"G-go away..." Jin breathed in a whisper.

     "No," Jungkook replied simply, tightening his grip even more around his voluminous black down jacket that Jin was wearing, as if to combine the action with the word. "I won't leave you so don't ask me that. Never ask me that again."

     Then, a few seconds later, starting to cry again, Jungkook said:

     "And you better stay alive. Stay with me hyung, because I won't let you go, you hear me?"

     Hearing that, Jin didn't answer but, overwhelmed by emotion, let his tears flow and his sniffles ended up reaching Jungkook's ears who sobbed:

     "Hyung... don't ever think about dying again, otherwise... otherwise... I'll follow you immediately, I'm serious."

      "No..." Jin whined weakly. "I don't... want you... to die..."

     "I don't want you to die either," Jungkook protested immediately, "so stop thinking your life worth less than mine because it's not. Both of our lives are important. We are both important, to ourselves and to others."

      "Y-you... you're wrong... they... they all love you... but me... they hat-"

      "No Hyung, you are wrong," Jungkook cut him softly, knowing perfectly what Jin meant. "Don't say they hate you because they don't. There are so many people who love you, you just don't realize it. They love you so much!"

     "But y-you... you... you don't know..." Jin began, sobs constricting his throat, "what I read..."

     "Yes, I know," the younger contradicted him, suppressing a shiver as the freezing wind seeped into his neck. "I read that horrible letter that person sent you, I know what she said to you but you must not believe her words."

     "B-but she said... She s-said a lot of p-people think t-that..." Jin gasped, unable to finish his sentence immediately. Instead, he said: "I should d-d-disappear JK... It's the o-only... w-way... not to s-suffer anymore..."

     It was the way to escape the pressure, to end all this hatred and suffering, that's what he meant. Jungkook shook his head sharply, sending water droplets flying from his wet hair.

     "Jin hyung, I know what that letter told you and asked you to do, I read it all," Jungkook said painfully, "but you mustn't listen to her. She made you believe that disappearing would make people happy but that's not true! Your death would make so many people sad! You have no idea how many people love you on this planet. And I'm the first of them, remember?"

     "B-but, her w-words..." Jin sobbed while shaking from cold, "they were too p-painful..."

     "Ssshhh, I know hyung," Jungkook tried to soothed him, "she wanted you to suffer enough to make you give up on life and since you were all alone, you believed her words."

      "Yes I w-was all... alone." Jin remembered, "and I had to d-die all alone too... so w-why d-did you c-come, JK?" Jin asked trying in vain to turn his frozen neck to look at Jungkook before giving up. Not hearing an answer from a frozen Jungkook, he insisted: "W-why, JK? Why d-did you have to c-come and j-join me here, p-putting your life in danger to s-save m-me?"

     At first, the younger stayed dumb with horror, hearing those words which sounded as if, far from being relieved to have been saved, Jin regretted it. Jungkook knew that Jin was completely shaken by what had just happened - his attempted suicide first then the attempted murder by Lee and his miraculous resuscitation. 

      He also knew Jin still hadn't recovered from everything Lee, the sasaengs and the haters had put him through. Yet, he couldn't accept to hear Jin say those kind of things. Not when he had been so afraid of losing him. So, without wanting it and guided by anguish, he lost his temper:

     "Should I have left you alone knowing what you were going to do?! Hyung, I came to see you at your house because I couldn't stand being apart from you anymore but you... you were gone! And then, I understood that you were maybe gone forever, and even now, you're asking me why I came here and keep asking me to leave you all alone to let you die?!"

     Jungkook's screams didn't help Jin calm down, on the contrary, he communicated his anguish to him but the younger knew it was necessary to say the truth, even if it was hard for Jin to hear it. The eldest sobbed:

     "I n-never... n-never wanted you t-to f-feel like this JK, I didn't want to m-make you s-suffer, I... I wanted you to be happy... that's... all I wanted for you... As for me... I-I just... I-I felt so desperate..."

     "So did I!" Jungkook cried, "how can you think that not seeing you anymore could make me happy in any way? I'm happy only if I can be with you and I can only be sad if I can't see you, don't you know that yet? I was so happy to see you again today after a month but instead of seeing you, I ran through Seoul like crazy to find you, not knowing if I'll make it in time to save you... not knowing if... if I'll ever see you again! And then I-I... I saw you in the water, and I... I..."

     Unable to express in words the horrible reality, the terror he felt when he saw his hyung so close to take his life in this freezing water, he let his tears speak for him and burst into tears again. The warm trails of his tears stung his icy cheeks but the wind was immediately chilling them and for long minutes the young singer couldn't stop himself.

     It was true that Jin had suffered from a long time but Jungkook had always been able to imagine a happy ending for him, a glorious and joyful future free from all his past worries and monsters. He had always believed that together, they would find a way to get better, to defeat their enemies together, and to complete the quest for fulfillment in their passion of music. Always together, as the best team. But now Jin wanted to walk away alone in the darkest path, to give up even knowing that Jungkook was with him now. Jin really wanted to leave him!

     Jungkook's tears of distress became also tears of guilt as the youngest felt guilty for not having achieved what he had promised himself to achieve. He hadn't been up to Jin. He realized painfully that what happened to the eldest was also the result of his ineffectiveness in his struggle. I've been so useless, he thought with an huge sadness that prevented him from stopping his tears.

Confronted with Jungkook's distress, Jin started to understand how much the choice he made hurt the youngest. Of course, since he thought he was going to die that night, he had never imagined having to confront him to discuss it. He had selfishly thought about ending his life and left it up to all the people that he loved and who loved him to learn to live without him. 

      Probably because he knew that if he had tried to think about that confrontation too much, it would have made him give up on what he was about to do. So, he didn't. And now, because he was still alive, because Jungkook saved him against all odds, he had to face his tears, fear and despair.

     "I'm s-sorry JK," Jin muttered to.

     "No hyung, don't apologize..." Jungkook replied through his sobs. "I'm the the one who should apologize for not being able to prevent you from having these dark thoughts, for letting you think that you were alone to the point of thinking that it was okay for you to kill yourself. So don't apologize for the bad things that happened to you but just... just tell me you'll never do that again. I told you, you're not alone anymore, I'm here now. I promise to always be there for you, to help you face this hatred and be happy as before. So please... don't ever think about killing yourself again!"

     Jin would have liked to grant Jungkook's request because his words reached his heart. But he couldn't pretend the other words didn't exist.

     "B-but if they don't want to s-see me a-anymore, h-how... how can I be happy as before? Army was my life, m-my happiness..."

     Jungkook remembered a time when Jin never paid so much attention to hateful speech. And now he was making it law?

     "Hyung, I want you to listen to me: nothing that girl said is true. Nothing," Jungkook repeated, emphasizing this last word. "Contrary to what she told you, you were not meant to remain in our shadows and you did not take the place of anyone by stepping into the light.

     You became the blossoming artist that everyone was waiting to see, and everyone was happy to see you succeed after working so hard. Hyung, we were so happy to see you smile! Those who weren't, those who harbored hatred towards you, those who asked you to leave the group, those who asked you to kill yourself... they are not our fans, they are not part of our Army, no matter how they present themselves. Our Army loves all seven of us, they don't hate one of us.

      Now, would you like to hear the personal point of view of me, Jeon Jungkook? For me hyung, you had always been the one among us who has always best embodied the spirit of BTS, as you taught us to love ourselves and you taught thousands of young people to love themselves. You tought us how to be happy and we want nothing more than to see you happy, that's enough for our happiness. It's time for you to realize how important you are in our hearts and our lives. 

      So don't listen to those who try to make you hate yourself : you are talented and handsome, you are kind and funny, you are our light in the dark, our moon in our black sky, our reason to smile when we are sad. We can't wait to hear your beautiful voice sing again Epiphany, Moon and all your next upcoming songs.

      And most important, you, Kim Seokjin, are and will always be a proud member of BTS by our side, not behind or under us, and no one can ever take that away from you, okay?" Jungkook concluded, happy to finally got to tell Jin the most beautiful things he had to say to him.

_________________

A/N : I know that I have already proposed it to you in the past but since I had not received anything despite some positive responses, I am proposing it to you one last time: if you want to write a letter for Jin (remember, those beautiful birthday letters?), you can send it to me and I'll add it to the next chapter anytime with your username or name. It will be a real part of the story, like you gave part of your heart and love for Jin to this book =)

And as a friend would have said, it would be like a time capsule, right PurpleJinLifeu ? ;)

https://youtu.be/r_OOdAGhTmk