Chapter 46: The mathyung 맏형
Jin only came back to the dorm very late at night to sleep, and his prolonged daily absence ended up weighing on the other members.
On the one hand, the dorm was less and less organized and many tensions stirred the members who ended up arguing over trifles.
In this dormitory filled with young men, even if the leader was present, the presence of the eldest was sorely lacking. Namjoon was the leader in their professional activities, Jin, their hyung at all, was their landmark in their private life.
And each of the members lived more and more badly his estrangement from the group.
Yoongi couldn't take it anymore for being the oldest of the group and wanted to find time for himself instead of spending his time dealing with conflicts, taking care of everyone's meals and waking up.
He and Jin had been roommates for so long that they had inevitably come to realize that their personalities matched perfectly. He had never wanted to have another roommate and he would never want another if he had to do it again. For that, he had nicknamed him his eternal roommate.
Thus, it was at his side that Yoongi had always found rest in the dormitory, speaking only when they felt like doing so or leaving between them silences that were never heavy but confortable. Jin was his safe place, how hadn't he noticed before?
Without him in the band, he wasn't really happy, his music wasn't enough for him if he couldn't share it with him or listen to Jin sing for him in live his favorite song, Epiphany. How could he have said with so much levity that he had to be allowed to leave the group to fulfill his military service?
He wanted Jin to enjoy spending time with them again. He was desperate to see Jin's smile again and laugh with him because no one knew how to make him laugh as well as him, and no one took care of him like his only hyung did. Without him, he felt alone.
Hoseok was in the deepest despair over the lack of etiquette the younger members had developed in Jin's absence and spent his time cleaning up behind everyone, feeling like he was living in a dorm filled with dirty teens who only bothered with cleanliness when they appeared in public.
He could no longer take advantage of his free time and even in public, he was so tired and depressed that he smiled much less than before and could no longer consider himself either the sunshine of his fans or their hope.
Away from Jin to cheer him up, he felt like he had turned off his light. If Jin was the moon and he was the sun of his fans, then he had become a black sun of melancholy and would remain so until his hyung returned to him, smiling and happy as before.
He had even offered to help Jin with his extra dance lessons, to spend more time with him. But Lee had refused and told him to concentrate on his texts or on his rest instead, because he seemed stressed, which did not suit him at all and he was going to worry his fans.
Without Jin by his side on a daily basis, he was unhappy, it was a powerfully painful feeling. He was desperate to hear him throw an awkward joke on his dirty dongsaengs that would make them all laugh out loud and pull themselves together. Strangely, this bride side of Jin seemed to him to belong to another time and Hoseok wanted nothing more than to find him
Namjoon was mentally exhausted from being systematically the only one to speak in public, having full responsibility for leading the group, and no longer finding an attentive ear to listen to his complaints and provide him with either sound advice or jokes to relax and have a good laugh to get back on his feet.
He had always been good at managing his group but now he realized that without his hyung, by his side, he couldn't do it. He didn't have the mental strength, he felt it and he wondered how he had to not realize it all his years.
Leader was a unique position and yet, in the shadows, the leader needed support, someone to lean on when he couldn't take it anymore. Without Jin, Namjoon was a diminished leader because he no longer had that support.
The leader could not completely exist without the mathyung. It was an inseparable pair and it was for this reason that most of the time the leader was also the oldest member of a group. BTS had made another choice, that of dividing this responsibility. And that's why Namjoon felt he couldn't go on without Jin. He needed him badly.
He had the feeling that this management escaped him and that he himself needed to be supported in order not to collapse. Since Yoongi, the acting mathyung in Jin's absence, was already on the verge of a nervous breakdown, he no longer had anyone to rely on to make informed decisions. He had tried everything to get him and Jin back to the relationship they had before but in vain and Jin's increasingly heavy silence was particularly hurting him.
He also wanted to see Jin smile again and show that he appreciated his life by their side because nothing had ever frightened Namjoon more than knowing one of his members unhappy within the group he led as best he could. But more than anything, nothing scared him more than knowing that he couldn't make Jin happy enough and make him feel appreciated enough to make him want to stay with them.
Taehyung and Jimin could no longer bear the harshness of their hyungs who no longer had any patience with them without Jin's presence and like their irritable elders, they got carried away for the smallest thing and complained about everything.
No one laughed at their childish behavior anymore, they only received blame and it choked them. They felt a void in their private life. And how they both missed Jin's proud gaze at their exploits and his heartfelt compliments that propelled their confidence to the top! How they lacked his bonhomie which made them smile and gave them the impression that any problem was ridiculous and did not deserve our smile! They also wanted to see Jin smile again. His real smile.
Except in public, no one accepted the bizarre affectionate signs of Taehyung who sought the attention of others and he too had ended up sinking into a silence and a seriousness that made the other members fear that he was treading the same dark path that Jin was currently on. But no one had enough positivity to pass on to him to stop him from following Jin down this path.
Moreover no one cared about the cute demeanor of Jimin who roamed the dormitory in search of candid affection. Jimin's kindness had gradually let himself be overcome by the despair of others and he could no longer find the strength to try to cheer them up because he himself had gradually let himself be invaded by the sadness and loneliness: because Jin's absence had unconsciously isolated them all and Jimin felt more alone than ever.
Taehyung and Jimin, though united and with Jungkook the favorite members of most fans, couldn't stand BTS by themselves. They needed their hyungs and couldn't move on without them but the latter seemed to have given up on resisting the gloom and they absolutely didn't count on the maknae to do anything anymore.
They realized more than ever that without Jin, BTS really wasn't BTS anymore. It wasn't just the J-Hope sun that was affected: no, it was the whole group's light that was going out. And when she completely died out, BTS would no longer exist as the members made the decision to disband, Jimin thought about it more and more and consoled himself as best he could with Taehyung while almost waiting for the inevitable end.
Everyone was nostalgic for the elder's jokes, for his ability to lighten the air, to make them laugh. Without him, good spirits seemed limited with the dorm most of the time immersed in an atmosphere of gloom and fatigue that did not allow the members to escape the daily stresses of idol life that had quickly caught up with them.
Everyone had finally understood, long after Jungkook, that Jin was the true pillar of the group, their pillar to each of them. He was their mathyung, their hyung at all of them, the one who united them as a group and instilled in their group the positivity that even Hoseok needed to shine as a sun of hope, for his members and for ARMY.
On the other hand, nobody bear Jungkook any more, whose behavior was execrable with everyone, even with the staff because nobody, not even Taehyung had been able to fill the void left by the distance from Jin.
Since their beginnings ten years ago, was always standing next to Jungkook, but also in front of him, behind him... in short: wherever we saw Jungkook before, we were sure to find Jin there too and vice versa.
It was well known that Jin not only took care of the young boy he was when he arrived in Seoul, but also that Jin practically raised him like a parent. Thus, the members did not know Jungkook without Jin. Far from Jungkook, the oldest singer now appeared to the other members as an unmistakable figure of authority capable of taming Jungkook's brash spirit.
The members had mutually agreed that they didn't like that Jungkook without Jin very much.
Without the elder, Jungkook was a stubborn boy who had no other master but himself, who worked a lot but who also had a lot of criticism to address to everyone, who was unsociable, who spoke little and who smiled even less.
Without Jin, Jungkook could be summed up in a few characters: stubbornness, rigor, shyness. Because the other members had tended to forget him over the years, but the main singer of the group was in fact a shy boy who had only stepped out of his comfort zone thanks to the reassuring presence of his protector with broad shoulders.
Indeed, it should not be forgotten that the little Jungkook had often hidden behind the comforting presence of Jin in his debuts in front of the camera and the public.
The group no longer recognized their maknae and wanted only one thing: that Jin takes back the place he had always occupied close to Jungkook but also within the group, close to each of them. It was necessary for BTS survival, they were totally convinced of it now. If the threat of his leaving ever loomed large again, they would stand by Jungkook's side to stop him, no doubt.
Jin was far too important to them to agree to let him go. Never again.
But how will they keep him by their side when they were having such a hard time only meeting him and stealing a few words from him? This would require thinking about a strategy.
Namjoon, Yoongi, Taehyung, Hoseok and Jimin had agreed at a time when the maknae, following his new habit, was locked in his room: they should manage to restore their hyung to its playful nature and that would undoubtedly involve reconciliation between the youngest and the oldest.
Because from Jin's behavior, it was clear to them that Jin needed Jungkook as much as Jungkook needed him to be happy.
One evening in his bedroom, the perfectionist Jungkook asked Namjoon to re-read a text he had completed some time before and which he had edited. The leader took a seat in front of the desk while the maknae was on his bed, engrossed in his phone, waiting for the elder to comment on the text after his attentive reading.
Randomly opening Jungkook's notebook to find the aforementioned text, Namjoon came across a section which was obviously not a song and which, under a first crossed out title, began with this line:
Art of War, Unknown Chapter by Jeon Jungkook.
End of the BOOK IV.
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