The next day, BTS was due to attend the KBS Song Festival, a music show the band participated in every year alongside many other kpop singers and bands.

     For the second time, Jin had been chosen to be one of the show's masters of ceremonies and the company had validated this request, believing him to be ready to resume the path of eloquence because his image was too much sought after being put aside for too long. 

     His jovial temperament, his ability to deal with the unexpected and his mastery of speech had made him a master of ceremonies, the "MC", for several shows in the past and his passages had always been very appreciated because they were mastered and full of humor. Jin seemed to be born for it.

     However this time around, Jin was not at all sure of himself. When he received the information, his first decision was to refuse. When he was told he had no choice, he began training for his passage with his eloquence teacher. With her, everything seemed to be going for the best and she congratulated the perfection of his diction and the naturalness of his speaking. 

     However, he knew full well that in the face of the gathered crowd and the camera that allowed Lee to cast a critical eye on him and pick up on all his missteps, nothing would work out. He didn't feel capable of succeeding.

     The day of the ceremony had finally arrived and when he woke up, Jin was not confident on the contrary: he was particularly nervous, to the point of feeling nauseous. 

     Still in his bed, struggling to get out of it to face this day, he was struggling to get out of it to face this day. He sighed, thinking again of the Jin from before who would have been sure he was going to perform and not ask himself any questions until he took the stage and naturally improvised a speech. 

     He decided to take Chungshimhwan, a medicine to calm his nerves as he was almost planning to run away when called on stage, but he had a feeling he'd woken up too late to take it and it wouldn't work fast enough.

     The other members knew what his state of mind was because no one in the group was unaware of the new difficulties that the older one faced in public speaking since his panic attack weeks ago. They tried to reassure him as best they could when they gathered for breakfast.

    "Fighting hyung, you will succeed!"

     Surprised, all the members turned to Jungkook who had just said those words. It had been weeks since he spoke to Jin. 

     They held their breath, turning to Jin and waiting for his reaction. Jin looked at the maknae for a moment. He was mentally fighting against Lee's ban on talking to Jungkook. But the manager was not there. And it had been such a long time since he had spoken to Jungkook that Jin,  hearing the maknae's encouragement when he needed it most, eventually overcame his doubts and said:

     "Thanks, Jungkook."

     The exchange between the two ended there but each felt that something had just come unblocked between them. 

     Although the number of words was limited, they had finally spoken. Namjoon gave Jungkook a beaming smile and Taehyung, suddenly happy, tried to cheer Jin with some formidable grimaces he offered him that Jin could address to the camera if he ran out of words during the ceremony. He managed to pull a smile from his hyung and, at the same time, to others.

     Around the breakfast table, a wind of lightness suddenly blew and allowed everyone to breathe better than they had been able to do for weeks. The smiles exchanged by the others escaped Jin who was too busy preparing his text for his time as MC and kept his head down on his sheet. 

     Jungkook's beaming face, which doesn't take his eyes off him for the whole breakfast, also escaped him.

     Before reaching the location of the ceremony with their manager, the group passed through the company's premises for the preparation of their public image: classic hairstyles, white suit and jacket, black bow ties and ceremonial makeup for everyone. 

     Jungkook had to keep his tattoos hidden under his clothes, and those on his hands were hidden under flesh-colored bandages. He was annoyed and curtly let the young woman who told him about it know, but let it go nonetheless. At least he wasn't asked to remove his piercings.

     Finally, the group made their way to the ceremony location where they would train during the day before the evening ceremony, which would be broadcast live on Korean national television. 

     Then the members waited in a large waiting room with another group where they were surrounded by their respective team who helped them with the final preparations before the live shoot.

     There were so many people around them that the members found it difficult to pass each other and say a few words. 

     Jin felt the nervousness come over him again and he take medication again but he feared that it was already too late as his going live was imminent. He was expected to join on stage soon two other idols he had practiced with earlier between their training sessions with their respective groups, BTS, Exo and Twice.

     Despite struggling to find time for others, Namjoon managed to grab Jin and sit with him for a few minutes.

     "How are you feeling, hyung?"

      "Wonderful," Jin grimaced.

     "I suspected it," Namjoon replied, aware of the elder's nervous irony. "I have something for you, I don't know if it will help you, but Jungkook asked me to give it to you."

     He gave Jin an envelope. Curious, Jin took it and turned it over to read...

     "My universe? "

      "I don't know what's in it, but Jungkook desperately wanted to give it to you. Since he didn't dare do it himself, he asked me to do it for him, which is probably important. Above all, remember that I am only the messenger! I'll leave it to you, I must finish my preparation now. Try to not stress to much for your speech hyung : it'll be okay, you are a great MC. And even if you make a mistake, you're so hansome that you'll be forgiven for it. You are Worldwide Hansome after all, don't forget!"

     Hoping to have relieved his stress a little, Namjoon gave him a reassuring smile and briefly put a reassuring hand on Jin's broad shoulder before let him alone with his bewilderment.

     In the morning, Jungkook had spoken to Jin after they had not spoken to each other for several weeks and here, that evening, he was giving him a letter? 

     Jin opened the unsealed envelope and took out the letter it contained and unfolded it. The text seemed long and Jin didn't have much time. He wondered if he'd better wait until the ceremony was over before reading it. The maknae was renowned for having a gift for writing, but he could quickly expand and produce texts that were much too long.

     However, curiosity devoured him. He also missed Jungkook's words, both those he spoke orally when speaking to him and those in the messages he always sent him on his phone in the past. 

     All of this had been over a long time ago, too long, and with the exception of a few words said in the morning during breakfast, this letter was the first real communication that Jungkook had had with him since Jin had allowed himself to be immersed in his silence.

     He began to read but immediately saw from the date on the top of the sheet that the writing on the letter was several months old. It was the date of his emergency room visit, when he had his ankle sprained, Jin remembered it perfectly and frowned, wondering why Jungkook had written him a letter that day instead of sending him a text over the phone or to address him directly, and also why he had waited so long to deliver it to him.

     He then plunged into the reading of the letter:

     Hyung,

     This letter is for me before it is for you and before you say that I am selfish, you have to know that you may never read it.

     "Oh I see," Jin commented whispering, "he hadn't planned on giving it to me initially." 

     Tonight, at a time when spirits are supposed to be appeased in the rest of sleep, mine is tormented. I know you don't like too cheesy talk and statements and you know I don't like them either, but tonight I'm not in the mood for jokes so I won't coat my words behind a barrier of laugher. You are going through difficult times, and I know that you will hide behind your smile and your humor from tomorrow so I will be the one of us who will not ignore your suffering and who will face it for you.

     Jin couldn't believe it. So, like that, what had happened that day, his accident at the dance studio and the painful discussion with his previous manager had not only affected him, breaking him up and preventing him from sleeping, but had also affected the maknae to such an extent that he had lost sleep over it and decided to write him this letter during the night? How much did he love him to feel his pain as if it were his own until he lose sleep?

    He hastened to read the following:

     When we first started, you were the shoulder behind which the shy and scared boy I was hid and felt safe. This shoulder was also the one I rested on when everything got too intense for me, the one I buried my tearful face on when emotions washed over me.

     Jin felt his eyes moisten with the emotions he was experiencing. Jungkook had just described in the most beautiful way the bond they had created in their early days, when Jin had decided to take under his wing the young boy who had immediately accepted his protection and then followed him everywhere like a child, for fear of being in the spotlight or being seen crying because of the difficulty of their training and then of their profession.

     Growing up, I tried to forge a mind as strong as yours because you were my role model, but most of all I managed to sculpt a body more powerful than yours. I know what you're gonna say: I said I wasn't gonna make jokes. I'm not convinced that is one, more of a funny truth.

     This part drew a smile in Jin's face. For sure, it was a funny truth: the maknae had built up his muscles and too quickly ceased to resemble a child to become a well-built young man and make Jin feel frail when he stood by his side.

     Anyway, I wanted to become a strong person myself, a strong shoulder for you and if, on top of that, I could give you back even a little of everything you had given to me, I would have been happy.

     Jin's wet eyes spilled tears on his cheeks. If Jungkook had tried to get stronger, it was for him.

     "You had nothing to give me back, JK..." Jin murmured, moved.

     I don't know if I succeeded, you would have to tell me and for that I would have to find the courage to ask you directly. Am I afraid I haven't done enough? Or am I afraid of appearing too cheesy? How hard it is to overcome my pride ... But you know me.

     "Yes, you did it, you even did more than enough: I could never have dreamed of a better friend than you," Jin thought, full of emotions. 

      Without necessarily having succeeded in becoming a support for you like you were for me in my younger years, I think I managed to become a precious friend. This is what you have become for me too. No, it's more than that ... our bond is strong enough to say that we are soul mates. Many people think so, but they cannot be as convinced as I am. Spending time with you made me become a person I never knew I would ever become. Your personality, such a luminous candor, is a gift, it could make me smile endlessly but it ended up making me feel like I'm older than you and must protect you, isn't it strange as a turnaround? Our bond today is stronger than it was before, and you have become a vital person in my life. You unconsciously filled in all that was lacking in my existence and I, unconscious, never thought about preserving this precious bond because I didn't think it could be broken.

     Jin smiled through his tears. How Jungkook's words touched him! He could never have shared more beautiful ones with him in return. Wasn't a person who could make you smile like this someone dear to your heart? Jungkook was so much to Jin that Jin wouldn't have known where to start, but Jungkook, the Golden Maknae, had perfectly expressed and organized his thought, offering it to Jin as a gift now.

     The older one was caught up in his reading, feeling a wave of affection for the younger rising in him, thinking of nothing else, even forgetting where he was and the reason for his presence there.

     Therefore, during the press conference, when you announced that you were ready to leave the group to fulfill your duty to our country, I was shaken because I saw our bond on the verge of unraveling and I must to re-tie it firmly. You say you're ready to go but did you think about asking me if I was ready to let you go? I am answering you now: I am not. Without you, my universe would collapse: you are everything to me, that means without you I am nothing... Also, did you ask my opinion when you said you were ready to go? I would have told you that you were wrong, that you still had the right to be a child for a while longer with me, for your happiness and for mine. Don't do what makes you and me unhappy.

     "I knew my leaving would hurt you JK, but I didn't think the thought of seeing me leaving made you feel so bad. I should have discussed it with you, I'm so sorry... It's me who am nothing without you, if you knew how I feel miserable!" Jin whispered with pain. 

     When I saw the company tirelessly attack you, I understood that they were trying to separate you from us and I decided, after today's incident, to declare war on them for you, to protect you. They won't make you leave; I will stop them. If they don't like you, they can just go on their own. You are my everything, but you are also for the millions of fans who love and support you. I will fight for them too. So think about them too before you say things like "I'm ready to go." They are not ready to let you go.

     "Oh, so that was the purpose of your military strategy book? You wanted to stop the company pushing me out. You took so much risk for me Jungkook... Will you let me read it one day, to show me the extent of everything you have done for me and allow me to give it back to you even a little?" Jin sobbed. 

     He was finding it increasingly difficult to read because of the tears that flooded his eyes. Still, he desperately wanted to complete this reading, he needed it.

     I want to keep having fun and laughing with you. No one knows how to relax a stifling atmosphere so well as you: how could I breathe without you? This is the Jin-hyung I want, not the one who is depressed and is convinced that he is incapable. I will fight for you hyung but I would love to do it by your side. Yoongi-yung says you are the most immature of us but he also says you have the strongest mind and I agree with him, so please, don't give up and stay by my sides.

     Now that I have got these thoughts out of my head, maybe I can finally fall asleep with my mind free? I hope so. Until tomorrow, I hope you can heal your mind and fall asleep in peace on your own.

     Stay strong.

     JK.

     Jin finished reading. Jungkook had done so much for him without him knowing it, he realized now and he blamed himself for turning his back on the younger one. The maknae must have been strong for both of them because himself had been too weak.

      By this letter, Jungkook had allowed him to understand that he had misunderstood what he needed: what he needed wasn't to get away from Jungkook to be stronger. He had seen after several weeks that it had not worked. 

     No, to be stronger and happy, he needed Jungkook by his side like Jungkook had needed him in the past. And the eldest singer should not be ashamed to admit it and confess it to the maknae. He had to cast aside his pride and return to his lifelong friend, his soulmate.

     "Hyung, why are you crying? Are you okay?"

     Hoseok's worried voice pulled him out of his thoughts. Jin looked up and saw Hoseok and Jimin staring at him apprehensively. 

     Seeing he kept crying uncontrollably, Jimin sat next to him and hugged him briefly before  wiping away his tears and look worriedly into Jin's wet eyes:

      "Hyung, are you afraid for your speech? We can tell them that you don't feel well if you really don't feel capable of it. Don't force yourself if it puts you in this state." 

    Now, knowing the terrible panic attacks Jin could have, Jimin would rather have his stint as an MC canceled than see him pass and collapse in front of everyone.

    But Jin shook his head forcefully and, ignoring Jimin and Hoseok's questions, he asked:

     "Where's Jungkook?"

     Hoseok and Jimin exchanged a surprised look.

     "I don't know, why?" Hoseok asked, "Do you want me to go get him? "

     "Yes, please, I want to see him."

     Hoseok went looking for Jungkook as Jin sliped the letter into his pocket and stood up to quickly did the same thing, Jimin on his heels. Jin feverishly turned his head to either side, trying to catch a glimpse of Jungkook.

     "Jin hyung, is everything okay?" Jimin asked with worry, "Please, answer me, you're scaring me."

     Jin turned to him, ready to answer him, when a female voice echoed powerfully through the noisy room:

     "Seokjin, it's your turn, you must join Dahyun and Chanyeol immediately for your entry on stage."

     Jin froze and Jimin immediately hugged him to calm him down, while the young woman who had called him widened her eyes when she saw that Jin's makeup had altered from the furrows of his tears. 

     Fortunately, his eyes weren't red and it would only take a few strokes for the makeup artist to correct the makeup before the singer entered the ceremony room to face the audience and the cameras.

      "Hyung, it's going to be fine, you've trained a lot and you're the best MC ever!" Jimin encouraged him.

     Jin briefly hugged the young singer back before gently pushing him away:

     "Thank you, Jiminie. Hyung is fine now."

     Stay strong Jungkook had told him at the end of his letter. And that was what he was going to do.

     Under Jimin's eyes, he joined the scene with a determined step.

_______________

Author's note : I handed over the entire letter from Jungkook because it was written a long time ago (in Chapter 6) and you might not remember it. Hope it wasn't too boring to read because I know I write a lot of chapters about text analysis in a row, first with Jungkook's songbook, then with Jungkook's song and now with Jungkook's letter. Sorry!  ^ _ ^ '