My fucjing fic. Give me validation. Don't need to know the source I guess? Lmao idfk
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Heather McNamara's house was way bigger than Veronica expected. In fact, maybe calling it a house was an understatement. It was huge. Three stories of expensive furniture and carpet so soft Veronica could've slept on it if needed.

It was also kind of intimidating. It was hard to believe that someone could have this much money, especially considering Heather's dad was single. People at school said her dad was loaded, but holy shit.

However, the house was even more intimidating at night. The unfamiliar hallways were filled with darkness that, if not for the small amount of moonlight that managed to sneak in through the window, threatened to swallow Veronica.

Heather's room was big, but she'd still insisted on having Veronica sleep in the bed with her. No, not in that way...but still, it was strange. They could've easily dragged a spare mattress out.

It wasn't like Veronica was sleeping anyway.

The scariest thing apart from the darkness was the fact that she was now left alone with her thoughts, the ghosts of the people JD tricked her into killing had left Veronica alone. The one time she didn't want to be alone.

Heather was already asleep, soft breathing and shuffling the only indication that she was even alive at all. She seemed so small in the bed, without heels to make herself look taller. Veronica was glad that Heather had decided to change for the better, really. She was a good friend, her anxieties the only thing making her seek popularity in the first place. She was also really cute, kind of...

Veronica turned on her side, away from Heather. She didn't want to stare and feel like a creep. Looking out the door into the almost black hallways was freaky, but she didn't...

Didn't what?

Didn't want to admire Heather more? Think about how good a friend she was? Didn't want to think about how she'd almost killed herself? Didn't want to think about how Veronica herself had caused that by killing getting tricked into killing her friends?

"Shit," Veronica mumbled, shuffling uncomfortably.

It was fine. That was in the past. Veronica regretted her mistakes, and was making things right again. She was on the top of the school hierarchy and was able to control all the sex-hungry jocks or the rumor-spreading bitchy girls. She was making the school beautiful.

After killing Heather Chandler.

Veronica shuffled in the bed again, not wanting the think about it. She turned on her back, eyes darting over to Heather again. If she hadn't killed the mythic bitch, what would have changed? Maybe Kurt and Ram wouldn't have done the things they did. Maybe JD wouldn't tricked Veronica into killing them. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe...

It was stupid. This was all stupid. Her fucking boyfriend blew himself up because of his stupid fucking plan, because he wanted to fucking kill everyone. And Veronica missed him. That was fucking stupid, too. He killed people. He killed people, tricked Veronica and then died. She wasn't supposed to miss him. She was supposed to be disgusted.

A sharp pain on the inside of Veronica's mouth made her hiss; she realized she'd been biting her tongue, hard enough to make it bleed. Quickly, she made sure the sudden sound didn't wake Heather up. It didn't seem like it did.

God, how much was it to ask to just be able to stop. Stop thinking. Stop-

"Wow, this was not the place I thought you'd be."

Shit.

The ghost of Heather Chandler was standing next to the bed, permanent scowl on her face as per usual. Draino dripped from her mouth and seemingly vanished; that was what killed her.

"Go away, Heather." Veronica groaned.

"What's the matter, just been scissoring?" Chandler smirked, showing off blue teeth, "wouldn't put it past you."

Maybe the best thing to do would just be to ignore her. Veronica was not gay. Wasn't she? No, she'd liked JD. She just wanted to sleep.

"Don't ignore me," Chandler hissed.

Veronica's response was to bury her head in her pillow and flip Chandler off. Sooner or later she'd get bored and have to leave. Still, Veronica was thankful that it was Chandler and not the jocks. Those guys would make disgusting comments, surely.

There was a cold tapping on Veronica's arm from Chandler. Well, not tapping so much, as Chandler's fingers slipped through skin, but the sensation was cold and irritating. Veronica tried to wave her away, but the frame of the bed made a squeaking noise as the mattress moved and she feared waking Heather.

Was Chandler's only reason to be here just to annoy Veronica? Sure seemed like it. She turned on her side, hoping to make Chandler annoyed by having her back to her, but instead found herself too close to Heather. As in, she-rolled-too-far-so-now-their-noses-were-almost-touching-close. A sudden, unexplained panic rose in Veronica's chest and she rolled back, maybe trying to move away without facing Chandler again.

She fell off the bed.

Chandler erupted into laughter, wheezing as liquid flew out of her mouth. Veronica, on the other hand, covered her mouth in an attempted to hide a groan of pain. Yeah, the carpet was soft, but also...really fucking hard.

"Glad you think this is funny," Veronica said, glaring at Chandler, "at least someone's having a good time here."

"Y-y'know, you could have a go-good time too if you made a move," Chandler gasped out between all the laughing, "oh my fucking god, Veronica Sawyer."

Veronica turned her back to Chandler - for real this time - and focused on Heather's steady breathing and peaceful face instead of Chandler's insults. Heather's hair seemed so soft, with clear muscles from all the cheerleading and lips so-

"Well, I guess that fall could be...consolation." Chandler mused.

"Consolation for what, you dick?"

"Well, for your lack of sympathy, of course!"

"What the fu-" Veronica rolled again, then realized she was being too loud. She paused for a second, watching Chandler, then restarted softly, "what the fuck are you talking about?"

"You never feel bad about all the shit you did," Chandler scoffed.

"Uh...yeah, I do," Veronica corrected, voice growing louder with slight...frustration? "You can't read my mind, so..."

"You never show it. Not when you're alone. Heck, sometime I fucking ask, don't I?" Chandler reminded.

Yes, of course. There had been a few times after JD tried to blow up the school where Chandler had asked things, trying to get a reaction out of Veronica, but that just seemed to be an excuse to annoy her.

Veronica mumbled a few things, then said louder, "I didn't do all that. JD tricked me."

"Oh, you keep telling yourself that, honey." If looks could kill, Veronica would have been dragged down to Hell by now, "you're saying you didn't see what was in the mug? When it was right in your hands? Not even out of the corner of your eye?"

That was ridiculous. Chandler couldn't criticize Veronica for that, when she had been drinking from the mug itself and hadn't seen it. She raised an eyebrow at Chandler, but she didn't seem to get the message.

"And seriously, you didn't even stop to think whateverthefuck the name for those bullets meant? You didn't think to ask?"

Chandler had some sort of evil look in her eyes now, but Veronica wasn't focused on that because...maybe what she was saying...was right.

Maybe...

She could've stopped JD. He was just hurting, right? She could've fixed him, like in all the movies, stopped him from doing this. She could've stopped his dad. He just needed better parents. She could've told him no, she could have MADE him stop, she could have actually looked in the mug she was giving to Chandler.

It was...her fault.

She could've asked what the name of the bullets meant, could've stopped the prank, could've helped Kurt when he was on the fence, could've turned JD into the police, could've gotten him into therapy somehow...

Veronica's arms began to shake, and she sat up, careful not to disturb Heather. She could definitely see Chandler smirk, just out of the corner of her eye.

"Oh my god..." Veronica whispered.

The scariest thing about being there...was being left alone with her own mind.

She could've stopped Duke from getting Chandler's stuff and fucking over the school hierarchy. She could've stopped Duke from ganging up on Heather after her confession, could've consoled her before she ran off. Could've ripped the signing sheet for the pep rally right out of Duke's hands and ripped it in two, right there, right then. Should've spent more time with Martha instead of ditching her.

Could've stopped Martha from attempting suicide.

As the thoughts grew, as all the couldve's and should've's weighed in, Veronica found it harder to breathe. Eventually it all grew so much that all the thoughts became a buzzing in Veronica's mind; one voice louder than the rest. Something Chandler had said before.

We're alone in the ocean.

Veronica couldn't talk to anybody. Either nobody'd UNDERSTAND or nobody'd LISTEN or she'd get turned in to the police or SOMETHING. This was all just a weight she had to carry now. Alone. As much as she hated it she wished JD were here so he could whisper some sweet encouragement into her ears or cup his hand under her chin to make her look him in the eyes or grasp her hand in his and tell her their love was God.

She felt tears prick her eyes.

"Wait, no..." Veronica tried to stop herself. She hadn't cried before, so what was different now?

This was the worst place to cry. On someone else's bed? In the middle of the night?

Chandler was even there anymore. Heather was asleep. Everyone else was in their own homes. She was truly alone.

So she started to cry. Someone said once that crying regularly was healthy? Or something...maybe a few tears were going to make her feel better. Her shoulders shook and she wiped her eyes, making sure none fell and ran the risk of making a wet spot on the quilt that she shared with Heather.

But since this night could get so much more worse, Veronica started to sob. She didn't want to. She really didn't fucking want to. But now every thought she'd had that night and the thoughts she'd had of past events had sprung up, rushing into her head and filling it as if it were a dam. A dam of bad thoughts. A dam of really fucking painful thoughts, that just stayed there and wouldn't FUCKING go away.

With a small groan, Veronica covered her mouth with one hand in an attempt to stop the noise and wiped away her tears with the other hand. Her throat felt tight, almost burning, she just wanted it to stop, but it wouldn't, she just wanted it to stop.

The sobs were ugly and gross, so she tried to muffle them more by putting her head on her knees. Nobody was there.  The only one who'd understand was JD but he was DEAD and BAD and-

"Ronnie?"

Fuck.

Veronica felt Heather tap her shoulder, just once, lightly. In the state Veronica was in, it cause her to scramble away slightly, nearly falling off the bed.

Heather McNamara seemed like an angel at that moment.

Veronica stiffened, sniffling a bit.

Heather seemed to have just woken up, rubbing her eyes and yawning. Her eyes drifted open and closed, as if she were on the border of sleep. It also seemed like she hadn't realized that Veronica was crying.

Then a single sob escaped.

Veronica had never seen someone go from content to panicked so quickly. It was like all the life drained from Heather and resurrected itself multiple times, realization forming itself as a gasp that came out of her mouth.

"Oh my god, Veronica?!" She squeaked, "why are you crying?"

Veronica, for a second, tried to explain, but all that came out was a couple of gurgles, then the sobbing continued.

Heather made a whine-like noise as Veronica sobbed, obviously in distress but not sure what to do. Nobody had seen any of the Heathers cry before.

Veronica didn't want Heather to see this. She didn't deserve to see this, to see her weak. She deserved to sleep peacefully, have nice dreams and-

"Uh, Ronnie..." Heather paused, thinking for a second, "I don't know how to comfort people, but if you wanna hug, then..."

She tried to finished the sentence with clumsy hand gestures, but Veronica didn't need anything more. She practically lunged into Heather's arms, craving - no, needing - touch, something to replace what JD would've given her at the moment.

Despite Heather being smaller, Veronica felt very, very small in her arms. Heather mumbled small, encouraging things into her ear and rocked slightly. Veronica couldn't help but compare her touch to JD's, as much as she hated it.

JD's touch was cold, yet comforting. Knowing someone was there, yet...his touch was possessive. From the grasp on her sleeves whenever he wanted to stay put to the cupping of her cheek when they kissed sometimes, maybe to make sure she didn't pull away.

Heather's touch was also cold, but not like and ice cold, but a cool. A nice cool. Like a soft breeze on a sunny day. Her fingers were soft but her grip was firm, as it had to be as a cheerleader. She didn't pull away when Veronica started shaking, or when she accidentally got a few tears onto her shoulder.

She didn't keep control over Veronica like JD did, or stop her from moving away, she was just...Heather. That was enough.

A huge wave of relief washed over her as her shaking stopped and the crying was over. She shuffled away from Heather awkwardly, still sniffing.

"Are you better now?" Heather asked, a hand rubbing Veronica's arm as an extra piece of comfort.

"Uh...y-yeah, I guess," Veronica mumbled, then added louder, "yes. I'm just peachy."

Heather nodded with a small murmur of 'good'.

"Do you wanna go back to sleep now, or...?" Heather's head tilted to the side slightly, like a confused dog. It was kind of cute.

It took some willpower not to say 'I was never asleep', but eventually Veronica replied with a small 'yeah'.

Heather let out a thoughtful hum before getting back fully into the bed, patting Veronica's pillow as an indicator that she should too. She was eager to oblige. All the crying had made her eyes sore, so she was kind of tired.

She snuggled into the bed, careful not to get too close to Heather. She didn't want to tumble out of bed again and accidentally summon the demon queen.

Heather, however, seemed to want Veronica to be closer, swiftly reaching over and pulling her closer by the arm, earning a small "gah" of surprise, but no protest apart from that.

The sound made Heather giggle, a sound that made Veronica smile. It was...nice.

With a small sigh, mind still buzzing with some of the painful thoughts, Veronica closed her eyes. Comfortable. Thankful. Not thinking of JD.
She drifted off fast, but not before she heard Heather whisper something and press a kiss to her forehead.

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*awkward coughing* spent four hours on this