Your fingertips trace my skin
To places I have never been
Blindly, I am following
Break down these walls and come on in
I wanna feel the way that we did that summer night, night
Drunk on a feeling, alone with the stars in the sky
I've been running through the jungle
I've been running with the wolves
To get to you, to get to you

• • •

The month dragged by slowly, very slowly. It was agonizing. Seeing as Princeton and his family were kinda the only friends I actually had around here, I was sort of lonely. I tried to involve myself when one of the wolves asked me but it never lasted long. There's usually that one wolf who has a prejudices and wants me gone. To avoid conflict and to not have the pack at each other's throats, I politely dismiss myself and let myself be confined to my own thoughts.

When alone, I realized that my grief rose. The loss of my unborn child would haunt my dreams and I would wake up screaming, but nobody would come running to my side to comfort me. I would sit and cry, and cry, and cry before I was literally passing out from the amount of crying I did. I slept until noon or later. I ate less every day, because the night terrors and crying would leave me without much of an appetite. My mood decreased, and my bed started being my go-to place.

My state was weakened without them, and I hated it. I hated that I needed that damn family to be on my ass all the time about eating, I hated that they dragged me out of bed each morning to be socially active.

I hated that Princeton chased my nightmares away, and that he was the one that made the grief easier to deal with. They didn't even try to call me during the time they were gone. The delta explained that this was normal; usually these pack meetings kept the families too busy to keep an active contact with the pack.

About a week before Princeton's expected return, my Feline demanded to be out. She had allowed me to wallow and she sat back as I woke up each night covered in sweat and cried for hours before going back to sleep. She knew I was weakening, and she had decided that she would teach me a better way to handle things.

I edged myself to the forest, my feet dragging themselves. My hands were stuffed in the pockets of my hoodie as I stared blankly ahead. Feline was showing her irritation for my lack of activity and shoved herself against the front of my head. My head throbbed in response, painful enough for me to snap out of my fuzzy thoughts.

She growled softly inside my head, as if to encourage my shift. She wanted me to focus, or I wouldn't be able to shift without it being hard to do, not to mention painful. I cleared my head and closed my eyes and listened to the birds call their alarms into the above treetops.

Just as my shift began, I heard a rustle and saw a large wolf with familiar brown eyes. His gaze locked with mine, and all I could see was those warm eyes and that damned coat I knew.

With Princeton on my mind, I turned to the wolf and started to walk over to him but fell to the ground as pain enveloped me. The shift had started and my mind had completely wandered from it, now I had to pay the price.

A small groan escaped my lips, turning into a painful yowl halfway through as Feline expressed her displeasure as my body reformed itself. The wolf watched, but I was unable to see his face.

When the shift was done, my legs were weak and shaky. I was crouching, my thick, long tail curled at my side as I tried to steady myself so as not to fall on my side and catch my tough coat on the undergrowth. I used all of my strength to push myself up.

I regretted it, as I was unable to catch myself before I went tumbling into the abyss.

• • •

I felt sick. My stomach churned with so much sickness that I almost thought I was still pregnant and nearly passed it off as morning sickness, telling myself that the baby was just giving me a hard time.

Then I opened my eyes and let the reality rush back to me. My breaths started coming in short spurts as my stomach began contracting, but nothing came up. It was too empty.

"Woah!" A flash in my vision, a hand on my back, a warm washcloth on my neck. Nausea rushed through me, but it was soothed by the warm washcloth at least. "Easy," soothed the soft voice.

My heart leaped with recognition. "Lana," I whispered, gasping through my dry-heaving. There was a heavy object placed in my lap by the woman, but nothing was coming up. "You — y-you're," I choked out, trying to breath. "Here."

"Stop talking," the woman murmured in response, her fingers gently dragging through my hair comfortingly. "You're making your state worse. Let your tummy settle before talking or you'll just get worse."

I obeyed. I let my stomach heave and contract until eventually, it settled. My heart pounded against my chest rapidly and my hand was clammy around Lana's warm one.

"That's it. Good girl," the former Luna murmured, continuing to comb her fingers through my hair gently. "That's my girl."

"You're back early," I whispered, allowing her to stick a thermometer in my mouth. Shifters had naturally high body heat, but if our temperature reached above 110 degrees Fahrenheit, it was considered to be a tiny fever.

My temperature was 116 degrees, and she frowned slightly at the revelation. She set the thermometer aside. "Your Feline should be healing you. Isn't she able to regulate body heat?"

"Yes."

"And you have the same ability to heal from illnesses in a day. You've been sick for three." The woman looked slightly concerned, talking more to herself than me.

"Three?" I let my eyes widen, surely showing my shock. Was I out cold for three days?

"Hm?" Lana looked up and then nodded a bit. "Yes. Princeton found you mid-shift. You weren't strong enough to withstand the shift so your Feline shut down your body so it could fix itself. She went into "save self" mode."

I cursed internally, bringing my hands to my hair and burying my fingers into the tresses, anxiety shooting through me. How could I be so stupid as to let myself grow so soft? How could I have let myself shift in such a vulnerable state?

"She's not healing me because she's trying to keep herself alive, too," I told Lana after a brief moment of pondering silence. "She can't keep both of us alive if she's weak like I am. She's still recovering. She's silent right now."

Lana sighed as she reached into the wooden bowl and squeezed a wet washcloth. I let her reach forward and wipe my temples, face, and neck. It was soothing and it left me feeling somewhat refreshed. "You haven't been eating."

I swallowed at the sound of her voice. She was in mom mode.

"I have been," I responded hesitantly, fidgeting my fingers. "Just not a lot."

"Why?"

I was hesitant to tell her, but this was the woman I had released my emotions to about my miscarriage that one night. This is the woman who had nursed me as I lay unconscious, twice now, and was there when I woke so that I wasn't alone. This woman was more of a mother than my real mother had ever been, more of a mother than my adoptive mother was to me. My adoptive mother was more like a very good friend in my eyes, though since Lucky was so damn young when we got adopted, she is, in my sister's eyes, her mother. But me? She was more like a distant relative who cared.

So I told Lana about my nightmares. I told her about how each night since the Alpha's Family had gone, left me behind without so much of a warning for a month, the nightmares would return. I admitted to her waking up in a cold, yet burning, sweat screaming in the middle of the night but receiving no comfort in return. I told her how my body would be ragged from the hours of crying myself to sleep after the night terrors, and that my appetite was increasingly affected by the terrors.

I even told her about how I felt like an outcast by the rest of the pack without the Alpha Family there. I expressed my frustration by the fact that they only treated me somewhat humanely because I was Princeton's mate, and nobody dare mess with Princeton's mate, or try to make her feel unwelcome and unwanted, but the second Princeton left . . . His precious mate was no longer to be appreciated. Why should they try to make me, a Feline, they're worst enemy, feel welcome when the alpha is not here to see? What harm would that bring?

I also told her that some of the pack was nice, not because they had to be but because they wanted to be. I described to her that those people who had been kind enough to actually stand my presence were somewhat helpful in pulling me from my own grief and self-loathing.

Lana was either expecting that sort of response from me or was hiding her surprise very well. "Why are you in loathing at yourself?" she questioned quietly. "You know it was not your fault."

She handed me a water bottle as she spoke, perhaps sensing the burning in my throat based on how scratchy it was. I uncapped the water and sipped slowly from it. "That doesn't make it easier. You said so yourself," I reminded her, pausing to take another sip. The soothing coolness of the water slid down my irritated throat. "I was exiled from the only family I ever knew, the home I grew up in, because of it. My mate had used his power to force me out, he had forced me away and had promised to send my Clan after me if I had not left."

My eyes darted away from hers as she purses her lips into a thin line, her eyes revealing the slight flash of anger. Was she angry with me? With the tale I told? Or the people within my story that had caused me such pain?

"In depth, I know it wasn't my fault. But it's not easy for me to grasp that on a daily level. Some days I would be angry because I got exiled for something that wasn't my doing. Others I would let myself believe that Andy was right — that it was very much my fault and I deserved to be kicked out," I finished, then took another gulp of water to calm my raging nerves.

Lana gazed thoughtfully at me, and I was relieved when I found no speck of sympathy in her eyes. I did not want anymore sympathy; I wouldn't be able to handle it from her when I kept getting it from everyone else.

"I see," she murmured, wiping her hands on the towel. "I'm glad you told me."

Somehow, I was too. But another part of me tugged at my heartstrings, as if I had done something wrong.

"So are all of you back?" I was unable to hide the tense tone of my voice when I switched my thoughts to Princeton and his siblings. Perhaps my ability to be mad at Lana had diminished, but not the rest of them. They deserved my anger.

Lana's lips twitched upward, as if she could sense my near hostility. "Yes. All of us are back."

"Hmm," I hummed, lacing my fingers together and resting my forehead on my interlocked hands. "Can you do me a favor, if it isn't too much?"

"Sure."

"Tell Princeton that if he wants to talk to me from now on that he better have a damn good reason."

There was hesitation. "Rivera —"

"Any one of you could have told me," I continued, lifting my head and meeting her gaze. I needed time to think, to settle the anger that didn't really show up inside my system while they were gone. "I get that you're not obligated at all to tell me what you do, I understand that. I'm the guest here, not pack. Still. I was abandoned. Again. Your family were the only ones I could feel comfortable being around because I hadn't really been eased into your pack life or whatever. Then you left. And I was alone."

It would seem that she was catching onto how their leaving had truly affected me. "Rivera, sweetie, we didn't do this on purpose," she murmured, reaching out. I found myself pulling away, and she didn't try to make another movement.

"You did though." I flicked my gaze away from hers, unable to watch the sympathy boil in them. "You thought it better, obviously, otherwise you wouldn't have left without saying anything. You didn't try and tell Princeton to actually tell me. None of you really wanted to talk to me when you called; in fact I didn't have a chance to." I winced slightly and raked my signers through my greasy blonde hair, deciding a shower would soon be in order. "I just don't want to talk to anyone right now."

Was it childish? On my side, no. In fact, I wasn't sure why I was angry now and didn't seem to be this way while they were gone, when I was actually suffering the results of their being gone. Whatever triggered the emotions now was unknown, but I was damn well feeling them. Hurt, anger, empty loss.

Lana pressed her hands to her eyes and rubbed them tiredly. "Rivera, we're so sorry. We didn't want you to feel that way—"

"Then why didn't you just tell me?" I got up, not wanting to hear the excuse she had. "I'm going to go take a shower. . ." I trailed off, glancing at her, then at the door.

She caught the message in my words and got up silently, gathering the wooden bowl and towels. "I'll have some tea brought up for you. We're sorry, sweetheart."

I didn't respond as she exited the bedroom, the telltale click letting me know that she was gone and I was left in my bubble of anger and hurt.

• • •

Princeton

"She said what?" Maddy spluttered as my mother threw the towels into the washer. Her eyes were wide as if she hadn't expected such emotions from my mate. "Mom, what did she say exactly?"

Mom's lips straightened to a thin line as she straightened, revealing her lack of desire to go into detail. Whatever Rivera had said to my mother had really knocked her off her guard — something that was not easy to do to this pack's Luna.

"All I will say is that she is hurting," my mother responded in a soft voice. "We made a mistake and we now have to face the consequences."

My sister furrowed her dark eyebrows and then blinked. "Wait, this isn't about not telling her about leaving is it? Princeton said she probably wouldn't care."

I was taken aback, watching my mother turn her gaze to me. "I honestly did not think it would bring this much hurt to her. She acts so independent and headstrong, Mamì," I expressed honestly, feeling my chest constrict. What had I done?

Was this why she was so weak when I found her? Her body was so thin and tiny as she tried to shift. I almost thought her bones wouldn't fix themselves after a painful shift like that. It broke my heart to see her like that.

"She lost her cub and her Clan all in the same day, Miha," my mother sighed as she put some other laundry into the washer with the washcloths. "We should have thought more carefully about that before we left. She felt abandoned — some of the pack were not very welcoming to her after we were gone."

My wolf stirred at this, and I kept an eye on his behavior as the conversation continued. "What do you mean?"

"Some of if I do not have a place to tell you. I'll just say that she was alienated very easily after our departure."

"Is she okay?" Maddy asked, biting her lip. I could see the guilt in my sisters eyes and felt my stomach churn.

My mother didn't answer her. Instead she ordered, "Pass me your basket, Mija."

• • •

Son Princeton got a bit of a view. He won't really have many of these; I just needed to add some of this in mostly for filling of the plot and chapter itself.

Thoughts?