When Jungkook opened the door to the bedroom that Lee closed, he let his eyes adjust for a few seconds to the semi-darkness in which the desk lamp plunged the bedroom. Then, he made out the bed and above, Jin, or rather the quivering blanket that completely covered his body. 

     Jungkook closed the door carefully behind him and walked slowly towards the elder, walking in passing over pants that were casually thrown to the floor. At the sound of the door closing, Jin flinched louder.

     Jungkook sat down next to him and gently lifted the blanket.

     "Jin hyung..." he whispered.

     "Do not touch me!" The elder moaned in a hoarse voice.

     Startled, Jungkook let the blanket fall over his hyung's hunched body and remained still, letting the different emotions wash over him one after the other. 

     Stupor. 

     Sadness. 

     Disgust.

     Hatred. 

     Jin was still short of breath and his cheeks flushed with effort and fatigue. Tears flowed from his eyes held tightly closed under his eyelids and eyebrows quivering with the tension. His upper lip was split and exaggeratedly swollen and all around his mouth the skin was red and itchy. 

     His disheveled hair was flattened in scattered strands by the sweat on his forehead, revealing a bump which was swelling little by little near his left eye. Below his throat, the skin seemed to have been bitten savagely in several places, following the curve of his collarbones. Jin's hand that held the blanket tightly above him revealed his wrist. The skin was sore there and bore the scars of the friction of the belt that had hampered him as he struggled.

     Jungkook was in shock at what he just saw and clenched his fists so hard that his fingernails were digging into his flesh. But he ignored the pain. What had he allowed to happen?! Lee hadn't made a man out of Jin. He had raped and tortured him. He had done to him what he had said would happen to him in military service.  He had terrorized him.

     Was that what he meant when he said he would punish Jin instead of Jungkook? Jungkook didn't want to believe this had just happened. He could never have imagined that Lee would go so far in his violence. He had always seen him as an abusive manager. Now he had turned into a real criminal. 

     The hatred he had for this man had become so strong that for the first time in his life, Jungkook felt like killing. He would have liked so much that when leaving the building, Lee was run over by a car and never reappeared in front of them. It was what he deserved. No, he deserved infinitely worse for what he had done.

    "I'm going to kill him myself," Jungkook muttered while shaking.

    "No... just... don't do anything," Jin articulated without coming out from under his blanket, as if it had become his second skin. "All that matters... is that it's finally over... f-finally over..."

     His voice, broken with sobs, screamed his suffering.

    "Please hyung let me watch what he did to you, and let me heal you..." Jungkook whispered, trying to lift the blanket again.

    But Jin, again, hugged the blanket tightly and put it back on his head as soon as Jungkook barely pulled it off.

     "No, I don't want... I just want you to leave me alone..." Jin whimpered.

     Jungkook had seen Jin's tears of laughter, his tears of joy, his tears of gratitude and his acting tears before. But it was the first time he saw tears of pain flow down the beautiful face of the eldest who had always been strong, smiling in the face of trials and suffering, smiling to bring a smile to those who surrounded them and alleviated their worries.

     This time, however, he hadn't had the time or the strength to wipe away his tears and offer Jungkook his usual warm smile or his poorly oiled pulley laugh accompanying the joke he might have made from the most serious subjects. And at that point, Jungkook dreaded that he would never do it again, that all the joie de vivre, love of life, had been sucked out of that wonderful soul forever.   

     "Don't even look at me," Jin sobbed in a muffled voice through the blanket.

     "Hyung, it's okay, Lee's gone, he won't come back tonight. It's just me now, I'm here with you."

     But the maknae regretted the choice of his words. He wondered if it was more reassuring for Jin to be alone with him who had become very angry with him from the moment he received his call for military service, and then had himself forcefully kissed him that same night. But most of all, how could he come across as a reassuring and saving figure when he was the cause of Lee's threats and abuse?

     "Hyung I-I... I'm so sorry that I let him hurt you," Jungkook sobbed in turn. "I just wanna go back and change my mind, I wish I was kicked out of the band, I deserved it, but you... You didn't do anything wrong and yet I let him hurt you ... I'm so, so sorry, I don't have the words to tell you how sorry I am hyung... But I will right my wrongs and report Lee to PD nim and the police."

      "No, you will not do that, I forbid you!" Jin cried. 

     "B-but hyung... why? What Lee did to you... it's a crime that I should never have let happen! It's a...a..." Jungkook began, unable to pronounce the word at first. He took a deep breath and then added in a low voice: "...a rape. It's a crime and we must denounce him for that!"

     "No, we won't," Jin repeated stubbornly. "I didn't let him do this to me so you would let him tell everyone what you did! Now leave!"

      Jungkook felt like he had an ice cube stuck in the throat. Jin didn't want to see him anymore. He was angry with him and he left him no chance to make up for what he had just done. Still, he wanted nothing more than to ease his hyung's pain and get Lee as far away from them as possible after telling everyone what he had done. His throat was so tight he was having trouble breathing. 

      "Jin p-please, let me-" he started to say.

      But Jin didn't let him finish. He only wanted one thing: to be alone and wall himself in silence. He wanted to forget but he couldn't forget. So at least he wanted Jungkook to stop insisting and go away from him. He then remembered that it was Jungkook's room and bed but he didn't have the strength to drag himself to his own room. Through his despair, he suddenly found a glimmer of mad lucidity and said:

     "I'm sorry about your bed, I'll wash the sheets tomorrow. You can sleep in mine tonight or go to sleep with whoever you want, just not with me."

     Dumbfounded, Jungkook looked at him through the blanket like it was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard.

     "I don't care about the sheets, and I'm not leaving you, hyung. I'm staying with you."

     Jungkook didn't know how he could have comforted the older one at that point. How could he have? He had never been a victim of rape, and the rapist was none other than their manager, how to help him to feel protected? Who to turn to for help? To other members? But then Lee would reveal everything to them and that wouldn't stop him from releasing the incriminating documents either. And he would destroy BTS. So how would that make Jin any better? Jungkook thought desperately. 

     Nothing was right. His hyung had just been mugged and he, responsible and useless, was the only one who could try to help him. But Jin didn't want his help and anyway, Jungkook suddenly felt incapable of it. He was afraid of breaking Jin even more with poorly chosen phrases or an unwanted presence by his side if he spoke to him. 

     So, he just sat on the carpet, his back against the bed, and the back of his head not far from Jin's face still hidden under the blanket. He folded his legs against him, crossed his arms over his knees and buried his head in them, preparing for a long night. And then he silently cried, leaving only irregular sniffles reaching Jin's ears.

     They stayed like that without saying a word, letting the pain of the evening's events subside a bit in the silence of the night. Namjoon had ended up silencing Jimin and Taehyung to let the others rest and went to bed, just like Hoseok.

     After a long time, Jungkook heard Jin sniffing undercover and waited in vain for the elder to speak. But to tell him what, in reality? He knew Jin must hate him now. How could he not hate him? He had always watched over him and this is how Jungkook had given him back. In the worst way.

     On the other hand, would Jin forgive him one day? Jungkook didn't feel able to live with the idea of Jin hating him forever and he didn't want to hear Jin say such words tonight. So in the end, he preferred that he did not speak. Jin was too important in his life to think about losing him forever.

     He remembered the day when, on a radio show in their early days, Jin publicly announced that he loved all the members but that it was Jungkook he loved the most. The maknae had been filled with pride by then and huge love for the older one. 

      He would have liked to go back several years and relive that moment of innocent joy when the elder's affection for him was given to him unconditionally and nothing seemed to be able to destroy this bond so sincere they were building. Jungkook wanted to believe Namjoon's words, he wanted to believe that their duo were inseparable. But that night, he was no longer sure.

     "Jin hyung," he whispered without knowing if Jin was listening to him, "I'm so sorry believe me... I don't know what I could do to make you forgive me and I don't think I could forgive myself but please... Don't hate me."

     The elder's head suddenly appeared out of the blanket, his swollen red eyes turned to the skull of the makane sitting on the ground who still had his back to him. He took a deep breath after he ran out of air under the blanket and felt the maknae anxiously awaiting what to say to him, barely holding back from turning to Jin when he knew that the other was not ready to meet his gaze.

     Jin's whole being was screaming at him to refute Jungkook's words, to tell him that he didn't hate him, that he would never hate him, or considered to hate him one day in his life. But his pain stopped him and reminded him that in the midst of his fear and pain, he had indeed made room for another feeling: resentment. Deep inside, a hateful voice screamed at him that, yes, everything that happened to him was the maknae's fault.

     At one point, when his ordeal was just beginning in Jungkook's bedroom, he had even heard Jungkook laugh and joke with Jimin and Taehyung on the other side of the wall, even though he knew what Lee was doing to him! By then, Jin had realized that he would not be saved, that Jungkook would not come back and break down the door after changing his mind, to rescue him and take him away from this monster.

     So, all these thoughts in mind, he kept silent when Jungkook asked him not to hate him and lay down again, leaving Jungkook to his despair.

     That night, both had turned off the light that had always shone in their hearts.