"I should make a soup from your intestines right now!"

"Who's Misha?" I asked awkwardly, blinking slowly and glancing at the family argument. Lana was rubbing her temples while Alejandro rubbed her shoulders gently.

"Zaria's mate." Maddie pointed to the angry brown-haired girl. "She and Zaria are both females."

"I got that."

"And you're not homophobic? Aren't most cat shifters?"

"Dude." Zaria sent a look at Maddie, briefly forgetting her rage at her brother. "You need to really, honestly, check yourself before you speak."

"Homophobia ranges between cat shifters. It really depends. My sister's a lesbian," I explained, shaking my head. "I honestly have no problem with it."

"You have a sister?" Princeton asked.

"Huh," Maddie and Zaria both synchronized.

"Where do you think you're going, young man?" Lana demanded, her eyes on the male that was trying to sneak away. "Get back here and finish your dinner."

Terrence hesitated, as if debating whether or not he could make it if he ran and whether the risk of punishment was worth it. He sent a look at Zaria, then thought better of running and shuffled back. "Sit down," Alejandro commanded, raising an eyebrow at his son. "Please."

Terrence grunted and forced himself on the seat, leaning back against the chair and glaring at Maddie who seemed rather pleased with herself right now.

"So ... I'm guessing Kestrel doesn't like me much," I decided to say, twirling a few strands of spaghetti on my fork. It was delicious, I wasn't going to lie. The spice in the sauce gave the tongue some tang, just enough to be enjoyable. "May I ask why?"

Nobody answered me, in fact I was pretty much ignored for the longest time of fifteen minutes. I decided not to push the question any longer, and I picked up the roll I had started buttering previously and bit into it.

I thought about how the night had started with Kestrel's sudden attack on me, and then Maddie somehow knowing about my relationship with Andy, and then Zaria and Misha being mates (though I don't know who Misha is), and Maddie's quirky personality.

At last, Princeton spoke, his voice finally filling the silently empty room, "Is there anything we can do to make you more comfortable here?"

My head shot back up and I saw the entire Alpha Family watching me. My cat loved the attention, of course she did, but I didn't enjoy it. Claws drug down my throat agonizingly slow as I parted my lips in search for words.

I pressed my lips together again, thinking over Princeton's words. Did I really want anything? I wanted my sister, but that wasn't happening obviously. I wanted my .... no. Don't think about that.

My head started throbbing with a flash of memories, and I did my best to push them away. I could cry about it later when I was alone, when I could allow myself to break down into tears.

"U-uh, can I get back to you?" I murmured, twining my fingers together to ease my fidgeting. "I don't — I can't really think of anything as of now."

Lana turned her warm eyes to me and brought a wide smile to her lips, her eyes twinkling warmly. "Of course, love." She tilted her head. "Let us know anytime."

"Thanks."

I ripped another piece of the roll apart and twirled it around in the sauce of my spaghetti, tossing it into my mouth. I moved hair behind my ears, glancing up and flicking my eyes from person to person.

"So, tell us about your sister." My head shot up and I met eyes with Princeton across the table. "Please. I can tell she means a lot to you."

"She's four years younger than I am, fourteen years old." I set the fork down by my now empty plate and wiped my hands along the napkin laying across my lap. "She's already with her Chosen, her name is Opal. She .. um she's ... was .... my best friend. She was the opposite of me, really. I'm hardheaded, hot-tempered, and brutal. But she's the sweetest, most down to earth girl you'll ever meet in your life."

"She sounds lovely," Alejandro said, offering me a melting smile. I felt safe around him just based on that expression. But that was also dangerous, very dangerous.

"She is. I miss her," I admitted. Here I was, sitting in the middle of a werewolf family expressing my family to them like I was discussing the weather.

God.

"And your parents?" Princeton asked gently, his brown eyes curious and forward.

I clenched my jaw and dug my fingers in the napkin, crumpling it and tossing it on the table. "Dead. Good thing too."

"Good? That's good?" Terrence asked, showing the expression that everyone else was wearing.

"Yeah," I snapped, glaring at him. "All my parents did for me and my sister, and my brother was leave us with scars on our body. Being abused and then turned over to some stupid Moon Goddess, no offense, for a sacrifice didn't exactly win them the Parents of The Year Award," I snarled, temper flaring again just by thinking about those bastards.

"They were Otherlings?" Otherlings were cats who turned to the Moon Goddess and worshipped her like she was something more. They were known to be extremely dedicated and believed in it to the point of never shifting again. This was how my parents were. They lost connection to their cats, they refused to shift, and they tried to beat the desire to shift out of my siblings and I. My brother died protecting us. He led my parents away from my sister and I when we were about to have our throats sliced and drained of blood.

They never found his body. After my parents were put to death for their crimes against their children, a very down-looked crime more so in our community, my sister and I were adopted within weeks of their death.

My nostrils flared as I inhaled a steady breath and twitched my fingers. "Yes. They were Otherlings."

"I can see why you hate us," a black haired male mumbled from the end. "Can't really blame you if you had Otherling parents."

"Was that really necessary, Adonis?" Princeton growled, shooting a side glare at his brother with frustration.

Adonis shrugged, resting his chin on his palm and tilting his head. "I'm just saying. We hear about Otherlings sometimes, but we never hear how it affects their loved ones."

"Usually, they cut off connection. My parents had us after they turned to your Goddess. My mother swore she talked to them every single night and blessed us with the ability to shift into one of her Children if we grew up with her Mark."

The table was silent. "You mean.." Lana looked horrified.

"Yes. Across my back is the symbol of a crescent moon. The night of the sacrifice it was carved onto all of our backs like they were carving through wood. So much blood." I trailed off and looked back to that night. I don't remember the pain, but I do remember the sounds of Lucky's agonizing scream of pain. It haunted my dreams sometimes.

"They raised us to try and worship her, but they knew if they were caught by the Clan we would risk our lives. So they taught us her beliefs by night. We decided our own fate and refuses to follow your Goddess."

"Our Goddess isn't bad, my dear." Alejandro looked sad and stricken, as if he were imagining such a thing happening to his own child. "It's so unfair what happened to you, and perhaps you are right to despise her, but our Goddess doesn't answer to the Otherlings. She doesn't speak to them."

"I know. My mother was schizophrenic." I ripped my gaze away and over to Princeton, wanting to see his reaction. He didn't seem fazed, or disgusted, or angry. Simply ... just sad.

Lana bit her lip. "When did this happen?"

"My parents died when I was thirteen. So ... five years ago," I explained, pushing the plate away. "It's a sore spot, but we got therapy, and we were loved by our adopted parents. We got our lives on track." I sighed. "Only to get the carpet ripped right from under me."

Silence again. Then, Lana met my eyes and she seemed to understand. "Okay, everyone." She clapped her hands together, breaking the contemplation. "Help clean up."

Nobody stopped me from helping, which I was grateful for. I grabbed the bowl of rolls and salad, and was directed to the door of the preparation kitchen. I sat the bowls on the counter and went back out to grab more stacks. Before I could, I felt a grip on my shoulder and was pulled away.

I tilted my head up, seeing Princeton stare down at me. "Hey."

His lips twitched at the corners at my casual greeting. "Hi."

"Um, so, dinner was ..." I tried to muster a laugh. "Wow. Your sisters are cool. Your brothers, too."

He rolled his eyes and raked his fingers through his hair. "They're a mess," he said. "They were trying way too hard with you."

I cocked an eyebrow, crossing my arms. "What, I dare ask, does that mean?"

"I told them to try to be nice and not be weird, but they obviously took it to far."

"Obviously."

He rolled his eyes at my teasing smirk. "So .. in all seriousness —"

I held my hand up, already knowing full well what he wanted to talk to me about. "Please don't, Princeton. Not tonight," I begged.

He pursed his lips and eyed me with a frustrated, but eased expression. "Fine," he muttered. "But let me ask just one question."

"Alright. Just one."  I held my finger up at him. "And nothing personal. I've given you most of my disgusting backstory already."

He leaned against the wall, his jaw twitching. "Are you okay?"

The question honestly took me by surprise. I expected a personal question despite the warning, but instead he asked a seemingly simplistic question that had a more intense impact on me. Was I okay? Am I really?

I offered him a weak smile, deciding to tell him the truth. "I'm working on it."

• • •

"Don't you want to help mommy and daddy?" My mother stood over me in her white sundress that matched my sister's and mine. She had a crazed look in her eyes, which no longer had the cat's night vision glow in them. Her cat had abandoned her, locking herself in the farthest part of my mother's mind, as per demanded and forced by her.

"I don't want you to cut me, Mom," Jamie growled, keeping his protective stance in front of Lucky and I. "Don't touch them."

"Jamie." My father put a hand on his shoulder, his blue eyes struggling to hold back anger. "Son, you'll be doing everyone in this family a favor. The Moon Goddess will be extremely pleased. We're her children, she loves us."

"Get that stupid, ignorant idea out of your head!" Jamie roared, slapping his hand away from his shoulder. "We don't follow your damn Goddess, Dad! We aren't wolves!"

My father ripped his hand back as if he had been burned, but now he was angry. "How dare you, insolent child?"

"How dare I?" Jamie roared, stepping forward. His body was shaking with rage, and his body rippled in the preparation to shift. "You're the one who has been trying to keep us away from who we really are? We're not wolves dad," he repeated, licking his chapped lips. "We are Felines. We are proud of that, and we're tired of you trying to oppress us. We're tired of watching all of our friends go into a group hunt but we can't go because we're scared we will be beaten if we do. We're tired of learning about who we are and are unable to embrace it because if we do, you'll know because you always breath down our shoulders. We. Are. Done. We are done, Father. We are done waking up at three AM to take our shifts and run in the skins of our cats. Even if I hurt myself in the process, I won't let you oppress us anymore."

That's when I wake up. My eyes stared at the ceiling of my new bedroom, moonlight glowing sharply through the window as I lay in my own sweat. I never relive rest of that night in my dreams. I trained myself to block out anything but that speech. People wonder why I don't train myself to block all of it out.

If I did, I wouldn't remember what Jamie died doing for Lucky and I.