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I wish, I wish, I wish I found love

I wish, I wish, I wish I found love...

She's beautiful.

She really is, standing against that dark blue sky, fainly tinted with yellow near the horizon as the sun dips below. And I wonder, how did it come to this? How did it manage to end up like this, on the balcony next to me under the warm, sunset sky?

She could be anywhere. The whispers around the hall all say the same thing; smart and pretty and athletic - everything I've always wanted. It's weird. I didn't think it was possible. She's everything anyone wants.

She could be in the boys' dorm or the advanced classes, out on the pitch playing football. All the places she could be, right here, right now, but instead she's here with me. It must be a miracle. My head spins, words on the tip of my tongue.

"Rhea," she whispers, her lips near my ear. The sky is darkening, as if it's foreshadowing what's about to happen, fading into night. "Want to go somewhere else?"

My mouth goes dry before I realise where I'm supposed to be at sunset. And it's past sunset by now. Although everything in me says no, I step away from her. She pouts, and it shouldn't be as pretty as it is.

"I'm sorry." Every part of my body aches to have her back near me. "It's just - I have to do something for history. I'm sorry. Tomorrow?"

Her pout vanishes to be replaced by a soft, tempting smile. "Of course." She stands on her tip-toes. "Have fun, Rhea." And then she's gone, turning on her heel, pleated skirt spinning around her legs, a trail of wavy blonde hair and tan skin.

An itch creeps up my arms, and I scratch at it, wondering what in the heavens must be so important to Professor Beretta that I go to history class at sunset. That's most likely the I-miss-Dominic high kicking in already, but it's still frustrating.

The hallways are empty. Most people are in their dorms by now. Who would be out and about at this time after an exhausting day of classes? No, they'd rather be in their beds, whether snug up in their blankets or with someone else.

Professor Berette greets me with a smile. Turns out all he needed was help with arranging the worksheets and correcting them, which takes only a few minutes. Why did he pick me for this? I sigh at the injustice of the world, filing through the papers.

After the worksheets are all done and checked, he thanks me and lets me go. My fingers wrap around the strap of my bag and I walk down the halls. When I reach my dorm, I look to the door next to it.

Dominic's dorm.

People have told me how lucky I am to have a space next to her's. She's the most revered girl at school, and anyone who has even the slightest chance to talk to her is the luckiest person on Earth - how many people would die to take my place?

I raise my hand to her door and knock. My breath catches, although I'm not sure why. There's rustling, like bed sheets or clothes, and urgent whispers. A phone beeps, a familiar sound I hear when I hang up on someone.

The door opens, and she's there. Looking flawless as always; the same as how she left me there on the balcony half an hour ago. A stray chunk of curly hair falls between her eyes. "Hi, Rhea," she coos.

"Hey, Dominic," I say, shyness washing over me like water, "is this - uh - a bad time? Turns out Professor Berette didn't want much and I - I thought I'd take you up on your offer."

"Oh, did you?" She leans forward. "Why don't you go back to your room, first, sweetheart, and I'll see you in a few minutes?" The disappointment must be evident in my face, because she laughs. "Just a few minutes. Don't be impatient, now."

She winks before closing the door, the creaky sound echoing. I run my hand through my hair and jam the key to my door into the lock, my body almost vibrating with excitement.

I pull my blazer off and toss it on the floor. My fingers unbutton my shirt as I stare into my closet, trying to decide what clothes I could wear that were both comfortable and would also impress Dominic.

My dirty school clothes fell right next to the laundry hamper, so close that I don't bother to move the pile. I settle for a tank top and black leggings. Doesn't matter too much, if she really does like me.

A knock comes at the door. I open it and she peeks in through the crack, a smile gracing her lips. "You know, Rhea," she says, pushing past me into my room, "you know what I was doing when you came to my dorm?"

She seems to approve of my blankets and settles down on my bed, leaning against the headboard. "Was thinking of you. Was thinking what a shame it was that you couldn't be there. I must be the luckiest girl on Earth."

I sit down next to her, running my hands through the fabric. "No, pretty sure that's me," I reply, the words coming out like I'm carving them through my heart. She's so close.

"Guess we're both the lucky ones here." Her lips trail down my neck. "Rhea?" She leans in, like it's a challenge, a fight that I can't lose. And there's no way in hell that I'm losing, anyway. "Ready?"

My eyes flutter shut. "Yeah."

💔

'Cause I wake up, up in the morning time

And there's nobody here by my side

"Rhea!"

Through my blurry haze of sleepiness, I watch my friend Bailey June skirt around my room. This is normal, so I don't budge from my place in bed. I do, however, jump up when I notice they have something shiny and flat in their hand.

A tray topped with a bowl of mashed potatoes and a plate of sausages sails past me, flying through the air. The tray lands on the table with a clang, and somehow all its contents are intact and upright.

Bailey sits on the floor munching away at somechocolate. "Bailey! That could've gone everywhere! What do you think you're doing, throwing trays around?"

They wave their hand and laugh, tapping my nose. "Chill. You sound like my mother. And that is so not a good person to sound like. It could have gone everywhere. But it didn't. In my opinion you should be grateful."

I sigh and set the tray down on my lap. Bailey smiles before turning back to their melting chocolate. The mashed potatoes are mixed in with gravy and it looks delicious. Pros of going to an expensive boarding school.

"Have you seen Tammie lately?" Bailey asks as they grab a spare spoon and shove mashed potatoes into their mouth. "I asked Amare, too, but he said that he hadn't seen her either."

As if these words were a summoning ritual, the door creaks open and the aforementioned Tammie peeks in. Her glasses are askew and she smiles at me, my stomach swirling around as she does. I haven't seen her in a while, either, but she disappears often like that.

Not disappear literally, but Tammie needs time to herself a lot, and that's fine. As long as she comes back to me in the end, I give her as much time and space as she needs. And here she is; back to me.

"There are so many people out there. The Valentine's Day booths have been really busy." I reach around and ruffle her hair as she continues. "Hundreds of people requesting cards and chocolates to be sent to Dominic Fiora. Of course."

Tammie giggles when I poke her cheek and rest my head on her shoulder. Bailey stares at us and sniffs, almost in disdain. I turn my head to look at them. "What's wrong, Bay?"

They pick at a stray string on a ripped patch of their jeans. Instead of answering, they ask, "are you still doing that weird, unrequited love thing with Dominic where she flirts with you but doesn't make it official?"

I flush bright red. Bailey knows this isn't my favourite subject. "Yeah, but. I'm sure she has feelings for me." Something tightens in my chest, like I'm lying. But I'm not. That's really what I believe. "She'll make it official eventually."

Bailey rolls their eyes. "Sure. Eventually. I'm just saying. You and Tammie would be good together. If only you'd ditch Dominic. Don't get me wrong, she's nice and all." Hesitation's visible in their eyes, as if they don't believe it. "It's just questionable whether she really loves you."

The room grows silent, as if my surroundings have become attuned to the tenseness in the air. There's a slight buzzing sound in my ears, though. Like a fly or electricity...

"Of course she loves me!" I get out, the words taut and strung up. My voice cracks on the last two words, making a sort of squeaky sound. "She loves me. We spent last night together."

And then I remember.

Dominic wasn't there.

When I woke up - watching through bleary eyes as Bailey tossed a tray across my room - Dominic was gone. There weren't even any creases in the bed. As if she were never there. As if she had vanished into thin air without a trace.

It feels like there's a rock in my throat. When I piece this together and I swallow, Tammie squeezes my hand. Bailey seems to realise it, too, because they stand up and shake their head like I'm a stupid, clueless child.

"I'll see ya, Rhea." They say. They take a bite of their chocolate and then they're gone, out the creaking door, singing a love song. Probably in search of Amare. Both of them are closer than I've ever been to either of them.

Tammie squeezes my hand again. "For the record, I think she does love you. Just has a bad way of expressing it, I guess. All people do it differently." She blushes, as if there's something else on her mind.

"Something wrong, Tam?"

"Oh, nothing. I was just thinking." She tilts her head and sighs, the blush fading away. "It's just... I don't know. I keep waiting for the perfect opportunity to come -" The word's on the tip of her tongue, but it seems to stick in her throat. "But I always chicken out."

I wrap my arm around her shoulders and tuck my head into the crook of her neck. She's wanted to come out to her parents for years, but she always - as she states it - 'chickens out'. I think it's pretty understandable, but no matter how many times I say it, she insists that she's horrible.

"Isn't it horrible, Rhea? She'd be completely fine with it. But I just can't - ugh." Tammie leans back against the bed. A weak laugh slips from her lips, a little pathetic. "I'm such a coward."

It's a ridiculous thought. Tammie may be shy and introverted and timid, but she really is brave when she stands up for the things she believes in. Like that time she punched Kyle Luve when he kept saying that lesbians didn't exist.

Which is another ridiculous thought.

"You're not a coward. Or a chicken. Or whatever." Tammie doesn't seem to believe it, mouth scrunched up in an exaggerated frown. "Tammie. You're being all... self-deprecating again. Seriously. You're so brave. And you'll get there someday."

She sniffs, not entirely believing. "I guess. Thanks, Rhea." We're jerked out of the moment by a sudden, piercing sound of the school bell, signifying first period. And I'm still in my pyjamas.

Tammie, who already has her book bag slung over her shoulder and is fully dressed, laughs as I screech and climb across my bed. "This is why I hate it when Bailey breaks in to my room! I should take away her keys!"

"You always say that, but you never do, Rhea." Tammie wraps her arms around her stomach and giggles softly, which makes warmth burst in my chest.

"Cold, Tam. Real cold. And now I have to get dressed for the first class - which I'm going to be late to - because Bailey June has to constantly jumpscare me in the morning!" My foot catches on a shirt I tossed on to the floor and I fall, banging my head against the closet door.

Tammie's still laughing when she walks out the door.

When she's gone, I prop open my backpack and take it out.

I hold the card carefully in my hands. It has a lavender scent, as per my request, since I know it's Dominic's favourite flower. The writing written on the front says Happy Valentine's Day with a smaller writing of I Love You, Dominic. There's even a little heart drawn next to it with pink pen.

That gel pen pack cost my whole weekly allowance, but it doesn't matter. It's worth it for her, no matter how cheesy it sounds. She'll love this card, I know it. I also have a collector's edition of Sense and Sensibility, her favourite book.

I press the book to my chest and try to calm myself down, thinking back to the times she's spent hours talking about her favourite characters of the book. My heart feels like it's overflowing, and any moment it might burst and flood out.

"Have you seen Dominic?" The small, scrawny junior turns to look at me and furrows his eyebrows. He seems unsure about something, although I can't tell what.

I don't need to clarify who Dominic is. He knows.

"I'm not... sure." He tilts his head and shrugs. "I think I saw her go down that hallway." Pointing to the general direction of one of the hallways, I sigh. His expression says what am I supposed to do?

"Thanks anyway." I walk down the corridor he indicated, heart still singing. I'm entirely convinced that any second now it'll grow wings and fly out of my body. My skirt flutters around my legs. And then I hear it - her voice. Laughing.

It seems to be coming from one of the classrooms. The sound of laughter rings through the hallway again, lovely and delicate. I speed up, my hand wrapping around the handle of the door and pushing it open.

There she is.

She's sitting on the desk, legs swaying, skirt pooled around her table. Her shirt's unbuttoned, cheeks blushing, in a way that's so familiar to me. Because she did it with me. Last night and all the days before this, kissing and laughing and loving.

Except she's not doing it with me this time.

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