I twirled spaghetti on my plate, eyeing it with distaste and not once did my stomach twinge with the feeling of hunger. I had already eaten an entire two plates — unusual for shifters. Four plates were the minimum healthy amount. Two plates was considered unhealthy, it doesn't give our body the vitamins, energy, and calories we need. Meals need to be eaten in the larger amounts. I was eating the human regiment size, which is not good for me.

"I'm not leaving this spot until you finish that plate," my brooding mate growled from across the table, his brown eyes burning into me.

"Guess we'll be here a while, then," I murmured, pressing the pad of my thumb to the top of the sterling silver fork and gazing blankly at the table beneath the plate.

Another growl echoed across the table and I did my best to ignore it. If Princeton was going to be a man-child [ he's been acting like this all day ], then I'll surely act like a child as well. When he matures, I will as well.

"Rivera, you've lost too much weight to be considered a healthy shifter," Princeton ground out, his tone causing me to allow my eyes to lazily drift up to him. He was glaring at me, his nostrils flaring with frustration, and his hands clutching the end of the table. "You will finish that plate, then you can go back to this stupid thing you've been doing."

The words took a second to register, but when they did I saw red. "Are you being serious?" My head snapped up quicker than it had in a few weeks. It made my head hurt. "Please tell me you're being an asshole to get my attention — because you did not just say that to me."

His lack of response was all the answer I needed. A little growl rose in my throat. Even Feline was pissed, and pissing her off was a hard thing to do. "You have no right to try and tell me what to do, how I do it, and when I do it. I am not an object for you to own, possess, and control. So take your orders, Alpha, and kindly stick them up your ass."

Silence was what his response was, besides his heavy breathing from across the table. It did not take a smart person to understand that he was trying to rein his wolf in. "Rivera, you're acting like a child," he eventually got out. "You're acting like a child who did not get what she wanted, so she's lashing out. You're being stupid, immature, and frankly I'm done trying to prove myself to you. I have apologized to my fullest extent, and yet you sit around and wallow over your losses instead of trying to move on. My pack has been nothing but welcoming, my family has treated you like your own, and you take it for granted. Grow. Up."

I snapped.

I heard the shatter of a plate and felt stinging in my hand. Glancing down carelessly, I realize my fist had curled and smashed the plate into shards - some of which were dug into my hand and caused bleeding. I didn't care.

"You have the audacity," I snarled, standing up from the table with my fist still curled, "to lecture me like I am but a mere cub who has yet to see her first shift? You have the goddamn balls to look at me in the eye and tell me I am immature and need to grow up?" I stepped forward, watching his gaze flicker with the settlement of his words. Now he had to face the result of them. "Your pack has been less than welcoming. They have made it very clear where I came from and that you are the only reason I have safety here. If it were up to them, I'd be gone or dead. Your sister? She wants my heart in her jaws, but you can totally overlook that, too." I was getting angrier.

Princeton moves and stands as well, keeping a careful distance from me. His eyes are flaming, but mine hold hellfire. "Your apologies are but words that leave your mouth to make you feel better about yourself. This dinner was the closet thing to sincere apology I have seen. You think "I'm sorry" and a kiss on the cheek will fix how your leaving made me feel? I felt abandoned again, Princeton, just as I was settling in." My injured hand clenched tighter, digging the shards of the plate deeper into my skin. "A phone call would have satisfied me for Christ's sake! You left me alone! And all you had to say was "I'm sorry", and believe that it would forever make things better? You're stupid! Stupid!"

Princeton smashes his hands into the table, making a loud slam that nearly broke the surface. "I know!" he yelled back, his jaw clenched tightly as he glared at me. "I know, Rivera, I know! I was stupid! I am a fool!"

"Then next time, don't blame me for it! It's not me who needs to grow up!"

Not wanting to hear his next response I turned on my heel and stormed out of the room, slamming the doors behind me and leaving him alone.

• • •

Giving him a chance was something I should never have done. It would have saved me trouble, and it would have saved him the strain he had with his pack.

How stupid could I have been to be blinded by the so called mate bond? Where had my self-preservation gone in the two months I had stayed with the wolves? Had it just disappeared when I was exiled from the only home I knew?

I stood over the sink in my bathroom, angrily ripping out the shards of plate gorged into my skin. I threw the shards into the trash can that I had to drag from it's place next to the tub so it was by my ankles near the sink. After making sure I got the tiny pieces as well, I ran my hands under warm water. The blood started circling the drain in red waves, and I scrubbed around the wounds to make sure the dried spaghetti sauce got off as well.

Once my hands were cleaned, I changed out of the cream lace, strapless dress and into sweatpants and a t-shirt. I was pissed off, tired, and my stomach felt like it would explode if I moved the wrong way. I pulled the blanket over my body and glared at the wall, wishing it were Princeton's face I was giving the dirty looks to.

I was sick and tired of being treated either like a child or an outcast. I would much rather live in the mountains by myself for the rest of my life then to be talked down to as if I knew nothing of the world.

I experienced the worst parts of being a shifter, all in a single day. I had lost a child. I had lost my mate. I had lost my family. I had been shunned from my clan.

Most only felt one or two of those things in their lifetime of a shifter. I felt all of them within seconds of one another.

I don't even know who I am anymore. I used to be a great leader to my Clan, next to Andy. I used to love children — these days they scare me. I loved shifting, running, hunting, and now my energy is not high enough to do all of those. I used to be friendly — but then again, I'm not with other feline shifters these days.

I wanted to go home. I wanted to see Lucky, the best little sister I was literally lucky to have in my life. I wanted to see Kai, my best friend — the only other girl next to Lucky who saw through a lot of shit others didn't. She was my sidekick, or I was hers. We always argued over that.

Hell, I wanted to see Andy. I was with him a long time [ in shifter terms ], and I went to him for anything and everything. I sometimes felt he was my soulmate, which Felines don't believe in. I miss feeling his arms around me every night when nightmares about my parents would wake me. He never woke up or tried to comfort me if he did, but he was there. And the shaking would disappear after a couple of hours. That was enough for me at the time.

I had even asked him after one of my nightmares, one of the ones that had woken him from his rest, if he got nightmares too.

He ran his fingers through his black hair and watched me through bleary eyes, offering the hint of a tired smile. "Sometimes."

"About your brother?" I asked, knowing I was dipping my toes into uncharted waters.

Andy has two brothers — two older ones, Freddy, who lived in another Clan after he decided to join his Chosen there [ something looked down upon in feline communities ], and Ericsson, who never lived past the age of five. Andy and Ericsson were five and six when Ericsson died, I was still growing in my mother's womb. He explained that Ericsson was killed by a lone shifter who had not been in a Clan for a long time — the animal side had taken over completely. Andy once told me that his parents refused to acknowledge Ericsson's existence after his death. Even when Andy mentioned him. Even when Andy asked about him. It was brutal and none of the Clan really knew much about it.

"Yes," Andy had admitted, reaching over and moving a strand of hair behind my ear. His silver eyes grew distant and pained. "I don't remember much of the attack when I'm awake. But I remember it clearly in my dreams."

After he told me that, I had snuggled deep into his arms and we held each other - the first embrace of comfort after my nightmares that he'd given me.

And the last one I received.

Andy wasn't very affectionate at all, even in the privacy of our own bedrooms. It didn't bother me much, because affection wasn't a term I knew well, with the exception of Lucky. The times we were affectionate to one another, and the rarer times we were intimate, were satisfying and fulfilled my desires for his love and touch.

It was like we were made for one another. We didn't need to touch to have a connection, or to talk to form a bond. We were just . . . There.

But now I didn't even have that. I was alone in this large, empty bed wondering where I went wrong to get myself this weak and tired.

• • •

Ayowl caught my attention, and a large black feline stood with its spine curled up and it's bloody teeth bared. It was pacing over a carcass, caught in the territory I recognized to be the one I once roamed with my Clan.

A strange white-hot feeling of fear ripped through my stomach like heated iron, and I stumbled back as it edged closer. It's claws were outstretched, it's ears flattened against its head. The fur on the end of its shoulders stood straight up and it prowled forward, growing closer and closer.

A shout sounded behind me, but I wasn't able to make out what was said. The voice sprung with familiarity, but it was quickly shaken from my mind as the animal lunged at me with jaws open, ready to make the kill. It never came. A screech of fury whipped by my ear and a swoosh of air sent me to the side.

My eyes peeled open and the blurry figures of the black cat and another larger creature colored my vision. The blurry figures became blobs, and the furious noises from the moving blobs increased.

I heard the voice again, and I saw my mothers eyes as I slipped into sleep.

I gasped as I shot up in bed. My hands flew to my hair and I felt around where the throbbing remained. It hurt so bad. My eyes burned from the amount of fear that had filled me and my chest was aching as if thousands of hands were clutching my heart and squeezing the life from it.

The door slammed open and Princeton stood there in his sweats and t-shirt, his hair ruffled and his eyes widened with alarm. "Rivera?" he said, stepping forward.

My anger of him was not existing at the moment. I reached for him, looking for any sort of contact he could provide me with. "Princeton," I cried out, tears trailing down my cheeks as I reached for him. "Please. Make it stop."

He was at my side in seconds, soothing me. "Shh . . . Shh I'm here." He slid into the bed next to me and wrapped his arms around me, raking his fingers through my hair. "I'm right here, mi sol," he whispered. I found myself leaning into his arms and curling up into the smallest, tightest ball imaginable.

The shaking my nightmare caused disappeared within minutes of him holding me tightly in his arms, being soothed by gentle words and kisses to the top of my head. I didn't care. I just took in his warmth, his soothing words, allowing them to ease my post-nightmare anxiety attack.

Eventually, enough of me returned to where I was able to get a grip on myself. "I'm sorry," was the first thing I whispered after a few selected minutes of silence.

"Don't be sorry. You needed me, so I came running. It's what mates do." His warm lips pressed against my forehead. I allowed it, needing his touch more than I usually am willing to admit.

I buried my face in his shoulder, allowing his arms to tighten comfortably around my form. "Thank you," I whispered, closing my eyes and breathing out a shaky breath of air.

"Of course." His fingers were gentle as they glided across my shoulder under the t-shirt. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I didn't. But I did. "It was just . . . I don't know. It was a new nightmare. But it wasn't about anything that's ever happened in my life. I don't think." I paused, looking down and trying to recall the images of the nightmare. "It's like . . . It was acting like a memory, except it wasn't. Like . . . I felt like I knew where I was in the nightmare, what was happening, and the fear . . . " I choked, shivering as cold claws tapped tauntingly down my back. "Princeton, I have never felt so scared. Not even when Andy looked close to killing me, not when he exiled me. This type of scared . . . It was more raw than I've ever felt in my entire life. Nobody should have to feel it."

Princeton listened, his fingers having stopped their ministrations on my shoulder. Now they just rested on my skin, leaving burning, sparking throbs where they rested. "Jesus," he murmured, reaching his free hand up to rake through his hair. "That seems pretty damn terrifying, Rivera. I'm sorry. I wish I could've been here to stop it."

I bit my lip at his words, deciding to bury my pride and say what I wanted to say, "It doesn't matter. You're here now. That helps a lot."

"I wasn't here this past month."

His claim surprised me. I moved myself slightly so I could turn my head to look at him. His features reminded me of an old God, young with youth yet looking as if he had lived for centuries. I resisted the urge to reach up and run my fingers across his jaw. My fingers itched. I ignored them.

"What?" I mumbled instead, furrowing my brows at him.

"I wasn't here this past month . . . Mom told me what . . . She told me how bad your nightmares got. If I were here maybe you wouldn't have had to suffer through them so long, if at all."

I sighed, raking my hands through my hair. Rivera yesterday would have smugly agreed. Rivera now was tired.

Rivera was probably bipolar. But I was exhausted. Fighting was exhausting, and frankly the nightmare took all my will to be stubborn and prideful out of me. "Maybe so, but it's done. You're back now. That's what I want to focus on."

"I'm sorry." This time his hands slid to my cheeks, holding me in place. "I am completely and utterly sorry, Rivera. I shouldn't have just left without telling you — it was a dumbass move. I was a dumbass. I made a mistake and I'll probably make more. I know you don't accept me as your mate now, but when you do . . . I hope you'll be able to forgive me when I make continuous dumbass moves."

Before he could speak anymore, I pushed forward and pressed my lips against his. Not the best way to have a first kiss with someone, but I can't really take it back now.

He was stunned, so much so that it took him exactly twelve seconds to respond to the kiss. When he did, he cupped my cheeks and pulled me closer, caressing me and holding me like delicate glass.

When we pulled back from the gentle kiss, I whispered, "I forgive you. And I'll give you a chance."

Princeton's eyes were bright with affection and he lurched forward to kiss my cheeks. "I won't make you regret it, mi sol."

"Slow," I whispered, biting my lip to contain laughs at his affectionate kisses on my face. "Let's go slow."

"I've got all the time in the world for slow, amor."